Vita Nostra (9 page)

“That’s a stallion,” Kostya stifled a giggle.

Mesmerized, Sasha came closer. It certainly was a stallion: the horse’s belly and legs were carved with a great degree of anatomical precision. Colossal bronze hooves trampled upon the granite pedestal. Immense boots hung from the stirrups. The face of the horseman was impossible to see—it was lost far above, and no matter what angle Sasha tried, she could only see a huge upturned chin and a prominent Adam’s apple.

“First years?”

The voice echoed in the deserted hall. Sasha and Kostya spun around. A short concierge in a printed dress stood by the entrance, her fat finger with a candy-pink nail motioning for them to approach.

“You need the Dean’s Office. Behind the staircase, to the right, you can’t miss it, just look for the sign. You can leave your suitcases, no one will take them.”

***

The long corridor smelled of dust and fresh whitewash. On both sides stretched the doors, just like in high school, but taller and somehow more important looking. The “Dean’s Office” sign left them no chance of getting lost.

Sasha entered and immediately had to squint.

The office was full of light—sunshine burst through the windows. Right in front of Sasha was a wooden partition with an opening. Two women sat on the other side of the partition, one skinny, one corpulent, both wearing white blouses, both with equally impenetrable impressions on very different faces.

“First years?” asked the fat one. “Documents.”

Sasha fumbled with the inside pocket’s fastening and the pin she’d added for safety.

“Hurry up,” said the fat woman. “Young man, if you are ready, you can go first.”

Kostya stepped up to the barrier. The woman glanced at his diploma, opened his passport and checked it against the long list on her desk.

“Congratulations, you have been accepted,” she stated lifelessly. “Sign here. This is your dormitory assignment, and here are the tickets for the free meals at the dining hall. Textbooks will be distributed by your professors. Please wait in the hall while I register the girl.”

The skinny woman said nothing. She glanced at the list over her colleague’s shoulder, then stared up at Kostya with a great deal of attention, squinting slightly. Under her watchful eye, Kostya left the room, gripping a gray stamped envelope.

Sasha approached the barrier. It was old and worn, time had made its surface grainy and three-dimensional. Sasha couldn’t resist and caressed the wood with her palm.

“Your name?” asked Ms. Corpulent, not in a rush to open Sasha’s passport.

“Samokhina, Alexandra.”

“Samokhina,” a long-nailed finger slid down the list. “Samokhina…”

“Farit’s girl,” Ms. Skinny mumbled to herself. Sasha flinched; her sudden move caused the opening of the partition to snap closed.

“Is Kozhennikov your advisor?” Ms. Corpulent asked not looking at Sasha.

“Yeah…”

“Be careful,” said Ms. Corpulent. “He’s a good man, but he can be harsh. Here’s your dormitory assignment, your dining hall tickets. Do you have your coins? You’re supposed to have four hundred and seventy-two.”

Sasha reached into her bag. The combination of this perfectly ordinary office space and this perfectly ordinary bureaucratic procedure with gold coins of obscure denomination, obtained during a bout of vomiting, made her lose her sense of reality. Even the sun outside the windows now appeared illusory.

The woman took the heavy plastic bag out of her hands. She placed it somewhere under her desk; the gold jingled.

“All set,” said the fat woman. “Go, move in, tomorrow morning all the first years are expected to meet at nine in the morning in the assembly hall, straight in front of the main entrance, by the statue, there is a small staircase, you’ll see. Hello, who’s next? Come in!”

“Where is the dorm?” Sasha asked, regaining her senses.

***

The dormitories were buried inside a courtyard, accessible only from the Institute itself, or from a narrow, dark and smelly alley off Sacco and Vanzetti. Peeking at the alley from a distance, Sasha vowed to avoid it entirely after dark.

From the outside, the dorm appeared to be a long, peeling, run-down two-story barrack. The main door was locked. Kostya knocked with a bent finger, then banged on it with his fist, then kicked it rather gingerly.

“That’s strange,” Sasha said. “Are they asleep? What time is it?”

Kostya turned to answer her, but at that moment the door squeaked and opened. Kostya stepped back, nearly falling off the steps.

In the doorway stood a tall, basketball player-sized guy with a black eye patch on his right eye. He was painfully thin and sort of lopsided, as if the entire half of his body was crippled by a permanent seizure. His blue eye looked at Kostya and immediately switched to Sasha. Sasha shrank back.

“First years?” the guy asked in a hoarse strained voice. “Moving in? Got the assignments? Come in…”

He disappeared in the dark, leaving the door ajar. Sasha and Kostya exchanged glances.

“Are we going to be like him?” Kostya inquired with an exaggerated meekness. Sasha did not respond; she found the joke uncalled for.

They entered the barrack, which from the inside was not much more exhilarating than from the outside: brown linoleum, walls painted blue on the bottom and whitewashed above eye level, a staircase with metal railings. Steam rose from somewhere, accompanied by the hum of water in the shower.

“Here,” the one-eyed guy appeared at the reception desk, over which hung a plywood board with several sets of keys. “The girl is going to Room 21, second floor. The boy, Room 7, it’s down the corridor, to the right. Here’s the key for Room 21. There are two second year students in Room 7, they have already arrived.”

“Do you work here?” Sasha inquired tentatively.

“I’m subbing for someone. I’m a third year, actually. Name’s Victor.”

The guy winked with his only eye and laughed. Half of his face remained immobile, and only the corner of his mouth slid somewhere down. His laughter was so frightening to observe that Sasha barely managed not to burst into tears.

She yanked her heavy bag up the stairs, along a similar corridor, floor covered by the same dull linoleum, with room numbers barely visible on the doors painted white. Sasha reached the number 21, fumbled with the key, her hands trembling, and, after a short struggle, managed to open the door.

Three wire bed frames with striped mattresses. Three desks, three bedside tables. Built-in dresser. A large window, small hinged pane slightly ajar, dusty windowsill. Sasha hauled her suitcase inside, sat down on the nearest bed and wept.

She had about five minutes to lament over her life and her troubles, when she heard steps in the corridor. Sasha barely managed to wipe her tears; there was a short knock on the door; almost immediately the door opened, and two girls walked in. Sasha had seen them briefly in the hallway, on her way from the dean’s office to the dorm. Both were about seventeen, a blonde in a blue denim outfit, and a brunette, plump and round, in a knee-length skirt and a jersey top.

“Hello,” the brunette had a low basso voice.

“Hello,” said the blonde; with one quick glance at Sasha’s red eyes, she inquired: “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” Sasha looked away. “Homesick.”

“Right,” the blonde threw a disinterested look around the room. “Got it.”

“I kind of like it here,” the brunette said, pulling her luggage closer to the window. “Freedom of living, with no one hanging over your shoulder. Do whatever you want.”

Sasha thought that she would not be able to do what she wanted for the rest of her life. Chances were she would have to do what she desperately did not want to do. Stare into Kozhennikov’s eyes, hidden behind the dark glasses, and execute, execute all of his whims under the pain of cruel punishment...

Out loud she said nothing. Her voice wasn’t really cooperating anyway.

The blonde briefly looked in her direction.

“Actually, I am not going to live here myself,” she said pensively. “I think I’m better off renting an apartment somewhere nearby. It’s better for you too—you’ll have more space.”

Sasha did not respond. The brunette shrugged—you’re the boss.

“My name is Lisa,” the blonde told Sasha. “And this is Oksana.”

“Alexandra,” croaked Sasha. “Samokhina, Sasha.”

“Looks like we’re classmates,” Lisa kept her blue appraising eyes on Sasha.

“Looks like it.”

“All this dust,” grumbled Oksana, sliding her plump finger over the desks and the windowsill. “And where are we supposed to get the bed linen, does anyone know? Has anyone seen the superintendent? Easy to get along with?”

Lisa took her eyes off Sasha. She walked around the room, touched the door of the dresser, the door emitted a hoarse squeak.

“We should celebrate,” Oksana suggested. Immediately, not waiting for anyone’s consent, she began to take out jars, containers and packages. She took out paper plates and peeled three white paper cups off of the accordion-pleated snake, then filled each with some liquid from a murky plastic bottle.

“Here, girls. We’re roommates now. Help yourself: the sausage is homemade, and here are some pickles. And the bread, well, whatever is left.”

“Drink – this early in the morning?” Lisa specified.

“We’ll have just a drop,” Oksana picked up a thick slice of the sausage. “To good grades, to easy living. Cheers!”

Sasha held the cup; whitish liquid splashed on the bottom. It smelled of yeast.

“What is it?”

“Moonshine,” Oksana gave her a cheerful grin. “Come on, bottoms up!”

She bumped her glass with Lisa’s, then with Sasha’s, drank, widened her eyes, and bit into the sausage. Lisa took a small sip. Sasha wanted to refuse, but then thought, Why shouldn’t she? She held her breath and swallowed the murky liquid like medicine.

She’s never tasted anything worse. All the alcohol beverages she’d tasted before—champagne on New Year’s Eve and her birthday, the occasional dry red wine—had had a pleasant taste and a nice smell. The moonshine remained stuck in her throat, preventing her from breathing.

“Eat!” Oksana yelled at her. “Have a pickle.”

Letting tears stream down her face, Sasha bit into a pickle and then into a fatty sausage, and black bread with caraway seeds. Now she was thirsty, but no one had any water. Efficient Oksana assured them that there should be a kitchen, and the kitchen should have a teakettle, and she was going to find everything out. The door closed behind her.

Sasha took a deep breath. The room swam in front of her eyes, and she felt not exactly happy, but a little easier, and now she wanted to talk.

She wanted to ask Lisa how she ended up at the Institute of Special Technologies. And whether Farit Kozhennikov was part of her life as well. And what she was thinking of doing next. She wanted to tell Lisa about her terror, and the coins, about Valentin with his pre-coronary, and Mom, and about the note found by accident in the storage compartment at the train station. Sasha opened her mouth, but then stopped.

She imagined: what if Lisa, unlike Sasha herself, is not mad? What if she applied to the Institute like a normal student; who knows what she wants? Or maybe she ran away from an odious family situation? Or maybe she’s hiding from a scandal? Or something else, normal, human, and here was Sasha with her fairy tales?

On the other hand, the coins...

“Did anyone... Money... Did you have to pay anyone?” Sasha asked curtly.

“No one accepts bribes here,” said Lisa distractedly. “And if you mean
those
coins... I gave them to my advisor earlier. If that’s what you are talking about.”

The door opened, Oksana burst in with a boiling teakettle in one hand and a package of tea in the other.

“Girls, there is a decent kitchen there, even pots and pans! Do you want to have tea here, or in the kitchen?”

“I don’t want any tea,” Lisa got up. “I’m going for a walk. Don’t forget, lunch is at two. Bring your lunch tickets.”

***

Lisa returned when Sasha and Oksana were almost done with the clean-up; all they had left to do was take out the trash and wash the floor. At first, Sasha, drowsy with the after-effect of the moonshine, flatly refused to participate, but Oksana turned out to be quite pushy: they weren’t expecting to live in a pigsty, were they, and really, the thing to do was to clean up, and then they could relax. She poked and prodded; Sasha discovered a rag in her hand, and then found herself standing in line for bed linen in front of the superintendent’s office. The first years flowed in, some nervous and frightened, some cheerful and noisy. Sasha met tons of new classmates, and their names immediately flew out of her head. Pale and disheveled, Kostya showed up and disappeared again, looking punch-drunk. Sasha carried three sets of grayish sheets, smelling of detergent to the second floor; meanwhile, Oksana managed to dust the insides of the dresser, the tables, windowsill and even the legs of the three beds.

Lisa came back, stepped over the mound of trash in the doorway, sighed and proceeded toward her bed with the stack of sheets set on the mattress.

“Nice walk?” Oksana inquired cheerfully.

Silently, Lisa lay down on the striped mattress and turned her face to the wall.

***

The dining hall was located in the basement. Before September first, the official start of school, only the self-service station was open, but even there one could get clear soup with round meatballs in shining enamel bowls, and chicken with vermicelli. One was even allowed an unlimited amount of fruit compote, three or four glasses, if one wanted.

“Good grub,” Oksana stated.

Sasha noticed Kostya at a nearby table. Her traveling companion hunched over his plate, crumbling a piece of bread into tiny pieces and looking through the other diners without seeing them.

Sasha came over with a firm conviction: if he wasn’t happy to see her, she would leave immediately.

Kostya was happy. A lot happier than Sasha had anticipated. He moved out a chair for her to sit down and offered her his portion of compote. Sasha did not refuse.

“So, you settled in?” and immediately, without any transition: “Listen, they are crazy.”

“Who?”

‘Those guys they put me in with. The second years. One stutters so much his eyes pop out, and giggles constantly. And the other one gets stuck.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, he stretches his hand to get a book off the shelf, and then he…he gets stuck, like he’s rusted all over. He stands in this really stupid pose, and he pulls, and twitches…and he even sort of squeaks. And then it lets him go. He gets the book and starts reading, as though nothing happened. And they keep looking at each other behind my back, winking… Freaks. What am I supposed to do, sleep in the same room with them?!”

Kostya stopped short. He suddenly realized that he was spilling his guts—complaining!—to the girl he had only just met that morning. Evidently, according to Kostya’s internal code of honor, this behavior could not be considered masculine. Embarrassed and upset, he lowered his eyes onto his plate.

“My roommates are first years,” Sasha said. “They seem normal. Relatively.”

Kostya looked up.

“Just have a look around. The entire second year, and third, they are all crippled. Just look!”

Sasha turned around. A group of third years maneuvered between the rows of tables, one-eyed Victor in the lead. Tall, gangly and lopsided, Victor’s left leg was lame, and the dishes on his tray jumped and jiggled, threatening to fall off. Behind Victor, a square-shouldered guy in a bright red t-shirt and faded jeans directed himself to the empty tables in the back, smiling and constantly bumping into chairs. The chairs rattled, some fell on the floor, but the guy paid no attention and kept moving. Next to him, a girl wearing incredibly high heels took tentative steps. She gazed at the floor, seeing something completely inaccessible to others. Every now and then she aimed her heel at the floor, as if hammering in a nail, froze for a second, lifted her foot with visible effort (her heel seemingly piercing through the floor), and kept walking, swaying slightly.

“Panopticon,” Kostya murmured. “Where do they get these people from?”

Sasha gave him a fleeting look.

“The first years seem normal,” she said dryly.

“Hmm,” Kostya twirled his spoon in the bowl of soup. “Yeah. I’m all set. D’you want to go?”

***

The post office smelled of sealing wax; a young mother with a stroller was mailing a large package tied up with string. There was only one post-worker on duty, so Sasha waited until she helped the young mother, and then she asked the middle-aged purple-haired woman to connect her with a long-distance phone number. She entered an echoing phone booth, and, stifling her heartbeat, listened to the long beeps, then jumped with joy when Mom picked up the phone.

“Hello!”

Mom was yelling into the receiver, probably having trouble hearing. Sasha yelled too:

“Mom! It’s me! Everything is fine! I’m all settled in! They feed us here! Tomorrow is the first day of school! How are you?”

She screamed it out, like a team’s fight song, and listened to Mom’s reply: Everything is good, Valentin called from Moscow, everyone is healthy…

“I’ll call from the post office, bye!”

Sasha browsed through the postcards and chose one, “For you, from the ancient Torpa.” The postcard pictured the fountain square, swans swimming in the water. Sasha bought the postcard and an envelope, wrote the address, and tossed it into the huge blue box with a mail symbol on top. The envelope hit the tin bottom with a dull thud.

The post office was located about fifteen minutes walking distance from the dorm. The weather got worse, it started to drizzle. Sasha pulled her head into her shoulders and ran up the concrete porch, yanking the squeaky door.

An unfamiliar boy was walking along the first floor corridor. He took a couple of steps, and then froze in the middle of his move, like a captured video frame. He stood still for a few seconds, then, with a visible effort, forced himself to move and continued walking. Then he turned and walked into the wall near the door. He stepped back. On the second try he grabbed the doorknob and pulled the door open…

Sasha flung herself up the stairs.

Lisa and Oksana smoked, sitting on their beds. The window was open wide, but the smoke refused to leave; instead, cold wind burst into the room, adorned with the shiny beads of rain.

“Could you possibly smoke in the bathroom?” Sasha asked hesitantly.

All she got in response was ice-cold silence.

***

“Good morning, first years.”

The assembly hall was a large dusty room. Only the last three or four rows were occupied. Dark curtains covered the windows, letting in half of the necessary light. A screen glowed white behind the stage. Looks like a community center, thought Sasha.

“The coolest people sit in the back of the bus, like in middle school?” A man stepped up onto the low platform and glanced around the room. “That’s not going to fly.” He added in the same low voice: “Light, please.”

The chandelier was lit immediately, and now the room was filled with bright lights, like an opera theatre during an intermission.

“Everyone move to the front of the room,” the man on the stage commanded. “Hurry up.”

The first years began to move, exchanging glances, slowly creeping up closer to the stage. Sasha and Kostya found a spot at the end of the second row, and everyone trying to get to the center seats kept stumbling over their feet.

The man on the stage waited. He looked nothing like Sasha’s image of a college professor: instead of a suit, he wore jeans and a striped sweater. His straight blonde hair was pulled into a ponytail, and he wore glasses, long and narrow like razor blades, that seemed especially designed to allow him to look above the lenses.

“My name is Oleg Borisovich. Oleg Borisovich Portnov. Young man in the fifth row, yes, you. Don’t be shy, come closer. There are not that many of us, we have plenty of space. I would like to extend my congratulations to you, ladies and gentlemen, on this significant event in your lives: your admission to the first year of Torpa’s Institute of Special Technologies. You are to expect an interesting life and plenty of hard work. Miss,” his finger pointed at Lisa who leaned over to whisper something to Oksana. “When I speak, everyone else is silent. Please remember that in the future.”

Lisa choked. The room was very quiet. Portnov took a few steps along the platform, his eyes traveling from face to face, slowly, like a ray of a flashlight.

“Thus, you are students. In honor of your initiation, the student hymn will be performed. If you know the words, please sing along.”

A triumphant chord burst out of the sound system. Portnov motioned for everyone to rise. An invisible chorus sung with an appropriate solemnity:

Gaudeamus igitur,

Juvenes dum sumus!

Post jucundam juventutem,

Post molestam senectutem

Nos habebit humus
!

Sasha quickly observed the audience. Only a few people were singing along. Lisa stood with her lips tightly shut. Oksana strained to hear the words—her Latin did not seem very strong. Sasha herself knew the text, she learned it a while ago in her prep course. The translation of this seemingly joyful song never struck her as happy:

After a pleasant youth

After a troubling old age

The earth will have us.

Such a lovely beginning.

Vita nostra brevis est,

Brevi finietur;

Venit mors velociter,

Rarit nos atrociter,

Nemini parcetur!

This part she particularly disliked: in this verse, all men were promised an imminent death that spares no one. Vita nostra… “Our life is brief, /It will shortly end; /Death comes quickly.” Maybe the medieval students didn’t give a hoot, Sasha thought darkly. Maybe if I were listening to Gaudeamus at home, at our university, I wouldn’t give a hoot either, and I wouldn’t have any of these thoughts. But I am in Torpa.

Vivat Academia,

Vivant professores!

Vivat membrum quodlibet,

Vivat membra quaelibet

Semper sint in flore!

The song ended. The students sat down, as if ending a minute of silence. Portnov stood at the very edge of the platform, hanging over the first rows, studying their faces. Sasha caught his gaze and lowered her own.

“And now we’re going to watch a short film—our school’s official presentation. I would like to ask you to pay attention, refrain from talking and interrupting your neighbors’ viewing. Enjoy the film.”

The light went out. The dark curtains on the windows twitched and moved closer. Behind the stage, a light rectangle appeared on the screen, reminding Sasha of newsreels of her early childhood: something very archaic was in the black and white image displayed on the screen.

“Welcome to the ancient town of Torpa,” announced the deep voice of the narrator. “The Institute of the Special Technologies salutes you!”

A bright logo swam out of the darkness, a rounded symbol, the same as on the front of a gold coin. Sasha stopped breathing.

Last night she analyzed everything. She whispered: “I want it to be a dream,” squeezing her eyes shut. She lay staring at the ceiling. She seriously believed that she’d been taken into a secret laboratory, where young boys and girls are subjected to experiments that turn them into cripples. Then she calmed down and was able to see some benefit in her situation: what if she were to be taught something amazing, what if Farit Kozhennikov was an alien, and she would have a chance to see other planets…

All night the dormitory had been awake: people yelled, sang songs accompanied by guitar chords, a boom box thundered somewhere. Every now and then somebody stamped down the corridor, this way and then the other. Somebody called for his friends out of the window. Somebody laughed uncontrollably. Going mad with insomnia, Sasha finally plunged into unconsciousness and dreamed strange dreams. At half past six Oksana started rustling her plastic bags, filling the room with the smell of pickles, and that rustling and the smell forced Sasha wide awake.

And now she watched the screen. The film was ancient, older than Sasha herself; the narrator’s voice in the old sound system made her ears pop, but no matter how hard she tried, Sasha heard nothing new or at least informative. Torpa is a beautiful ancient city. Tradition of higher education. Youth stepping into the adult life. Et cetera, et cetera. Black and white frames replaced each other: the streets of Torpa, really quite picturesque. Swans in the fountain. Institute’s façade, the dormitory’s façade, the glass dome over the equestrian statue. The voice pontificated on the importance of a properly chosen higher education facility, and how this affects one’s employment and career, talked about young specialists who graduate from the school annually, about life in the dormitory, about glorious traditions—the words were familiar and amorphous, they could be placed in any desired combination without losing any meaning. Sasha was caught off-guard when the film ended suddenly, the screen darkened, and the lights came back on.

First years squinted, exchanged glances, and shrugged. Portnov took a long stride across the stage, stopped at its edge and laced his hands behind his back.

“This concludes the official part of the proceedings. Let’s start our work. This year, thirty-nine first year students have been accepted, which makes two groups. Let’s call them Group A and Group B. Just like high school. Understood?

First years were silent.

“Students, whose mentors are Liliya Popova and Farit Kozhennikov, please come up.”

Sasha swallowed and remained seated. Lisa walked up the squeaky stairs, nervously smoothed out her very short skirt and stood to the side. A tall guy whom Sasha saw at the dining hall stood next to her. A student elbowed his way out of the center seat and stumbled over Sasha’s feet.

“Should we go?” Kostya asked quietly.

Sasha got up.

The stage was wide; nineteen people could have spread out from curtain to curtain, holding hands. But everyone huddled together, as if trying to hide behind each other’s back.

“Allow me to introduce first years, Group A,” Portnov motioned towards the stage. “Please welcome Group A.”

Someone in the audience clapped a few times.

“Your schedule will be posted right after the first block. Group B that is now sitting in the audience will be going to Physical Education, the gym is on the third floor, class starts in five minutes. Your second block is Specialty; we’ll meet then and have a chance to chat. Group A has Specialty during the first block in Auditorium number 1. Everyone, please proceed to your assigned blocks. You have four minutes, tardiness is not appreciated.

Portnov stepped down the squeaky steps and left the hall through the side entrance. Lisa moved back and smoothed out her mini-skirt again. Sasha was shocked by the length of Lisa’s legs.

“Sasha!”

Sasha looked back. Oksana, still wearing the same jersey sweater, was waving to her from the audience.

“We’re going to be in different groups, that’s a shame, isn’t it?”