Withholding Secrets (9 page)

“He didn’t
ruin
my life, Jordan. You may think so, and so does everyone else, but he didn’t
ruin
it. He made it better.” Shades of assurance filled in my veins, and I could feel the hand of my mother’s pressing down on my shoulder. “We will get through this together.”

“I know he choked you that one night. Why didn’t you leave when you had the chance?” His eyes shot over to me, the pulverizing anger thumping in his cheek muscle, and his knuckles turned white from the force of holding them together. That night he was talking about was the first night the kids spent in the house after being dropped off. It wasn’t that particular incident which started everything, but I asked one question to provoke his hands to wrap around my neck.  

“He didn’t…” Horror filled through me, flowing icy cold blood through my veins with the strong look he had given me. He did see. To think, I figured the kids were sleeping when that fight started. Joe was the dragon that was edge, and I was the knight who rose up just in the time for the rude awakening. “I couldn’t.”

“He threatened you, didn’t he?”

“No; he didn’t.” Did I answer him or lie? Jordan saw everything that night, and there was no use in lying to the boy. He was old enough to know exactly what happened.

“Then why didn’t you just pack up and leave?”

“I couldn’t leave you two here with him.” And that was it. That was all that was said, and it was the truth. I should have left that night, but then what kind of person would I have been if I had walked out on those kids? Leaving those kids in Joe’s hands was putting those two into harm’s way. They were only kids; innocent kids who didn’t need that. So, I stayed to make sure that nothing happened to them. I would rather have taken any hit or choking as long as they would never have to suffer under the hands of their own father.

Kane didn’t let Jordan attend the game on Saturday to keep him off the ice until he was ready. Surprisingly, Jordan wasn’t too upset over it. Instead, he stayed and helped Sky and me change the rooms over. Now, Sky had a bigger bedroom with a dresser that had been filled with Joe’s clothing. We each took turns dropping the items into trash bags and turned it into a game; whoever found something, kept it.

I found a few buttons and a couple of papers that were nothing. Sky found a five-dollar bill and shoved it into her pocket for a soda when she was at the rink. When Jordan picked up a pair of old jeans, a small silver tin had fallen onto the floor. Picking it up, he pried it opened to find two hundred dollars. His eyes were large as saucers as he held it up before passing it over to me. I told him that wasn’t the rules to the game and insisted that he kept it. Nothing else was anything of value to keep so we ended up throwing everything else in the garbage.

On Sunday, we went to the sporting goods store and checked out the equipment that Jordan needed. The pricing on the goaltender equipment was pricy and would deplete our emergency fund, but I didn’t say a word. The skates alone were expensive for the ones that the salesman suggested that would hold up to the activity and were more durable.

Jordan insisted on paying for the skates with the money that he had found of his dad’s. His reasoning was that Joe could buy him something for walking out on them. Then, he bought Sky a basketball that she really wanted. Him wanting to spend his money was a big fight, but when he looked at me and said that we were in this together, I had to back down. Maybe him buying his own skates made him really appreciate it, but the money that he made working for Kane, he had to save. One day when I was able to get out early, we put that money into the bank to start their own savings accounts.

All week, I picked the kids up from the rink as soon as I got done with work. Jordan was exhausted by the time that we got home, and they automatically sat at the table and finished their homework right away. After dinner, Sky did the dishes and Jordan helped clean up the kitchen.

On Friday, I checked my bank account on the way home, knowing that I would have a hundred dollars in there for groceries. This week would be tight, but next week, my paycheck would be decent with the raise.

The slip ejected from the machine and my heart slammed into a stop as I looked over the balance. Nothing. Not even ten cents! This couldn’t be happening. We had a little bit of food in the house we could stretch for a couple of days, but the check I wrote to pay the fees for hockey still hadn’t come through yet. Damn! How could this happen? I watched every cent. Every cent, and yesterday, there was enough in there to cover Kane’s check and a hundred left over for the groceries after the bills were paid. But everything was gone. Everything was taken out.

The drive from the bank to the rink was too long. Disgust knotted in my stomach and worry pulsated through my body. I had to get groceries, and the check I wrote to Kane would bounce if I didn’t get money in there. The only option I had was to call my brother and ask him to send me some money from the investments that Mom set up for each one of us. I still had mine. Pulling money from it wasn’t something I wanted to do at all, but I had to cover my behind.

Pressing the send button, I sank lower in the driver’s seat as the humiliation was pulverizing my body. In two months, my car insurance would be due, I had the mortgage in two weeks, and that wasn’t counting the lights, gas, and cell phone. And there was the check that I wrote Kane. I deducted that out of what I had left in both of my accounts. I had everything managed and now, Kane would cash that check and it was going to bounce. And he would be the one to get them taken away from me because of this. But how could this happen? And why now?

“Hello?” Chuck’s voice was smooth and a little squeaky yet, but that was my older brother. Five foot-seven and blond. Come to think of it, I hadn’t seen him in a long time either. The last time I spoke to him was when I married Joe, and all I got from him was a ruffled congrats. Not even a card in the mail either.

“Hey, big brother. What are you doing?” I had to sound casual, but the panic was nipping my sides and the bugs of horror were scattering all over my skin while my thoughts were jumbled over the discovery. How could I ask him for money that my mom used to set us up with investments? It was just a little, but just a little would get us by.

“Working. What’s wrong, Keri?” His voice tightened as I heard him breathing heavily, an annoyance coating his words.

“Well, I just … I just wanted to talk to you about something.”

“Yeah, what? Your marriage not going so well? You should have thought about that one better.”

My chest tightened as the tears burned my eyes. If he’d only known. He was always snooty after he graduated with his masters. He was making a life for himself like we weren’t. Well, I wasn’t. Jody, my sister, landed a good job with a lot of luck that she bragged about every chance that she got. Life was about her, and that was how it always was. “Not really, but this is important.”

“Alright. Let me stop working to focus on your problems.” Didn’t expect that from him, but he was right. I was bothering him with my problems. The problem I created.

But where did that money go to? It was there yesterday when I checked and nothing was wrong. Mom made sure that we all knew how to budget and balance a checkbook. And I was always good with numbers.

“Um … Chuck?” A heavy lump packed into my throat as I ran my fingers over the steering wheel. At least my car was paid off last year and it was still in good shape—one less expense I needed at the moment. “I was wondering if you would be able to sign over some money from the investment for me, just for a week.”

“No.” The instantaneous word shot through me like a bullet. But, it was my money and I was old enough to withdraw some from it.

“Please, I just need a hundred and that should get—”

“No, Keri. That money is not for you to touch because you can’t manage yours. Use your special—”

“It’s gone. Chuck, please. I just—” He didn’t need to know what I was really going through, but he was my brother. Maybe telling him would help me get the money I needed to cover everything until I was able to find out where my money went.

“No. Absolutely not. When you decide that you are going to make something of your life, then I might think about it.”

How could he be so heartless? This wasn’t my big brother who I was talking to anymore. Something changed him. Something turned him to the dark side; to the side Jody had been on all her life. “Joe walked out on us. I just need—”

“Us? What the hell did you get yourself into?” he snapped, making the tears burst through the stronghold I had them in.

“He had two kids that showed up on our doorstep, and he walked out on us, Chuck. I am trying. I really am.” Lying to my big brother wasn’t something I ever did, and if I started now, it would make me feel more like an imp than I already did. Telling him the truth would be best and he would understand.

“Give them back! They are not yours, Keri! Don’t be stupid!”

“I can’t do that. When they came, I had to sign custody of them also, and I did. I can’t give them back, Chuck. Please.” The searing hot tears trickled down my cheeks.

“You are … How could you be so stupid?!” Chuck always made good money because he was able to land a six-figure income right out of college. He could help me out, and I wasn’t asking for much; just to put some food on the table.

My heart shattered even more. I wanted to stand up and tell him that I was taking these kids whether he approved or not. This was my decision and I had to follow through. Besides, once I was able to talk with the bank, I could get the money back and pay Chuck the money I borrowed from my investment.

“You call social services tomorrow and you tell them to come and get those kids. You can’t handle that. You can’t take care of them.”

The anger and hurt swirled around in my stomach, threatening to eject the crackers I had for lunch. “I have been taking care of them, and I am not calling social services!”

He let out a breath. “You want to dig yourself into a hole, then be my guest. I’m not taking money out, so you’re just going to have to deal with it.”

“It’s my money, Chuck, and I just need a little bit of it.”

“No, Keri. You give those kids back. If he doesn’t want to take care of them, that is not your problem. And that’s not my problem.”

“You were there when dad walked out on us. You went through it and watched Mom. She didn’t give us up. I am trying to do the right thing.” Heat blasted through my body as the anger began to pulsate in my ears.

“No. You’re not. You are trying to be like her, Keri, and you’re not. You are nothing like Mom at all. You are incapable of taking care of those kids. You just are. Nothing against you.”

The anger poured over the edge and spewed into my bloodstream. Of all the people I thought would help me, my brother would be the one to do so. Now, he was treating me just like Jody had all my life. And his words hurt, because I thought he looked at me more than what he was. “I got a raise, and it will help a lot. I just need—”

“I have a job, too, Keri. One that makes damn good money. I wouldn’t screw that up with a bunch of snot nosed kids that some deadbeat dropped on my doorstep. Give them up and go on with your life. You screwed it up yourself, and now you have to fix it.”

“Fine, but I’m not giving up on those kids. Go ahead and keep the money, Chuck. I don’t want anything from you.
Nothing
. Forget I called.”

“I’m sure that it won’t be the last time. You’re just like Jody, and you have to learn how to—”

I hung up the phone and hit the steering wheel with the palm of my hands. I would just have to think of some way that I could get some grocery money. There had to be something that I could do. This was just temporary. Just a bump in the road. If my mom could do it, then so could I. I wasn’t giving up on Jordan and Skylar. But that money. How could it be just gone? From yesterday to today?

Wiping my eyes, I checked the mirror and waited, but the kids weren’t coming. Getting out, I made my way inside while pulling everything back the best that I could. I could do this. I could. I was strong. I had to be for them. I could sell something. I could maybe get something for…

What did I have that I could sell? I didn’t use much gas and my tank was three quarters full. All we needed was grocery money. I could even make fifty dollars stretch if I had to, just until next Friday. I just needed that fifty dollars.

I entered the building, nodding a polite hello to a few of the parents that I had seen before. Jordan was talking with the really tall kid again with his backpack by his feet, and Sky was standing there looking bored.

She was cute, though, and dressed in her purple and white checked shirt with a dark purple tank top underneath. Her jeans were ripped in the knee, and she had a scuff that had a band aide on the bigger part. Her left elbow was the same, and had a matching band aide over the scrape.

“What the heck happened?” I walked straight up to her, cupping her arm and causing the boys to stop in their discussion about practice.

“There was a kid that was bullying her afterschool and he knocked her down.” Jordan’s jaw tensed as he rubbed his arm. “I went to go after him, but he hid in his parents’ car.”

“Next time, beat the shit out of him,” I said without thinking. Covering my mouth, my eyes opened wide. Seeing the smirk on his face, the blood pooled in my cheeks. “Oh. Don’t do that. Don’t listen to me. I shouldn’t have said that.”

The taller boy tipped his head, trying not to laugh, but the chuckles were still flowing in the wind.

“Coach Kane gave me some stuff to clean her up when we got here.” He nodded at his friend, who motioned that his ride was there. Tipping his chin up, he quickly clapped hands with his taller friend. “Catch you later.”

“You coming to the game tomorrow?” The gray eyes came up as the extremely tall boy ran a hand through his blond hair. “We could sure use you out there.”

“Coach doesn’t want me to play yet, but next Saturday he said that I should be able to start.” His attention turned back to Sky, but his friend stuck around for a couple more moments, noticing that his father was in conversation with another parent. “Let’s go home.”

“Are you okay?” I put my arm around her shoulder as the tears started to trickle down her face.

The tall kid reached over, nudging her arm, and flashed her a sweet smile with the redness filling into his face. “Hey. He will get what he deserves. Pretty sure that he won’t pick on you anymore, Sky. Just hang out by me until Jordan gets there.”

She nodded and brushed her tears away, but more rolled down her cheeks. There was a lot more to the story than what they were saying, and I knew we would have to talk about it when we got home. Just as we got to the door, I heard my name rumble through the hall, sending warm shivers down my spine. It was nice to hear my name coming through that deep voice of Kane’s, but I couldn’t get too comfortable hearing it.

“I need to talk to you about something.” His eyes were sharp as he looked at the kids, and my stomach sank deeper. He was going to tell me that my check bounced. “Why don’t you go check out the—?”