The File on Angelyn Stark (13 page)

“Why did you do that?” he asks.

I strain ahead to see—anything. “To show you.”

“Show me what?”

“I know what you want, and that’s it.”

“Angelyn, you kissed me first.”

“To kiss you
off
,” I say. “You put your hands all over me.”

“I did not!” He stops. “Not like that. I just like you. I always have.”

“Danny liked me.”

Nathan swears. It sounds wrong, coming from him.

“I am not your stepdad! It is not the same.”

“It’s the same!” I say. “Congratulations. You’re normal.”

“Why are you so mean to me?” he asks.

“I’m not being mean. I’m being real.”

“You weren’t being real,” he says, “when you kissed me.”

I work my shoulders. “No.”

Heavy quiet.

“You hate me,” Nathan says. “You hate me right now. You hate me still.”

I check outside, my eyes adjusting. “I’m getting out.”

“What is this place?” he asks. “What are you going to do here?”

“I don’t know.” A shiver runs through me. “That’s your last question.”

“No. One more. When are you going to see my grandma?”

“Oh, Nathan. Stop it.”

“She was your friend too. She helped me understand things, and you too.”

“We’re grown-up now,” I say.

“See her.” Nathan’s voice is dull.

“Thanks for the ride.”

“I always thought you were so pretty,” he says.

I step down. Nathan throws the truck in reverse. I watch him go.

Shaking.

My sneakered feet crunch gravel down the drive. I run a hand along the oleander, holding the leaves and letting them go.

A dog is barking, closing in.

Dark shape coming at me.

I crouch. “Dolly! Dolly, girl.”

She knocks me flat. And licks me to death.

Dolly stays until a whistle calls her off. I walk on.

The house is lit. Mr. Rossi’s on the porch steps, shirtless, in shorts. Dolly jumps in front, telling a story in short, breathy barks.

I reach the pool. Lights flood. A motion sensor.

Mr. Rossi stands. “Who’s there?”

“Me,” I say. “Angelyn.”

He shades his eyes. “From school?”

I stop at the walkway. “Yes, me.”

Beer cans line the step behind him.

Mr. Rossi follows my look. “I was just—”

“Drinking,” I say. “It’s all right.”

His leg brushes a can, tipping it. The can rolls down the steps
with a tinny rattle. Mr. Rossi lunges for it, stooping to gather the rest.

I don’t know where to look. I’m working not to laugh.

He props the screen door with an elbow, arms full. “Wait outside.”

My laughs bubble over when he’s in. I snort them in my hands.

Dolly circles, whimpering.

I bend to her. “Silly dog.”

She’s sleek. Meat on her bones. Her eyes are bright.

He’s taken care.

“Love you,” I say. Dolly smiles.

I lie on the lawn, arms behind my head, watching the house. I flex my feet in ratty sneakers. My jeans are gritty; my T-shirt, stretched and smelly. I think about his wife—of the yellow, silky tank—and wonder what she looks like.

Something rustles in the grass. Dolly bolts and I’m up and shuddering. On tiptoes I run past the garage to the tire swing. Climbing in feels like safety. The rope twists. The tire turns. I shut my eyes.

Another tire swing, my mother in shorts and tank top. She runs me backward and lets go. I fly away laughing, legs out straight. “Brave girl,” she calls
.

“What are you doing here, Angelyn?”

In T-shirt and jeans, Mr. Rossi stands opposite in the clearing.

“You changed,” I say, lifting the tire around me like a donut.

“Why’d you come?”

“This stuff happened,” I say.

“What if my wife were here? How would I explain you?”

I drop the tire and sit in it. “She isn’t, though.”

“How do you know that?”

“Mr. Rossi, you said she left you.”

He stumbles on something. “And, what? You’re here to take her place?”

I stop moving. “I thought it would be—easier—if she weren’t here.”

“You thought what would be easier?”

I look past him to the house. “For me to visit you.”

Mr. Rossi looks with me. “Angelyn, you’re not staying.”

“Why?” I ask. “Nobody’s home. We brought Dolly here.”

He slams his chest. “I’m home. The dog was a mistake.”

“She is not! You said she was working out.”

“I want you to leave,” Mr. Rossi says.

I grip the tire. “Maybe I’ll go, and maybe I’ll take her with me.”

He stands there. Unsteady.

Getting out of the tire is harder than getting in. My feet tangle and I fall backward, landing in the dirt with a
whumpf
.

Mr. Rossi says my name—pissed, not worried.

I gather breath. “I’m going.”

“I don’t need this,” he says as I push myself up.

“Mr. Rossi, I can smell it on you,” I say, hobbling past.

“This is my home,” he says. Loud. “I do what I want.”

Back at the driveway, I call for Dolly.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Mr. Rossi says behind me.

I jump. And start away.

“Where are you going now?”

“I don’t know,” I say. “Somewhere! I’ll catch a ride. Hitch.”

“Stop right there. You are not hitchhiking.”

I face the dark.

“Are you in some kind of trouble, Angelyn?”

“Every day of my life.”

“What do you want me to do about it?” Mr. Rossi asks.

I lift a shoulder. “I needed a place to be. I thought it could be here.”

“So you show up on my doorstep like some refugee?”

I turn. “Oh, I’m too dirty for you? Still not dressed right?”

Mr. Rossi walks at me. “Simmer down.”

I walk backward. “I’ll wash, then. My clothes and me.”

He stops. “What are you talking about?”

I’m kicking off shoes. Tugging at my shirt.

“Don’t—do not—take off your clothes.”

“Why not?” My voice catches. “You don’t like them. You keep saying.”

“Angelyn!”

I run from him.

Gravel stings my feet. I dig in harder. The motion sensor spreads light, and I aim for the center of it. My feet slap grass and cool concrete, then—
hard, cold water
as I cannonball into the pool.

Sinking, I unwrap arms and legs. The water is clouded, the light above filtered through a crust. I paddle underneath, staring at the surface. The view doesn’t change. He doesn’t come. My eyes burn. Cheeks puff. My heart beats in my ears.

My toenails scrape bottom. It’s silty. Freezing. I lift them, writhing.

The pool goes dark.

I gasp and water pushes in. Cold sweeps me and I hang frozen.

The light comes back. I see Dolly’s shadow. Her bark reaches me.

I push off from the bottom and arrow to the top.

Spitting water, I grip the pool ledge. Dolly races around.

Leaves and twigs carpet the water, moving with me like we’re part of some cold soup. I cycle my legs for heat, my jeans tightening like bandages.

Something lights on my arm. A giant moth, walking dazed. I swallow a scream and shake it off. The moth leaves lopsided, Dolly snapping after it. Under my hand the gutter is lined with bugs that weren’t so lucky.

“Nice pool,” I shout, lifting out of it.

“Can you swim?” Mr. Rossi from a distance. Slurred words.

I squelch toward the house, stopping once to peel a leaf off my foot.

He’s on the porch, sprawled across a brown wicker couch.

“Yes,” I say, climbing the steps. “I can swim.”

“No one uses the pool.”

“
I
used it.” I’m trembling. “Now I’m taking a shower.
In your house.
”

Mr. Rossi flaps a hand like, really, he couldn’t care.

I run the shower scalding and take my time. After, naked in the steamy small room, I toe my wrecked clothes to a corner and reach for hers. The yellow tank, still there. Yoga pants from a basket of exercise clothes. A green jacket from a hook behind the door. It’s fleece and warms my shoulders like a hug. I towel-dry my hair. Put on socks.

Mr. Rossi is how I left him. At his feet, Dolly thumps her tail.

I stand in front.

He looks up. “Feel better?”

“Yes,” I say. I do.

“I couldn’t go after you, Angelyn.”

“Because you’re drunk,” I say.

“Yes,” Mr. Rossi says. “I can’t drive you home either.”

“Guess I’ll have to stay.”

“Your parents will be worried.”

“My ‘parents’ are gone for the weekend. The whole weekend.”

“Who else can you call?”

“Mr. Rossi, can’t you see there’s no one?”

He struggles to sit up. “I’ll call a cab.”

“Why can’t I just
be
here? I’m not hurting anyone.”

Our eyes meet.

“You know why,” he says.

“I’ll sleep outside. In the
garage
, even.”

Mr. Rossi says, “No,” in a way to end all arguments.

I move from him along the whitewashed boards. “You’re like all of them.”

“All of who?”

“
Them!
People.
Friends
. Things get tough and you don’t want to know me.”

“I’m not like that,” he says.

I walk back. “Let me stay one night.”

“You know I can’t.”

“You’re
scared
to let me stay. Scared I’m this big slut.”

Mr. Rossi looks at me. “I don’t know anything about that.”

I’m trying not to cry. “What is so wrong with me?”

“You think you’re the only one who’s having a bad night, Angelyn?”

I push my hair back. Pain on his face. I sink against the rail.

“What’s wrong with you?” I ask.

Mr. Rossi brings out chips and soda for us, dog food for Dolly.

“You do like her,” I say as he sets her bowl on the porch.

Tail wagging, Dolly attacks it. Mr. Rossi scratches between her shoulders.

“Hey, I need all the friends I can get.”

We sit on the couch, the bag of chips between us.

“Thanks,” I say, taking some. “I know I’m a problem.”

Mr. Rossi is smiling. I ask what’s funny.

“I was picturing the police—the principal—
my wife—
driving in and finding you here in those clothes and me like this.”

My chest is tight. “The police?”

“I almost called them while I was inside,” Mr. Rossi says.

“What?” I say, sick. “Why? I’ll leave now if it’s like that.”

“I didn’t call. I don’t have the energy to explain anything to anyone.”

“Mr. Rossi, there’s nothing to explain. I told you—you don’t have to worry about me.”

“You came by on the worst night of my life, Angelyn. One of them.”

I watch him. “Worse than mine? I doubt it.”

“Try this. Today is my son’s birthday. He’s four. I called where they’re at, and my wife wouldn’t bring him to the phone. I heard party sounds in the background.”

I sit back. “That is bad. I bet he misses you.”

“She says I won’t see Camden again.”

“Your wife says—what?”

Mr. Rossi covers his eyes. “I think you heard me.”

“Can she do that?”

“Who knows? She thinks she can.”

“Mr. Rossi, what did you do?”

He looks at me.

“I mean—” Faltering. “Why is she so pissed?”

“What I did is not up for discussion.”

“Okay.”

We’re quiet.

Mr. Rossi pushes the chip bag to me. “Want more?”

“Maybe later.”

He sets the bag in an empty plant stand and leans back, legs outstretched.

“What’s your story tonight, Angelyn?”

The whole mess spreads before me. Mom. Danny. Steve. Nathan.

“Can I say
it’s not up for discussion
?”

Mr. Rossi laughs. “Yeah. Heck, yeah!”

But I tell him a little.

“This guy—the one who brought me here—” Mr. Rossi frowns.

“He didn’t know where he was at. Anyway, this guy can’t do enough for me. Nathan is all about
helping
. So, tonight, first chance he gets, he’s—
Mr. Hands
. I knew it was that. I just knew it. When I called him on it, he brought out his grandma. Yeah, Nathan. Smooth. At least with Steve, you know right off what
he
wants.”

Mr. Rossi is quiet a long time. “Nathan’s grandma. Someone you know?”

“She was my neighbor. She’s in a nursing home now. He wants me to see her.”

“Is this the neighbor who helped you after school?”

I smile, happy—
amazed
—that he remembered. “That’s her. Mrs. Daly.”

“You loved her,” Mr. Rossi says.

“Yes.”

“I’m with Nathan. See her.”

“But, Mr. Rossi, he doesn’t mean it. He’s using her to get to me.”

“Look, maybe this kid wants to get with you
and
wants you to see his grandma. One thing doesn’t have to block the other. Things are generally more complicated than that.”

Mr. Rossi’s serious expression stretches to a yawn.

“I’ll fall asleep out here if I’m not careful.”

“Don’t go in,” I say. “Tell me about Blue Creek High when you were there.”

“Oh. Well,” Mr. Rossi says. “It hasn’t changed all that much. Ten years, more or less. Miss Bass was an English teacher then. One of my teachers.”

“She was? Were the groups the same—the cowboys, the jocks, and all?”

“We hardly noticed the cowboys,” he says. “They had their corner, and we had—the rest of the school, I guess. I was a jock. A rich kid, you’d say. I had the grades too. My friends were like me, and we all stayed together.”

“It’s like that now,” I say. “The cowboys don’t have much to do with the prep kids. Some of the people Steve knows have money. They’ve got the tallest trucks, the biggest cabs, the best sound systems. Everything’s new. Steve’s folks have money too, but they dime it out to him. That’s what he says. Nobody cares much about school.”

Mr. Rossi’s head is turned to me. “How do you fit into that world, Angelyn?”

“It’s Steve’s call if I’m in it or not. I’m out now.”

“But do you want to be in it?”

I face him. “
They’d
say I’m with Steve or I’m nowhere.”

“They’re wrong,” Mr. Rossi says. “All of that fades, and fast. It’s high school. Ten years ago, I thought I’d be someplace way different than I’m at now.”