Authors: Christa Simpson
"How could it possibly be your fault?"
"I'm the one that used the back door last, and I should’ve
locked it. The kicker is, it would have been all fine had I been home to
protect you. I knew it was a bad idea to go out last night," he said, frustrated
with himself.
"Eddie. I'm fine. Nothing happened. I just
overreacted."
"Someone was there though, right?"
"Yes," I replied calmly. Fully dressed, I walked
back toward him and stood next to the bed. I reached my hand out and pulled
him toward me.
Edwin continued to shake his head in disbelief, then pressed
a kiss to my palm. "Maybe we should get a security system. I know I’d
rest easier."
"We don't need a security system. I've got my own
personal body guard right here," I said, cupping his stubbly chiseled
chin.
"What good was I last night?"
He was really taking this bad. What can I do to make him see
that it wasn't his fault? I want my sexy, sarcastic, boy toy back.
"I guess you'll have to keep a better eye on me from now
on then," I teased, fluttering my eyelashes with a smirk.
Edwin pulled on his t-shirt. "You laugh, but I'm
totally not taking my eyes off of you now. I would've killed someone if they
hurt you. We're getting an alarm."
"I don't want to get into it, but I don't think an alarm
will cure this problem."
"Damn it Abigail. You are seeing Jenny again. I should
have known; what with all your sleep-talking lately. Ever since our trip to
the Southwind…” His voice trailed off. “I was banking on the possibility that
you didn't remember it when you woke up, but I knew better."
"So I've been talking in my sleep? And you didn't think
to fill me in?"
"Abs, we’ve had full out conversations. It wasn't until
recently that I figured out you were still asleep. I thought you’d remember."
"I don't. But good then, now I don't have to fill
you
in."
"No, but maybe you should fill your shrink in."
"Maybe later."
"Definitely later," Edwin insisted.
I'm not going to the shrink. She thinks I'm crazy. I'm not
crazy. I don't believe in ghosts. And yet my dead sister is haunting me. I
can't explain it. She's just here. No shrink can ever fix that. I'm not
going to the shrink.
"So... what did you do last night?" I asked, moving
the conversation away from my craziness.
He rolled his eyes, acknowledged my stubbornness, and
reluctantly moved on. "Just like I expected, the meeting ran late. Then
we did dinner. Of course, after dinner the client invited us out for drinks.
Miller couldn't stay, but he suggested I go to socialize. It was good as far
as networking goes, but it was pretty damn boring."
"Did you make any good contacts?"
"Who knows? I guess time will tell."
"Well I certainly hope it was worth your while, because
I missed you." I made a teasing pouty face.
"Well I'm here now," he said smiling, and pulled me
between his legs. Sitting on the edge of the bed he tilted his chin up to me,
silently pleading for me to come closer.
I dipped my head down for a sensual kiss and my lips matched
his. "Are we still on for today?" I whispered, as he pulled me onto
his lap.
"Oh, babe, I'm sorry. I was hoping to get an earlier
start to the day. My head’s still pounding."
"So is that a no? We don't have to go if you're not up
to it." I didn’t admit it, but my hand was pounding too.
"I told you I would take you and I will. You shouldn't
have to suffer from my drinking." He looked deep into my eyes, assessing my
keenness on going.
My eyes slipped away from his, and locked on my bare toe that
I slid back and forth across the smooth, cold floor. "I don't know. I
think I'd rather just hang out today and go to the Festival of Lights tonight,
if that's good with you."
Edwin's eyes met mine and he didn't seem to be disappointed
at all. "I'm good with that."
"You think you might be up for a walk this morning
though?" I asked, eager to get out of the house. I was desperate for some
fresh air.
"I guess I can handle a walk. Maybe it’ll help clear my
head."
I leapt from his lap and pranced toward the door. Edwin stood
from the bed and stretched for the ceiling, letting out a loud growl.
"Where are you going?" he said on a yawn.
"To wash up."
"You look fine."
I spun around and stalked back toward him. "That's the
worst thing you could tell a girl. Now I have to get in the shower."
"What I meant is, you look good to me," Edwin
carefully corrected, but it was too little too late.
"Better, but we'll have to work on that. I promise to
take a quick one."
"Oh, Abs. Wake me up in an hour," he teased,
hopping back in bed.
"I told you I'll be quick," I said scowling, hands
on hips.
"Yeah, that means you'll be at least an hour," he said,
waving me off.
I grabbed a stray pillow from the footboard and hit Edwin
over the head with it, leaving it on his face. He didn't seem to mind it too
much, leaving it covering his eyes, ending our pointless conversation.
I was done looking
fine.
I wanted to look FINE! I
planned on having a very important conversation with Edwin today. I would have
to look super cute to make it as difficult as possible for him to say no to
me. After coating my hair with leave in conditioner, I looped it into playful
braids that dangled over each shoulder. I couldn't get away with that look at
work, so I thought I would play it up today; especially since I know how much
Eddie loves it when I do. Being five minutes off of ready, I texted Edwin from
the bathroom.
____________________
9:42 AM
Hey baby, I'm ready to go. GET UP!!! :-)
____________________
9:44 AM
I’m up. Btw, nice ass! ;-)
____________________
I whirled around, with phone in hand. There he was standing
in the doorway watching me read his message, wearing a huge, devilish grin and
an inviting cocked eyebrow. He looked all ready to go, in more ways than one.
"Don't even think about it," I said, though I was
tempted.
"About what?" he asked playfully, mocking.
"You know what."
"You're no fun. What's taking you anyway?" he
asked, leaving his lusty libido alone.
"I just have to brush my teeth and I'm good to go."
"Then I'm one step ahead of you, because I'm all
ready," he bragged.
He insisted that he had brushed his teeth while I was in the
shower, but I hadn't heard him. My mind was failing me more and more each day,
between spazzing out and getting lost in my own head. Maybe I
should
consider making a visit to my psychiatrist. After dabbing my mouth on the hand
towel, I skipped after Edwin in my short jean shorts and white top. I stomped
down the stairs, squatted next to my sparkly pink sketchers and quickly slipped
them on.
Edwin and I walked silently, content for a time, but I knew it
was only temporary. I had yet to tell Edwin first about Maddie's new
development and then, more importantly, about mine. I didn't want to ruin the relaxed
charge in the air, hoping to gain the courage as the day progressed. Not
likely.
"So there's something I wanted to tell you," I blurted.
"Uh, oh. That sounds like trouble. Does it have to do
with me?"
"It's about Maddison."
"Okay."
"And Hunter."
"Oh, this should be good. What did he do now?"
"Let’s just say fixing things with Aliah is the least of
his worries now."
"I don't get it. What did he do?"
"Maddie. And now she's knocked up."
"Oh shit! Hunter must beside himself."
"Actually, from what Maddie tells me, he's taking it pretty
good. He's stepping up.”
"What else could the poor guy do? Trust me, he's
freaking out."
"Well, it was his own dumb fault," I said, annoyed
with Edwin’s response.
"Oh, and Maddie's just a saint? I think not. I
wouldn't be surprised if there was some premeditation going on there,"
Edwin said, cold and callous.
I disagreed. And I suddenly wished I had started with my own
issues first. Hearing Edwin dish out his opinion about Maddie was not helping
my situation. "I think we can agree that Hunter and Maddie can share the
blame for this one. It doesn't matter which way you look at it now. They’re linked
together for life."
Edwin winced at the word
life
and it unexpectedly hurt
my feelings. It should have made me more hesitant to slip in my own strategies,
but instead it had the opposite effect. As we rounded the corner and headed back
toward our house I got brave.
"About that…
life:
I want to talk about where
we're going.”
"I thought we were going home."
I chuckled at his ignorance, though anxious and disappointed that
he wasn't meeting me on the emotional level I needed him at to discuss our life
together. "No Edwin. I mean where our relationship is going. I know
we've talked about our future plans a million times before, but we really
haven't talked about it since we got back together. Now that we are, I need to
know where things stand. Where I stand."
We walked up our front porch and I could tell Edwin’s muscles
were tense. His thumbs were clamped inside his fists and his teeth were clenched
as if he was in pain. "I thought we were just gonna take it easy this
morning?" he said.
"We are."
"That's pretty intense for this time of day if you ask
me. Besides, we just got back together. I don't see why we need to rush into
anything."
The answer of death. "I'm not asking you to marry me
Eddie. I just want to know what way you see things going in the future. I
do
want to get married
someday
and have children of my own…" I didn’t
insert the word
soon
, though it was on the tip of my tongue.
"Oh, I see where this is going.”
"Eddie, you know how I feel about it. You know I
planned to have kids by now. My biological clock is ticking and I can't just
go on forever like this. I need to know that we're on the same page."
He took a deep breath and growled under his breath as he
stared blankly at the porch. "I need some time to think about all of
this. I have to admit, I wasn't expecting it at all. I thought things were
going great," he said, hurt and confused.
"They are Eddie, but there's more to life than just being
a couple. I want a family."
"I need time.”
I wondered whether he meant before talking about it or before
he's ready to have a family. It choked the life out of me momentarily and I
swallowed it down to maintain my cool. "Think fast, because I want to
know how you feel now, not next year. You shouldn't have to think too hard
about it."
Edwin looked stunned, his lips parted in shock, so I decided
to leave him alone so he could think.
I kept talking, with confidence, as I unlocked the front
door. "I just want to know what it is that you expect out of this
relationship. We'll talk tonight," I said, not letting up. I let myself
inside, leaving Edwin traumatized on the porch. Weird, I felt relief, when I
should have been bursting into tears.
I pulled off my walking shoes, carried them to the back door,
and slipped them back on before ducking out onto the back patio. Overwhelmed
with unanswered expectations, saddened by Edwin’s hesitance, it felt like I was
contemplating how our relationship was going to end. Unfortunately, I have no
choice but to give him an ultimatum. I sat on a cushioned rocking chair and
sorted through my thoughts, as I rocked myself into a false sense of comfort
and sanctuary.
I took advantage of my alone time to emotionally prepare
myself for Edwin's answer. Though I believed in my heart, until today, that I
had good odds of keeping Edwin, it was quickly becoming obvious that it could
go either way. Betting on Edwin's immediate reaction – like he had taken a sudden
blow to his manhood – it would be smart to proceed with caution. As I
feared, he's just not ready.
IT
STARTLED ME WHEN I heard someone walking up the side yard. Even though it was
a bright, sunny day, I still felt a terrible sense of danger wash over me. The
neighbour's dog barked at the intruder, as I stared at the treeline, defenseless,
waiting to see who or what it was. I was relieved to find that it was only
Edwin.
"Hey. I thought I heard you back here," he said,
very casual as he sat in the rocking chair next to me.