Authors: Sadie Mills

Virtually Perfect (31 page)

Eve and Alice walked up the street, arm in arm, heels scraping the shiny pavement.

'You're doing the right thing,' Eve slurred, peering up from heavy eyelids, patting Alice's hand. 'Curtis has got a heart of gold. He'll make a fabulous husband.'

Alice's footsteps faltered. She stared at Eve.

'Are you taking the mick?'

'...No!' Eve cried, shaking her head furiously.

Oh God...

She shouldn't have done that.

The rain soaked street, the lights, the faces, were spinning violently.

'...He's like a brother to me,' Eve slurred.

'I thought you couldn't stand him?'

'...Exactly!' shrugged Eve. 'Whoop!' She tripped over an uneven slab. Alice just about caught her. They giggled dementedly.

'Alice, he loves you to bits!'

'I know!' Alice grinned back at her. '...And like I said, he does have very good buns!'

Eve hiccupped. She burped a little bit. It didn't taste good at all. She couldn't see straight anymore; it was all wibbly. There were two of Alice. Eve smiled at them - they were so pretty, even if their wigs were a little bit crooked.

Alice pulled it off once they got inside Nine Rooms, stuffing the long brown plait into her handbag.

'That's better!' she said, ruffling her blonde bob with her fingers. 'Oh God, that feels so good!'

She had an amazing body, standing there in her tiny shorts and tight tank top, all toned and trim and tanned. It wasn't out of a bottle. Alice's bronzed skin was fresh from daddy's yacht in Antigua. Curtis hadn't done badly at all.

Hilary Clinton bought a round of drinks. Eve was tempted to ask whether she had a snuke in her snizz, but even in her drunken stupor she thought better of it. Alice's mum was grouchy, with all the charm and charisma of a bulldog chewing a wasp. Eve was rapidly coming to understand why Curtis affectionately referred to her as
monster-in-law.

There comes a point in the evening where every drinker knows: it's time to make a choice. Go onto water, or spiral off into oblivion. Eve and Alice had gone way past that. They sidelined the Coca Colas Alice's mother had bought them, telling her they were popping off to the loo. They found a sneaky little side bar instead, and partook in a covert round of slammers.

'...Alice! What are you doing?'

Oh God... It's Wonder Woman!

They were busted.

'...Give that to me.'

The buxom forty-something snatched the drink from Alice's hand.

Eve watched the red lips part; straight down the hatch.

'Same again please,' she gasped at the barman, clinking the glass down on the bar, winking playfully.

They all took a turn on the karaoke. All except Xena - she disappeared with her teenybopper mates ages before. Wonder Woman and She Ra did Waterloo to a pretty respectable round of applause. Hilary Clinton made a surprise appearance on the stage with a rendition of
My Way.
She sounded like a cross between Liza Minelli and Frank Skinner. Alice and co cheered frantically at the conclusion, trying to drown out the sound of tumbleweed rolling over the stage. Alice and Eve were up next.

They went for
Love Shack
by the B52s. If you're going to make an idiot out of yourself, you have to go at it full throttle. Catwoman and a now blonde Lara Croft hopped up onto the stage, swaying, completely out of tune, completely out of time. But what they lacked in any kind of perceivable talent (whatsoever) they more than made up for in enthusiasm. They danced themselves giddy, flailing their arms, stomping their feet, singing their hearts out, grinning their heads off. They blew the roof off the place. The crowd went nuts. Well, that's how they'd always remember it, anyway.

'Darling, I really think we should go and get something to eat,' Hilary Clinton told Alice.

'No way! We're going to Adonis!' Alice shouted back.

'I'm not going to Adonis.' Eve slurred. 'Sorry, Alice. No chance!'

All those middle aged women tucking tenners into budgie smugglers? Eve was hammered, but while ever she had a breath left in her body, she wasn't going in there.

'This is my hen party!'

Oh no...

The bottom lip was jutting out. Alice was about to start throwing her toys.

'...No, it isn't!' She Ra chided. She'd barely said a word all night. 'You had a whole bloody weekend in Marbella! Alice, this is getting out of hand. You said we were only going for a few drinks... Do you really want to turn up at the church tomorrow looking like shit?'

'Philippa!' gasped Mrs C.

'Well,' grumbled She Ra, shaking her head.

Alice stopped and thought for a moment. Eve had a little think too. She'd promised Curtis she'd look after her. If anything she'd led her astray.

'I'm starving,' coaxed Eve. 'Aren't you hungry, Alice?'

Alice's brow crinkled. She pursed her lips, staring up at the ceiling.

'I think I might be... a little bit.'

'What time is it?' asked Eve.

'Quarter to ten,' Hilary Clinton replied.

Bloody hell!
Where did the night go?

'You know, if we're really quick, we can probably get into
La Casona
before they stop taking orders,' Eve pondered.

'...Ooh,
La Casona
!' enthused Alice, her face lightening up. She closed her eyes, drunkenly licking her lips.

'What's that?' asked Hilary suspiciously.

'Tapas,' Eve told her.

'...Ooh, how lovely!' she cooed. It was the first time she'd cracked a smile all night.

The five of them bolted, suddenly starving. The streets were pretty lively for a dank night in March. Hilary Clinton walked in the middle, cosseted by the four superheroines. They were getting quite a lot of attention, and not much of it pleasant. Eve started to feel self-conscious again. It had taken some cajones to come out dressed like that. Would they let her in with her mask on? It would hardly improve matters if she took it off. That mask was all that stood between Catwoman, and some weirdo dressed in a gimp suit.

They were nearly there, just a hundred yards or so left, which was just as well. The soles of Eve's feet were on fire. She felt a nudge to her arm.

Eve turned to Wonder Woman, looking down at the opened box of cigarettes she was holding out. B&H. Gold. Wonder Woman already had one on the go. Eve breathed in deeply - it smelt amazing.
One can't hurt..
.

Eve slid one free and smiled. Wonder Woman lit it with a Swarovski encrusted lighter.

'Oh not you too, Eve!' Hilary tutted. 'Bernice, I thought you were giving up?'

'In the New Year,' she sighed.

'You said that last year,' Hilary grumbled.

'I did,' Wonder Woman smirked, exhaling. '...I just didn't say which one.'

They were still open, Eve could see the yellow glow up ahead, shining out across the wet pavement. She and Bernice were lagging behind, frantically toking their cigarettes.

Eve looked up, and froze.

They say that life can turn on a sixpence. One minute you're on cloud nine, the next you're face down in the gutter, without the faintest idea how you got there. Eve had been so happy that night. Suddenly, that was all gone.

They came out together, arms wrapped around one another. He was grinning from ear to ear. She was too, they were fooling around. Eve could hear them laughing.

It was definitely him; his tousled hair. He was wearing his smoke leather jacket. Just like he had on their first date. Their first date together - right there.

She was so beautiful. Beautiful hair; beautiful face; beautiful legs. Two beautiful people. They fit perfectly. The closeness, the intimacy between them, was unmistakeable. Eve heard her laugh again, saw her touch him. She gasped. It felt like a stab in the chest.

She watched him open the car door. His car, the one he'd taken Eve to London in last weekend, the one he'd insisted she drive the Saturday before. He helped the skinny blonde into the passenger seat. Eve stood there in a daze. The girl sat there, gazing up at him; he gazed down - perfect white smiles. They started giggling again. He gently closed the door, jogging around to the driver's side. He was in a hurry to get somewhere.

Eve watched him jump in, heard the door slam; the engine roar. Saw the lights. Saw him glance up. He was looking straight at her. Saw him indicate, pull out; shut her eyes.

A Golf GTI was speeding down the road. He only just slammed his brakes on in time. Eve heard the skid, the blast of a horn; shouting. She stood open-mouthed, watching Ben drive away.

'...Eve? ...You alright?'

Eve turned to Bernice, wide-eyed; face ghostly white.

'... ... ...No,' she murmured, clearing her voice. '...Not really. I've... I've got to go.'

'What's the matter? Who was that?'

Eve could barely speak. She could barely breathe. That damned catsuit was suffocating her. She had to get out of it. She had to get out of there.

'...Tell Alice I'm sorry.'

She walked quickly back to her apartment, dazed, oblivious to the chaos around her. The drunken leers, the lewd comments. She heard none of it, saw no one. All she could see was him - them - laughing together, driving away. It was like someone had hit her across the head with a brick. The bottom had fallen out of everything.

Why did he do it? Why do people cheat? Why go after Eve in the first place? He'd done all the pushing, moving things forward so fast. Why build someone up, just to knock them back down?

'...Ow!'

Eve raised her hand in front of her face, studied it, saw the orange glow still clenched between her fingers. She threw the nub away, shaking her hand, blowing it, wrapping her arms around her chest.

She walked, head down, felt the raindrops on her crown, filtering through her ponytail and down her neck, cold as ice. She watched them bounce down on the pavement, heard a low grumble; saw a faint flash in the sky.

By the time she reached St George's Road, the rain was streaking down. Taxis whizzed past, spraying the swill up over the pavement. Thunder came in booms; flashes lighting up the sky. A car alarm wailed somewhere in the distance. Eve clinked up her metal steps. She stood at the top, leaning against her front door, ferreting in her bag for her keys.

She paused. Her phone was glowing.

1 New Message.

I can't wait to see you XX

She squinted down at it. The screen was blurred. The rain, the booze, the tears.

Enough
.

She had to get in. No one could hurt her there. She'd just shut all the shit outside.

Fuck him.

Fuck the wedding. Fuck everyone.

Eve switched off the phone and threw it into the bottom of her bag. She eventually heard the chink of keys, fumbled with the lock for what seemed like forever. Eve finally fell inside, slamming the door behind her.

The hall light was out. She reached up for the switch. Flicked it. Flicked it again. The electricity was off - there must have been a power cut. There were some candles under the sink.

A burst of lightening lit up the hall in a blue white flicker. Eve heard a loud crack of thunder. The storm was closer now, almost upon them. She could hear the rain pelting down on the metal steps outside.

Eve wrenched off the cat mask, tore the band from her wet hair, and slumped back against the front door. Mr Bojangles jingled towards her. She held out her arms as she sat in a heap on the doormat. He jumped up onto her, licking her nose.

She couldn't hold it anymore. She could feel it ripping at her throat, choking her. Eve let out a heavy sob.

She cuddled Bo. He purred back at her, his fur sticking to her cold, tear-streaked face.

'...Evie?'

Eve peered drunkenly into the darkness.

'...It's me, baby. What's wrong?'

She buried her face in her arms, sobbing again, louder.

I'm going out of my mind...

Bo stood on his hind legs, front paws on her thigh, nuzzling her hand.

'Ow!'

It was a warning bite. He always gave them when dinner was late.

She sighed, wiping her face.

Get a grip...