This Man Confessed (46 page)

“Yes. Take me,” I demand, running my hands into his hair and giving it a yank.

“Oh, I took you long ago, Mrs. Ward. But right now is where it really begins.” He kisses me hard. “No more digging to get beneath me. You know everything there is to know. And no more confessions because I have nothing left to tell.”

“I think you have,” I whisper, nuzzling into his neck and taking a hit of him in all of his fresh water, minty loveliness.

“I do?” he asks, carrying me into the glimmering coolness of the Med.

“You do. Tell me you love me.”

He pulls back, green eyes sparkling, my smile gracing his perfect mouth, and his dirty blond hair a glorious, disheveled mess with my hands tugging demandingly at it. “I love you so fucking much, baby.”

I smile, dropping my head back and closing my eyes as he starts spinning us in circles, the sun warming my face and his body close to mine warming everywhere else.

“
I know!
” I scream, laughing before we’re under the water and homing straight in on each other’s lips. I cling on to him like my life depends on it because it absolutely does.

This is it. This is us. This will be our normal forever and ever, no more shocking discoveries and no more confessions. His two perfect mars on his insanely perfect stomach are a constant reminder of our journey together, but the relentless gleam of happiness in his shockingly green eyes is a continuous reminder that I still have this man.

And I always will.

L
ife is good. Actually, it’s fucking amazing. Constant contact. And I’ve had it for six straight months. If this is my angel’s idea of Central Jesse Cloud Nine, then it’s my most favorite place in the world, too.

Her pregnant belly is perfectly round, and I’ve definitely noticed it drop over the past few weeks. I’ve also noticed an air of tranquility floating around her in recent days. It’s the most beautiful sight. Nothing will ever beat the vision of her glowing face as she potters around the penthouse with my babies growing inside of her. I think she might be at that nesting stage. I’ve read about it. Everything is spotless, but she keeps going over the same routine, even after Cathy’s seen to it all. She seems to have developed a bit of a growl, too, so I’ve stopped trying to intervene with her pregnancy habits—the best habit of all being me. I’m close to fucking exhaustion, not that I would dream of telling her so, or dream of denying her. If she wasn’t so irresistible herself, I might feel used and abused.

Kicking my feet up onto my desk, I rest my head back and stare at my wall, smiling when I hear the Hoover kick in upstairs. Works are still underway on the new house, our little manor, but I’m keeping the penthouse. Everywhere I look, Ava is there, whether it be one of those irritating scatter cushions, a huge lump of furniture…or her face splashed all over my office wall. My eyes only. That’ll never change.

A smile of utter contentment spreads across my face but soon drops away when I jump at the sound of an almighty crash above my head. What the fuck was that? I fly up from my chair, my heart pounding instantly. “Ava!”

 I sprint from my office and take the stairs four at a time, crashing into our bedroom, my eyes darting all over the place until they land on my girl. She’s clenching her tummy.

“Ava, fucking hell!” I’m by her side in a second, my hands running all over her face. She turns those deep chocolate eyes onto me. They’re full of fear. I’m starting to shake, despite my best effort to remain calm and collected. “Fucking hell! Is it time?” I barely get the words out. Fuck me, I’ve been preparing for this, training myself to be all calm, but I can’t stop my damn heart from clattering in my chest. “Shit, Ava, tell me! Is it time? Are the babies coming?”

She straightens, releases her tummy and grins that little fucking grin. “No.” She takes my hand and kisses my wedding ring. “But it’ll never get old.”

I practically crumble to the floor in relief. “Damn it, Ava, you’ll fucking kill me off!”

She gasps again, her hands resuming position on her bump.

“Oh no!” I laugh. “You have to leave at least ten minutes between pranks.” She’s taking this too far now. But then I hear an audible pop followed by a gushing sound. “What the fuck was that?” I look down, seeing liquid running down her bare legs. My heart beats up to my throat and chokes me. I can’t breathe.

“My waters.” She exhales, then doubles over on a shriek that nearly bursts my eardrums. “Fucking hell, Jesse!”

I don’t know what to do. She’s not playing now, I’m certain, and rather than gathering her hospital bag and calmly walking her to the door, I scold her instead. “Ava, watch your fucking mouth!”

“Oooooohhhhh, shit!” She starts panting, short sharp breaths, just how we practiced. “Fucking hell! Ward, you’d better get some fucking earplugs.
Fuck!
”

“Ava!” I’m useless, just standing here doing nothing except registering her string of foul language.

“Jesse.” She’s still panting. “Remember how we practiced this a million fucking times?”

Yes, we did, but I can’t remember a fucking thing. Phone! I scoop her up and go in search of my mobile, taking the stairs fast down to my office.

“Jesse, leave me on the bed!”

“I’m not leaving you alone, lady.” I burst into my office and place her in my chair, immediately swiping up my phone and calling the big guy. “John! It’s time. It’s time!” I start pacing up and down, my eyes darting to Ava every few seconds and noting a pained, sweaty face. “They’re too early! Fuck, they said four weeks early, not six!”

“I’m on my way. Do you remember the drill?” John asks me calmly.

“No! I can’t remember fuck all!”

“Is she okay?”

“I don’t know!” I yell, just as Ava lets out a strangled gasp.

“You?” he asks. I can hear humor in his tone. He’s laughed his way through this pregnancy.

“Shit, John, I’m fucking useless,” I admit, making it to Ava and stroking her sweaty brow as she draws long breaths.

“You need to time the contractions, you stupid motherfucker.”

“Right!” I immediately glance down at my watch. “Hurry up.” I hang up and swivel my office chair so she’s facing me. “Tell me when the next one comes, baby.” I crouch between her thighs.

“Now!” she screams in my face, nearly knocking me on my arse. “Fuck fuck fuck!”

I hold back on my scorn for fear of being punched in the face and stand her up like we practiced, placing her hands on my shoulders and watching my Rolex over her head. Her short nails sink into my flesh through my T-shirt as she braces herself on me and wails and moans. She even sinks her teeth into me, and it’s the only time in the history of our relationship that the action hasn’t made my cock immediately hard.

I can do no more than whisper encouraging words in her ear, accept her vicious scratching and biting, and hold her up. And the whole time, my heart pounds with fear and excitement. It’s time to meet my babies.

“Twenty-four fucking hours!” I yell, doing an about turn and marching back down the corridor. “This can’t be fucking normal!” I’m scowled at by a passing couple, but I couldn’t give a fuck. “What the hell are you looking at?” I yell, making them walk faster to escape the loon prowling the hospital corridor.

John shakes his head and strides over, grabbing my shoulders with his big palms and holding me in place. “Calm the fuck down, you stupid motherfucker.”

“I am!” My hands find my hair and yank. “It’s too fucking long. She’s exhausted, John. Fucking hell, when is enough enough?”

“You heard the midwife. It’s all perfectly normal and she’s doing great.” He knocks my jaw with his big fist on a laugh. I don’t know what he finds so fucking funny. “You need to calm the fuck down and get back to your girl.”

“Oh Jesus, John, I don’t know if I can take any more. It’s killing me.” I feel like a complete wanker for saying such a thing, given the pain my angel is going through, but fuck me, I’ve never felt anything like it. I’m powerless.

He shakes me and lands me with a furious glare. “Pull your shit together, Jesse. She needs you.”

Those words snap me straight out of my meltdown. She needs me. I barge back into the room, just as the midwife shouts, “Push, darling!”

“Jesse!” she screams, her head flying forward, her face bright red. “Where the
fuck
have you been?”

The midwife doesn’t bat an eyelid at Ava’s foul mouth, instead cocking her head at me to shift my arse. “Mr. Ward, you’re of no use in the corridor.”

My eyes are wide, my body frozen on the spot until the midwife shakes her head in exasperation and comes to retrieve my static body from the doorway, guiding me over to the bed and placing me next to Ava.

“Pull yourself together, for goodness’ sake,” the midwife says calmly, like my wife isn’t in fucking agony. “Okay, Ava,” she says and places a reassuring hand on Ava’s bent knee, “we’ll have a few more goes, and then we might need to think about other options, darling.”

“No!” Ava snaps, then commences panting again. “I’m having these babies naturally!” I don’t have the mental power to tell my eyes to roll. She’s insisted on no drugs and no scars, my stubborn, beautiful girl.

The midwife starts laughing. “Things don’t always go to plan during labor, Ava. Especially when twins are involved.”

“There’s another coming!” She puffs out fast spurts of air and holds her hand out to me. “Jesse!”

My hand flies out and clasps hers and I move right in, doing what feels right. I put my face straight into her wet neck, crowding her completely. “I love you,” I whisper, like an idiot, not knowing what else to say. “What the fucking hell did I do to deserve you?”

She moans into my neck, rolling her head from side to side. “Make it stop. I can’t take any more.” Her lips push into my flesh, her fists clamping in my hair.

“One last try, baby.” I turn my face into her to find her lips, kissing her softly. There are no sparks of desire, just pure, raw love. “Together, okay?”

She nods against me and resumes her nuzzle in my neck. Then I feel her whole body tense; her mouth opens against my throat and her grip of my hair crosses the line into violence. She screams, her teeth sinking into my flesh, one hand pulling my hair, the other digging into my bicep. I blank it out, all of the pain she’s inflicting on me, even though I’m certain it’s nothing compared to what she’s experiencing right now…which means she must feel like she’s being fucking tortured. I clench my teeth. Fucking hell! I’m yanked about, released from her punishing bite so she can scream some more before her teeth go straight back in and her nails scratch at me, my hair probably coming out in fistfuls.

“That’s it, Ava!” the midwife shouts before calling for her colleague’s assistance. “Oh my, we have a girl!”

Those words hit me like a sledgehammer. I can’t feel anything now, not a thing, but I can hear. A rush of activity is happening behind me, Ava is still intermittently screaming, my heart is pounding in my ears…and there’s something else—something that has just injected further life into me. A baby crying. I have a little girl. I’m a daddy again.

“Another push, Ava. Come on, girl!” The midwife sounds excited.

“No more,” Ava cries in my ear. “Please.”

Through my numb state, I inject some strength into my muscles and use everything I have to squeeze some comfort into her, nestling into her hair and latching onto her neck with my teeth. I lightly bite her before kissing her, lightly biting and kissing, again and again and again. I can’t talk—can’t speak any words of encouragement, so I focus all of my attention on touching her, feeling her, speaking to her through our contact. It’s our silent language, in which we are both fluent. She returns my squeeze, acknowledging me, and then lets out an ear-piercing yell. It’s an angry yell. And it goes on and on until she eventually sags beneath me, every harsh grip she has of me loosening to allow me to relax into her.

There’s another cry.

“A boy!”

My heart has just burst, an incredible sense of peace and serenity engulfing me.

We both remain huddled on the bed, Ava heaving, me unable to hold my tears any longer. I sob relentlessly into her neck. My exhausted heart is showing no sign of letting up and I know it probably won’t for the rest of my life. I haven’t even placed my eyes on them yet. I haven’t smelled them, felt them or told them how much I love them. But my heart is beating faster than ever before, and I never would have thought that possible. Now I have three angels.

“Mr. Ward?”

I hear the distant voice, and I know I should be jumping up, but I can’t move and when a few moments pass and I’m still frozen in place, I feel Ava shift under me. “Can we have a few moments?” she asks.

“Of course,” the midwife says softly.

“Are they okay?”

“They’re perfect, Ava. Have your moment, but don’t be too long. You’re a mummy now.”

“Thank you.” Ava’s voice is soft and calm as she resumes her hold of me and sighs into my neck, softly stroking my hair and dropping small kisses on my skin every now and then. No words need to be spoken—not for a very long while. It’s her comforting me now. And I need it. I need to keep hold of her. It’s one of the only ways I can be sure that all of this is real. She eventually pulls back, searching out my clouded eyes, and as soon as hers land on mine, reality is confirmed. My reality. I’m not dreaming. “Go and meet your babies,” she says, smoothing her small palm down my rough cheek. “It was twenty-six years before I found you. Don’t make them wait for you a moment longer than they have to.” She pecks my lips and then looks over my shoulder and I muster up the courage to slowly turn and finally introduce myself to my babies.

“Let Daddy tell you a story,” I whisper. “A story about a defiant little temptress and a godlike creature. That’s me, by the way. The god. The temptress is your beautiful mother.” I look down at my babies lying on my bare chest, one curled on each pec, both sleeping peacefully. I push my lips to the tops of their heads in turn, closing my eyes and inhaling them into me, like it might make me physically closer. Maddie stirs, and I still as she nuzzles her face into me, her eyes clenched tight, her little fists balled by her tiny mouth. And then Jacob whimpers in response, performing the same little string of movements before they both settle together. Damn it, I’m going to fucking cry again.

“You okay?”

I look up and find Ava standing in the doorway of the nursery, only one of my shirts covering her petite frame. “Shhhh.” I cock my head gently, urging her to come join me. She pads softly across the carpet and eases down next to me, working around the babies to push her lips into my cheek. “I’m telling them a bedtime story.”

Her head rests on my bicep, her palm spread across both of our babies’ little rumps. “Does it have a happy-ever-after?” she asks quietly.

“It does.” I sigh.

“Can I listen, too?”

I smile and nestle my face between the babies’ heads again, taking another hit of that incredible baby scent. “There was this man,” I begin quietly. “Good-looking fucker, fit, toned, confident, strong… pretty much amazing at everything—”

“Except cooking,” she interrupts, turning her mouth onto my bicep and gently sinking her teeth in.

“Except cooking,” I agree, my smile widening. “He was a little lost when she found him. She was his angel.” Her face turns up to me and our eyes lock as she reaches up to kiss me. “This man was quite taken by the angel,” I say against her lips, feeling her smile. She cuddles back into my side on a sigh and I resume my own nuzzle between my babies’ heads. “Every time she was near, this funny feeling came over him and he had no idea what to make of it. It kind of sent him a little crazy.”