“I didn’t say that either.” I replied.
“You…” He shook his head in mock despair. “As for me, I missed you.
Every day.”
I sighed helplessly, why did he have to say stuff like that?
He took a look around my office. “It’s not a bad place” He said. “And you’re your own boss. It’s actually impressive, you know. I’m proud of you.”
I gave a mock bow. “I’d offer to show you around, but walking in here from the entrance, you’ve already seen the whole office.” I laughed.
He laughed also, his eyes never leaving my face. “I came to invite you out for lunch” He said.
“Now?”
I asked.
“Please.” He said. “I know it’s kind of sudden and you’re really busy, but I would really appreciate it.”
“Michael” I said softly. “Do you really think that’s a good idea?” I was thinking of what I had said to him on Sunday night. From his expression, I could tell he was thinking of it too.
“It’s just lunch Sophie.” He said softly. “I’m not going to force you to elope with me in a restaurant.”
I nodded. “Okay.” I agreed.
“Why not?”
He smiled. “Great. I’ll go wait in the car, while you get ready, I’ll bring it out of the parking lot and meet you out front.”
I got ready and told
Fadeke
, the only other person in the
office, that
I would be back in an hour. I nearly giggled at the strange look she gave me. She must be wondering what had changed because I hardly ever went out for lunch, much less lunch dates.
On the drive over to the restaurant we got into traffic as usual. We spent the time talking about his trip, he told me about the meetings he had had and the main differences between working in the US and working in Nigeria. He also wanted to know my plans for my future. I explained how I intended to expand Living Lagos and to start some other magazines, a women’s magazine as well as
a literary journal. I also told him about my plans to further my education. He was impressed.
At the restaurant, the service was really quick, as if they knew most
Lagosians
only had time for a very quick lunch. As we ate, Michael kept me amused by describing hilarious things he had seen while he was in Abuja. We were finishing the last of our drinks when the doors opened and a couple came in.
She was easily one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen, tall and slim, with flawless honey skin and perfect features. She was what my mother would have called polished, extremely polished and elegant. She waltzed in one step behind her companion, an older man, one of those dignified types that make people say men get more handsome as they get older. They were both smiling, I wondered if they were married, one of those older man-younger woman pairings. She must have felt my eyes because she looked over at us, and her smile faded. I was puzzled by her sudden change in expression but I didn’t give it much thought, after all. I didn’t know her.
They went to take a table and I turned my attention back to Michael and to finishing my drink. I was so surprised when a few moments later, she appeared by our table.
I looked up at her, alarmed as I registered the surprise on Michael's face, he seemed about to say something, but he didn’t get to it before she spoke.
“Hello.” She said to me, her eyes glittering, and her voice, clear and beautiful. She was smiling, just not in a friendly
way,
in fact she looked almost annoyed. “My name is Folake.” She continued, still smiling. “And who are you?”
For moments after she spoke I just sat there, in shock, and embarrassment. Everything seemed to have gone on pause, the hum of the AC’S, the voices of the other customers, the whole world seemed to have stopped and
come
to rest on the drama I felt sure was about to unfold.
At the back of my mind I registered that Michael had stood up and though he still looked surprised, was making speedy introductions.
I slowly realized that what I was feeling was a mixture of guilt, shame and dismay. I was guilty because even if she played the jealous fiancée, I couldn't blame her, it’s wasn't as if I didn't want her man. I was also feeling shame because I could see that in this tableau, I was the other woman, the third wheel, the one who had no right to be there. And of course dismay, dismay because if this exquisitely beautiful woman was Michael’s fiancée, what hope in the world did I have of ever getting him?
They were both looking at me expectantly, I blinked, and tried to gather my thoughts... what had she said to me? Michael had been making introductions.....
“Pleased to meet you.”
I said at last, assuming that they were waiting for something of that nature. I added a bright smile for good measure. I didn’t want her to think we were rivals or anything like that.
In reply to my greeting, her eyes worked their way over my face, my clothes, my hair… she must have noticed the dismay on my face earlier because now her tight smile turned into a disdainful smirk. Ah! I thought silently, obviously I don’t qualify as competition. I would have laughed if it had been someone else but as it were I shrugged it off, let her feel superior, I wasn’t going to let that make me feel inferior. I turned to Michael who was still standing beside
her,
I gave him a reassuring smile.
“I didn’t know you were back.” That clear voice again, directed at Michael this time.
“I tried to call you.” He replied. “You didn’t pick your phone”
“I was at a meeting.” She said.
He nodded towards her companion who was still seated at their table, looking at the menu with a bored expression on his face.
“With
Adeleke
?”
Her head turned in the direction of Michael’s nod and back again. “Yes” she said. “We had to close a huge deal”
Michael smiled. “Of course”
I sat here watching their little drama, feeling more like a third wheel than ever. What was going on here? I didn’t feel very good watching their silent standoff so I turned my attention to the last of my drink.
“Well he looks hungry.” I heard Michael say. “Don’t keep him waiting”
“Why don’t you join us?” she said invitingly. “I’m sure Chief won’t mind.”
I looked up at Michael, from the expression on his
face,
I could see he was annoyed.
“But I mind.” He said, causing her to frown. “Anyway I have to take Sophie back to her office”
She shot me another annoyed look, as if she’d just remembered that I was there. “I’m sure Sophie can find her way back to her office.” Her beautiful lips turned into a sneer when she said my name. “Take a bike or something”
“For God’s sake Folake!”
I heard Michael say in a voice that was so controlled, it was clear he was trying very hard not to be angry. “Just go back to your date.”
I was trying not to bristle from her rudeness. There was nothing I wanted more in that moment than to just leave, I didn’t want to be in the centre of a fight between them or to get insulted by a woman who didn’t even know me, so I got up “Actually, I really need to go” I forced a smile at Michael, then turned to Folake and saw triumph shining in her eyes. I gave her the barest of nods which she didn’t bother to return.
“Don’t be silly, Sophie” Michael said. “I’m taking you back to your office.” I was already walking towards the door, but I could hear them talking in heated whispers, though I wasn’t really listening.
I had no intention of waiting for him, if I had only kept to my resolve of Sunday evening that we should stop seeing each other
then
this wouldn’t have happened. My emotions raged between anger at her rudeness and anger at myself because deep down I wondered if maybe I deserved it. After all wasn’t it me who had been enjoying a cosy twosome with her fiancée?
He caught up with me just outside the door. “I’m sorry Sophia” he said.
I didn’t reply
,
I just kept walking towards the gate, this time he had to know I was serious. I wasn’t going to keep spending time with him and getting insulted by his fiancée. Not the jealous type indeed! I thought, Jealous enough if you ask me! If he thought I was going to allow him to come into my life and turn me into some pathetic girl who would be willing to sneak around with him behind his fiancée’s back, or pathetically hold on to that title of friend while hoping for more. Well he should think again.
We were already at the gate, people on the street were giving us curious looks, or that may have been my imagination. I would find a cab, I thought. I don’t need you to take me back to my office,
Mr.
Engaged.
“Sophie! Just stop walking and listen”
“No, you listen” I stopped walking and turned to him. “Did you really think she would be happy to see her fiancée happily having a cosy lunch with someone else? If she was rude to me, I don’t blame her, I blame you. Maybe you should confess that you spent the whole day with me last Saturday, that you kissed me and see how she reacts to that!” I stopped talking, all the anger and energy suddenly evaporating.
“Michael.” I said softly. “What do you really want from me?
because
I don’t understand.” I paused to gather my thoughts. “You are engaged.” I said earnestly “I know we were friends but how does that translate into any kind of relationship now”
“We weren’t just friends” he said. “You know we were more than that”
“Well that can’t continue now, can it?” I asked. “We can’t spend so much time together pretending to be friends.” I give him an accusing look. “Friends don’t kiss each other, do they?”
“I kissed you because I couldn’t help myself? I’ve wanted to do that for years.” He stopped and actually paced a little, we must have looked ridiculous, under that hot Lagos sun. “Look Sophie I want to see you every day, I’ve wanted to see you every day for years.”
I didn’t know what to say, it was hard to listen, the blood had started to rush up around my head again causing a drumming in my ears. What was he saying?
“Do you know what it was like all those years trying to get you to talk to me and you acting as if I was some sort of pariah, like I had done something so terrible that I was supposed to be banished somewhere you would never have to see me again?” his voice had softened so much it was painful for me to hear. “I want to see you
everyday
now because by some miracle, it seems I can.”
I was still looking at him stupidly, trying to process what he was saying. He had wanted to see me every day for years. When? All those years when I had been refusing to talk to him, or even speak of him, when I had been so confused and afraid because I didn’t know if he loved me? Those familiar fears started to rise up in me again and I panicked. I can’t deal with
this,
I thought inwardly, I can’t.
“Well you can’t see me everyday” I said. “You’re engaged and engaged people spend time with each other, not with other people”
I started to walk away but he grabbed my hand. “What is it with you?” He asked softly. “Why do you always have to run away?”
Suddenly I wanted to cry, if he had sounded angry or pissed, I would have been better able to deal with it, but
this softness! Now I didn’t want to run away, I wanted to be with him, but he was engaged! I didn’t really understand what was going on in my head anymore. “Leave me alone Michael” I said shakily. ‘I’m sure Folake is still waiting for you inside.
“Yes, she and her ‘boss” He said bitterly.
I didn’t answer, the next moment I had jumped into a cab, leaving the source of my confusion behind for the comparative safety and calm of my office.
Most of the best love songs are about heartbreak, not happily ever after, so why doesn’t that teach us something? Why are we still so eager to fall in love and offer ourselves to another person, when everything around us tells us that it will end in heartbreak?
Why do you always have to run away?
I couldn’t get rid of those words; they kept ringing in my head. I couldn’t stop seeing the look of anguish on his face when he said them, and hearing the pained sound of his voice. I couldn’t sleep or work, I couldn’t concentrate on anything, one minute I’d be trying to do something useful and the next I’d be staring out of the window, lost in thought, reliving anyone of the many scenes I and Michael had played out in the years we had known each other.
Why do you always have to run away?
But I don’t. Do I? What did he mean by that? I kept on wondering. Running away from what?
Him?
I tried to make excuses for myself because I didn’t want to think of those words and what they would mean, if they were true.
What is love?
If love is pain
Then why do I run to pain
When I can run from it
The words of the popular song kept rolling around in my mind, along with everything else. Until I was too confused to do anything but stare through things lost in thought.