The Last Summer at Chelsea Beach (12 page)

“No, you would have gone with your boys.” I was not talking back, just being honest. Anger rose up in me then. Why couldn’t my parents have put caring for me first?

Robbie padded into the room then, rubbing his eyes. “Addie, what are you doing here?”

“Just talking,” Mrs. Connally said quickly, as I wiped the tears from my cheek, trying to shield her youngest from bad news. “You can stay here tonight if you want,” Mrs. Connally offered.

“Like a slumber party?” Robbie asked, brightening.

His mother chuckled. “Something like that. I’ll let your aunt know.” I nodded gratefully and Mrs. Connally walked from the room. Robbie dropped down beside me and slipped his hand into mine, sensing my sadness. Mrs. Connally returned with a pillow and blanket, which she arranged on the couch.

“Off to bed.” She shooed Robbie. He stood, but lingered by the doorway.

“Where are the others?” I asked.

“Jack’s sleeping. And Liam...” Mrs. Connally gestured helplessly, not wanting to say more in front of Robbie. So Liam had not come back after I had seen him at the beach. Our talk, it seemed, had done no good at all. And Charlie was not back from his date either. Jealousy wormed its way into the worry about my parents and nagged at my stomach once more.

“Can Addie stay for breakfast in the morning?” Robbie asked.

“Of course, if she likes. Now go.” After Robbie disappeared up the steps, Mrs. Connally hung back. “I would never try to replace your mother.” The word twisted in my stomach like a knife. “And I know that you have your aunt. But I’m here for you—we all are. And with all of these boys,” she added, gesturing upward. “Well, I’m glad you’re with us.” As she started up the stairs, I exhaled quietly. Though I so often wanted to be a Connally, I was glad for once she had not said I was like a daughter. Tonight I could not have stood it.

I lay in the darkness, the news about my parents pressing down on me. I burrowed into the covers, trying to remember the feel of my mother’s dress as I hugged her, and her smell so much like a field of lavender in early spring. There were a thousand other details that had already begun to fade with time. My eyes grew heavy. I drifted off and the ocean loomed, churning darkly before me.

A wave rose, but before it could crash down, a cracking noise startled me awake. I reached for the pocketknife that I kept under my pillow, the one Aunt Bess and the others did not know about. But it was not there. I sat bolt upright. “Easy,” a familiar voice said. Charlie. His hands were on my shoulders, firm and soothing. “What are you doing here, Addie?” I sat up, recalling that I was on the Connallys’ couch, not in my bed.

My grief swelled thinking about my parents, threatening to drown me and for a moment I wanted to throw myself into Charlie’s arms. Then I remembered he’d been on a date I stood, the blanket from my makeshift bed falling to the floor. “I was just headed home. Don’t turn on the light,” I added, hearing the hoarseness in my own voice. I didn’t want him to see my tears.

“Wait. Want to go for a walk?”

I turned back, surprised. “Isn’t it late?”

“Does that matter? Last night here—no sense wasting it sleeping.” No, he had wasted it on a date with someone else. But I didn’t have the strength to argue. I slipped on my sandals and followed him outside. The street was still except for our footsteps as we walked toward the inlet, following the curve of the bay.

“How was your date?” I could not keep the note of recrimination from my voice.

But he ignored or did not hear it. “Okay, I guess. We just didn’t have much to talk about.”

We reached the jetty by the bay and lowered ourselves to the rocks. I averted my eyes from the dark water below. “Hard to believe I’m leaving for school tomorrow,” he remarked.

I swallowed over the protest that rose in my throat. This was it. We would no longer all be together. “Hey, what’s the matter?” he asked, as I burst into tears.

“My parents,” I said, because somehow it was easier than admitting I was crying over him. I told him Aunt Bess’s news. “They’re gone, Charlie, really gone.” He drew me close and I cried into his T-shirt, dampening and then soaking the material. He did not speak or try to make it better by offering false hope, but simply held me in the way that was exactly what I needed, even though I had not myself known it.

“And the worst part is that I’m angry. Angry at them for choosing their work over me. Isn’t that awful?”

“Our family isn’t perfect either, Addie,” he said, a gravelly undercurrent to his voice. “Things got bad during the Depression,” he continued, and it was as if he was opening a door to reveal things about their family. “Dad’s business shut down and he couldn’t find work. We would have lost the house in the city and the one here, too, if they weren’t already paid for. Dad was drinking a lot and some days he wouldn’t even get out of bed. I was just a little kid, but I could tell. Then one day...” Charlie broke off. “He tried to hurt himself.” My stomach dropped as I tried to reconcile the story I was hearing with the sunny loving father I’d come to know. “Anyway, he got help and he’s better now, but that’s why he isn’t eligible for the draft.”

“Oh, Charlie,” I sighed, momentarily forgetting my own grief. Scars ran deep, even in a family as close as the Connallys. I touched his arm, the skin warm beneath my fingertips. “I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine. It isn’t anywhere near what you’ve lost. We’re here for you, Addie. I’m here for you.”

I leaned my head on his shoulder. There was a peaceful silence between us, only broken by the gentle lapping of the water against the bottom of the dock. A minute later I straightened, lifting my head. Our eyes locked.

Charlie lowered his head and before I knew what was happening his lips met mine, sending waves of electricity through me. A moment later, he drew back. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“I love you,” I blurted out. A chasm seemed to open between us, threatening to swallow me. Should I take it back? No, I would not hide from the truth. “I love you,” I repeated, raising my chin and meeting his eyes squarely.

In that moment I was falling from the sky, nothing to catch me if Charlie did not respond. The entire world hung in the balance. “I do, too,” he said and the declaration, just short of mine, was somehow enough. I landed in his arms, saved. He kissed me and it was the moment of purest joy, tasting and touching the very thing I had wanted for all of this time. “I’ve been trying to keep my distance,” he said when we broke apart. So that explained why he had been avoiding me.

Before I could respond his lips were on mine again, this time more intense, a freight train neither of us could—or wanted—to stop. Then he pulled back. “We shouldn’t,” he repeated, more firmly this time. Was he having second thoughts? Perhaps I had done something wrong. Heat crept up from my neck. I could see the struggle within him, wanting more. If I pressed, would he stop resisting? But he straightened, intent on doing the right thing, as he always had.

“I’m not a child,” I protested.

“It’s not that. I mean, I held off for so long because you’re like family and I didn’t want to screw it up. But there’s something else.” I tilted my head, unsure what more could be said on this night. “College...”

“You’re leaving tomorrow,” I interjected, not wanting to disrupt the moment with unpleasant thoughts. “I’m not expecting to go steady.” I moved closer to him.

But he held me off. “That’s just it. Addie...I’m not going.”

“To Georgetown? What do you mean? Of course you are.”

He shook his head. “I’ve deferred it. I’m still leaving tomorrow, only not for college—for boot camp. That is, I’ve enlisted.” He paused, waiting for my reaction.

A cold chill raced up my spine. “So college and your scholarship, you’re just letting that go?”

He shrugged. “I’ll go someday. But this is about something bigger than football and classes now. It’s a chance to make a difference in the world.” His face glowed with the very idealism I had fallen in love with in the first place—the same thing that was driving him to do this now. “There’s a whole world to explore and I want to be a part of it.” Then his expression turned grave. “You can’t tell Mom and Dad.”

“But how can you possibly do this without them knowing?”

“I’m eighteen. They can’t stop me.”

“So you’re going off to war without ever telling them?” I could not keep the rebuke from my voice. “What if something happens? Charlie, they have to know.”

“Telling them would only worry them. Let them think I’ve gone to school. I’ll come back at Thanksgiving when I’ve finished basic training and I’m about to deploy.” I sat silently, stunned by the audacity of his plan. “By then they will see it is for the best.” Remembering Mrs. Connally’s fear that the war would take her boys, I knew it would never be true. “It will give them something to be proud of.”

“They’re already proud of you.” Cold terror enveloped me then. I wanted to ask, no, beg, him not to go. But it would do no good.

“I’ve arranged to be inducted in Baltimore, not Philadelphia,” he continued. “And I’m slated for boot camp at an army base just outside Washington. So if I write and call like everything is normal, they won’t notice.” He stopped, seeing my face. “It’s the best thing, don’t you see?” I did not answer, unable to acknowledge the twisted logic in what he was saying. “Promise me, you won’t tell.”

“I promise.” The words came out before I could think about what they meant, the gravity of keeping Charlie’s enlistment secret from his family. “Do you mind that college will be delayed?”

“Nah, they said that they’ll hold my football scholarship. I’m sorry to put this all on you, Addie, but now that there’s this between us.” I wanted to ask what “this” was exactly, but he took my hand. “And I was hoping—” he paused, swallowing “—that you might wait for me.”

“Wait for you,” I repeated, trying to get my mind around the words. Of course I would wait, the same as his parents and siblings. Wait and hope and pray. But there was a deeper note to his voice, more deliberate. He was talking about something bigger.

“Wait, and be my girl,” he clarified, erasing any doubt. “I know it’s hardly fair of me to ask.”

“I want to. I’ve always wanted to.”

“Then I guess that it’s settled.” An awkward moment passed between us and he kissed me, his embrace purposeful and strong, because now it all was real.

I pulled back, struggling to catch my breath. “Should we tell them?” Charlie whispered, his breath warm against my ear.

For a moment, I was puzzled: he had just insisted on not telling his parents about the army. But he was talking now about the two of us being together, not his enlistment. I considered the question. I wanted to savor the newness of whatever this was between us. I wasn’t ready to face the scrutiny of our families.

“We have to tell them, don’t we?” he continued, not waiting for an answer. “Dad will be thrilled. Mom, too, I think, though she’ll be more worried about you than anything. And the boys should be okay with it, as long as I’ll still share you.” It was thrilling and terrifying, the notion of saying this aloud and acknowledging it in the light of day. Surely it would change everything. But things were already changing, weren’t they?

I raised my hand. “Let’s wait a bit. We’ll tell them at Thanksgiving when you come back,” I added before he could protest. “When we are all together.”

“We’ll get engaged as soon as you graduate.” His words came out in a tumble as though he had thought about them for years. “Or maybe we should get married now,” he offered, an uncharacteristic sheepishness to his voice. Couples were doing it all over, making it official before the men shipped out. There were lines in front of the courthouses, weddings thrown together quickly in the churches and shuls and parents’ living rooms. But me and Charlie—it was all moving so quickly. We had barely yet kissed and I wasn’t even eighteen yet, for goodness’ sake. A few hours ago I had not been sure Charlie even liked me and now he was planning our wedding. He had always moved at a hundred miles an hour, a freight train plunging headlong into the future. Taking charge.

“It was a silly idea,” he added quickly, retreating.

“Not at all,” I replied quickly, placing my hand on his. “It’s just all so fast.” There was part of me that still could not believe he would want me.

“I just meant in case anything happens to me.”

“Don’t even say it.” I cut him off too late. The war, all that stood between this moment now and our happily-ever-after, the dangers looming large. “You’ll be fine.” It could not possibly be otherwise.

He kissed me again and I responded instinctively, matching his passion as though we had been doing this for years and not minutes. His arms tightened around me and as the heat rose between us, I wondered if he might go further. I wanted him to. But a moment later he broke away and drew me close to his chest. I pressed my cheek against the rapid-fire beat of his heart, trying to catch my breath.

A gull called out then and I turned to see the dawn pinkening the sky behind us over the ocean. “We’d better head back.” Wordlessly, we stood and started walking back, and as we reached our houses, there was a moment of awkward hesitation. I could go back to the Connallys and the sofa bed that awaited me. But something told me that if we were under the same roof, things might go too far. “You’ll tell your mother I went home?”

He nodded. “I wish you didn’t have to.”

“You have to be up in a few hours—you need your rest.” His train was at just past seven. I had seen his suitcase, packed and waiting, intended to look as though he was going to school. He would have to change it for a rucksack at some point like the ones I’d seen enlistees carrying back in the city. The deception seemed to grow larger and I was enveloped by sadness.

“What is it?”

I shook my head. I did not want to burden him when he was enlisting. “It’s hard to leave you when we just found each other like this,” he said, trying to read my thoughts. “But in some ways it’s going to make things easier, knowing you’re waiting for me. And I’ll be back in three months.” That sounded like an eternity. But when he did return, we could tell everyone and our life together could begin in earnest. We were together now, just like I had always dreamed. It almost seemed too good to be true. He kissed me once more, then stepped quickly back.