Authors: Sophie McKenzie
Bloody hell.
Now I felt guilty in about six different directions. The last thing I wanted was Mum worrying about me. Still, at least knowing Jonno had been on the phone to her made it easier to decide what I should do. If I wasn’t at home and Mum didn’t know where I was, there’d be no reason for Jonno to keep calling.
My jaw clenched at the thought of him shouting at her. I paced over to the window and kicked at the wall. My shoe made a tiny dent in the plaster. Dust trickled onto the floor.
Eve was still out on the grass.
I wrestled with my conscience for about two minutes. She’d said she wanted to be on her own for a bit. And yet, she’d want to know what Chloe had said. She’d want to know about her dad.
It took me nearly ten minutes to find my way downstairs and out of the house. It was nearly ten am now, and there was no sign of anyone else about. Outside the sun had burned through the clouds and was shining on the sea, making the water glitter like broken glass. The wind was still fierce though, whipping over the cliff top and biting at my face.
I was in a really black mood as I walked towards Eve.
She heard me coming and twisted round.
‘D’you mind me being here?’ I said, stopping a metre or so away from her.
She shook her head. ‘I’m just drawing,’ she said. She gave me this sad smile that made me feel mean for being so pissed off.
‘Can I see?’
She nodded.
I walked up to her and sat down, putting my arms around her. Her hands were ice cold.
‘Hey, you’re freezing.’ I smiled at her, holding both of her hands in one of mine to warm them up.
Just being near her made me feel better. I could feel my bad mood slipping away. A seagull squawked overhead as I kissed her neck and looked down at the sketch book in her lap. It was open at a page showing a pencil drawing of the cliff top with the trees and sea beyond. It was obviously unfinished, but clearly a picture of the scene in front of us.
‘That’s amazing,’ I said, impressed. I leaned over and flicked through the sketch pad. It was crammed with pencil drawings. There were drawings of animals and apples in bowls, and stones propped against doors. One scene kept recurring – a single tree in a barren wasteland outside a window.
‘That was the view from the dormitory at the convent,’ Eve said, smiling.
‘These are really good, Eve.’ I noticed another sketch book inside her bag on the ground beside us. I pulled it out.
‘No,’ she said, making a grab for the book. ‘Not that one.’
I whipped it out of her reach. ‘Why?’ I said, teasingly. ‘What’s in it?’
I stood up, holding the book above my head, so she couldn’t get at it. She tried to jump up a couple of times, but I could tell she was only half-heartedly trying to stop me.
I grinned and caught her round the waist with my free arm.
‘Please may I see?’ I said.
She looked up at me. ‘OK,’ she said. ‘But promise you won’t laugh.’
I nodded and opened the book.
A picture of a face. A male face.
Oh my God.
I stared down at Eve.
It was my face.
I turned the pages. It was me. Over and over again. Sketched from different angles, and with different expressions. But always, unmistakably, me.
I pored over the drawings. The early ones were a bit rough – I was only just recognisable from the basic shape of the features. But the later ones had more personality, the soft, curving pencil lines making the picture look . . . well, real.
I stopped at one in which I had such a haunted, longing look in my eye you could almost feel it. ‘Do I look like that?’ I said.
‘That was from the last time I saw you. On the beach.’ Eve twisted her hair round her finger. ‘Or, at least, how I remembered you. Do you . . . ? What do you think?’
‘I think they’re amazing. I think you’re amazing. I had no idea you could draw this well.’
Eve blushed. She gazed far out to sea where the wind had dropped and the water was still. ‘There’s this one nun at the convent. She really helped with my technique. To be honest, I didn’t do much else while I was there.’ She paused. ‘Of course I couldn’t say that these were pictures of you.’
I sat down on the cold grass, still staring at the drawings. The book was full of them. Full of me. It was overwhelming.
‘So who did you say I was?’ I said.
‘I pretended Jesus had come to me in a dream and that’s what he looked like.’
I grinned. ‘You’re kidding.’
Eve smiled back. ‘If they knew the truth they’d have stopped me drawing you. It seemed the only option. I told them I’d draw the halo on when I got the face right.’
We both laughed.
‘Luke Almighty,’ I said. ‘That’s me. Luke the saviour.’
Eve stopped laughing. ‘You did save me,’ she said. ‘I’d have gone mad if I hadn’t known you were out there somewhere.’
We stared at each other.
‘Still, the convent has done one good thing for me,’ Eve said. ‘Whatever happens with Mum and Dad, I’ve decided I’m going to be a graphic designer. I mean I’ll still do my own stuff, but I’m also going to art college and train properly so I can get a job.
She looked back at the pictures. ‘They’re rubbish, really. It was so hard without you being there or without a photograph or anything. Er . . . I was wondering if you’d pose for me actually. So I can draw you from real life.’
‘Sure,’ I smiled. ‘You can do whatever you like with me.’As I leaned across to kiss her, my mobile dug into my hip. Remembering Chloe’s call, I removed it from my pocket.
I told Eve what Chloe had said.
Big mistake.
Eve shoved the sketch books back into her bag. I noticed her hands had started trembling again. ‘Maybe you should go home, Luke,’ she said. ‘I feel bad for your mum. And . . .’
‘No,’ I said. ‘Mum’s got friends. And Chloe could easily be there if she wanted to be. I’m here with you. For ever.’
I tried to take her hand, but she pulled it away. A tear rolled down her cheek. ‘I’m such a mess, Luke,’ she said. ‘I don’t know how I feel about Mum and Dad now – or what I want . . . with . . . when . . .’ she tailed off.
‘You want
me
, don’t you?’ I glanced at the sketch book inside her bag. ‘Or d’you only want me in two dimensions?’
She shot a look at me. ‘I
did
mean what I said,’ she snapped. ‘It’s just I feel all vulnerable. I don’t know if I can.’
I stared at her.
What?
She seemed to have jumped into a whole other conversation.
‘If you can what?’ I said.
‘Do it with you.’ Eve said. ‘I know I want to. But after last night . . . my dad coming after us . . . everything feels too scary.’
‘Oh,’ I said, unable to hide the disappointment in my voice. ‘Oh.’
‘I knew it.’ Eve’s normally raspy voice rose into a squeak. ‘I knew you’d be pissed off.’ She stood up and backed away from me, her lips pressed angrily together. ‘You’re just like all the others.’
‘Eve . . .?’ I stood up. ‘What are you talking about?’
‘I might have guessed you’d only come here with me if I promised to . . . to . . . God, I’m so stupid.’ Her face twisted with fury. ‘I suppose you’ll leave now, won’t you?’
I stared at her, too shocked for a second to speak. The wind whipped up around us. Just beyond the cliff edge, the waves were ploughing and churning over each other.
And then Eve completely lost it.
‘You bastard,’ she screamed. ‘I bet you’ve lied about everything. I bet you just told Chloe exactly where I am and—’
‘That’s so not—’
‘So when are you running off home to Mummy?’ she yelled, her hands on her hips.
‘Stop it,’ I shouted. ‘I’m not doing any of those things. Why are you—?’
‘Right. You’re going to phone my dad and tell him where I am, then, aren’t you?’
‘No.’ I stared at her, my breath raging in my throat.
‘Yes, you are,’ she yelled. ‘Because you’re scared. You’re too frightened to do anything else.’
‘Stop it,’ I yelled back. How dare she attack me like this when I was here – with her – prepared to do whatever she needed. White-hot anger flooded my head, almost blinding me. I strode across the grass away from her, to the very edge of the cliff. The sea was hurling itself at the jagged grey rocks below. I drew my arm back and flung my mobile as far as I could into the water. There was a tiny splash as it disappeared beneath the waves.
I turned, spreading my arms out wide.
‘See?’ I yelled. ‘I can’t call now.’ I walked back to her. Our faces were centimetres apart. Her eyes wide and staring. ‘I’ve given up everything,’ I said. ‘Everything. I don’t have anything with me except what I’m wearing. D’you think I’d do that just for a shag?’
I stormed off across the grass, back towards the house.
‘Luke.’
Eve ran up beside me, grabbing my arm.
‘I’m sorry. I’m sorry.’ She pulled at my arm, trying to stop me from walking away. ‘Please, I don’t know why I said all that. I’m just so scared. I don’t know what to do. What’s going to happen.’ I felt her tugging at my jumper. ‘
Please
.’
I stopped.
Eve put her arms round me. ‘Please. I’m sorry,’ she sobbed. ‘I didn’t mean any of that. I’m just so scared.’
I still felt furious with her. ‘You have to trust me,’ I spat, my arms at my sides. ‘Yes, I want to have sex with you. But I guess I can wait. And yes, I’m scared about what’s going to happen to us. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to bail on you.’
Eve said nothing, but her whole body was shaking. I could feel her crying into my jumper.
‘Listen,’ I said more gently, putting my arms around her. ‘We’ll stay here for a bit. Then we’ll find somewhere to work. Somewhere to live. And you can do your training. And . . . and I don’t know. We’ll just make it work somehow.’ I tailed off lamely, but Eve hugged me tighter, still crying.
We stood there for a minute.
I was already regretting having thrown my mobile away.
Brilliant dramatic gesture, Luke. Next time try throwing something less valuable
–
like your brain.
I could feel Eve’s tears seeping through my jumper.
‘Hey,’ I said. ‘You’re making my chest damp.’
Eve looked up at me, her eyes all red and swollen. She smiled. Then she laughed.
‘What?’ I said.
‘It was funny when you threw your phone in the sea.’
I grinned at her. ‘Yeah. Well, at least now your dad won’t be able to deploy GPS spy technology to track us down.’
She laughed again.
‘Wait here a sec,’ she said. She raced across to where she’d been sitting and picked up her bag. Rummaging again, she pulled out an unbranded CD. She walked back towards me in that slightly embarrassed way of hers that I knew so well – her eyes not quite meeting mine, her face just tinged with pink.
‘I was wondering if you could input this for me. George’s bound to have a computer. Then I could listen to it on your iPod – oh, except . . .’ Eve made a face. ‘You haven’t got your iPod with you, have you? You just said – your phone was the last thing you had.’
The wind whistled around us as I took the CD.
‘Actually, I lied,’ I grinned. ‘My iPod’s in my jacket pocket.’
Eve grinned back. ‘Just so long as that’s all you’ve lied about.’
Hayley’s face flickered across my mind’s eye. I blinked her away.
I didn’t lie.
‘How d’you get hold of a CD?’ I said.
‘One of the girls at the convent has an MP3 player,’ Eve said. ‘I used to borrow it when I was supposed to be learning Spanish – we used computers for languages. You know, tracks with headphones and stuff. Anyway, there were some songs I really liked. I got her to download them for me onto this.’
‘What kind of music is it?’ I said.
Eve shrugged. ‘Different stuff. Nothing recent. Stuff I like. You’ll probably hate it.’
‘Why? It’s not all slushy love songs, is it?’
‘No.’
I grinned as she pretended to hit me.
As we walked back towards the house it struck me that underneath my lust-fuelled love for Eve lay a far simpler feeling.
How much I liked her.
We went into the kitchen and rooted around for food. Apart from the half-eaten pizza slices and sausage rolls from last night’s party, there wasn’t much. I found a tin of tuna in one of the cupboards and Eve discovered a half-full jar of mayonnaise and a loaf of slightly stale bread in the fridge.
We made sandwiches and ate them, talking and laughing. Eve seemed much more relaxed since she’d screamed at me outside. I was just about to innocently suggest I showed her our bedroom, when we heard voices in the corridor.
‘He threw
what
over the cliff?’ This was a girl.
‘His phone, Jess,’ a male voice replied. ‘I saw him from the window. He was yelling and he chucked his mobile into the sea . . .’
I caught Eve’s eye. Then the speaker walked into the kitchen. He was about the same age as George, but kind of geeky-looking – curly brown hair and glasses. His mouth fell open when he saw us.
‘It’s them, Jess!’ he turned to the girl coming through the door behind him. She was younger and stockier, with punky hair and enormous black boots.
‘Couldn’t be bothered to hang on for the upgrade?’ she said to me with heavy sarcasm. Then, without waiting for a reply, she stomped over to the kettle and filled it up.
The geeky guy stared at us.
‘Hi,’ I said. ‘I’m Luke. This is Eve.’
I could feel Eve shrinking away again. I reached out and slid my arm round her waist.
The geek was still staring. Then he smiled. ‘I’m Cal,’ he said.
More voices at the door – and Alejandro and George walked in. Seconds afterwards a bunch of girls appeared, then a few (male) couples whom I avoided looking at. Within minutes the kitchen was full of people. George was clearly in his element. He organised some of the girls to fry bacon and eggs, then pulled a couple of loaves of bread out of the freezer and got one of the guys to make rounds of toast. Soon the kitchen was full of noise and delicious cooking smells.
Cal hovered near us. I could tell he was dying to ask me why I’d thrown my phone into the sea. I eventually suggested to Eve we went up to our room.