Two Outta Three (Two Outta Three #1) (16 page)

My heart was a jackhammer. “Why would I get mad?”

He ran his tongue around his mouth as if lubricating a passage for the words that would hurt so much to hear. “You were like my trigger.”

“What?” I gasped. A range of emotions took me over from shock to sadness to outright anger. “How can I be a trigger? I never made you do anything that you didn’t want to. In fact, I was always following
you.
”

His eyelids shut and his breaths became quick and short. “Being around you does something to me. It reminds me of throwing everything out the window and just being reckless.”

“That doesn’t even make sense,” I ground out.

“I know it doesn’t to you, but it does to me. You…you represented the good in a time that was so bad. You were like the reward when I did something wrong. It was a fucked up form of positive reinforcement, I guess.” He rubbed against his closed lids and swallowed quickly. “I was afraid that if I saw you again I’d revert back to the boy I was in Bethel Falls. Every time I spoke to you over the phone I felt the same rush I did whenever we were together. I had no idea what would happen if I actually saw you in person and that’s why I stopped calling you and answering your calls.”

Excitement is linked to dopamine.

Dopamine is linked to love.

“It can’t be possible,” I whispered, feeling the glimmer of hope.

“What was that?”

“Never mind.” I shook my head in a hurry. I swallowed a gulp of air suddenly feeling incredibly lightheaded. I didn’t want to come right out and say ‘I think you love me too’ but I needed him to see that I was not a trigger for recklessness.

In a careful tone I said, “I don’t think the rush you felt had anything to do with being bad.”

His eyes finally opened, staring at me as if I had just spoken a foreign language. “You can’t know that.”

“I do, because…”

I feel the same way when I’m around you.

Deciding it wasn’t the time or place, I switched gears. “If you were planning on hiring a nurse for your mother all along, why even come back for so long? Better yet, why did you take a job with us?”

It was a question I had asked before, but one that still remained unanswered. I prayed that possibly this time he’d tell me.

“Unless you’re uncomfortable,” I added with sarcasm.

Wincing, he nodded his head slowly. “My dad told me that to be a better man you sometimes have to do things you don’t want to.”

Like me.

“As much as it pained me to face my mom again, I knew I had to do it. I also thought that because more than enough time had passed, past triggers wouldn’t affect me as much. I’d grown enough as a man to be able to stand my ground and remain the person I became. I was finally brave enough to face my fears.”

“Okay…”

“That included seeing you, of course,” he whispered, shielding his gaze away from me. “I wanted to see you so much but how could I? Like you said, I cut you off completely. Why would you even want to see me again? I couldn’t help but go over the same questions in my mind, over and over again. Would you be angry? Would you want to see me? Would you remember me?”

“Of course I’d remember you, dummy,” I blurted out.

He snorted. “Yeah, right. Either way I knew I needed to stop being a pussy and be what I kept convincing myself I was—a man. I needed to see you but I wasn’t sure how to approach it. Then as luck would have it I ran into your dad at the pharmacy. He did a double take of course and had the reaction I expected.”

“Shit.” My mouth froze open, imaging my dad causing a scene at the store. For a jolly looking man he could really pack a punch.

Surprisingly, Jesse rested his lips into a soft smile. “But then I explained to him why I was in town. I told him how much I changed and…”

“And what?” I was gripping onto the edge of my seat.

“He asked if I needed a job.” He chuckled softly with a shake of his head. “I guess he felt sorry enough for me to lift that ban he had against me seeing his daughter, right?”

I pressed my lips together, recalling that horrible night, and shuddered. Pushing away the memories, I asked in confusion, “But you didn’t need a job. You had one here.”

“But I needed to see you. Let me rephrase that—I needed an excuse so you’d have to see me.”

A rush of butterflies filled my core, causing a tingling sensation to travel up and down my veins. The electricity wrapped around the tips of my fingers all the way to my toes.

Then I remembered something.

“So why did you ignore me for the first few days you were there? Why did you act like I was some sort of pariah?”

“Like I said, I was nervous. I didn’t know what you thought of me and that nervousness was justified the moment I saw you for the first time. You looked as if you were horrified to see me.”

“No, I wasn’t! I was…”

“What?”

“Nervous too,” I admitted.

He let out a relieved laugh, relaxing his furrowed eyebrows. “Well, if I had known that it certainly would have made my life easier.”

I couldn’t help but smile back, but soon that smile faltered. “You would have known me if you never shut me out.”

“Rocky—”

“No, let me finish,” I snapped. “If you were so afraid of me triggering you and bringing you back down, what was the deal with you trying to make me bad? What was the deal with messing with me?”

“I guess…I guess…”

“Enough with all the secrets, Jesse. You aren’t the only one who grew into their big boy pants. If you have something to say to me, just say it.” My gaze flitted to the photo once more. “This isn’t some stupid art critic tearing me down; it’s my best friend confusing me. I need some clarification before I go crazy.”

He raked his fingers through his hair, yanking a bit on the ends. “I guess I wanted to reconnect with you so bad that at that point I didn’t care anymore, okay? I wanted so much to feel what we used to have that I figured if, that even for a bit, we reverted back to what we used to be, things would be good between us.” He lowered his hands and sighed. “And…”

“Yes?” I swallowed back what felt like shards of glass in my throat.

“When your dad gave me the job he made me promise not to drag you down again. He told me you were a good girl and remained one after I left. I guess it took that moment to realize I was the one who suckered you into all the trouble we got into. In some stupid corner of my mind I thought that maybe if I proved you
did
have that bad girl in you all along then I wasn’t so bad after all. I wasn’t the only one to blame.”

“Well, that’s kinda selfish.” I shook my head in disgust.

“What was I supposed to do, Rocky?”

“I don’t know, maybe you shouldn’t have
thrown genitalia at my face
?”

The clatter of a falling metal pot sounded somewhere from the kitchen. Jesse turned to me with a horrified look on his face. “Can you keep it down? You do realize we’re at my job, right?”

“Like those rubber dildos weren’t showcased around mine?” I crossed my arms and puffed out my chest a bit. “Stop throwing double standards at me.”

His shoulders sagged forward, causing the thin fabric of his long sleeved shirt to bunch up at the curves of his biceps. I followed the fold of the fabric, trailing the path down the length of his arm to his clenched fists. “I’m sorry. I guess I just got caught up in the moment.”

“Funny, I remember saying that same line to somebody and not being believed.” I scowled.

“About that…”

“Can we not talk about it right now?” I shook my head, feeling entirely overwhelmed. “Can we just focus on why you were messing with me?”

“Because we had fun! Because it felt like old times! Because even though you acted horrified I saw the hint of happiness in your eye each time we busted each other’s chops. You liked it as much as I did.”

There really wasn’t any denying that.

His face darkened and his voice dropped. “You looked happier than you ever did when Ethan was around. Do you love him?”

The question caught me off guard. Suddenly the familiar spasms of guilt rushed through me again. Ethan was such a good guy and yet, here I was still
deciding
if I was into him or not when it was obvious he had already invested his feelings into me.

“What?” I whispered.

“Do you love him?” he repeated firmly.

I wrung my hands, twisting my fingers as if my life depended on it. “I don’t know. It’s a little too soon for that, don’t you think?”

His eyebrows knitted tightly together. “You know he’s not good for you, right?”

“Why not?”
Say it, Jesse. Stop with all this between the lines bull crap. If you’re thinking what I think you are, I need to hear you say it to me out loud.

He gaped at me. “Haven’t you been listening to anything I’ve been telling you?”

Yes, but I need you to say it.

I kept my mouth closed, further irritating him.

With a deep breath, he finally nodded. “Fine. Do you want a tour?”

“Wait, what?” Totally not the direction I thought this conversation would take.

“Of my restaurant,” he explained. “This conversation is a bit heavy. I think we need a break.”

He stood from his seat and held his hand out for me. I couldn’t help but wonder if this action was symbolic in some sense, but couldn’t dwell on it for too long.

“Come on, let’s go,” he urged. “You’re forgetting we have a four hour drive back.”

“And you’re forgetting it was your idea to drag me here,” I muttered.

He looked visibly hurt, but merely nodded his head. “Fine. Let’s go.”

I stood up without grabbing his hand, worried of how I’d react once our skin touched. Would I sweat again? Would I flush? Would he be able to read through my emotions? Would I be able to read through his?

We walked through the kitchen about an arm’s lengths apart. He pointed out pots, pans, work stations—all gibberish to someone like me. By the time we made it out to the dining area we were practically three feet away from each other. Hannah looked ecstatic, but I couldn’t really blame her.

As we meandered around the wooden tables and admired the prints hung on the wall, I couldn’t help but feel Hannah’s eyes burning into the back of my head. After a few minutes of being accosted like this, I turned to Jesse in exasperation. “Can you tell your girlfriend to stop staring at me? It’s really getting on my nerves.”

He came to abrupt halt and peered down at me in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

I leaned over as closely as I had the courage to and whispered, “Hannah.”

The speed at which his eyelids opened and closed would make Speedy Gonzales jealous. “Again I repeat, what are you talking about? She’s not my girlfriend.”

“Oh, but I thought…”

“You really haven’t been listening to a word I’ve said, have you?”

“You haven’t really said anything,” I muttered.

Jesse looked as if he were ready to give me an earful when suddenly I let out a loud gasp.

“What? What?” His head turned from left to right.

“You…you kept it?” I asked in complete shock.

His gaze followed mine, landing on an aged charcoal sketch of a seventeen year old Jesse. The picture had yellowed with age and was a bit torn at the corners, but there it was.

Smiling kindly, he nodded. “Of course. You can’t just throw away a work of art.”

Chapter 21

The muffled music echoed from the gym, growing louder each time a student meandered outside and left the door wide open. It was like Morse code. Low, loud, loud, low. I couldn’t help but wonder if the Homecoming fairies were trying to tell me something about that night. A warning maybe, or a spell for love.

“Rocky? Did you hear me?”

“What?”

Jesse laughed, yanking at my jacket. “You know, this jacket looks better on you than it does me. Maybe I should just let you have it.”

I automatically pulled the collar up and inhaled, catching a whiff of his scent—tobacco, cologne, and shampoo. I would have paid a lot of money to own it. “Nah, who’d want this old thing?”

He grinned. “You didn’t answer my question. Did you decide if you’re moving or not?”

There seemed a weight to his words, but as an impressionable seventeen-year-old, I was not worldly enough to pick up on it.

“Ugh, do I have to make such an adult decision now?” I looked down at my feet and shook my head. “Who wants to grow up?”

“You’re right; growing old is for the birds. Let’s make a promise never to turn into those boring ass adults.”

“Sure.”

Grinning, he grabbed the disposable camera by my leg. I had almost forgotten about it and was surprised Jesse even noticed the tiny box. Holding it up so the camera was pointed on us, he said, “Well, let’s commemorate this moment. Rocky and Jesse—two fun ass kids who will never become adults.”

“Okay, Peter Pan.” I giggled as he pulled me in close.

“Say cheese!”

“Cheese!”

The bright flash blinded me for a split second and I blinked, seeing stars and spots. As my vision began to correct itself, I heard Jesse place the camera down quietly beside us. “I’m hardly Peter Pan, Miss Tiger Lily.”

I grinned and bit my lip.

“To prove that point, let’s get back to our boring adult convo. Did you figure out what colleges you’re applying to?”

“I’m applying for State soon. Early admission.” The thought of college terrified me. What would I do so far away from Stephanie, my family, and of course, Jesse? Yet despite this fear I couldn’t wait to see what else was out there.

“Early admission?” A troublesome expression rested on his face. “For art?”

“What else? Speaking of which I am so mad at Mrs. McMillan!”

“Why?” he asked, though his voice seemed distant.

“Because she won’t give me back my portrait! I didn’t give her permission to keep it. I wanted to include it in my portfolio.”

“The one you drew of me?”

I blushed. “Yeah. It’s one of my favorites.”

“Well, that’s no problem. I’ll get it back for you.”

“What?” My head snapped up, nearly hitting the seat behind me.

“I promise, and Jesse Tyler never breaks his promises.”

***

“I can’t believe you kept it after all these years.” I breathed, staring at the smeared drawing. The charcoal looked a bit faded and the proportions were also way off, as I hadn’t yet mastered the art of sighting. However, Jesse’s unmistakable
beautiful
eyes were captured seamlessly and shaded in such a way that made you feel as if the portrait was staring back at you. It really was one of my finest works. I was quite proud of it.

“It was one of my favorite pieces,” he explained, as if reading my mind. “And the way I got this sketch was quite memorable, don’t you think?”

I sewed my eyelids shut, fighting back the tears. “No. I don’t want to think about that night again.”

“Rocky—”

“Hey, Jesse!” a deep voice boomed from behind us.

I said a quick prayer of thanks for the untimely distraction and discreetly wiped the snot from my sensitive nose. When I turned around I soon realized I could have done without the interruption.

“What’s up?” Jesse frowned as a tall man with salt and pepper hair walked in our direction.

The man peered at me curiously for a moment before breaking out into a smile. “My, my. Is that Rocky Rossi I see?”

I was pretty sure my face was tomato red, but still I tried to keep a brave face. “Mr. Tyler.”

Without warning, the older looking Jesse brought me in for a hug. “You have no idea how great it is to see you. Jesse has been going on and on about how he was finally going to—”

“Uh, Dad?” Jesse cleared his throat. His forehead wrinkled as he shook his head slightly.

Mr. Tyler lifted an eyebrow as a look of understanding flashed over his face. “Oh, uh…anyway, it’s great to see you, Rocky. It’s been a long time.”

“Six years,” I agreed, taking in his wrinkles and graying hair.

“Dad, did you want something?” Jesse sighed in annoyance.

“Well, I was going to ask if you kids were planning on driving back up.”

“Why?”

Mr. Tyler’s thin lips—which was the only physical difference the father and son carried as Jesse’s were wonderfully thick—straightened. “Haven’t you heard? There was another freak snow storm that hit Bethel Falls this evening. Needless to say, this is one of the strangest winters I’ve ever heard of. It never snows in North Carolina and suddenly they’re getting hit three times in two weeks.”

“A snow storm?” I gasped. “Shit, I wonder if Justin closed the store. I’ll be back.”

Before the two could respond, I excused myself and ducked into the nearby bathroom. I leaned against the cool tiled wall, tucked away behind the sanitary pad dispenser and dialed Justin. He answered right away, sounding exhausted.

“Rocky! Thank God!”

Shit, it was probably worse than I thought.

“Justin, are you okay?”

“We’re just busy salting the lot and the walkways right now. I was just about to call you to ask if we could close early.”

“You had the authority to decide,” I told him in confusion.

“Really? And have your dad’s wrath on me? No.”

I sighed. “I get it. Well, how bad is the snow?”

“It’s only about an inch right now, but forecast says it might go up to three.”

I winced. I was sure in other locations three inches wouldn’t cause anybody to bat an eye, but when you were located in the south, even one inch caused the town to act as if it were on the verge of the zombie apocalypse.

“Shit,” I muttered. “Yeah, close early. I don’t want anybody getting hurt driving home.”

“Thank you!”

“And make sure to get the plow ready. Once the snow stops we need to make sure everything is cleared.”

“Of course.” Justin paused. “Rocky?”

“Yes?” I rubbed my forehead, suddenly growing a massive headache.

“Why wouldn’t you know how much snow there is?”

Fuck! That’s right, I was supposed to be sick.

“Um…I’ve been stuck in bed all day.” I said quickly. “I don’t even want to get up to look out the window.”

“Oh,” he responded. “Okay, well feel better. I’ll check to see if the plow has gasoline and I’ll close up.”

“Thank you.” I shut my eyes and banged my head lightly against the wall. “Stupid. Stupid.”

After deciding my self-punishment was at a satisfactory level, I exited the bathroom and caught the tail end of the Tylers’ conversation.

“Well, you can’t drive back now. You know it’s too dangerous. North Carolinians can’t drive worth shit in the snow. Besides, they probably won’t get the roads treated and plowed until morning.”

“Ugh, but that means she has to stay my place…” Jesse’s voice trailed off.

“You can always get her a hotel if—”

“You know I couldn’t do that.”

Realizing they were talking about me, I rushed over, hating being kept out in the dark. “What’d I miss?”

Jesse forced a smile on his face. “Looks like we’re getting snowed in at my place tonight.”

“Your place?” I repeated nervously.

“What do you want for dinner? Pizza okay?” He pressed his lips together, glancing over at his dad. “Unless you want to eat here, which you could.”

Mr. Tyler shrugged his shoulders and put on a neutral face, acting as if he had no idea what was going on.

“Pizza,” I replied, not knowing what else to say. I couldn’t imagine spending one more second with Hannah breathing down my back.

“Okay,” he agreed.

After a moment or two of silence, Mr. Tyler clapped his hands together. “Okay, well back to work. Nice seeing you again, Rocky. Hope you guys have a good night…er…I mean a good drive back home tomorrow.”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “Goodbye, Dad.”

“Bye, Mr. Tyler.” I raised my hand and wiggled my fingers, afraid to look in Jesse’s direction. From behind me I could hear the jingle of car keys.

“You ready?” Jesse asked in a gruff voice.

“For what?” I asked, swallowing in apprehension.

“I guess my restaurant isn’t the only thing we’ll be touring tonight,” he mumbled. Forcing a smile, he gestured towards the glass doors. “Let’s get some pizza and head over to my apartment.”

“Your apartment.”

“Are you my echo?” Though he tried to keep the mood light, I could tell both of us had no idea how to feel at the moment.

Deciding that no reply was a good reply, I merely nodded and headed towards the exit, throwing Hannah one last look goodbye.