“Are you all right?” Estin asked, offering his skin of water to Raeln, who took it readily.
“Yes…barely,” he wheezed after a sip of water. He kept one hand to the bloody line across his throat where the rope had been. “Much longer…I wouldn’t…be. Thank you…for coming back. I can carry…my own weight on my…neck for only so long.”
At that point Raeln stiffened and looked at Feanne, sitting next to Estin. Unlike the others, she seemed entirely fine with the long run and was far more interested in squinting up at the moon, cocking her head as she studied it.
“Is that…who I think it is?” asked Raeln, stifling a cough.
“Yes,” Estin replied, squeezing Feanne’s hand, though she did not seem to notice. “This is Feanne…or at least what’s left of her. The magic won’t last long…”
Raeln shook his head and shoved Estin’s water back into his hand. “Thank you for saving me. If it ever again requires you doing what the Turessians have been doing to us, don’t bother. Let me die next time.”
“Raeln…it’s not like that,” pleaded Estin, but the man stormed off.
Looking about for some support, Estin found Yoska would not meet his eyes at all. When he turned to On’esquin, the orc got up and rushed at Estin with enough anger and forcefulness that Feanne squeaked and ducked behind Estin.
“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?” the orc demanded, pointing a meaty finger at Estin accusingly. “Do you realize how much this has cost us all?”
“I needed help,” Estin offered meekly, though he knew having a bloodstained fox wildling hiding behind him was hardly convincing. “I didn’t think I could face them alone—”
“This isn’t about living or dying or saving each and every one of us!” On’esquin shouted back. “Some of us will probably die! Accept that and stick to the plan. We go north and try to find a way to stop Dorralt before his armies crush everything. We do this while doing anything we can to keep the mists from spreading. This is the plan…the only plan. For that, we need more power than any of us has ever possessed. That is why you were given a gift, Estin. That is what you have squandered! Oramain is gone…likely fleeing straight back to Dorralt. I can feel the damage doing this has caused to your body and spirit, and I may as well forget you being any help as well. This was a waste, Estin. A complete waste. Your whole life’s training was thrown away for a few hours of memories.”
Estin glanced over his shoulder at Feanne, finding she no longer appeared afraid of On’esquin. Instead, she had begun to regard him in a manner Estin recognized…she was looking at him as prey. He needed to diffuse things quickly or she would try to kill the man and that would not end well for anyone.
“We’ll be fine in a few days,” Estin offered. “I’ll be back to full strength with some rest. Give me tonight to say good-bye again, and we move on tomorrow…after…”
On’esquin rolled his eyes and muttered to himself in a language Estin did not know before walking away to sit down in a huff near one of the trees.
“Should I tear his face off?” asked Feanne, her mouth near Estin’s ear. Had she said nearly anything else, he would have happily closed his eyes and listened to her forever, but the calm hostility was frightening from a female that had always been passionate in everything.
“No, you should not,” he told her, turning around to face her. He had to ignore the stink of dried blood on her, coating her whole body, so he focused on her face, clinging to her hands for support. “He means well. He’s a friend who’s angry.”
Feanne frowned and gave On’esquin a sidelong glance, but nodded acceptingly. “And you’re a friend too?” Feanne asked a moment later. “The tree-lady acted like I should know you. I’m so confused…”
Estin swallowed hard and replied, “Yes. I’m a friend. We’ve been friends a long time, Feanne. Maybe we can talk about that another time. Are you tired?”
She thought a moment and then nodded. Without warning she reached up and raked her claws across his chest, drawing blood and shredding his shirt.
Clenching his jaw to keep from screaming, Estin nearly collapsed, clutching at the deep cuts. He heard the others hop to their feet and fan out around him and Feanne, likely intending to attack her.
“You bleed the way the dead people should’ve,” Feanne said absently, touching one of her claws to her tongue as Estin waved off Yoska and On’esquin. She smiled slightly as she tasted the blood. “It hurts you…they didn’t feel pain. This makes so much more sense to me.”
Estin pushed through the burning of his skin, fighting tears as he tugged his magic into the wounds to mend them. Even as the wounds closed, his muscles and joints hurt from the effort and he felt as though he had contracted a horrible disease. Fever blurred his vision, forcing him to stop trying to heal himself. The wounds were not quite closed, but it was all he could manage.
“Why hurt me?” Estin asked, once he could think clearly again. “I’ve tried to help you.”
Feanne cocked her head and then seemed to notice the others, still ready to strike. Lowering her head and ears meekly, she whispered, “I wasn’t sure how things should react when I hurt them. Now I know. I didn’t think it through.”
To Estin she looked contrite to the point of tears. Despite his exhaustion and lingering pain, he could not stay angry with her. Whatever had wiped out her memories had taken much of who she was with it. She was a child in an adult’s body, trying to quickly figure out how the world worked.
“Come here,” he said as he settled onto a patch of moss and softer dirt with fewer sharp stones, while the others slowly relaxed. “We both need some sleep. Please stay by me, just for tonight. It’s safer. I won’t hurt you and all I want is someone to be near me.”
Estin chose to leave out that it was likely safer for her than for him.
Giving him a confused look, Feanne hesitated but soon nestled into the crook of his arm, putting her head down on his chest. It was difficult to remain calm, knowing soon she would be gone. Still, it was all he was ever going to have again, so he was willing to accept it. In a few hours, she would return to ash. Bittersweet or not, he breathed in Feanne’s scent, something he had begun to forget in the long weeks since she had died. In his heart he dreaded forgetting again.
Closing his eyes, Estin hugged Feanne close and tried to sleep, hoping he would be able to make it through the next morning when she was gone.
*
Estin woke late in the morning, when the sun had come up enough that it shone through the trees’ boughs on his face. Groaning at the intrusion on his dreams, he reached out to his side, trying to pull Feanne close again. When his hands found nothing but dirt, he opened his eyes and knew there would be no more sleep for some time. He half-expected to find her bones beside him, but there was nothing. There was little more than a matted section of ground where she had been lying.
Sitting up, Estin saw Yoska had prepared a small fire he was tending to, trying to warm a tin of tea. The gypsy was watching it intently, staring at the lip of the tin, lost in thought until he noticed Estin was awake.
Smiling consolingly, he gestured for Estin to join him. “Ah, you wake finally, yes?” the man said, poking the tin with his finger and wincing. He sucked his finger and sighed, giving Estin a little smirk. It was a welcome change from the night before, when Estin had thought Yoska would have stabbed him. “Green man is sulking in woods and complaining about his many-centuries plan, while others are out hunting for breakfast. I have gone too many days dry and thought some gypsy tea might help make headache go away.”
Estin thanked Yoska and got up, trying not to wince as his legs—and specifically, his hip—throbbed. Too many years of fighting and running were starting to take their toll on him, as were the injuries that had never fully healed. He was only ten and feeling like thirty years old. The effort of using so much magic during the evening made it far worse, and despite the last spell he had attempted, his chest burned painfully where thin lines from Feanne’s claws still bled. Touching them, he found the skin hot with infection.
“You look like I feel,” Yoska noted, tapping the tin with a cup. “Water refuses to boil. I blame this on the magic you used last night. Is gypsy legend that making zombies causes plague and seven years bad luck. I am not saying I am superstitious, but is good enough reason to blame my headache on you, yes?”
Sitting down hard, Estin could not make himself meet Yoska’s eyes. “Please don’t keep bringing it up. On’esquin will have more than enough to yell at me about. She was not a zombie…though I know she wasn’t herself. I’m sorry if it bothered you.”
“Yes, yes, the green man gets very grumpy about this. I think you need good news to have good day, yes? Would it be enough to know that angry dead woman did not find us?”
“Would that be enough if one of your wives came back for only one night and didn’t know who you were? Would you be in any condition to be happy after seeing your memories of her destroyed by your own arrogance?” asked Estin, joining Yoska in staring at the water that had begun to steam lazily.
“Fair point, this. We move on to more good news, I think. Raeln has returned with a lovely morsel…and breakfast.”
Estin smiled in spite of himself, turning and expecting to see Dalania with Raeln. Instead, he watched in shock as Feanne strolled into their camp at Raeln’s side, wearing a somewhat patched outfit that appeared to have been badly stitched together from garments each of them had in their packs. Both she and Raeln carried several squirrels and rabbits, as well as what appeared to be fruit tucked into the knotted fronts of their shirts.
“I apologize,” Raeln said to Estin as he came up beside the fire and sat down the animals and fruit. “You were still sleeping and On’esquin was in no mood for hunting. She wanted to get out and see more of the woods. She also desperately needed cleaning and clothing. We chose not to wake you.”
“You dressed and bathed my…you groomed Feanne?” Estin asked, feeling his temper begin to rise. The thought of another male touching Feanne…
“Calm yourself, Estin,” Raeln replied quickly, laughing at some joke Estin was not in on. “I would not dream of imposing myself. Trust me in that. I merely wanted her ready to travel. Nothing has been done to her and I promise that nothing will. I swear that I would not touch her like that.”
Estin struggled to keep calm. He was absolutely enthralled by watching Feanne now that she was clean and appeared happy, but at the same time, he was horrified at having another male wildling anywhere near her so long as she could not remember her past. Still, he knew his mate—probably better than she knew herself at this point—and had to trust that if she was going to recover and be who she was, she would need to do it in her own time…which she apparently now had more of.
“How are you still here?” he finally managed to say, taking Feanne’s wrist as she sat down her own collected food.
Feanne snarled and snatched her hand away, glaring angrily at Estin. “Keep your hands away from my food, prey,” she growled, baring her teeth. “You’ll eat when we say you can.”
Any joy at having Feanne still around faded away, and the knife of guilt plunged deeper into his chest.
Without answering his question, she backed away, giving him another annoyed glance as she went to the far side of the fire. Pulling her legs under herself, she wiped mud from her paws and watched him with open hostility.
“She was awake when I got up,” Raeln confessed, sitting down near Estin and keeping his voice low. From what Estin could see, Feanne’s narrowed eyes darted between him and Raeln, clearly understanding they were talking about her. “On’esquin seemed to have an answer as to why, but he didn’t give it. I’m sorry, Estin…we’ll all do what we can. I’m even more sorry for my reaction last night. I can see now that whatever this is, it isn’t what the Turessians have been doing.”
“Sorry doesn’t forgive what I’ve done to her,” said Estin softly, wrapping his tail around himself. It was a childish gesture of self-protection, but he could not help it. Worse still, that gesture seemed to annoy Feanne even more and her muzzle twitched as she watched him. “I’ve destroyed the very thing I tried to bring back. I’ve wronged her and destroyed a piece of myself in the process.”