Until tonight, when she looked at Ruby: her pale skin, her bright eyes, her wild hair. Her trim figure and the subtle swell of her pert breasts.
Hart had glanced at other girls every now and again, admiring their narrow waists or their full breasts. Watching the way their long hair fell over their shoulders, the graceful line of their slender necks. She had noticed beautiful women, of course she had, but she always told herself the feeling churning in the pit of her stomach was envy. Her eyes lingered over their bare flesh because she knew she'd never look like that, she'd never fill out a dress quite the way other girls did.
She had never let herself think what it might be like to touch that soft skin, to run her fingers down the smooth expanse of a girl's shoulder or cup her hands around a tiny waist.
But now it was all she could think of.
Hart leaned heavily against a closed storefront, catching her breath and steadying herself. She couldn't believe she'd run—literally
run
—away from Ruby. Shame crawled hot up her neck.
She looked around blearily, wondering where she was. The street was unfamiliar, but most of the Alley was still foreign to her. She hadn't paid attention to where Ruby was leading her earlier, just as she hadn't paid attention to where her steps carried her as she sprinted away.
It was always a safe bet to head into the dark to find the Gutter, away from the soft glow that emanated from the Center, so Hart turned away from the blazing streetlights before her and wound her way towards a dark horizon.
Things grew steadily dingier as she walked, the buildings falling into disrepair, graffiti appearing on every surface, letting her know she was close to home. Hart kept her head down, watching the steady pace of her feet and trying not to think about Ruby. She focused instead on her next fight and the one after that and, hopefully, the one after that.
She didn't have time for distractions like pretty redheads with sharp tongues and even sharper right hooks.
Hart was barely aware of her surroundings when the sound of footsteps cut through the fog of her thoughts. Her head came up, and she focused on the sound behind her. It could be anyone hurrying home late in the evening, but she quickened her steps anyway.
"Hey," the rough growl rang out through the narrow street.
Hart refused to turn.
The steps sped up, breaking into a run, and before she could bolt someone grabbed her shoulder, throwing her back against the nearest building. Kemp's cruel face came into focus, sneering down at her.
"Fancy meeting you here, kid," he laughed. His nose was horribly swollen and bruised, disfigured. His voice sounded strange and muffled as he breathed heavily through his mouth.
Hart pressed herself back against the wall, her eyes searching over his shoulder. A deserted street stretched out before her. Kemp grinned viciously into her face as he loomed in close, and Hart squirmed in his hold.
"Let go of me!"
He laughed, pressing her shoulders harder into the brick behind her. "Not just yet. We're going to have a chat, aren't we?"
"Chat about what?" Hart growled, twisting in his grasp. "Your fucked up nose?"
Kemp snarled, his fingers digging into her flesh. "You think you're clever? You think you're untouchable just because you won one fight?"
"I think I beat you fair and square," Hart returned, hoping bravado would carry her through. "I think I don't need to skulk around dark streets because I know I can win in a real fight."
Kemp's brow furrowed, his eyes darkening. "Yeah? You think so, little boy? You think you can humiliate me—ruin my
perfect record
—and just walk away?"
Hart's stomach turned as she failed to wrestle free from his hold. "I think a real man would take this out in the ring," she said weakly.
Kemp leaned close, his breath gusting over her face. "A
real
man follows through on his promises. And what did I promise?" His face was practically touching hers. "I promised I'd kill you."
Hart whimpered, her family's faces flashing before her eyes. Her mother, trying to raise them all alone. Finn, defiant and still so young. And little Roe and Penny, dealing with so much loss already.
She wasn't going to leave them without a fight.
She bit her lip and brought her knee up sharply. She failed to meet her target but still caught Kempt solidly in the mid-thigh. He grunted, jerking back. Hart used the space to her advantage, bringing her hands up to claw at his grip on her shoulders. Her nails bit sharply into his exposed flesh. Kemp snarled as blood welled up under her touch. He pulled her forward and slammed her back against the wall, knocking the breath out of her. Hart gasped and her vision blurred as she struggled to fill her lungs. Kemp pulled her forward again; she could already feel the bruises blooming along her back, and she twisted frantically in his hold. He shoved her forward. Her shoulder caught against the wall and jammed painfully.
Kemp scrabbled at her as she twisted in his hold, the hood of her sweatshirt catching in his grip. He pulled, hard, jerking Hart back. Her back bent in a painful bow as he tugged. She yelped, hearing the fabric tear—her father's sweatshirt, one of the last things she had to remind her of him. Kemp tore it mercilessly, the neck ripping open over her shoulder. The night air bit at her exposed flesh as she wriggled within the material.
The sweatshirt slid down off her shoulders and Kemp released it to grab the material of the tank-top Hart wore underneath. He twisted it in his fingers to hold her still. He loomed close, pressing her against the wall, the rough concrete scratching against Hart's face.
"Let me go!"
"You really think I'm going to do that?" Kemp sneered. He yanked at the material of her shirt, spinning her to face him. The tank-top stretched in his grasp, slipping low. His gaze dropped to her chest. "What the fuck is that?"
Hart's eyes followed his. The top of her bindings peeked out of the stretched neck of her shirt. She choked on a sound in her throat.
Kemp's brow furrowed. With a hard jerk, he tore her shirt open. The bindings were coming loose, her shape peeking through, and Hart saw the moment realization dawned on Kemp's face. His eyes widened, shooting up to meet hers.
He's going to kill me
. She was certain of it now. His grip had gone lax as he stared at the soft outline of her breasts and she wrenched against his hands, stumbling free. She was running before she had even caught her balance, tearing down the street.
Kemp shouted something unintelligible after her, and it was only blocks later that she realized tears were streaming down her face as she sped towards the Gutter.
She had been sure she was going to die, but now she didn't know if this was worse. Hart had almost forgotten that she was keeping a secret; everyone had accepted her as the boy she claimed to be and she got careless. Careless enough to kiss Ruby and careless enough to be caught by a thug like Kemp.
She flashed her pass at the checkpoint and hurried through the gate, sighing as it clicked shut behind her.
It was only as she slipped through her front door that she remembered her father's sweatshirt, lying dirty and torn in the street. Her heart clenched and she winced, berating herself for caring about a piece of fabric when everything else was crumbling down around her. She wiped hastily at her eyes when she saw a light still burning in her mother's bedroom.
"Hart? Is that you?"
Hart gulped in a breath. She didn't know what to tell her mother, didn't know how to articulate the night she'd had. She went to the door, peeking into the room, letting shadows obscure her face. "Yeah, mom."
"I had some good news today!" Her mother said, sitting up in bed, her face shining. "I found a school that will take Roe."
"Really? How much does it cost?"
"Twenty to get her in. Plus we'd have to get her some supplies."
Hart frowned, thinking back to her winnings, tucked beneath a floorboard in the main room. "That's a lot."
"But you have a big fight tomorrow, don't you?" Her mother said, leaning forward eagerly.
She did. A fight with a purse of twenty-five dollars—the highest yet. Hart shrank back into the shadows. A fight she wouldn't be able to show up for.
She touched the torn neck of her tank top, feeling the fraying edges of her loosened bindings against the tips of her fingers. Her secret was out. She could never go back to Leo's gym; she could never get back in the ring.
It was all over.
But her mother looked at her with bright eyes, her hopes for Roe shining in their depths. Roe, who was so gentle and sweet, not at all cut out for the rough life the Gutter offered her.
This could be a chance for something more for the girl. It was chance Hart hadn't had, a chance Finn hadn't had. But there was still time for Roe.
"I do," she said faintly.
Her mother smiled. "So we can use that. We've got enough saved from your other earnings to keep us going for a bit. And Roe would get to start right away."
"That's great." Hart agreed. "I'm going to … go to bed."
"Oh! Of course. You must be exhausted."
"Good night."
"I love you, Hart. You're a good girl, doing all this for your siblings."
Hart shut the door, closing her eyes and leaning her forehead up against the rough wood.
Would Kemp already have told someone? She tried to think like him. He had been shocked; she had seen that in his eyes. Would he immediately run to tell Leo? Or his mates? Or would he keep it to himself, ashamed to tell anyone he'd been beaten by a teenage
girl
?
Maybe he would keep his mouth shut, she thought desperately as she stripped her clothes off and climbed into the bed, nestling herself between Penny and Roe. Just long enough for her to win one more fight.
*~*~*
Hart stepped into the gym minutes before her fight was supposed to begin. Her heart hammered as she looked around the empty changing room. She had been half-convinced Leo would be waiting for her, ready to throw her back out on the street.
But no one was there to confront or condemn her. She quickly changed and wrapped her hands, readying herself for the fight. She could hear the crowd in the arena, their booming voices and the stomping of their feet as they cheered the opening fight.
She took a deep breath and walked into the arena.
"There you are!"
Hart looked up, eyes wide, but it was only Ruby, jogging to her side. "I was worried about you. After last night."
Hart gulped. "What about last night?"
Ruby frowned. "After you ran off?"
"Right," Hart dropped her eyes, willing her heart rate back to normal. She had almost forgotten about Ruby, about the kiss, and the look in the girl's eyes as Hart turned and fled. Guilt rose up in her throat now, at the hesitant, unsure way Ruby was looking at her. Ruby was normally all fire, taunting and teasing everyone around her. It felt wrong to see her looking so uncertain. "I'm sorry about that. I just … had to get home," she mumbled.
"You're sure you're all right?" Ruby laid a hand on Hart's shoulder. Hart took a breath, shrugging her off, trying to ignore the hurt that flashed in Ruby's eyes. "I'm fine."
If Kemp ever told her secret—
when
Kemp told her secret—it would hurt Ruby even more. It was better to stop things now.
Hart never should have let it go as far as it did.
"I have to get ready," she said, turning away and beginning to stretch. The fight in the ring was nearly over, one of the men stumbling against the ropes, blood running into his eyes and clouding his vision. He'd be down in less than a minute.
Leo called the fight as the bleeding man was pinned and Hart strode up to the sidelines, ready.
"Was worried you weren't going to show," Leo called over the noise of the crowd as he ushered the defeated man out of the ring.
"I'm here now."
Leo gave her a curious look but held up the rope to let her slip into the ring. Hart watched her opponent climb in from the other side. She had never seen the man before, and that was how she liked it. Some of the other fighters hung around the gym, joking with each other, but Hart didn't want to know them.
The man wasn't that big or imposing; he was nearly the same size she was. She sighed in relief. She could do this. She could win, take the purse and never look back. Get Roe into school for the year and then find another way of making a living, far from Kemp. Far from Ruby.
Leo announced them to cheers from the crowd, and the fight was on.
Hart kept her head in the fight, trying to block everything out but the sweat beading on her skin, the mat under her feet and the man in front of her. She focused on her breathing, steady breaths in and out to drown out the raucous crowd. She moved, ducked, punched, and kicked to the sound of her own heartbeat thumping in her chest. Move. Move. Move. Fight. Fight. Fight.
It was an easy dance towards the purse that would make all the difference in Roe's life. She just had to ignore the fear, ignore the worry, and focus on tearing the man down, dropping him to the floor.
Leo called her victory, raising Hart's hand above her head as she faced the crowd, the eager, flushed faces seeming to press in at her, making the room feel claustrophobically small.
And there, right in their midst, sat Kemp. His arms folded over his broad chest, he sat even as the rest of the crowd was on their feet, crowing over her victory.
Hart froze, her arm going limp in Leo's grasp. She couldn't tear her eyes away from Kemp, the memory of his rank breath against her face as he threatened to kill her so fresh in her mind. The scrape on her face from where he had pushed her against the building tingled.
Leo pressed the purse into her grasp, the twenty-five dollars that she wanted so badly. Badly enough to risk this.
Kemp stood slowly, striding forward off the bleachers. The crowd quieted at the movement, a hushed whisper going round the room as members of the audience recognized him as Hart's last opponent.
"Don't give her that," he said, voice booming over the now quiet room.