She grinned. “Well, I probably can. I’ll tell him he has to now so I can wear them.”
“There you go. Merry Christmas, Miss Anna. Now, I have to go face them.” I made a face and she tsked at me, pinching a cheek.
“Don’t talk about your parents like that, Master Kyle,” she scolded me, but that twinkle was back and I knew she didn’t really mean it. She understood what kind of relationship we had. I was pretty sure that was why she took care of me the way she did.
“Yes, ma’am,” I said, beaming. She rolled her eyes and pinched my cheek again.
“Go on with you. I’ll see you before you go.”
I leaned in and kissed her cheek, then turned back to the ballroom. After draining the last of the champagne and setting the glass on a small table, I started across the room. I had to stop several times to greet people, but I finally made it to the other side.
“Kyle! I’m glad you finally made it!”
I didn’t reply to that, simply leaned in and gave my mother the air kiss she’d tilted her cheek for. “Merry Christmas, Mother.”
“Merry Christmas, Kyle. You know William and Thomas,” she said, waving her hand to the two men who’d been ogling her.
I nodded to them. “Merry Christmas.”
“And to you,” Thomas said, trying to smile. William didn’t answer, though I didn’t expect him to. He gave me a half smirk, half smile, and a nod, but that was it.
I turned back to Mother. “You’ve outdone yourself, Mother.”
“Why, thank you,” she said, beaming. “Do tell me you have a Christmas gift for me in the form of a girlfriend.”
I refused to sigh. “No, Mother, not yet.” I managed to force my face into the “playboy” grin. “There are just too many pretty women out there to choose yet.” I’d been playing this game so long, I knew exactly what moves to make.
“Give the boy some time,” Thomas said, coming to my rescue. I smiled at him a little too gratefully. “He’s still young. Ought to have a chance to sample before he’s stuck with one flavor.”
Oh God
, I moaned mentally. There are some things I truly did not want to even pretend to discuss in front of my mother.
“Women are
not
a buffet, Thomas!” my mother said, smacking him on the arm. He gave her a smile that was too close to a leer for my sanity. I really did
not
want to know which man my mother was fucking these days instead of my father.
I spotted him, then, outside on the veranda, and leaned in to air-kiss my mother again. “I see Father. I should go say hi.”
“We’re not done with that conversation,” she warned, and I managed my grin.
“We won’t be done until after I say ‘I do,’ Mother, I know.”
She laughed. “Just so you know!”
I forced a laugh in return, nodded at Thomas and William, and made my escape. Not that my father was much better, but he, at least, didn’t keep asking me when I was getting married. I stepped through the door out into the December air, which wasn’t as cool as I would have liked. Several of the tall outdoor heaters had been set up along the railing, keeping the veranda warm.
“Kyle!” my father called, holding out his hand toward me.
I stepped up and valiantly fought the wince when he pounded me on the back. “Hello, Father.”
“’Bout time you showed up,” he said, grinning.
All of this fake family crap was going to give me a bigger headache than normal. After spending a day with Mal’s family and seeing what a real one was like, this was going to make me want to punch something—more than it usually did.
“I’m not that late,” I said, trying not to sound petulant.
My father waggled his eyebrows. “Bet you were having a hard time getting your latest date out of your bed.”
No, my father wouldn’t push me to bring home someone I’d marry. Instead, he insisted on pretending he was interested in my sexual conquests, like we had it in common or something. I briefly wondered how fast the truth would wipe the smile off his face. I cleared my throat and gave my playboy smile. “A gentleman never kisses and tells.”
He pounded me on the back again. “A boy after my own heart,” he said, turning to the man to his left. “Better keep your girl under lock and key, Jimmy.”
My father’s best friend and business partner shook his head. “She’s already engaged, Phil,” Jimmy said, chuckling.
I wasn’t about to tell him I knew for a fact that his daughter slept with anything that moved. And pretty much everything that
wasn’t
her fiancé. I might not have spent much time in my family’s social circles, but I kept up with enough so I didn’t look stupid at these things.
Never mind the fact that I wouldn’t sleep with Jennifer Higgins if my life depended on it, and that wasn’t even because I preferred men. Even if I liked women, she’d have been the last person I’d touch. She’d been the snottiest bitch in my high school. She’d always hated Megan for “landing me” so early and had done her best to make my friend’s life hell.
I feigned disappointment. “Who’s the lucky man?” I asked, though I knew full well. I also knew they deserved each other.
Jimmy grinned. “Shay Collins.” I was pretty sure Jimmy actually puffed his chest out. “His father’s planning to retire early.”
Well, Jennifer should be free to fuck around, then, if Shay’s too busy working and fucking his secretary
. “Lucky him,” I said instead.
I’m not exactly sure how I got through the next few hours, except maybe on autopilot. Mother never seated me next to them at dinner, so I was spared that and could stick with the small talk I didn’t even have to think about. After the meal, I dodged my parents as much as possible, spending some of the time in the billiard room with a few of my father’s friends. I ran into Lewis and got stuck talking to him for a while, ending up drinking an extra glass of champagne to get through the conversation. I was seriously contemplating scotch when his mother dragged him away.
Somewhere around midnight, I started making my escape plan. I wanted to find Anna and say good-bye, then make my excuses to my parents. She caught me first, pushed a wrapped gift at me that could only be a sweater, and kissed my cheek before nudging me toward my mother’s office.
I was grateful I wouldn’t have to look for my mother, at least. I’d found my father talking to his friends and figured he wouldn’t miss me. I slipped through the gallery, not even glancing at the old family paintings, and down the hall to the closed double door. I was a little surprised she’d be in here instead of with her guests, though I shouldn’t have been. If she was summoning me, it wasn’t good.
I knocked softly and pushed the door open at my mother’s call. She sat behind the massive walnut desk that had been in the house for who knew how long. I suspected it was original. Her position there was definitely not a good omen.
“You wanted to see me?” I asked, plastering a smile onto my face.
“Have a seat,” she commanded, waving a hand toward one of the leather-covered torture devices in front of her desk. I knew for a fact these
were
original. And as uncomfortable as one would expect because of it.
I sat, then spotted the gifts I’d given Anna earlier. “Oh, Anna gave them to you,” I said, pointing. She looked over and raised her eyebrows. “The long one is yours.”
“Why, thank you Kyle. I didn’t expect this.” She almost looked pleased, and I was annoyed at the feeling I got from it, annoyed I still wanted her approval. I waited as she picked it up and tore off the gold foil paper, then opened the jewelry box. “Why, it’s lovely!” She barely looked at the sapphire and diamond necklace, but did give me a smile that was close to genuine. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Mother. The other is for Father. He’s talking business in the library. I didn’t want to disturb him.”
“I’ll be sure he gets it,” she said. “Did you open your envelope?”
“Oh, I forgot about it, actually.” I pulled it out, the envelope not a business size, but shorter and slightly taller. I lifted the flap and took out what I realized was the title for my car. I blinked in surprise when I saw my name on the “owner” line. “Mother?” I asked, looking up, eyebrows raised.
Her lips twitched toward a smile. “Merry Christmas. I thought it would make a good gift.”
“I… thank you, yes.” I was more than a little stunned.
“We don’t see each other much anymore,” she said, sitting back. “So I don’t buy you much anymore.”
That made more sense. She’d tried to give me quite a bit since I’d graduated, but I’d refused most of it. I wouldn’t use the credit accounts she’d set up for me at the clothing stores I used to shop at. I refused to use the grocery service she wanted me to—and wanted to pay for. And so on. I knew better. Everything I accepted would come with more harassment to find a wife or give up my “ridiculous job” and go work for my father. Or any number of things I wasn’t willing to do.
I wouldn’t turn this down, though. My car in my name, free and clear, eased some of my worry. I smiled up at her. “I really appreciate this. Thank you.” I stood, hoping to escape. I hoped I might be able to hurry out and avoid whatever else it was she wanted. I was in no mood to discuss my hunt for a wife or my insistence on my chosen career, and those had been her two biggest targets lately. “Well, I have work in the morning.”
“I do need to get back out to my guests.” She stood as well. I stifled a sigh of relief and turned to head to the door when she spoke again. “Oh, I wanted to ask you. It’s a silly rumor, but I wanted to hear your side so I could tell a few of my friends the truth.” She said it like it was an afterthought, but I knew better. This was what she’d really wanted me for.
Shit.
My heart pounded in my chest. There was only one rumor I could think of that might disturb my mother and get her to ask me for the truth. I could fuck every female in the city and she wouldn’t care. I could gamble my trust fund away and she—probably—wouldn’t bat an eye. I could spend all my pay on drugs and she’d shrug it off. This was so much worse than wives and jobs.
I turned back around and managed a blank face. “Oh? What is that?”
“Well,” she said, watching me carefully. “The rumor is that you were seen kissing another man in the elevator in your building.”
It took every ounce of discipline I’d learned from them to keep my face blank. I took slow, measured, undetectable breaths, willing my heart to calm. I did push my free hand into my pocket in the hopes of looking casual. I doubted it would work, but I was going to try.
It didn’t take a genius—even if I technically was one—to figure out Lewis had said something. I knew exactly what he’d seen and what he’d told her.
I had two choices here. I could tell her the absolute truth: I hadn’t been kissing a man in the elevator, because when Lewis saw us, we hadn’t been. Or, I could actually lie, tell her I had been, and come out.
I didn’t know which she was likely to believe more. It would be
so
easy to tell her the truth, keep my secret for a while longer, and buy myself some time.
But I didn’t want to.
I wanted to tell her about Mal. I wanted to tell her I’d fallen in love. And in an odd twist, it felt more right to lie and tell her I was and come out than it did to tell her the truth.
I was taking too long to answer, I could see it in her eyes. I took a deep breath, swallowing around my dry throat, praying she couldn’t hear my pounding heart. I knew my cheeks were red, knew despite my blank face, she saw something. But she didn’t know exactly what.
And then I knew how I should answer.
“It’s… it’s not true. I wasn’t kissing a man in the elevator.”
She looked relieved, and I knew it was what she wanted to hear.
I held tightly to Anna’s gift and the title to my car and took another breath. “Not that time.”
Her eyes widened minutely and she went very still. If I hadn’t been staring at her, I wouldn’t have seen it. “What do you mean by that?” she asked, too calmly.
I knew that tone too well. Except somehow I didn’t think she’d end up “indulging” me like she did with my silly hybrid car or loft.
I had to swallow again—twice—to speak. “I mean… I
was
kissing a man another time. My boyfriend. My lover.”
She simply blinked once. I waited, knowing more was coming. “I’m not sure I understand.”
She didn’t
want
to understand. I shook my head. “I think you do. But… just to make it clear. I’m gay, Mother.”
She blinked once again, then straightened her spine. “This isn’t a funny joke, Kyle.”
I licked my lips. “I’m not joking, Mother.”
Please don’t freak. Please don’t freak.
“Fine. Then you’ve experimented, right? I suppose everyone does. But—”
I could have said this too. I could have let her think it. “It wasn’t an experiment, Mother. I’m gay. I love a man. I’m never getting a wife—I wouldn’t know what to do with one if I had it.”
“But… you dated Megan all through high school.” She looked genuinely confused, and I had to give her that.
I nodded. “I did. But…. She was a cover, Mother. To help me stay in the closet.” I bit my lip—I’d have to tell Mal about that later—then took another breath. “I’ve been gay since I’ve known what it was to like someone. I’m sorry, Mother, I—”
She lifted her hand to cut me off.
My heart thudded at the look in her eyes, and I knew what was going to come out before she spoke. I couldn’t stop myself from begging mentally, knowing it showed in my eyes.
No. No, no, no. Don’t say it, Mother, please….
“You don’t have a mother. I no longer have a son.”
I flinched. I’d known it was coming. I was expecting it. I’ve known for years how she would react. But I still felt it like a blow.
My heart sank, my stomach twisted, and I had trouble breathing. I had to try, though. “Mother, please, don’t. It’s… it doesn’t have to—” I heard the pleading tone in my voice, but there was nothing I could do about it. They were my only family!
“I do not repeat myself. You’re no longer welcome here. I’ll give you forty-eight hours to pack your things and surrender the loft. Good night.” And with that, she swept from the room.