The Middle of Everywhere (39 page)

Two girls in long flowered dresses and head scarves argue as they ride their bikes. The taller one pushes the shorter one down and she begins to wail. The taller girl is rather plain and I wonder what happens to plain girls from the Middle East. Do they have trouble finding husbands? For that matter, what happens to plain girls here? It may be easier for this girl to find a life partner than it is for American girls. Her parents may help arrange a marriage. Families will be connected and decisions will be made by cool heads, uninfluenced by beauty.

The women pass a gallon jug of water and a package of dates around the circle. Two laughing women take photos of each other and their babies in strollers. No doubt their husbands are working second shifts or are at home watching news in their own language on satellite TV.

This scene could happen almost anywhere in the world. It's a very old scene, women and children outside under trees, sharing food and water at the end of the day, enjoying the cool and the company, speaking softly in their ancient languages. Crickets serenade a tableau of flowers, trees, and an orange sun sinking. The people gathered here for these old rituals are from Eastern Europe and the Middle East. But this is Nebraska, what William Gass calls, "the heart of the heart of the country."

Our Sunken Gardens, built years ago by our European city fathers, is now an oasis for women in burkas who spend their days assembling computer boards or cutting up chickens.

Nearby, the Rotary Club benches built in memory of departed loved ones sit empty. We Americans are too busy to lounge around in parks, and besides we have air-conditioning. So, the cicadas and crickets sing for our new citizens. The cars pass nearby on Twenty-seventh Street. Tonight the women talk of what they have always talked about—of their men, their children, and the price of rice. Starlings fly across the face of the setting sun.

I was a speck of light in the great river of light that undulates through time. I was floating with the whole human family. We were all colors—those who are living now, those who have died, and those who are not yet born.
"

—J
ANE
K
ENYON,
Once There Was Light

For the most part, newcomers are filled with energy, gratitude, and hope. They enjoy a walk, a cup of coffee, or a bouquet of tulips. They are not jaded consumers. Everything is new and interesting to them. A trip to the ice-cream store or a concert are great events. Many laugh easily, work hard, and do not complain. They are, to quote Jesse Jackson, "the kind of people who get up every day and do what needs to be done."

Newcomers keep their pain to themselves. They don't tell us about the child killed while walking barefoot across the mountains into Turkey or their starving relatives in Haiti. They don't tell us they don't have money for dinner for their kids or a bus ride to the doctor. Newcomers do not reprimand us for our wealth.

Many newcomers have excellent manners. From the first day, the Kakuma refugees were among the most polite people I had ever encountered. The Kurdish sisters never failed to offer me tea and snacks, even when they had little food for themselves. Many Middle Eastern and Vietnamese women have cooked me beautiful meals when I visited, and served them to me as if I were a beloved family member.

A caseworker told of missing a day of work with the flu. While she was gone, a Sudanese client called for her and was told she was ill. When he next spoke to her, he said, "I told all the Sudanese people about your health and we prayed you would get well. Now we will thank God that he heard our prayers."

The newcomers can teach us about family loyalty. Many adults work two jobs so that they can send one paycheck to the old country to support family there. Or they eat nothing but rice and save every penny to sponsor family members coming to Lincoln. Many Vietnamese save for years to return to Vietnam. This is not for travel expenses, but rather, so they can give thousands of dollars away to needy family members.

Loyalty extends to the ethnic community where everyone is struggling with the same issues. For the most part, people help each other. They share food, clothes, and housing. They give each other rides to work, to medical appointments, and to church, temple, or the mosque. We humans have long valued communal experiences. At Neolithic sites, anthropologists have noticed that all the bones of game animals are often found around one cooking fire. They postulate that since the earliest times we have liked to share our food with other families. However, we Americans have been educated to value privacy and we tend to live in our own "isolation tanks." Working with refugees I began to appreciate what we are missing.

There is nothing more insulting to the poor than romanticizing poverty. However, lack of resources can lead to good things. Once I had a conversation with a refugee from Ethiopia in which he told me he had caught many big fish. Thinking to be helpful, I offered to let him store these fish in my freezer since he had far too many to eat at one time. He looked at me quizzically and replied, "I have no need to store fish. I will give them away to my friends."

Over and over, I have witnessed heroic altruism in newcomers. Poverty and crises allow people to help each other. Likewise, prosperity can keep us from knowing how much people love us and will help us.

Descartes advised, "When living in the midst of others, do not stand out too much." For the most part, newcomers try to fit in and to do things the way Americans do. They are extremely reluctant to complain about anything, even serious problems at work or school. For the most part, refugees see Americans as kind, albeit fairly ignorant of the world. When they do voice any criticism it is about two main things—our children's lack of respect for authority and our lack of communal life.

Refugees value freedom. Refugees from war-torn areas often mention how much they value safety. They value educational opportunities for their children and work opportunities for themselves. Many mention how grateful they feel to have food and good housing. No one is more patriotic than newly arrived refugees.

Refugees are the biggest believers in the American dream. They live in an irony-free zone. They want a house, a car, a stereo system, and a dishwasher. In our strange and difficult times, one reason the American dream stays alive is that new people keep showing up who believe in it. And, because they believe that America is the land of freedom and opportunity and because they act on that belief, they sometimes make it true. As Willa Cather once wrote, "The history of every country begins in the heart of a man or a woman."

Eleanor Roosevelt wrote in a letter to a refugee, "There are a lot of things that make me wonder whether we ever look ourselves straight in the face and really mean what we say when we are patting ourselves on the back."

We all have values about our own and other cultures. There is no such thing as cultural neutrality. Unfortunately, some people do not understand that they are cultural beings. They see their culture as The Culture and all other cultures as inferior, or at least peripheral. Or, they may remain blissfully unaware that other cultures even exist. They have not yet learned the concept of cultural relativity and that we all lead contextualized lives.

Albert Memmi defines racism as "all that produces an advantage or privilege through devaluation of the other." He writes that fear of the other is basic to human nature. He points out that the word
allergy
derives from the Greek word for "other." Difference is disquieting and can seem dangerous. However, to deny that differences exist is to deny reality.

To acknowledge difference is not to be a racist. It is only racism when all positive qualities are attributed to the oppressor group and all the negative ones to the subjugated group. Memmi believes racism has four elements—an insistence on difference, a negative valuation of that difference, the generalization of that difference to an entire group, and finally the use of that difference to justify hostility and aggression.

Ironically, even idealizing other cultures can be a form of racism. Placing people or a culture on a pedestal doesn't allow us to acknowledge people in all their complexity. Even compassion can be contemptuous if it causes us to ignore the great range of people within an ethnic group.

Racism becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Discrimination leads to barriers and bad treatment of newcomers. This bad treatment in turn leads to poverty, bitterness, and social problems. On the other hand, respect and opportunities allow refugees to move quickly into mainstream culture. People will assimilate if they are welcomed; they'll cling to ethnic enclaves if they are not.

Soon we will all be together and more of us will be brown. The changes in our state are happening before our eyes. Our understanding of these changes must keep pace or there will be problems. Our social health requires us to fight the racism in ourselves, our communities, and our institutions. We will all benefit from a kinder, gender world.

The first step in fighting racism is becoming conscious of racism in ourselves. It's admitting our deepest fears and anxieties about people we see as "other." Step two involves developing empathy for others, "becoming intimate with what is foreign," as Alice Walker put it. One of the best ways to do this is to make friends with whoever seems "foreign." Then that person stops being a stereotype and becomes a complex human being like oneself. I know a university professor of Latin American studies who has his students each befriend a Latino immigrant for the semester. A high school teacher requires his students to mentor junior high refugees. Both teachers report that their students are transformed by the experience. Step three is to condemn racism. This means correcting people who use racist language, teaching our children that racism is wrong, and writing letters to the editor about racism in local issues and events. Step four requires us to fight the conditions that create racism. Decreasing anxiety and fear always helps. Just as we support diversity and difference, we should also respect our common humanity. We can celebrate sameness as well as difference.

Rumors race all around the world while the truth is just putting on his shoes.

—M
ARK
T
WAIN

Historically, Nebraska has been a white Christian state. We have African Americans, Mexican Americans, Jews, and Native Americans, but the power and influence have been in the hands of whites. Generally, Nebraskans are a well-behaved and well-meaning people, known for our quietness. We are not show-stealers. Most of us have rural backgrounds and come from places where neighbors help neighbors. It's just that our neighbors vised to look a lot more like us. Now we are moving into a new world.

In Nebraska overt racism exists, but it isn't pervasive. Refugees are doing jobs no one else wants and bringing new life to many communities. Currently we have a steady acceptance and accommodation to newcomers. Our libraries are filled with gray-haired Nebraskans helping dark-skinned newcomers learn algebra or American history.

Reactions of locals range from altruism and interest, to lack of awareness and indifference, to fear and active resistance. Immigrants and refugees are a living Rorshach test. This test requires people to look at ambiguous inkblots and tell what they see. Because of the ambiguity of the cards, the story ends up being about the storyteller and the way his or her mind works.

Refugees generate protective and nurturing feelings in some, anger and contempt in others. Each person reacts according to the shape of her soul or the color of his heart. We do not see things as they are; we see things as we are.

We have had a few ugly incidents. Mexicans fight stereotypes that they are stupid and lazy. They are still, alas, called "wetbacks." Vietnamese report being called "gooks" and told to "go back home." Middle Easterners are accused of being unfair to women or of being terrorists. Laotians are asked if they eat cats and dogs. Many newcomers are suspected of odd customs regarding selecting and butchering animals. This is because every culture has a slightly different definition of meat and different procedures for killing animals. It would be hard to argue that our American ways of treating animals, especially the ones we eat, are more humane.

On the other hand, one man I know works full time helping refugees in our community. Norm said, "I have found out just how similar we all are. Our differences are so minuscule. I am working to build a village of kindness."

One of my friends said of the newcomers, "Every different color, every different bone structure, gives me energy." A school administrator in a small town told me, "Immigrants bring us optimism and energy. They are transforming our dying town and saving our school."

Newcomers are helping us reexamine our attitudes toward the other. Sometimes there is less prejudice against the Africans than against African Americans. Working with Africans has sensitized many of us to long-standing racial issues in our state. Meanwhile, African Americans, Mexican Americans, and Native Americans are involved in efforts to help the new arrivals. They are already bicultural and can help the rest of us learn to be. They can teach us what they know about feeling like outsiders.

It's natural to feel shy and anxious around newcomers. We are all a little fearful of strangers. That first reaction is nothing to be ashamed of as long as our second reaction is to learn more about the other's humanity. One local said to me, "At first I noticed skin color and accent. Now I no longer see us and them. Nebraska is all just us."

Our mistakes are mostly due not to prejudice, but to just plain ignorance (JPI). Our attitudes about refugees have almost nothing to do with facts. We don't know much about the wars in Sierra Leone and Bosnia, the civil unrest in Sudan and Ethiopia, or the flight of Afghanis into Pakistan—all of which ultimately bring many people to our city. We are not terribly aware of what is happening all over the world. Like most Americans, many of us see three thousand advertisements a day, but very few public service announcements that encourage us to understand the plight of others.