Until There Was You (Coming Home, #2) (27 page)

She never would. Not every name represented a loss that had touched her personally, but the ones that did?

They had scarred her as badly as the glass that had pierced her skin so many years
ago. Maybe worse, because until now she hadn’t realized just how much she’d been holding the people in her life at arm’s length, even good friends like Sarah and Reza.

She blinked rapidly and shoved the emotions down ruthlessly.

Whatever was going to happen was going to happen.

The command group offices were empty, so Claire approached the door and knocked, standing at attention until she heard Colonel Richter call for her to enter.

“Stand at ease, Captain Montoya.”

She wasn’t used to seeing Colonel Richter behind the commander’s desk. He was rarely in his office since returning from downrange. He was the kind of commander who preferred responding to emails on his BlackBerry so he could be out with the troops. She admired his dedication and he was the kind of leader she’d follow anywhere. Knowing how badly she’d screwed up was hard enough, but it was even worse to think that she’d disappointed a man whom she respected.

“So we’ve got a small problem,” Colonel Richter said, folding his hands across his lap and rocking back in his chair. His dark hair was salt and pepper at the temples, his face weathered and lined from years in the sun.

“Sir, the pyro—”

“Stop talking, Captain. Until I give you permission to speak.” His voice never rose, but Claire felt like she was five years old. One expected a brigade combat team commander to be many things, but soft-spoken was not one of them. People listened to Colonel Richter because they wanted to, not because they had to.

She said nothing, but she clenched her fists together behind her back.

“I’ve dealt with many things over my twenty-six-year career but I’ve never seen an officer go to such lengths to protect a noncommissioned officer.” He sighed, and that sigh held the weariness of a man who’d seen far too much in far too short a time. “Did you know the extent of Sergeant Iaconelli’s drinking problem?”

Claire’s mouth fell open but she snapped it closed quickly. This wasn’t about the
pyro. She met his steady gaze, swallowing the sudden lump in her throat. “I suspected, Sir,” she said quietly.

“Did you know he made a habit of drinking on duty?”

Claire’s palms were slick and she could feel sweat rolling down beneath her armpits. This was not what she expected. Not at all. She said nothing.

“Sergeant Iaconelli and I served together at Sand Hill.” Colonel Richter stood and crossed the room to a small, black book. Claire stood rigid, trying to look but not daring to move. He approached and held up a picture of a much younger Captain Richter and several men wearing the brown round hat of the drill sergeant. She recognized Reza standing at parade rest next to the captain. “He was the youngest drill sergeant on the trail. Most junior, too. So when I became a battalion commander getting ready to invade Iraq, I looked for that young sergeant to see if he was still around.”

Claire forced herself to breathe. She didn’t remember a Lieutenant Colonel Richter back in 2003. It didn’t mean he wasn’t around. Just that she didn’t know him.

“See, here’s the problem I’m facing. Reza Iaconelli finally stepped in it. And he’s a senior noncommissioned officer. You realize that means I don’t get a vote in what happens to him.”

“Sir?”

Richter dropped the black book on his desk, irritation flashing in his eyes when he turned back to her. “The division commander withholds authority for the misconduct of all senior leaders. I may not be able to protect him this time.”

Claire said nothing, not really sure what she was supposed to say.

“So now I’m stuck because I think you did what you did for the right reasons. You’ve got an integrity problem, but your bigger problem is your loyalty.”

She flinched as his words hit her square in the sternum. She opened her mouth to protest, then snapped it shut, remembering that while she might admire Colonel Richter, she was not on that level of familiarity with him. He slid a sworn statement across the
desk to her. She glanced down and read it quickly, her stomach sinking. Reza’s statement countered hers on every single point. He took complete responsibility for the accident at Fort Carson. She smiled when she read
“Captain Montoya didn’t know shit about the change in the plan and don’t let her lie to you and say she did.”

She blinked fiercely as her eyes filled.

“You were incredibly loyal to do what you did, Claire,” he said softly. “But you should have trusted me enough to talk to me off line about Iaconelli’s problem. I thought you had more courage than that.”

He slid a sheet of paper across his desk toward her. She glanced down and her heart sank. Chills prickled over her skin and she shivered despite her best effort.

Conduct unbecoming. False official statement. Violation of a Lawful Order. Dereliction of Duty
.

Her throat tightened. “Letter of reprimand, sir?”

“Yes. I managed to keep the fiasco at Fort Carson from the division commander, so I’ll deal with you. Iaconelli’s incident, however, hit the police reports. I’ll do what I can to keep the division commander from crushing Iaconelli’s nuts. I hear he’s already enrolled in alcohol counseling at the hospital at Fort Carson.”

She couldn’t breathe.

“I wanted your ass for covering for Iaconelli and making a clusterfuck out of the exercise at Fort Carson.” Colonel Richter tossed a pen on top of the paper.

Her mouth was dry and she swallowed several times to make her lips actually form coherent words. He slid another sheet of paper toward her. “On orders report?”

“You’re leaving the brigade. The question is where you’re going.” He set the two papers next to each other. “You have two choices.”

She frowned. “Sir, this is just across post to the Armored Cavalry Regiment. They just redeployed from Iraq.”

“I generally don’t make it a habit of making decisions while I’m angry.” He
leaned against the desk, folding his arms over his chest. “When you screw up, you damn sure don’t do it in half measures. I was disappointed in you for going at it with Lieutenant Engle in Iraq,” he said softly, and Claire wanted to crawl into a hole and die. “I still am. But you were willing to take the fall for this harebrained stunt she pulled with Iaconelli because you care more about her staying with her team than you do about holding a grudge.” He slid a pen across his desk. “If you sign this and don’t fight it, it stays here. It won’t make your permanent records. But I can’t let this go unpunished. Your evaluation report is going to be average, but it won’t reflect this letter.” He smiled, and his blue eyes glittered beneath the office lights. “Primarily because your loyalty should be commended, not destroyed. But next time, do something before somebody gets hurt.”

She breathed deeply, reading the letter of reprimand along with her evaluation report. Not a glowing report. Her first middle-of-the-road report since she’d been commissioned. It hurt. Badly. But it could be worse.

She straightened. “I understand, Sir.”

“If you don’t want to go to the Third Armored Cavalry Regiment, there’s a command opening up in the military police brigade. They’re deploying to Afghanistan in three months.” She lifted her gaze to Colonel Richter’s, her blood pounding in her ears, not daring to voice the answer to his unspoken offer.

He was giving her a chance to leave the brigade and, in doing so, offering her the chance to salvage her career.

She couldn’t speak, her mind tumbling over the possibilities and the reality. She could deploy and get far and fast away from Evan and the complicated feelings he stirred in her. She could lead soldiers again. If she chose the job across post, she would stay here and there would be no guarantee of success. The Armored Cavalry Regiment was a hard unit, with a reputation for crushing poor performers.

Choosing the ACR meant staying at Fort Hood. It meant that she could see Evan at the end of each day. Providing she could get him to talk to her again. Never once in her
life had she chosen a lover over the job. She simply wasn’t wired that way.

She hesitated over the choice. Her fingers trembled as she lifted the pen. But she did not hesitate as she made her selection.

* * *

The letter of reprimand sat on the seat next to her as she turned her car toward Stillhouse Hollow and the small house Evan rented there.

The reprimand was nowhere near the price she’d thought she’d have to pay and she suspected that Evan had somehow influenced what had happened. The sun was low in the afternoon sky, the wind cooling the warm air. November in Texas was pretty nice when it wanted to be. Better than Fort Carson, that was for sure.

She checked the directions on the pink sticky pad one more time and took the next right, mildly impressed when she drove through a gate that made her think of a ranch rather than a subdivision neighborhood.

A huge red barn stood in the middle of a pasture and there were at least five horses grazing around a pile of hay. A stock pond was off to her left and there was a little white house a couple hundred feet away from it. Nestled against a small mountain, the tiny ranch house was flush against a patch of trees.

She knocked on the front door.

“Hello, Claire.”

She spun at the sound of Evan’s voice. He padded up the steps to her, his skin slick with sweat. He wore a dark blue T-shirt and lightweight pants. Sweat darkened the shirt between his broad shoulders and she caught a glimpse of skin between his pants and his shirt as he lifted a black water bottle to his mouth.

A thousand emotions flashed over his face before it shuttered closed. “I don’t suppose you know anything about Reza writing a second sworn statement?” she asked.

“Maybe.” His expression didn’t budge. “Did it make a difference?”

“I’m on assignment. Does that answer your question?”

“Not entirely.” His voice was low, dangerous. “Where did he put you on assignment?”

She thrust the letter of reprimand at him and felt like a fool for doing it so quickly. He glanced down but didn’t raise his hand to accept the piece of proffered paper. “Answer the question, Claire.”

“He offered me a second command in the military police brigade. They’re deploying in three months.”

Evan wiped his hands on his T-shirt and turned away, but not before she caught the flash of hurt on his face. “Good for you. Congratulations. I’m sure you’ll love being a commander again.”

“I’m turning it down, Evan.”

He stopped. His shoulders rose with a shuddering intake of breath. It was a long moment before he turned back slowly to face her. “What?”

“I’m turning it down.”

“Why? A successful second command will practically guarantee your promotion.” His voice was tainted with disbelief and something else she couldn’t identify.

“I’m going across post. To the Armored Cavalry Regiment.” She smiled weakly. “Ai-ee-yah,” she said, the regiment’s slogan feeling strange on her lips. “I’m staying on at Fort Hood. I report to the ACR next week.” Evan’s eyes were dark, his expression unreadable, and she barreled on, afraid she’d lose her courage. “Maybe keeping my career isn’t everything that’s important,” she said quietly. “Maybe I’ve been worried about the wrong things. Maybe the thing that’s the most important has been missing from my life the entire time.” She paused, watching emotions flicker across his face. “Until there was you, there was no reason for me to try and make a home out of anywhere the army sent me. I didn’t even realize what I was doing.

“My dad couldn’t stop drinking.” She swallowed past the lump in her throat. “I always thought that if I’d been a better daughter, if I’d done better in school or kept the house cleaner … maybe he’d have loved me more.” Her eyes filled and she blinked rapidly, but she didn’t wipe away the tears that poured out of her. She shrugged. “You know the rest,” she whispered, biting her lip. “Reza said I should just tell you I’m crazy and ask you to put up with me.” She pressed her lips together, biting back the sting of emotion. “But that’s not really the entire truth.” She breathed deeply, smiling tremulously. “I miss your cock when it’s not around. And the rest of you isn’t half bad, either.”

He choked suddenly, then broke out laughing. Relief raced over her skin and she let herself smile. He walked toward her then and wrapped his arms around her. She rested her head against his chest, the warm, wet T-shirt clinging to her cheek.

“My cock comes with conditions,” he said against her hair.

She tipped her face up to his and dragged his mouth down to hers. “Are you going to tell me what they are?”

She didn’t give him the chance. She kissed him, pouring everything she couldn’t say into the stroke of her tongue, the glide of her lips against his.

* * *

Capturing her jaw with one rough palm, he urged her neck back until she rested against his shoulder. With the other thumb, he traced a line from the bottom of her chin down her throat to the collar of her T-shirt. Again, he traced the line of her throat with feather-light strokes, his fingertips teasing her skin, sending shivers of pleasure flowing over her. He nibbled on her ear, sucking gently as he finally peeled her T-shirt over her head, revealing all that was not sensible about her.

She’d turned down the second command, a job he knew she’d craved, a job she
should have taken. He had a chance to make a life with her. He was going to hold on to this as long as he could. He lifted her against him, carrying her the short distance into his home. He didn’t give her a chance to look at the mess of his kitchen or the unmade bed. He simply laid her down on the twisted mess of his sheets and stripped her with fevered urgency.

He couldn’t name the moment when Claire had become the object of his dreams, only that she had. It was a chance at happiness he’d done nothing to deserve but he was going to take it. For as long as he had it, he’d take it.

She rolled until she straddled him, then threaded her fingers with his and slid her heat against his erection with a tiny movement of her hips.

After a moment she pulled back, stroking his cheek with one hand, loving the scrape of his two-day shadow against her palm. She cupped his cheeks in her palms. “I love your cock, Evan.” She traced her tongue against his bottom lip. “But I love you more.”