Wanted (Addicted Trilogy Book 3) (10 page)

Physically, although still the most beautiful woman I’d ever laid
eyes on, she lost weight. Her face was forever saddened and most times, her
eyes were reddened and swollen. I hated I was the person solely responsible for
turning her into a shell of her former self.

Amongst her sadness, however, was deep-seated anger. I had no
doubt in my heart she hated me. She told me so. And even if she hadn’t meant it
that night, enough time had gone by for those feelings to have been cemented
deep inside of her. I would rather her hate me than be torn apart by what I did
to her. Yes, anger was a much better emotion to wrangle with. It provided a
blanket of comfort, something to ward off the knives trying to weave themselves
into one’s very soul.

I knew of such things because anger sheathed me every day. I
hated myself and tried to find comfort in the bottom of a bottle. Each night,
I’d drown my sorrows with the burning liquid. It lasted for only a short while,
then I was back to harboring regret and anger in the morning. I was slowly
killing myself; every day I didn’t redeem myself was another proverbial nail in
the coffin.

One day, I’d finally woken up with hope in my heart. I was going
to attempt to see Sara. I needed to try and explain why I’d done what I did. Knowing
her, she definitely wouldn’t make it easy for me and I wouldn’t want her to. Hell,
I didn’t know if she would even talk to me again. Ever. But I had to try.

The tracking device on her phone was still active. I didn’t know
if she forgot about it or if she secretly hoped I’d use it someday. I was
hoping for the latter. I wouldn’t show up at Full Bloom or her apartment. I
didn’t want to disturb any kind of solace she’d been able to find at either
place. I was admittedly an asshole, but I wasn’t cruel.
Although some might beg to differ.

The next time she ventured anywhere else, though, I was going to
accidentally
run into her. I was hoping she still had love in her heart for me, even if she
hated me. The connection we shared was too powerful for her feelings to
disappear altogether.

 
It was what I would keep repeating
to myself until the day I’d finally be able to see her again.

Sara

Three months had passed since I’d seen or heard from Alek. It was
a struggle each single day to try and function like a normal human being. With
every ounce of strength I possessed, I’d drag my sorry ass out of bed in the
morning. No more than four hours of sleep rescued me from my reality, so not
only was I an emotional wreck, but my physical self had taken a beating, as
well. I’d lost weight, my hair wasn’t as vibrant and there were dark circles
under my eyes.
Thank God for concealer.
But
I didn’t care. I was simply living to exist.
 

There were many times I’d chastised myself for ever becoming
involved with Alek. Going in, I knew it was too good to be true. I feared he’d
break my heart…and he did. He was good, though. Telling me he loved me, acting
as if my safety was his number one concern…I felt like a fool.

The last time I’d seen him played over and over in my head. That
awful woman standing in his house, him practically naked. What were they doing
before I rang his doorbell? The mere thought was torture, so I tried not to
think about it but sometimes, when I was feeling really low, I took it there.

Seeing the anger laced in his eyes had confused me, though. I
wasn’t sure if he was upset before he opened the door or once he’d realized it
was me on the other side. There were too many what-ifs. I would never truly
know the full story, and I had to chalk it up to nothing more than an extremely
heartbreaking life lesson.

Don’t fall for hot, rich
men. And surely don’t give that same man a second chance after he reveals he’d
been watching you for eight years.

But even that, I came to understand. After he’d explained
everything, mentioning his promise to my grandmother, a woman who I loved more
than anything, I saw the situation for what it was. A young man trying to help
ease an elderly woman’s heart, but also trying to make up for not being able to
save his own sister.

Confusion had become my go-to emotion as of late. It was better
to hide behind than devastation and raging anger.

Alexa was the only one I’d truly confided in. Matt wouldn’t
understand. All he would want to do was hunt down Alek and try to teach him a
lesson, and I didn’t want to put him in any kind of situation where he could
possibly be harmed. Alek had grown used to Matt’s place in my life. Dare I say
he even began to like him? I wasn’t sure how he would react if Matt came at
him, though, and it was a risk I wasn’t willing to take.

The more days that crept by, the more numb I became. I didn’t
know if it was my survival instincts kicking in, but I feared if something
didn’t change soon, I would simply die inside and never feel anything ever
again.

No happiness.

No anger.

No sadness.

Nothing.
 
 

I smiled politely to those around me and uttered “Fine” when they
asked how I was doing. But I never told the truth. I always lied.

~~~~

“Are we still going out tonight, Sara? Please, tell me you’re not
going to back out again. You haven’t been out of this house, besides to work,
in way too long.” Alexa stood by the couch with her hands on her hips, glaring
down at me. I knew she was upset with me, but I couldn’t find it inside me to
care much.

She was doing her absolute best to help pull me from my dark
depression. Because I was so thankful to have such a wonderful friend in my
life, I decided to stick to our plans for once. I couldn’t imagine having any
fun, but I would fake it like I had been for the past few months.

“Sara? Did you hear me? Are you going to cancel on me again?” My
dear friend was frustrated, and I didn’t blame her.
 

I tore my eyes away from the mindless TV show and looked up at
her. A small, forced smile tipped my lips. “Yes, I’m still going.” She acted as
if I’d told her I cured cancer. Her smile was huge, but she quickly regained
her composure.

Sitting down next to me, she placed her hand on my arm. “Don’t be
mad, but you need to eat. You’re losing too much weight, and it isn’t healthy.”

Gingerly glancing down at my thinner frame, I half-smiled. I had
lost at least twenty pounds because I didn’t bother to nourish myself. There
were days when I hardly ate anything at all, waiting until dinnertime to have
something simple, like a piece of fruit. Both Matt and Alexa took turns trying
to force-feed me, but their efforts were wasted.

“I know, Lex. I promise I’ll eat something before we go.”

“Not a piece of fruit, Sara. I want you to eat something real,
something nutritious. You have to stop abusing your body like this or you’ll
end up really sick.”

She was a thousand percent right and I knew it. I had no energy
as it was. My hair and skin looked dull, and there was a constant beat-down
look in my eyes.

“I’ll eat a good meal, I promise.”

She looked skeptical at first, and then a smile encroached on her
beautiful face as she sat there grinning at me.

“I know you will. Because I’m going to make us both something to
eat. Plus, if our stomachs are full, we can drink more.” She laughed as she
made her way to the kitchen and started pulling ingredients from the
refrigerator.
 

She ended up making us chicken francese, veggies and a side salad
with all of the fixings. I tried to muster enough of an appetite to eat all of
it, but my stomach had shrunk drastically and I could only manage half.
 

I sat back after eating and had to admit I felt a little better already.
A small surge of energy pumped through me because of the meal she’d forced me
to eat.

“Thanks for dinner. I’m going to take a shower now and start
getting ready. You don’t plan on staying out too late, do you?”

“Sara…” she warned. “Don’t worry about how late we’re going to
be. The only thing I want you to focus on is enjoying yourself. For once.”

“Okay, okay. I promise I’ll try and enjoy myself. ‘Fake it till
you make it’, right? Isn’t that the saying?”

“Yes, it is,” she replied, giving me a hug before she turned
around to clean up from dinner.

Sara

We ended up at a smaller, local bar. I told Alexa I
wasn't
ready to be around a large group of people. She understood and was grateful I’d
ventured outside our apartment at all.

An hour in and I’d already consumed a couple of drinks. I wasn’t
drunk by any means, but the familiar twinge of lightheartedness was upon me and
I welcomed it with open arms.

Alexa and I were in mid-conversation when Braden came walking
through the front door. Since there weren’t too many patrons, he’d been able to
locate us rather quickly.

“Hi, Sara. How are you?” he greeted. An undercurrent of sympathy
swirled around his words as he addressed me.

“Fine, Braden. How are you?” Simple pleasantries passed between
us as usual. I liked him. Besides being a nice guy, he was head-over-heels for
my best friend. He was intense, but his love for her was undeniable.

I had that once. Or so I
thought.

“Good, good.” He locked eyes with his woman and I knew something
wasn’t right. Palpable tension enveloped them, but neither one gave way to what
was wrong. After more uncomfortable silence, she was the first to speak.

“I thought you said you were working late tonight,” she said with
an air of aloofness.

“Yeah, well, I figured you were more important than the papers I
was going over with my assistant.” He tried to smile but faltered.

“I’m surprised you were able to tear yourself away from
her
.”

Oh, no.

Braden’s hand rested on her elbow. Leaning in, he softly spoke. “Can
we not do this here? In public? If you still have an issue, I would be more
than happy to go somewhere more private so we can discuss it like adults. Instead
of throwing out insinuations.” Her breath paused as she quickly made eye
contact with me.

Apparently, there was some sort of issue going on between them,
and I was guessing it had everything to do with his assistant.

“I’m not going anywhere with you. Sara and I were having a great
time until you showed up to dampen the mood.”
 

He turned toward me and tried to force yet another smile before
he focused all of his attention on Alexa. He leaned in close and whispered
something in her ear. She had no reaction until suddenly a blush crept up her
neck and broke out across her cheeks. He leaned back and cocked his brow,
waiting for her to make a move. Within seconds, she hopped off her seat. He
reached for her hand and she swatted him away but continued to allow him to
usher her into a private hallway.

I remembered being in similar situations with Alek.
Damn it.
Why did thoughts of him have to
infiltrate my brain? I’d been doing well so far, only thinking about him twice
before Alexa was able to successfully distract me. But she left me alone to
dwell on the one man who had consumed me for months.

Glancing toward the hallway where they had disappeared, I prayed they
would settle their issue and come back out to join me. A couple of minutes
passed and still nothing. Running my fingers over the coolness of my glass, I
picked it up and took a sip. The drink soothed my worries, allowing me some
time to swallow its tantalizing numbness.

Deciding to take in my surroundings, my eyes roamed all over the
small space. There weren’t many people there, but that was fine with me. Two
guys were playing pool in the far corner. Four women were sitting in a booth,
laughing as if they didn’t have a care in the world. One guy was trying to
score for the evening, running his finger up and down a woman’s arm. She looked
interested.

Lucky bastards. I miss him.
I miss being wrapped in his arms. I miss the way his lips taste.

Deciding more liquor would squelch those insane feelings, I
gulped down the rest of my drink. As I placed the glass back on the bar, I caught
movement to my right, near the front door.

My eyes grazed over the man leaning against the wall. Even though
I’d only looked at him for a split-second, I knew who it was immediately.

I blinked repeatedly, praying the alcohol was causing me to
hallucinate.

But he was real.

Just when I’d started to feel a bit of humanity pulse through my
veins, it was destroyed by the mere sight of him.

He didn’t see me at first because he was busy checking out the
other patrons. . Was it a mere coincidence he was there? Was he waiting for
someone else? Another woman? Was he meeting Cora? The thought alone broke my
heart all over again.

A crazy thought entered my mind, but I quickly shoved it aside. I’d
totally forgotten about the tracker he installed on my cell phone after the kidnapping.
There was no way he still kept tabs on me.
Are
you kidding? Look who you’re talking about.
The thought he was there for me
was ludicrous.
But why, then? After
months of silence, why now?

Then a thought barreled forth, almost knocking me off my stool. That
night was the first time I’d gone out since our relationship ended—other than
work, of course.

Hope filled me but quickly dispelled any such feeling. I wasn’t
going to allow him to play with my emotions any longer.

 
“Sara? Are you ready to go
home now?” Alexa asked, barreling out from the back of the hallway. She was
still upset. It was obvious the issue between her and her man hadn’t been
resolved. If anything, it had only intensified. Braden was but a few paces
behind her, looking none too pleased.

Swinging my head around, I locked eyes with Alek. He’d heard Lex
call my name and honed right in on me.
 

I was way too fragile to have any kind of communication with him,
verbal or otherwise. I broke eye contact, seized Alexa by her wrist and leaned
into her ear, shaking the whole time.

“Help me,” were the only words I spoke.
 

She turned her head so she could look at me. “What’s the matter,
Sara? Why are you shaking? Did someone say something to you?” Forgetting her
argument with Braden, she summoned him closer to us.

“What’s the matter? Is there anything I can do?” he asked
pensively. Reaching out, he touched my shoulder, trying his best to comfort me.
 

I must’ve looked like a fool, shaking for what appeared to be no
reason at all. But there
was
a reason,
and he was standing across the bar staring at me. He was also looking at
Braden, boring holes right through him. Clearly he wasn’t sure if Braden was
with me or Alexa. Although Alek knew of Alexa’s boyfriend, he’d never met him
before.

Every fiber of my being wished Alek was being bombarded with
thoughts of me having sex with the man touching me.
Sorry, Lex.
I would love nothing more than for him to be racked
with images of us writhing around together. I hoped he envisioned me screaming
out in ecstasy as Braden made me come.

A small smile crooked the corners of my mouth. I must have looked
like a crazy person, but I didn’t care. I would grab on to anything if it meant
saving me from completely shutting down.

“Sara? Can you hear me?” Lex shouted.

Coming back into my tortured reality, I answered her. “Yeah,
sorry. I want to leave. Now!”

I glanced back toward Alek and my best friend followed to see who
I was looking at. She gasped as she leaned in closer, throwing her arm around
my shoulder.

Taking a deep breath, I straightened my spine and prepared for a
confrontation. There was something about the way he was staring at me which
told me there was no way I was going to walk by him without him saying
something. Why did he have to be near the front door, of all places?

 
“I wonder if there’s a
back way out of this place,” Alexa muttered. She knew exactly why I was acting
weird. She wanted to save me from having to walk past him, as well.

“No, that’s okay. I have to face him sooner or later, I suppose.”
My words sounded strong, but I was anything but. I was quaking inside, fearful
I would break down in front of him and scream for him to give me an
explanation.

Braden continued to stand next to me, but he looked confused.
 
I saw Lex mouth
ex-boyfriend
as we advanced toward the door.

Alek shifted from one foot to the other the closer we got. His
eyes switched from looking at me to the ground, then to the other patrons
before landing back on my face.
He’s
nervous.
The simple fact he didn’t know how to act around me either gave me
some comfort.

As I approached him, my heart hammered away inside my chest. Beads
of sweat broke out along my forehead and my hands were suddenly clammy. I found
it difficult to breathe, and I was praying I didn’t experience a panic attack
right in front of him.
 
 

Suddenly, I found myself standing inches away from him. Part of
his body was blocking the exit and while he continued to shift from side to
side, he never moved enough for me to walk out the door.

Then he spoke.

“Sara. How are you?” The deep timber of his voice cut straight
through me.
Damn him.

I honestly didn’t know what to say to him, so I remained silent. It
was safer that way.

He didn’t utter another word, but he didn’t move, either. A look
of pain cascaded over his gorgeous face. His eyes slowly roamed my body, but
not so slow as to be disrespectful. No doubt he’d taken notice of my weight
loss.
 

Blowing out a breath of frustration, I sternly commanded, “Move.”
I couldn’t even say his name aloud.

“Sara, please, can I talk to you?” He reached out to touch me,
but I moved back. His bottom lip disappeared between his teeth, a nervous habit
he’d picked up toward the end of our relationship.

“Move!” I shouted that time, hoping he would have the decency to
let me pass. But still, he did nothing. Until Braden interfered.

“You heard her. Get the fuck out of her way.”

Glancing to the side, I witnessed the tick of Braden’s jaw as he
fought the urge to tackle Alek. He loved Alexa, and since I was her best
friend, he believed he had a duty to protect me, as well.

“This doesn’t have anything to do with you, so back off!” Alek
shouted, the look on his face suddenly changing. He was gearing up for battle,
sizing up who he probably thought was his competition. The fact Braden wrapped
his arm around my waist and pulled me into him certainly sealed any ideas Alek
had about the man.

Alek didn’t miss a thing, recognizing the sign of possession
right away. He knew it all too well.

I’d have to thank them both later on for letting the charade
continue, although I was sure Braden thought he was doing nothing more than
protecting his girlfriend’s best friend.
 

“If you don’t move out of her way right now, you and I are going
to have a real big problem.” Braden straightened himself to his full six- foot-three
frame. He was pretty much head to head with Alek, in height, weight and
presence.

I had to dispel the situation before anything escalated.

“It’s okay,” I assured them both, all the while continuing to
look directly at Alek. “He’ll move because he doesn’t want to cause a scene and
upset me. Right, Alek?” His name sounded foreign on my tongue.

“Yeah, sure,” he asserted. A few seconds later, he moved over and
allowed all of us to pass by. Braden knocked into Alek’s shoulder, sneering at
him the entire time.

Note to self: don’t get on
Braden’s bad side.

Once outside, Braden informed us he was going to bring his car
around. Thank goodness we didn’t have to wait for a cab. The faster I got out
of there, the better.

We weren’t outside for twenty seconds before Alek came sauntering
out of the bar, walking toward me with an intent look on his face.

Oh, God. I can’t do this. I
can’t do this.

Reaching for Alexa to help steady me, she looked confused until
she saw what was happening. She was on him faster than I could even say
anything.

 
“Alek, don’t you dare,”
she warned. “Don’t you think you’ve done enough damage? Do you get your kicks
out of hurting my friend?” She took a step closer, the look on her face set to
kill. “I suggest you leave before Braden gets back.”

Thank the heavens above Alexa didn’t reference him as her
boyfriend. She let it hang out there as if he might’ve been with me.

“I need a minute to speak to you, Sara.” He didn’t even bother
responding to Alexa. He was solely focused on me, and nothing else.

I knew it was only a matter of minutes before we took off for
home, so I cut Alexa off before she started in on him again.
        

“It’s okay, Lex. We’re leaving soon anyway, so I’ll be okay.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah, I’m sure. Thanks.” I gave her a faint smile, but the look
in my eyes told her I needed to talk to him.

“Okay. I’m right over here if you need me.” She squeezed my
shoulder before turning her gaze back on the man in front of me. “I got my eye
on you, Devera, so don’t try anything funny.” She stepped back to give us some
privacy.

Standing up straight, I inhaled a big breath of air, hoping it
would give me the strength I needed right then. It was hard to look directly at
him, but I mustered the courage in order to have my say and be done with it. “What
could you possibly have to say to me?”

He dove right in, realizing he didn’t have much time at all. “Sara,
first I want to tell you how sorry I am for hurting you. I hope you believe it
was never my intention. I swear. Hurting you was the last thing I wanted to
do.” When I opened my mouth to interject, he cut me off. “I know it’s so cliché,
but it’s true. But I promise you there
is
a good reason for it.”