“He told me you needed a ride home. That’s what he said, we fought about it.”
“Everly, I didn’t stay at the hotel with the rest of the wedding party that night, I went home. He told you that so he could get away.”
“I blamed you,” I tell him softly, for the first time feeling badly for feeling that way toward him.
“You’re right to blame me, I should have done something. I told him I’d meet him at the park, so that I could be there in case he got into any trouble. On my way there I called his dad, and I filled him in. He had known there was a problem but had refused to get involved until then; he thought it was just an immature game Tyler was playing until I told him just how serious it was. He said he’d give Tyler the money, the whole amount, he just asked that I get to him in time. Stop him from meeting with the bookie.”
“But you didn’t make it in time,” I say softly, choking back tears.
His eyes are glassy when he shakes his head. “I didn’t make it in time. I’m so sorry, if I had done something sooner, said something sooner then…”
“You don’t know that. No one can know that.”
“Mr. West would disagree. He blames me, says I should have come to him before it all went to hell.”
I reach out and put my hand over his, and he looks shocked by the physical contact, by the fact that I’m actually touching him. “He was upset, I’m sure he doesn’t feel that way now, Luca, he was your best friend.” I can’t believe what I’m doing right now, this is me comforting Luca, comforting the person I’ve focused on hating for years.
He nods and I pull my hand away from him. “I tried to get Ty to tell you, but he didn’t want to hear it. He kept saying that everything was fine, that you didn’t need to know, that it was safer for you if you didn’t know.”
I smile through the lump in my throat, the unshed tears that threaten. “He just kept lying to me. Everything was a lie wasn’t it?”
“He loved you, that wasn’t a lie. He wanted you, and he wanted to make you happy. He wanted to give you a great life. None of that was a lie.”
“But he killed himself in the process. Did he really think so little of me that he believed I would rather have this stupid house instead of a simple apartment? I didn’t care. As long as we were together, I didn’t care. It could have been a shack, it could have been anything,” I say in my defense, wondering if he’s judged me all these years, thought that maybe I pushed him for more than I had.
“It wasn’t about you. He had a problem that had nothing to do with you. This was about him and about what he wanted, and what he thought he needed. In his mind he had to have it—he wanted it all, and he couldn’t see the bigger picture. He didn’t realize the price he was paying until it was too late. Don’t blame yourself for that. You had nothing to do with it.”
I think back to all the times Tyler would act strange or moody out of nowhere, and I imagine those were the times he had lost a bet. I remember him taking phone calls at all hours, sometimes getting out of bed in the middle of the night and going to another room to talk…
“He’d take phone calls all the time and tell me it was you. It wasn’t you was it?”
“No, probably not.”
“What about when he’d leave and tell me he was meeting you, or bailing you out of some problem, picking you up, giving you rides.”
“No Everly.” He gives me a sad smile. “He wasn’t with me. I guess it was easier for him to use me as an excuse than to tell you the truth.”
“God I was so stupid, it was all right in front of my face and I didn’t see it. I just believed every fucking lie he fed me. Every single one.”
“You were in love.”
“Yes. I was in love. I was also in denial,” I say before taking another healthy sip of wine. “Who else knew?”
“His father, me, that’s it I think. Ty wasn’t big on sharing.”
“Clearly not.” I throw out one of my arms in disgust. “Not even with me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“I have a lot to process, there’s so much for me to take in, and I’m grateful that you came here to tell me. I don’t want to be rude to you, especially not now… but would you mind going? I want to be alone.”
“Are you sure? I can stay, talk some more, listen…whatever I just don’t know if you should be alone.”
I shrug my shoulders. “I’ve been alone for four years, it’s what I do. I need it.”
“Of course.” He gets up and looks down at me, and I can see the struggle playing behind his eyes. He doesn’t want to leave, doesn’t think I should be left alone, but he knows it’s my choice and he has to respect it. “Call me if you need anything,” he calls before showing himself out.
I put my wine glass down, settle into the cushions of my couch, and let the words sink into my head. The story of Tyler’s death and how it really came to pass. I know it’s true, every word Luca spoke was true. I know it is as surely as I know my own name, only now I don’t know what to do with it. How do I move forward with what I know—will I be just as stuck now as I have been for the past four years? I give up on trying to find the answers tonight, choosing instead to close my eyes and allow sleep to come and take me away. Strangely enough never once shedding a tear.
~Luca~
It’s been three days since I handed Everly the truth about what went down with Ty. Three days since I destroyed everything she thought to be true about her fucked-up life. I haven’t seen or heard from her since. I’ve no clue if she’s dealing with the news I’ve given her or just doing what she’s been proven to do in the past, which is retreat. She called out sick from work yesterday and today—not surprising. I could imagine if I’d been given news like that I probably wouldn’t want to get out of bed, but I would, I’d get out of bed and I’d move forward. This is the difference between me and Everly. I’d like to help her, I really would. God knows I care about the girl enough to want to make the whole shitty situation better for her, but she won’t let me intervene. I know she won’t let me anywhere near her and as much as I wish it wasn’t the truth, it is, and I don’t think there’s anything I can do to change that.
So I do the only thing I can think of to get my mind off of Everly West. I drag my ass to the local bar down the street after work and I sit here, drinking away thoughts of her, admitting to myself that she’ll never see me as anything other than her dead husband’s best friend. She may not hate me anymore, but she’ll never feel for me even an ounce of what I feel for her, what I always felt for her.
It’s the weekend before school starts, and I’m at the campus bookstore trying to find the texts I need for my classes. The place is packed; I thought that if I waited till right before classes started I wouldn’t have to deal with all the crowds. Apparently I was wrong; everyone had the same idea as me. I find the last book and head to the end of the line, cursing to myself because the way it looks I’m going to be in here for at least another hour.
The line ahead of me wraps around the entire book store, and if classes didn’t start on Monday, I’d walk out of here and come back another day. But unfortunately I have no choice. My eyes land on the girl standing directly in front of me in line, she’s struggling with holding on to all of the books in her hands. I roll my eyes at the sight of her wondering why she didn’t just grab a shopping basket. The douche in me wants to let her fend for herself, but she looks as if though she’s about to drop her load.
I reach out and grab the books that are about to fall and her breath catches, obviously startled at my intrusion. She looks up at me, eyes wide and I’m struck by her presence. This girl is stunning, long flowing dark hair, almond-shaped eyes, full lips—and that’s just her face. I haven’t even begun to admire the rest of her.
“You looked like you could use a little help.”
“Uh yeah, thanks. There were no more baskets available when I came in.”
Fuck she even sounds sexy; this girl is the total package. I look down at her and smile, all of a sudden not minding that I’m stuck in this line.
“Why don’t you put your stuff in my basket? I have plenty of room.”
“Oh, no it’s okay.”
“No seriously, I insist.”
“You’re sure you don’t mind?” she asks hesitantly.
“Positive,” I reply.
She gently places the remaining books in her hand in my basket and smiles up at me.
“Thanks,” she says almost shyly. Fuck but she’s beautiful.
I give her a nod and introduce myself. “I’m Luca.”
“Nice to meet you, I’m Everly.”
“Everly. That’s a beautiful name.”
“Thanks,” she replies softly, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
I have the overwhelming urge to reach out and touch her—she’s that type of girl. The kind where you know one time would never be enough, one taste would barely satisfy the urges you have toward her.
“Are you a freshman?” she questions looking up at me through impossibly long lashes.
“Yeah, how ‘bout you?”
“Yup. Just got to campus yesterday.”
“Living in the dorms?” I ask.
“Yeah, it would be an hour for me to commute. I didn’t want to have to do that everyday, what about you?”
“I grew up around here, next town over. My buddy and I have an apartment just off campus.”
“Cool.”
We spend the duration of our time together talking about school, our schedules, and our majors; basically anything we can think of and when our time comes to an end I let her go. I let her walk away from me instead of getting her number, asking her to meet me for coffee or dinner, anything. I tell myself that there’s time, I don’t want to come on too strong and the campus isn’t that big. I know I’ll be seeing her again. That was my biggest mistake.
I make it back to the small two bedroom apartment I share with Tyler just off campus. His father insisted on renting it so that Tyler would be in a place where he could study and not be distracted by dorm life. I came along for the free rent. His dad never liked me much, always thought I wasn’t good enough to hang around his son. Ty could do better in his choice of friends, and I know they fought about it, but Ty always took my back and his dad just learned to live with it.
“You get your books?” Ty questions as I walk into the apartment.
“Yeah, left them in my car.”
“What’s good for tonight? Last weekend before classes start.”
Ty was always down for a party, always knew where the action would be. He liked to have a good time, even more so than me, and I could party with the best of them.
“You tell me,” I call out, walking into the kitchen and grabbing a beer out of the fridge. Best part about living off campus is not having to hide your fucking alcohol.
“Big frat party tonight. First one of the year is supposed to be epic. You down?”
“Yeah.” I grin before taking a pull of beer. “Met this girl at the bookstore man, fucking beautiful.”
“You get her number?”
“Nah, I figured I’d see her around campus. Didn’t want to come on too strong.”
“Maybe you’ll see her tonight.”
“Hope so,” I reply before walking away and heading off to my room.
We make it to the frat house just after midnight. It’s a well-known fact that no college campus party starts to get good until after midnight. The music is pumping, and there are bodies everywhere; we can barely walk the place is so crowded. We make our rounds, grabbing a couple of beers and taking in the action as we walk around and mingle.
We settle into the action, Tyler placing bets on a game of beer pong, me enjoying the atmosphere and people watching. I glance up just in time to see Everly and some other chick making their way to the front door. I elbow Ty in the stomach grabbing his attention before pointing toward Everly and speaking.
“That’s her, the girl from the bookstore earlier.”
“Long brown hair by the door?”
“Yeah.”
“Fuck. She’s hot, go talk to her,” he says, shoving me just as she walks out the door.
“Too late asshole, she’s gone. I’ll see her again, it’s a small campus.”
He nods before turning his attention back to the game. In those moments I considered her to be attainable, something I could strive for, hope to have one day. I should have gone after her, should have staked my claim. I had two chances, and I never got another.
The memories hit me like a ton of bricks, but I shake them off signaling the bartender for another beer.
Tyler always got what he wanted, even the girl that I had my eye on, and I just let him have her. That’s my truth, it’s my fact, and I let her go without even trying to win her over. But to try to compete with someone like Ty was pointless—not because he had anything on me in the looks department but because he had everything on me in the ways that counted. Brains, money, status, charisma, confidence, all the things that I was lacking when it came to my ability to make a move on Everly.
“Luca? Is that you?” I turn in my stool and come face to face with a familiar face. One of Everly’s old friends, a bridesmaid in her wedding.
“Janine, hey. How are you?”
“I’m good, really good. How about you? I had heard you were back in town working at a law firm right?”
News travels fast around here. “Yeah that’s right.”