Authors: MK Harkins
Suddenly, a glimmer of light enters my brain. I do want a friendship with Mattie. I don’t want her to feel bad. Her happiness is more important than my feelings of rejection, my bruised ego. I did have strong feelings for her. I thought it was love, but could it have been? Could it really have been love if I knew all along she loved Jeremy? Was I just in love with the idea of love?
I sit stoically, looking across at her beautiful face, and I know that, yes, I did love her. But does it mean it’s impossible to love her in a different way? An excited feeling starts to unfold. I don’t have to suffer anymore. It is really enough for me to see Mattie happy. I can do this.
All these thoughts are pinging through my brain when I hear the front door open and Jeremy yelling, “Mattie! I’m the man! I found your favorite scones.” He walks into the room and his big smile immediately drops as he looks at Mattie, with her tear-stained face.
“Mattie?” he asks, glaring at me.
Mattie jumps up from her chair and crosses the room to Jeremy. “It’s okay. Cade and I were just talking it out. He didn’t make
me cry. I did that all on my own.” She smiles at me.
Jeremy crosses the room and places two coffees and what looks like the famous scones on the table in front of me. He takes Mattie’s hand, and they sit down on the couch, together.
“She cried all last night, you know.” Jeremy’s brow is knitted together. He doesn’t look violent, at least not yet.
“That’s why I came by, to apologize to Mattie.” I pause. “I want to apologize to you, as well, Jeremy. I was caught off guard, first by seeing the both of you, and then finding out you were married. I think I was on overload. What I did was…well, I don’t know what to call it. An adult tantrum?”
Mattie tries to muffle a giggle.
Jeremy relaxes a little beside her. “At least you’re original. I’ve never seen or heard of anyone using music as a weapon before.”
He’s calling me out. That’s exactly what I was doing. He isn’t going to make this easy. I don’t blame him. I was wrong.
“You’re absolutely right.” I look at Mattie again, “I really am very sorry.”
Jeremy isn’t through. “All I know is, Mattie cares about you. She values your friendship. From what I’ve seen so far, to be honest, I
don’t get it.” He pauses. “But I trust her judgment. She tells me you’re a good guy so I’m willing to go along with her opinion. She told me how you helped her last summer, and for that, I want to say thank
you.”
I didn’t expect that, especially from Jeremy. I look back and forth, taking in the two of them. They sit together as a unit, hands clasped. I hate when Scott is right. They do belong together.
“I should have come to see you, both of you, before this. I think it would have helped things along.” I give a comforting smile to Mattie. “Scott told me I needed to see you together, and damn it to hell, he was right.” As I say the words, my face probably looks like I just ate a lemon.
Mattie and Jeremy both laugh as he puts his arm around her. I’m shocked, but the affectionate gesture doesn’t bother me as much as I thought it would. Is this all I needed to do? I still love her, yes, but seeing her so happy is like a soothing balm to my aching soul. All the bitterness and sadness are lifting out of me. This is where she should be, right where she is. The realization is so sudden, so profound, I’m momentarily quiet.
Jeremy nods. I can tell he knows exactly how I feel. He reaches
over and picks up the box of scones, offering me one. Our eyes connect for the briefest of moments. This is his peace offering. I’m taking it.
“So, are these scones world famous or something?” I ask, taking a napkin and placing the scone on my leg.
Mattie rolls her eyes. “Don’t get him started! He’s convinced the bakery on Queen Anne Hill makes the best scones, so he takes an hour every Sunday to traipse across town to get them.”
“They’re worth it.” Jeremy winks at Mattie.
I know what he’s really saying—she’s worth it. I get it. It took me long enough. Mattie and I were at the beginning of love. Jeremy and Mattie are smack in the middle of a full-fledged romantic soul mate love. I was so stuck in my feelings of loss, believing she’d made a mistake, thinking she should have been with me. But sitting here, actually witnessing pure happiness, it all makes sense to me now. Mattie and I shouldn’t have been together. She would have always yearned for her Jeremy.
An overwhelming feeling of peace overcomes me. Finally. Acceptance. I smile and lean back in the chair. I can start living my life again, knowing I can be friends with Mattie without any feelings
of pain and loss.
Chapter 8
Laurel
One year later
January
“I told you, I don’t want to go. Please don’t make me repeat myself.”
Sophie looks at the ceiling for the hundredth time. She’s exasperated, but I’m not budging.
“Laurel, you’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever met! You know this would be great for your career. Hard Reign has really started to heat up and gain a larger audience. They’ve been invited to perform at Bumpershoot this year. You know, the huge event at the Seattle Center? If we don’t sign them, and soon, someone else will swoop in. I don’t want to miss out on this great opportunity. When did you start letting your personal feelings get in the way of business?”
She’s got me there. Am I being too stubborn? Has my Irish heritage made another appearance?
I cross my arms and say, “I don’t want to.” Now I’m repeating myself, and I sound like a child. Sophie and I look at each other and
burst out laughing. I catch my breath for a moment, and, suddenly, I’m serious again.
“Sophie, it’s just that—”
“I know sweetie.” She wraps her arms around me and hugs me tight. “You’ve closed yourself off to everyone, well, except for me. It’s not that you’re not gorgeous, but you just aren’t my type,” Sophie jokes. “Let’s go sit down and talk about this. We’ve been dancing around this subject for too long.” Sophie takes hold of my hand and leads me to the sofa.
We’re at my condo for what was supposed to be a strategy meeting. I think Sophie’s strategy is to get me talking about my non-existent love life. I’ve gone on a few dates in the past year, but I haven’t been able to find anyone remotely interesting. I still don’t know if I want to talk about this, but maybe, if I get a little off my chest, I’ll feel better.
The whole break up with Douglas was not only uncomfortable, but weird. He basically stomped out of the restaurant, never to be heard from again. I don’t know what the whole “I’ll win you back” statement was about. I guess he decided it wasn’t worth it, thank goodness. But the entire experience has put me off dating.
I tell Sophie, “After I broke it off with Douglas, I can’t seem to get into the whole dating thing again. It’s exhausting.” I am exhausted, but it’s not entirely because of the often awkward dating experiences I’ve had. I’m thinking too much about a certain talented, devastatingly handsome musician. I swear, Cade is the devil, or maybe a warlock or something. I can’t quit thinking about him and that stupid kiss.
“I don’t think it was because of Douglas. You know, the reason you’ve become withdrawn.” Sometimes I feel as though Sophie can peer right into my soul. Her gaze stays focused on me.
“Don’t start with the whole Cade chemistry thing again, Sophie. Seriously, I don’t want to hear it.”
“I’ve never seen sparks fly like that before. I mean, ever. You have to admit it, Laurel, you felt something for him.” Sophie’s eyebrows rise up. Every time we talk about this, she becomes increasingly nosey, wanting me to spill my guts.
“Yes, okay? I’ll admit I felt something. Are you happy now? That’s exactly why I don’t want to sign him. We’d need to work closely together. I really don’t want to torture myself every day. He’ll never get over that girl, what was her name? Mattie, that’s right. You saw him. He was still suffering months after they broke up.”
“Don’t you see it as a good thing? I’ve told you all along you need someone passionate. He’ll get over Mattie. He probably is already, and you don’t know it because you won’t speak to him!” Sophie throws her hands up in frustration.
Sophie doesn’t realize it’s more than that. I’ve done a pretty terrific job protecting myself. I know what I want. Sophie is wrong. I need someone safe and predictable. Maybe not as stuffy as Douglas, but grounded. I don’t want to get mixed up with a party boy, or a guy who’s hung up on his old girlfriend. From what I’ve seen of Cade so far, he could fit into either one of those categories – maybe even both.
“Sophie, I won’t do it.”
“You mean you can’t do it because you’re scared.”
I know what she’s trying to do, and I’m not falling for it. “No, I’m just being smart.” There, that should shut her up.
Sophie shakes her head. “Nope. Scared.”
“Ugh! Sophie, that’s not the reason. Why won’t you let this drop?” This isn’t like Sophie. We usually agree on most everything.
“Because each and every member in Hard Reign is very talented, Laurel. They sing cover songs better than the original bands, but more importantly, Cade writes his own music. You’ve only heard a
couple of the songs he’s composed. Scott tells me he has hundreds of songs already written. Hundreds! If you let this opportunity pass you by, you’ll never forgive yourself. Is Cade that tempting for you? You really can’t trust yourself around him?”
When she puts it like that, it does seem ridiculous I’d let one kiss ruin a potentially huge contract with a talented band. I know Hard Reign will be successful, hugely so. Maybe I can let him know, right up front, he can’t do that again – The Experiment. When I think of those two words, I remember
that
kiss, and my entire body goes into overdrive. The butterflies in my stomach turn into a swarm, like a bunch of five-year-olds jacked up on sugar. My heart is thumping, and then there’s the sweating. It’s not limited to palms, it’s everywhere.
I haven’t seen Cade in a year, but I’m still experiencing a profound physical reaction. What will happen when I actually see him again? Faint or something?
I sneak a peek at Sophie, she’s watching my reaction carefully.
“He’s just too much, Sophie, too much of everything.”
Sophie’s eyes take on a mischievous glow. “That’s why you need to sign him. Once you’re around him, the novelty will wear off, and you can get him out of your system, once and for all.”
She’s right. I’m stronger than this. Why am I letting some guy with killer dimples get to me? I’m not some teenager unable to control herself. I can train myself to become immune to Cade, and all the temptations that come with being around him. I won’t have physical distance, but I can conquer the emotional distance. My parents were experts at it, so I’ll just emulate them.
Cade
“They’re obviously not interested. Let’s move on and pick that redhead.” Scott looks at the intriguing Kelly Ricci from across the bar.
“Do you even remember her name, Scott?”
He laughs and shakes his head.
Kelly Ricci is a music agent from Los Angeles. She’s been hanging around the venue we’ve been playing at this weekend, doing everything in her power to get us to sign with her, but so far, I’ve resisted. Scott seems to be taken with her, but I’m more interested in what she can offer the band.
Kelly approaches us again. “Hi, guys! Did you get a chance to look over my proposal?”
Scott looks at me with eyebrows raised. “Well, Cade?”
“Sorry, Kelly, I haven’t had a chance yet.” I try to look apologetic.
I can tell my answer doesn’t make her happy, but she tries to cover it with a disingenuous smile. I don’t know why I’m holding back. I lied; I really did look through her portfolio, and it is impressive. She’s only been in the business for a short time, but she has a lot of contacts through her father, Ron Ricci.
Ron was a popular musician in the 90’s, with a couple hit records under his belt. When his fame dwindled, he decided to focus his creative genius toward developing singer/songwriters and bands. So far, he has a great track record with the artists he represents.
Kelly started working with her dad almost two years ago. I could tell she was relatively new to the business, with her eager and almost aggressive approach. She’s good, but she lacks the finesse of a seasoned professional. I’m sure she’s probably trying to prove herself to her dad. I don’t think I would like that kind of pressure. It would be a hard position for anyone to be in. Maybe we can help her out. Now that I’m aware of her backstory, she doesn’t seem as annoying. If we sign with her, I would want to make sure her father would be a part of
our development team. With his experience, it would add a lot to the deal. He undoubtedly has a lot of important contacts.
Almost as if she’s reading my mind, she says, “I just spoke with my dad on the phone, and he’s very excited to start working with you.”
She’s playing hardball now. She’s pulled out the Daddy card. “Would your dad be involved with the development?”
“Of course! We work together on everything. He’ll do great things for your career, trust me. He works magic. It’s all there in the file.” She points over to the two-pound file and notebooks she’s lugged in with her.
I nod and look over at Scott. “How about we meet back here tomorrow with the band? I did promise another agent first-look at her contract offer, but I haven’t been able to get a hold of her.”
Kelly’s eyebrows draw together. “That sounds really unprofessional. We always return our calls within one business day. Always.”
Her statement and snide tone rubs me the wrong way. “Well, we don’t know yet if she’s unprofessional or not. She could have a family emergency or something. We won’t know until we hear from
her.”
“Can I ask her name?” She looks at me expectantly.
“Laurel Lawson.”
If I weren’t looking directly in her eyes, I would have missed the look of anger flashing like lightening across a deep black sky. She knows Laurel, this I can be sure.
“Do you know her?” I ask innocently. I want to hear her answer.
“Yes, I do. I can tell you she was doing just fine at the Los Angeles Music Awards last weekend. She looked healthy and happy with her date.”