"Some things are better left unsaid," Natasha said and clamped her mouth shut, her pretty pink lips pressed firmly together.
"I couldn't agree more," Roland said, stopping. "Besides, we're here."
Thinking she should apologize, Natasha waited while he stepped from the path, thick muscles shifting beneath his shirt as he pulled back branches and held them aloft.
Roland took the time to arrange his face into carefully neutral lines. Finally turning only once he knew he presented a blank slate of indifference.
"I'm sorry," Natasha said, wishing she could take it back. Gone was the lighthearted male that had laughed with his friend and tenderly checked on his pack. "I have a habit of prying."
Roland nodded as inside he struggled with the memories. "I don't want to go there," he said, referring to his past. "I don't
ever
want to go back there."
Roland's words were low and vicious, sending a chill through Natasha as she quickly nodded. As he watched her, she saw something moving behind his eyes, something wild and untamed.
None of us are human, but some even less so than others
.
It took considerable effort for Natasha to step past Roland, no doubt he could hear her heart hammering hard against her chest. Her instincts were warning her to get ready to run, experience was telling her she would never make it.
Stepping carefully, Natasha slowly moved past Roland, surprised when her wolf woke. Wounded and bearing the burden of their healing, Natasha's wolf had been near comatose with exhaustion. But something inside of her stirred, rousing the animal to awareness as she brushed past Roland.
Hmmm...male...good male
, her wolf thought sleepily, sending images and thoughts the animal associated with safety.
Safe is not an adjective I would use to describe our situation
, Natasha told her wolf. That hit to the head must have been harder than she thought.
Roland smelled wolf, the scent wafting up to entice his senses as Natasha passed beneath his nose. In response, Roland's wolf lunged, slipping to the end of his tether and surging to the surface.
We both want her
, he realized, surprised as his wolf strained for release. His wolf hadn't wanted a female since...in a very long time. The animal treated Roland's occasional romps with a female as a weakness, withdrawing to wait out the encounter. It was the only time the animal ever truly stilled and went silent.
Not trusting the animal's reaction to Natasha, Roland ruthlessly clamped down on his wolf. Not surprising, the animal struggled, fighting to get free before finally settling down to pace. Roland had learned to live with the animal's constant motion, finding his only escape in sleep.
"Oh, wow." Natasha whispered in awe, unaware of the struggle taking place behind her. After stepping past Roland, she'd found herself standing at the edge of heaven.
Carved by a retreating glacier, the valley was steep, with sheer, tree-covered cliffs, and rock-faced mountains. Evidence of recent rock slides littered the valley floor, while high above, mountain peaks were perpetually capped with snow.
"It's beautiful," Natasha whispered at the majestic peace of the place. Unbidden, tears tightened behind her eyes, the pressure building until they spilled over and slipped down her cheeks.
Not here
. Natasha angrily brushed at her cheeks.
I will not break down, not here and not in front of this male
.
Leaving Roland behind, Natasha stalked to the edge of the cliff. The wind was rushing up from the valley below, whipping her hair into a frenzy around her face. Fists clenched, she stared down into the the craggy depths below. Inside she felt just as empty, a jagged hole where her pack used to be.
"If you're thinking of jumping, I wouldn't," Roland said from behind her. "It's a long way down, too much time to change your mind."
"I don't want to jump," Natasha said. No, suicide wasn't in her nature. "Scream, maybe, but not jump."
"So scream," Roland said, his voice suggesting the answer was obvious. "There's no one to hear but me."
Natasha shook her head and went back to staring out across the valley.
Roland watched her and knew that he'd been right to bring her here. She was a lot like this place with its rugged beauty and stark landscape. As she stood reigning over it all, he was reminded of the warrior princesses of lore. Women that were battle weary but never broken.
She's strong, but injured and he knew what could happen to a wound left to fester.
"I went feral," he told her, his voice quiet so as not to dispel the magic of the place. He wasn't surprised when she spun around to look at him. "I was betrayed and left to die," he said. Roland stopped, swallowing hard. "What was left of me, the part that survived..."
There hadn't been much of him left when Nafarius found him. Some days he wondered if it wouldn't have been better if the alpha had left him to die.
"Let it out," he urged, "before the shit kills you...or worse."
Natasha stared at Roland. She had sensed something wild in him but never, not for one moment, had she suspected that he'd gone feral. Not many werewolves came back from that, the life either turning them into a total animal or killing them.
"Will you tell me about it?" Natasha asked, thinking of the male Roland was and the animal he had once been and comparing that to her father. Would knowing what one male had experienced give her peace where her father was concerned?
Roland searched her face. He knew what Natasha was looking for, but he couldn't give it to her. "No."
Natasha matched his stare, understanding that he'd said all he was going to.
Roland waited to see what she would do. A male that had gone feral couldn't be trusted. Natasha had learned that at her father's hand, and there was no coming back. Dimitri would never be the male he once was. Neither would Roland.
Natasha shivered under Roland's penetrating gaze. He let her see it then, the animal lurking just beneath the surface. He made sure she had no delusions, and offered no reassurance. Feral werewolves were feared, hunted down and killed without question. It was her father's fate, it should have been Roland's as well.
Natasha made the connection. "Nafarius found you, didn't he?"
Roland fixed her with a stare.
It explained a lot. Not the scars, and not the details of what had happened, those were still missing, but what he shared shed some light on Roland's past. She thought over what little she knew of him, mostly rumors and stories that passed between packs, and compared that to what she had seen.
Roland had rescued her, taking a lone werewolf into his den and tending to her injuries. She'd seen him laugh and watched the way he cared for his pack. She had no doubt he could be ruthless, lethal to any and all that threatened what he considered his, but it was a far cry from the feral lack of recognition she had witnessed in her father.
Natasha knew Roland was waiting on her, no doubt expecting some form of rejection. Taking a deep breath, she looked him straight in those wild eyes and turned her back.
Roland blinked. You never, ever turned your back on a werewolf, not unless...
She trusts me
. Roland's brain wound down, his thoughts suddenly stuck in neutral.
Humph
, his wolf snorted still pacing along Roland's barriers.
Natasha could feel Roland's surprise, the space between her shoulder blades itching under his stare. Ignoring him for the moment, she scanned the surrounding territory, everything she saw belonging to Nafarius.
It could have been hers. Not that she really wanted it, or the male that came with it, but her life was to have started here. Instead, a part of her had died in this territory, something inside of her simply ceasing to exist.
Natasha wanted it back.
Taking a deep breath, she tipped her face to the sky and screamed. The sound echoed long and loud across the valley. Startled, nearby birds took flight, bursting from the trees amidst her howl of pain.
Natasha kept screaming as the weight of her grief bent her body forward, slowly curling in on itself. She kept screaming as her vision dimmed, and spots danced before her eyes, until her scream became a plaintive wail, her legs finally buckling as she fell to her knees, sobbing.
Roland watched as pain drove Natasha to her knees. He didn't know her well, but everything he did know told him she wasn't easily bowed.
Slowly, knowing that he approached a wounded animal, Roland knelt behind her. Enfolding her in his embrace, he held her while she cried, gut wrenching sobs that wracked her body and threatened to dislodge him.
Slowly, her sobs subsided, her body growing heavy in his arms as she rested her head against his chest.
"I tried to kill my father," she told him quietly.
"I know," Roland said, pressing his cheek to the top of her head. He couldn't remember the last time he'd held a female simply to offer her comfort.
"I failed and he nearly killed me for it." She spoke softly, the horror of it eased a bit with the sharing. "He broke..."
She stumbled over the memory of her arm breaking, the bone snapping like kindling. Her father's face had been a twisted mix of wolf and man as he stood over her. Rage had turned his eyes yellow and spittle had dripped from his chin, landing on her face.
"That wasn't your father," Roland said. "Not anymore."
"I know," Natasha said, quietly. "But..."
"But what?" Roland asked, when she grew quiet.
"That just makes it more tragic," she said. "And so much harder to hate him."
"No one expects you to hate him," Roland said. "What's happening to your father is tragic. No male should be left to suffer like that."
"It has to be quick and painless," she demanded, thinking of Nafarius' offer to put her father down. "I know I have no right to ask, but he's still my father...even if I'm no longer pack," Natasha whispered, saying the words, trying them out for the first time.
"You can't cut yourself off from your pack," Roland admonished gently. "After your father is gone - "
"I didn't cut myself off," Natasha told him. "My father severed the pack bond, they're all just...gone."
"Shit," Roland swore and held her tighter. Dimitri really had gone over if he'd severed the bond with his young. A weaker wolf would have already gone feral at being cut loose like that. "But that doesn't mean you can't go back. When this is all over - "
"It won't be the same," Natasha said with all of the sadness of a child realizing that life wasn't fair, that parents make mistakes and Santa Claus didn't exist. "Nothing will ever be the same again."
No, Roland thought, it wouldn't and there were sometimes when you just couldn't go back.
****
Sam found Maddie inside talking with a few of the other females, all of them young and single. She paused, watching as Maddie laughed at something one of the others said.
She's starting to blossom.
Young, shy and submissive, Maddie hadn't had many friends. Then Sam came along and the two of them had connected, quickly becoming inseparable. If anyone thought it strange, the most submissive pack member and the alpha female as friends, they were smart enough to keep their muzzles shut.
Watching Maddie laugh with the others, feeling her friend's happiness along the pack bond, Sam felt a fissure of unease.
Maddie is mine
, she glowered at the group.
Ours
, her wolf corrected, surprising Sam.
Heeding the need to reassure herself, Sam slipped up behind Maddie and wrapped her arms around her friend's waist. "Come run with me," she whispered.
"I thought you were running with Nafarius," Maddie asked, eyeing Sam over her shoulder. Running with your mate was akin to date night, you didn't bring a friend.
"He has better things to do," Sam said, nuzzling Maddie behind her ear.
"I seriously doubt that," Maddie said. Something tentative was running down the pack bond from her alpha. Picking up on Sam's need, she leaned her head to the side, offering the alpha her throat.
Sam responded with a soft growl, her wolf brushing along the surface. "He said something about too many mouths to feed to go frolicking in the woods."
Maddie laughed. "He really used the word 'frolic'?"
"No," Sam admitted, her lips curving into a smile against the tender skin of Maddie's throat. "But it paints a picture, doesn't it?"
"It certainly does," Maddie said. Turning to Sam, she asked, "Are you sure you wouldn't rather wait and run with him?"
"I love running with Nafarius," Sam said, taking Maddie's hand and tugging her outside. "But I want to run with you."
Pleased, Maddie followed Sam across the busy clearing and into the trees. She could feel Sam, something wild and powerful swirling along the pack bond.
She's becoming more alpha
. The thought slid up Maddie's spine, female and wolf drawn to the power.
Sam felt Maddie pulsing along the pack bond, the woman's desire more light and joy. Gods, she wanted to run, to chase down this female and
play
with her. The feeling, when it came, was so intense it nearly snatched the breath from Sam's chest.
Sam struggled to get a grip.
I'm not an anima
l, she thought and nearly laughed out loud. It wasn't that Sam hadn't wanted a woman before, she had and considered herself sexually flexible. But the desire to dominate was new, powerful...and hungry.
Maddie stopped behind Sam, not surprised when the alpha turned, her green eyes bright with desire.
"I want you," Sam said, without preamble. Already, her body had begun to warm, heat pooling in places that pulsed with desire.