Unchosen (Chosen #2) (10 page)

SIXTEEN

I woke up face down in a mattress that was foreign to me. I groaned. I turned to my right and saw an unfamiliar white wall and hardwood floors. Without moving my head, which felt like a boulder had rolled right inside of it, I scanned the rest of the room by darting my eyes from left to right. I felt someone move from the other side of the bed and I squeezed my eyes tight. Where the hell was I?

I replayed the events of the last night in my head.
My song. Taking shots with Freddie. Nick. Anna. I cringed. Dancing. More shots. Nick making out with Anna at a corner table at the bar. More shots. Conner yelling at me to ride home with him. Freddie’s house. Freddie. I was in bed with Freddie, my beautiful Irish friend.

I remembered his mouth on my neck in the cab. I remembered us fumbling with our clothes and laughing in his living room. He had flawlessly used his mouth and hands all over my body and I remember moaning and asking for more. He had given me everything I desired and it was animalistic. It was…amazing. God, I needed that after so long without sex.

I peeked down at the floor and saw my clothes. I saw the ripped condom wrappers. I had sex with Freddie multiple times. Wow. He must have not been as drunk as I was. I was so sure he would be a gentle lover but good God, the man was sex, sex, sex. His brogue and his rock hard demeanor were intoxicating, much more than the shots had been.  I closed my eyes and waited for the regret to set in. After I started laughing inwardly, I knew that remorse certainly was not part of that scenario. It was liberating. I finally had unadulterated sex with a man that was not going to kick me out of his bed for eating cookies in it.

I felt the bed dip and Freddie walked across the room bare naked. I watched his sexy ass walk out the door. I listened to him using the bathroom and then as I heard him come back in the room, I squeezed my eyes shut again, pretending to still be asleep. He got back into bed and cuddled up to me. I sighed. His warm body felt so good. I stroked his arm up and down and sighed in contentment. Freddie had grown up in the time we had been apart. We were no longer kids. I was laying in bed with a man who had a great career, a strong body, and was not staying in Boston. My heart was not on the line. I had no expectations. It was marvelous.

“Good morning,” he said in a husky accent.

“Freddie,” I said.

“Last night was amazing,” he said, smiling into my bare shoulder.

“I know,” I said as I turned over into his arms. “I remember.”

He smiled at me and I turned my head to let him kiss my neck. “I never thought anything like that would happen with you,” he said.

I hummed. I never thought I’d let anything like that happen with anyone ever again but there I was. I was so glad I went on the pill. Sex didn’t constitute a life change anymore. It was
so freeing. I could do this. I could have sex and no babies and no broken hearts and no loneliness.

“Can you stay for a little while?” he asked. I mentally jumped up out of bed and ran home.
Niall. I needed to get home to Niall. Even though I was already home in my mind, I remained in his bed and tried to look sullen about my next words.

“I wish I could but I have to head home. Family brunch,” I said on a sigh. Lying to Freddie was easy when it came to protecting Niall’s identity.

“That’s too bad. I was hoping we could do a little more of what we did all night,” he whispered as he squeezed my ass.

I laughed and kissed him on the cheek. “I wish I could, but I have to go.”

I moved to get up and grabbed my clothes off the floor. As I headed to the bathroom, I caught a glimpse of a huge Irish flag hanging over a couch. A sudden pang of guilt hit me square in the chest. Did I just cheat on someone? Teagan? Nick? No, fuck them both. They were heart breakers. Freddie was just a friend and now maybe a lover. Maybe that’s what I was missing from my life. I could add another mask to my collection. It was heart racing great sex. I would never tell anyone about what happened with Freddie. It was no one’s business but mine.

Twenty minutes later, Freddie kissed me and shut the door to the taxi he had called to send me home in. It was only a ten minute drive to my apartment, and as I recounted the night before, I did a small dance in my seat. I felt good. It was so great to let go and have fun with no consequences. Freddie
didn’t offer promises or declarations of feelings. In fact, I was surprised he hadn’t asked me to lunch that week. I shrugged it off, but knowing Freddie and the night we had, he would be calling again.

When the cab reached the front of my house, I saw Nick’s Mercedes parked in my driveway. I paused as I gave the driver cab fare and almost asked him to start driving again. There was no reason why Nick should be at my place that morning. We hadn’t spoken after I started dancing with Freddie. Why was he there? I decided to sneak around to the back door and avoid going past his car. I didn’t want him to see me making the morning after walk. I probably smelled like a garbage truck.

When I got into my apartment without seeing him, I sighed in relief and went to the bathroom to turn on the shower. I threw on music in my bedroom and tossed a pair of yoga pants and a sweater on my bed to change into.

“Hey,” Nick said.

“Holy shit!” I jumped. “What are you doing? You can’t just walk into my place and scare the fuck out of me, Nick!” I held my chest and tried to get my breathing under control.

“Sorry,” he said.

“No, Nick. Don’t be sorry. Just don’t walk in.” I snapped.

“I saw you sneak in the back. I used that door,” he said.

“Okay, but don’t. A phone works just fine,” I said as I looked him dead in the eye. “I have to shower.”

I pushed by him and after I locked the bathroom door, I let out a strangled growl. Does this guy have any boundaries whatsoever? I remembered I had left my clothes on my bed and wondered if the hot water would stay on in the shower for three hours. He would most definitely leave if I never came out.  The shower felt amazing on my sore body. Dancing and sex had reacquainted me with muscles I had forgotten even existed. I lathered and washed three times, making sure my body felt clean and refreshed. When I turned off the shower, I heard the music in my room still pounding out beats. I threw a towel around my body and quietly crept out and in to my bedroom, locking the door behind me.

I smelled coffee. Nick was making coffee. My heart melted a little. I shouldn’t have yelled at him. He was just trying to be the friend we both promised each other earlier in the week. I quickly dressed and wrapped my hair up in the towel. When I walked out into the kitchen, Nick was sitting at the table with muffins and the Sunday newspaper. I grabbed a cup of coffee and sat down next to him. Without looking up from the paper, he pushed a muffin over to me and handed me the funny pages.

“I’m sorry I yelled at you,” I said quietly.

“I’m sorry I scared you,” he said. “Why were you avoiding me?”

“I just didn’t want company right now,” I lied. I just didn’t want to explain to him why I was coming home in a cab in the same clothes as last night.

“Well, I can take off. I just… we haven’t hung out all week,” he said.

“No, don’t go. I have to pick up Niall soon. Hey… do you wanna come? My parents have been asking to meet you,” I said.

He looked at me and smiled brightly. He looked so fucking sexy when I stared at him, wondering why I had ever said I just wanted to be friends. A guy that wonderful does not come around very often and I was a total idiot. And, I just slept with Freddie no more than three hours earlier.

“Yes, I would love to meet your parents.” He laughed.

“Why is that so funny?” I asked, perplexed.

“Well, Anna wanted me to meet her parents this morning so I decided to end things with her,” he said, still laughing.
“The irony.”

“You broke up with Anna? She’s…she is so beautiful. God, Nick that was dumb. You guys looked so good together,” I said, sounding whiny.

He shook his head. “Anna is looking for something I can’t give her. Sure, she is sexy but she isn’t…” He trailed off and didn’t finish his sentence. I was so confused. Was he trying to tell me she wasn’t me? Surely, he had feelings for her. They were making out like teenagers in the club. That is why I drank more than I probably should have. Now he was there, wanting to meet my parents. I put my head in my hand and a strangled noise rumbled from my chest. I would never understand men. They were ridiculous.

I lifted my head, picked up my muffin and bit into it. It was still warm and I moaned. “Thank you,” I said. “This muffin is almost as good as sex.”

He lifted his eyebrows and I flushed. Oh God. So much for not saying anything. I swallowed the muffin with a gulp and diverted my eyes to the window.

“You were amazing last night,” he said. I darted my eyes back to him and flushed again. What did he know about last night? Did Freddie call Drew? No, Freddie wasn’t friends with Drew. Did I have
I am great at sex
written on my forehead?

“Your song?” he asked.

“Oh. Yeah, that was fun,” I said on an exhale. “I hope we can do it again soon.”

“I hope so, too. Maybe next time, I will get a personal invite,” he said, kicking my foot with his.

“Yeah, yeah. Last week was so crazy with work and the band,” I said.

“What happened at work?” he asked.

“Oh my God, I didn’t tell you!” I exclaimed. I bounced off my chair and grabbed the coffee carafe and refilled both our cups. I continued to tell him about the investment transfer, the bonus and the impromptu party at work. When I looked up, he was looking at me with a proud smile. It made me want to melt. “What?” I asked.

“Nothing, it’s just that…” He was cut off by the phone ringing. I looked at the caller ID and didn’t recognize the number. I let it go to the machine.

“Go ahead, tell me. It’s great, right?” I asked.

Freddie’s voice broke through the entire apartment. I cringed.

“Lizzie. I wanted to let you know you left your rings over here. I will bring them over to you, if you want them today. If not, let’s meet for lunch tomorrow and I can give them to you then,” he said.

The voicemail clicked off and awkward silence fell over the room. I spared a glance at Nick who was looking down at the newspaper, clearly not reading it.

“So you wanna go? I am sure Niall is ready for his mama. I am ready for him!” I said.

He nodded and then gave me a quick fake smile. I grabbed my purse and put on my boots. As we left the house, I smacked him on the shoulder. “I cannot believe you broke up with Anna.
Dumb ass.”

He barked out a laugh and put his arm around me as we headed for his car.

SEVENTEEN

“Did you sleep with Freddie?” Conner asked as he bounced Niall on his hip.

“No,” I retorted.

“Liar.
Jesus, you are awful at lying,” he said, practically screaming.

“Don’t raise your voice with Niall in your arms. He can feel the negative energy,” I said.

“Well, don’t piss me off,” he said. I sighed and went to snatch Niall out of Conner’s arms.

It was a Wednesday night and Conner was at my apartment to practice a new song. He had been coming over for a few weeks since the show and asking me for my opinion on lyrics. I guess the reaction to the show I had played at was remarkable and the venues were starting to call them for regular gigs. I was so damn proud of my brother for his musical success but right then, I could’ve murdered him for trying to get inside my head about my personal life.

I put Niall in his swing and grabbed my guitar. As I started to pluck at the strings, I heard Conner’s exasperated exhale. 

“So that’s how it is?” he asked.

“I am not going to tell you about what I do on my own time. It’s cool. Freddie and I are nothing. He means nothing to me. I mean, without sounding like a bitch, I don’t even have a simmer of affection for him. We are just friends and he happens to be good in bed. I could go days or even months without seeing him. It is just a fun time,” I said nonchalantly.

“Oh, that makes me feel so much better, Liz. God, when did you become that girl?” he asked.

“What girl?” I asked.

“A slut.
Someone that just has sex for no reason,” he said.

I threw my guitar on the couch. “I am not a slut. I haven’t had any sex, nothing, in almost two years, Conner! I spend all my time working and being a mother. I am not that girl because I don’t have any illusions that I will fall in brainless love with any guy ever again. If I want to just have fun with a guy that I have zero future with, then I will!” I yelled.

“Jesus, Lizzie. Okay, calm down. It just isn’t like you,” he whispered.

“Maybe not but don’t pass judgment on me when I watch you go home with a different girl after every show,” I said. He had the decency to look embarrassed. He didn’t know I noticed the girls. How very interesting.

“What about Nick?” he asked, trying to get the focus off him. I was getting royally pissed off.

“What about Nick?” I asked. Conner shrugged his shoulders and gave me a questioning look. “Nick and I are friends. That’s it,” I said, slicing my hand through the air.

“Yeah, whatever. That guy has it bad for you, Liz. Even Mom and Dad said he was into you and by the way, what was that? Lizzie, you introduced him to our parents? Teagan hardly met them that night he came to see you. You
never
brought him around on your own,” he said.

Good lord. I picked up my guitar. “Are we going to play or what?” I snapped. I wanted to get lost in music. I didn’t want to think about Teagan. I was finally in an excellent frame of mind and Conner was ruining it for me. Nick hadn’t even asked me about Freddie, not that he had to. He knew and he knew that I knew he knew. We had been hanging out again but the occasional weekend day or night I was able to sneak over to Freddie’s, I was MIA. No one knew where I was going and it felt amazing to be naked with another warm blooded Irishmen.

Freddie was the perfect lover. He never asked for more and we both knew he would be leaving in a few months to go home. I felt zilch about that and while that may seem odd to others, it felt right. When he left, I would go back to my life with a smile. I wouldn’t watch his plane leave or think about who he would date when he got home. This was just for fun and seeing as we were being extremely safe, I was pleased with our little arrangement.

“Listen,” Conner said. “I am not going to judge anymore. I just think it’s weird you attached yourself to a guy that isn’t staying…again. He was friends with Teagan. He is from the same city as Teagan. Don’t you think that is a little peculiar?”

“Perhaps,” I said, not meeting his eyes.

“Are you over Teagan? I mean, do you still have dreams and think about him all the time?” he asked.

I scrunched up my nose while I considered it. “No,” I said delicately. “Not really. I mean sometimes I see him in Niall but I don’t feel the horrible aching pain anymore.”

“Maybe it is because you are ready to move on finally and find someone that is here, that is actually sticking around. Someone that knows Niall and your family?” he asked.

“Nick,” I muttered.

Conner smiled at me. “Bingo.” He pointed his finger at me and smiled broadly.

“Ugh, I don’t know, Conner. I messed it up. He knows I have been sleeping with Freddie and he knows I don’t want anything steady,” I said.

“Don’t be obtuse. Do something, Lizzie. Do it now before it’s too late. You could lose him to another girl and do you think that girl will want him to spend so much time with you?” he asked.

“Probably not,” I grumbled. “Okay, I do have feelings for Nick. I just…I just can’t.”

“Yes. You can. You are strong and attractive. You are successful and incredible. You are
my
sister, after all,” he said with smugness. He started loading his guitar into its case and I looked at him, not understanding his abrupt packing.

“What are you doing? We were going to play,” I asked, perplexed.

“You are going to call Nick, invite him over and tell him the fucking truth. Grow some balls.” He coughed then threw his arms out to my body. “I mean, grow some tits. Tell him, Lizzie. Before it is too late,” he said emphatically.

I dipped my head in slight agreement and walked Conner to the door. He gave me a big, warm hug and kissed me on the cheek. “You can do this,” he said. “You won’t regret it.”

I closed the door after him and paced my kitchen. What would I say? Nick, I have been an idiot. Of course, I have feelings for you but I am terrified. I have a kid and I don’t want someone that is going to disappear. God that sounded wretched. Nick, I have been sleeping with Freddie, but you have had other girlfriends, too. I might have feelings for you. No, I know I have feelings. Can we try to see where this goes? Ugh, it was a bad plan.

I picked up the phone and dialed.

“Hello?” Nick answered. He sounded like he had been sleeping. I looked at the clock. Six thirty? He was sleeping that early?

“Hey,” I said.

“Oh, hey Lizzie. What’s up?” I heard some shuffling and a door shut.

“Well, I was wondering if you could come over. I want to talk to you about something,” I said tentatively. There was a long, awkward moment and I heard a female voice say something in the background. He had someone over. Of course he did. Shit.

“Oh, Nick. You have company. I am so sorry. It was nothing. Let’s just do lunch soon, okay?” I said in a dash. I wanted off the phone at that instant. That wasn’t me. I don’t just call a guy up and tell him I have feelings for him and expect him to race over. That shit only happens in fairy tales and my life was anything but.

“Lizzie, you sound weird. Is everything alright?”  I could hear the unease in his voice. How had I come to know his tone of voice so well? This was really messing with my head and the last thing I wanted was to be vulnerable to a man again.

“Yes! Everything is just great,” I exclaimed. “I’ll just talk to you later. Enjoy your night, okay?”

“All right.”
He drew out the two syllables. Then I hung up on him.

Conner is such a fucking asshole! He was going to hear it from me and for the love of God, why was he so adamant about Nick wanting me?  Why did he put that lovey dovey shit into my brain? I was feeling just peachy before that conversation. Now, I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to go to Nick’s. I wanted to tell him I fell for him too and I wasn’t afraid anymore.
Except, I was afraid. I took Niall out of the swing and gave him a bath. We played with soap suds and I thought about the girl Nick had over. I will admit I was so jealous I could see green in the tub. My heart rate picked up and I started to blubber. I never wanted to be that exposed again. But, I had to go and listen to Conner and his stupid ass hat words.

“Mamama,” Niall said as he smiled up at me. I cried harder. His first word and I was a mess. I nodded my head and smiled through my tears.

“Yes, baby. I am your mama. I am your foolish naïve mamama,” I said.

Niall’s first word.
Oh my God. He was my baby and I was his mama. Probably a little too late, I had the world’s biggest epiphany. It was time. I needed to go to Ireland. I needed to see the place that had haunted my dreams and took up all my daytime thoughts for months.

If I went to Ireland, I could recreate the images and it wouldn’t have anything to do with Teagan. He was not Ireland. He was not a whole fucking country. He was a small speck in the world and I needed to understand it and digest that reality. Maybe then, I could move on and find someone that loved me. I could find peace with the past and look forward to the future.

I grabbed Niall out of the tub. Soaking wet, we headed for the phone. “Mom,” I said. “Book the tickets to Ireland. I need to go. I am ready.”

“Are you sure, Lizzie? We can wait another few months,” she said, sounding taken aback.

“No,” I snapped. I sounded like a spoiled brat. “I want to go now. Sooner rather than later. It’s time to move on.”

“Okay. Let me talk to Dad and I will call you tomorrow with details,” she replied.

“Thank you,” I said on an exhale.

The next day, I went into Mac’s office and asked him for a week off. He grinned at me.

“Elizabeth, we work for ourselves here. You can take time off when you need. You don’t get paid days off or holidays, so you make your own schedule. Now, with that being said, how are you on the Crayton accounts? Will there be any trades or problems while you are away?”

I shook my head. “Mrs. Crayton just got back from Florida and all the trades were made the day after she signed off on them. I have a few smaller accounts I am trying to land but I will work on those before I leave. I just need someone to step in and process cash distributions if one of my clients needs money. I will call all of my clients to let them know of my absence. I will also have access to the internet and phones so I can work, if needed,” I said.

“Good. Sounds like you have everything all set. I will let Lucy know up front and she can take messages on your calls. While I have you in here, Joe’s office is becoming available in the next three months. He found another firm he wants to work for and you are the next in line for an upgrade,” he said with brilliant smile.

“Wow,” I said quietly. Joe’s office was as big as my apartment. It overlooked the Boston Harbor and was breathtaking.

Mac nodded. “I thought you might be interested. I will take that as a yes and when you get back, we can work on getting you moved over there.”

The phone rang and he went to answer it. “Is that it, Lizzie?”

“Yes, sir. Have a productive day.” He smiled and answered the phone.

I went back to my office and fumbled through some prospective client files. I picked up the phone and dialed the first of a long list of people, praying I could land another few accounts before I left for Cork.