Authors: Jennifer Joyce
‘Well, rest assured that won’t happen.’
‘We’ll see, my friend.’ Ryan winks at me. ‘We’ll see.’
Mum and Dad are curled up on the sofa watching old episodes of Kojak when I arrive back from the pub. Mum shifts over and pats the space beside her.
‘Had a nice night out with Ryan?’ she asks as I sit next to her. She gives me a funny little toothy smile as she awaits my answer, her head bobbing away.
‘Yeah, it was fun.’
‘What did you do?’
‘We went to the pub with Lauren.’
Mum’s toothy smile vanishes as she sinks back into the sofa. ‘With Lauren? Doesn’t she feel like a gooseberry?’
‘No. Why would she?’ I mentally kick myself, remembering too late that Ryan is my ‘boyfriend’. ‘We’ve all been friends for years. Nothing’s really changed.’
‘It certainly has.’ Mum shares a look with Dad. It’s the same look they share whenever they think they know better than me. ‘You and Ryan need time together. Alone. Do you want me to have a word with Lauren? Tell her to back off a bit?’
‘No!’ I can’t believe Mum would suggest such a thing. Even if Ryan and I were together for real, I would never elbow Lauren out of the way. ‘Don’t you dare say a word about me and Ryan. To anybody.’
Mum shares another look with Dad, but this time it’s one filled with slight panic.
‘What have you done?’
‘Nothing. Not really.’ Mum bites her lip and starts to fiddle with her hair. ‘I assumed she knew.’
‘Who?’ I have visions of Mum phoning around distant relatives to pass on the news that I’ve finally got my act together and bagged myself a man.
Mum mumbles her answer, but it’s so quiet I don’t catch it.
‘Sorry?’
Mum shoots Dad a look, but he offers nothing more than a shrug of his shoulders. Mum turns back to me but she can’t quite meet my eye. ‘I told Eleanor about you and Ryan.’
‘Eleanor?’ My voice comes out all high-pitched and screechy. ‘You told Ryan’s mum about us?’
‘I assumed she knew! You’d think she would, wouldn’t you? It wasn’t like I was trying to gossip or anything. I saw her heading out earlier and I just said what a lovely couple you and Ryan make and how happy I was that you’d found a nice young man like him.’
Mum’s babbling but I’m not really listening. I’m too busy having a bit of inner panic. Eleanor knows. Ryan mentioned telling her as the plan was hatched, so that she’d back off with the Cupid act, but he hasn’t said a word about her since and I was hoping he’d changed his mind. Having Eleanor in my life is not something I’m too thrilled about, even if it is only temporary and make-believe.
‘She didn’t believe me, you know. Said it couldn’t possibly be true. Ryan would have told her. But he didn’t, did he? Why is that? He’s not ashamed of you, is he?’ Mum trades her guilt for suspicion, her lips pressed into a thin line as she observes me through narrowed eyes.
‘No. Why would he be?’
‘Maybe because his mother is a snooty so-and-so who thinks she’s better than us?’ Mum folds her arms across her chest with a thump. She’s never forgiven Eleanor for snubbing her casserole the day the Fords moved in next door. ‘Maybe he thinks you’re not good enough for his mum.’
‘You know Ryan isn’t like his mum.’
‘I thought I did but now I’m not so sure.’ Mum’s foot is tapping against the floor. ‘Why else wouldn’t he have told her about you?’
‘The same reason I didn’t tell you straight away,’ I say while reaching into my bag for my phone. I need to give Ryan a heads up. ‘This is all new to us and it’s a bit strange after being friends for so long. We needed a bit of time to get our heads around it first.’
My phone bleeps in my hand. It’s a text message from Ryan.
Mum knows about ‘us’. She wants us all to meet up for dinner!
This is not good.
I’m afraid. Very afraid.
Work Crushes
Text Message:
Lauren:
Paul Grady’s wearing the blue suit again. He looks so damn hot! There’s no way I’m going to get any work done today
Delilah:
Me either. Not because I have the distraction of a hot bloke. I just lack motivation
I’ve never had a work crush before – how could I when the male population of the office consisted of Neville and his spotty son? Even the thought of hooking up with either of them gives me an unpleasant feeling in my tummy. It’s a bit like when Ryan kissed me at Clara’s party but with less tongue involved. Lauren is constantly infatuated with people at work, whether it’s a colleague, a client or the lad who cleans the windows every Thursday morning. She says it helps pass the time and I can certainly see what she means as Adam drops into the chair next to me. I’d much rather look at Adam’s lovely face than the spreadsheet in front of me. Mine and Adam’s desks are packed so close together, his knee is almost brushing against mine and this fact alone is making me blush like a teenager accidentally watching a sex scene in a film with their parents (it’s happened to us all, right?). I find myself gulping cartoon-style; over-exaggerated and so noisily it catches Adam’s attention.
‘Are you ok?’ Adam swivels in his chair to face me and this time the very tips of our knees connect for a beautiful split second.
‘Yes. I’m fine. Really fine. Super.’ Super? ‘Why do you ask?’
‘I thought you were choking or something.’ Adam checks me out, looking for clues that I’m not ‘super’ at all. You know, like a blue tinge to my lips, a lack of chest movement or my hands clutching my blocked throat.
‘Nope. I’m fine. Are you?’
Adam nods. ‘Yeah, fine. Super.’
I ignore the twitching of Adam’s lips as he fights against the smile that is clearly itching to spread across his lovely face. ‘How are you getting on with the blog?’ I point at the screen, where the Brinkley’s blog is loaded up. Adam has been working hard to promote us and the blog is now packed with information about our products and the faces behind them. Katey-Louise was not at all happy that Neville was put first in the ‘getting to know you’ section, jumping the queue ahead of her.
‘It’s going well. The hits are building more and more every day.’ Adam points at the ‘getting to know you’ tab at the top of the page. ‘Are you still interested in being featured?’
‘Sure, why not?’ Adam promised to whisk me away for lunch to go over the questionnaire so I’m hoping this still stands.
‘I know we said we’d go out for lunch to go through the questionnaire,’ Adam says and I can sense a ‘but’. I’m disappointed as I was hoping to take a breather from Katey-Louise this afternoon. I’m sick of hearing about the comments she’s had on her latest YouTube vlog and I’m tempted to post a load of negative ones just to shut her up. ‘But I’ve got a meeting with Neville this afternoon to go over some stats and figures so I’ll need to work through lunch to prepare. Are you free after work instead?’
As buts go, this one isn’t so bad. In fact, I quite like it.
‘Yes, I’m free. But only if you get the first round in.’
The work day can’t come to an end quickly enough; not only am I ready for launching Katey-Louise – and her array of hair products – through one of the Portakabin windows, I also have the pleasure of meeting up with Adam. To avoid suspicion, we leave the office separately, meeting over at The Bonnie Dundee a few minutes apart. Adam left first and is currently sitting with a couple of pints.
‘You remembered,’ I say as I sit down and take a refreshing sip. ‘Ten out of ten for memory skills.’ I take another sip. I need this drink after spending the day listening to Katey-Louise. ‘How did the meeting with Neville go?’
Adam takes a sip of his own pint and nods his head. ‘Great, thanks. Neville was really pleased with the results from the biscuit recipes we put up on the blog. The response was amazing. We’ve had so many people retweeting and sharing and they’ve been posting their own versions on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram so Neville wants to move forward with it. We’re going to showcase some of them on the blog and we’re also going to run a competition for the public to come up with their own recipes. We’ll make the winner’s and share it over our social media and there’ll be some sort of prize too, but we haven’t worked that out yet.’ Adam shakes his head. ‘I’m so sorry. I must be boring you to death.’
‘Not at all.’ I love that Adam is passionate about his job. ‘Let me know if you need any help.’
‘I will, thanks.’ Adam reaches into the rucksack he brings to work and pulls out a piece of paper, which turns out to be the questionnaire. We fill in the boring work-related questions before we come to the fun stuff.
‘What’s your favourite Brinkley’s biscuit?’
‘That’s easy. Fudge Sundae.’ I have a real craving for them now.
‘Ta-dah!’ Adam reaches into the rucksack and pulls out a packet of Brinkley’s Fudge Sundaes. ‘I remembered you saying they were your favourite.’
‘You definitely get ten out of ten for memory. Can I?’ I point at the packet, tearing it open when Adam nods his head. ‘These are heavenly. What’s your favourite?’ I grab a biscuit and bite into it, closing my eyes to savour the taste.
‘You’ll have to wait until it’s my turn on the blog.’ Adam grabs a biscuit and takes a bite. ‘But these are pretty good.’
We move onto the next set of questions, which covers hobbies.
‘Shall I put down go-karting?’
I laugh, grabbing another biscuit. ‘I’ve only been once. I’d hardly call it a hobby just yet.’
‘What about musicals? You love those.’
I gape at Adam before realising how unattractive I must look and stop. ‘Have you been making notes about me?’
Adam shakes his head. ‘I must just have a good memory.’
‘You’re a strange kind of male,’ I tell him. ‘You actually listen.’
Adam laughs. It’s a lovely, day-brightening sound. ‘Should I get offended on behalf of my species?’
‘Nah, they’re making you look good.’ I finish my pint. ‘Shall I get another round in?’
Adam looks down at the questionnaire. It’s almost complete. ‘Yeah, why not?’
The End of an Era
Text Message:
Delilah:
I can’t believe you’re moving away tomorrow. Do you really have to go to uni and make a success of your life?
Lauren:
I’m afraid so but I’ll visit ALL THE TIME
Delilah:
Promise you won’t find a new best friend
Lauren:
I promise xxx
It’s a gym day so I’m meeting Lauren outside The Roxy Fitness Centre. Ryan phoned me earlier to ask what I was wearing and I’d assumed he was taking the whole pretend relationship too far and getting a bit kinky, but all becomes clear as he pulls up in the gym’s car park and climbs out of his car.
‘What are you doing?’ I don’t know whether to laugh or walk away – quickly. I’m wearing a pair of cropped black leggings, a black cropped top and a red hooded jacket while Ryan is wearing the male equivalent; black shorts with a black t-shirt and a red hooded jacket. We look like a his-and-hers shot from a catalogue.
Ryan looks from his outfit to my matching one. ‘Too much?’
‘Way too much.’
‘Never mind. We’re here now so we may as well make use of it.’ Ryan stands by my side, shifting me slightly so he can get the gym’s logo in the background when he takes a selfie of us. ‘Are you going to take one?’
I shake my head. ‘No way. I want to show Ben how fantastic my life is without him, not make him glad he dumped me. We look like one of those cheesy couples.’
‘But so do Ben and Eden.’ Ryan slips his phone into the pocket of his hoodie and zips it up. I hate to admit it (really hate to admit it) but Ryan is right. Ben and Eden are one of those cheesy couples – I’ve seen the evidence on Facebook.
‘Get here quick, before I change my mind.’ Ryan hops back into place, planting an over-exaggerated kiss on my cheek as I grin at my phone and take the photo. I will out-cheese Ben and Eden, even if I have to make myself look like a berk in the process. Collateral damage and all that. I upload the photo to Facebook before I have the chance to come to my senses and delete the monstrosity.
We wait for a few more minutes until Lauren arrives. She throws back her head and laughs when she spots us in our matching gym gear.
‘Hey, Delilah. You didn’t tell me you had a twin. Where have you been hiding him all these years?’
‘Funny.’ Ryan slings his arm around me but I push him off.
‘This was all him. I had no idea until he showed up like this.’
‘Aww, you look cute.’ Lauren, still giggling, links her arm through mine. ‘Maybe when you get married you can have matching wedding dresses too.’
‘You’re hilarious, Lauren. Do you know that?’
‘I do know that but thanks for the reminder.’ Lauren checks her watch. ‘Can we go inside now? I don’t want to miss Courtney’s shift.’
‘You won’t. He’s only just arrived himself.’ I point across the car park, where Courtney is climbing out of his car. He really is all sorts of gorgeousness with his toned body, glossy skin and perma-smile. If you’re going to have a crush, Courtney isn’t a bad choice at all.
Lauren sighs beside me but it catches in her throat when she sees one of the other instructors climbing out of Courtney’s car too. Camilla is tall, stunning and beautifully toned and, as a yoga instructor, she’s very, very flexible. Lauren looks on in horror as she glides across the car park, hand in hand and chatting amiably with Courtney. Courtney nods in greeting as he passes and we watch as the pair enter the building, kissing briefly before they go their separate ways.
‘Well, that’s that then.’ Lauren folds her arms across her chest, still staring at the space the pair have vacated in the reception area.
‘Did you honestly think you had a chance with him?’ Ryan asks, rather cruelly, I think.
Lauren’s head snaps around so she can glare at him. ‘What are you trying to say? That I’m ugly?’
‘No! I didn’t mean that at all.’ Ryan looks at me for help, but the pig is on his own. ‘You know you’re beautiful. I just meant that you’ve never even had a proper conversation with the guy.’ Which is true, I suppose (not that I’m going to pipe up and defend Ryan right now). ‘Have you ever spoken to him outside the gym?’