As if from a distance, I heard applause and voices raised in a cacophony of sound. I didn’t care, couldn’t focus on it. The only thing that mattered was in my arms, kissing me.
When we broke apart, panting hard, we stared into each other’s eyes for a long moment.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
“I am too, Kyle.”
“But… you didn’t do anything wrong! I did!”
“I don’t necessarily agree, but now is not the time to discuss it. I love you. I’m so happy to have you here again,” he said, squeezing his arms.
“I love you, Mal. Thank you, thank you for….” I trailed off, unable to figure out how to say what I was thinking.
He smiled, kissing me again, though lightly this time. “I know. You’re welcome. Now… shall we go pay for you, then work out your punishment?”
I nodded enthusiastically. I needed it. I needed to atone for things, and then maybe, just maybe, I could start to let go of the fears, the way I fucked up so badly. “Yes, Master.”
He took the key I held since I had nowhere to put it and tucked it into his pocket. We went to the table, and the lady behind it beamed at us. “Congratulations!”
I blushed and looked up at Master. I knew I had an insanely sappy look on my face, but I couldn’t help it.
“Thank you,” Master answered for us. “I’m a lucky man.”
“I’m the lucky one,” I said, turning back to her.
She laughed. “It’s good you both think so.” She held out the contract. “I’m still making you sign it.”
We both laughed and did so, understanding there were still liability issues with the dungeon. “Thank you,” Master said, after he signed and pushed it over to me.
I added my name to the line and handed it back to her.
“Thank you! The LGBT center is going to be
very
happy.”
I paled slightly as I realized he spent
another
thousand dollars on me and turned to Master. “Master! I…. The money, that’s—”
He put a finger over my lips. “Hush. We’ll talk about it in a bit.”
I closed my mouth and whispered, “Yes, Master.”
He kissed me quickly and stepped away from the table. “Let’s find a quiet corner. We’ve got a little while until midnight yet.”
I nodded and fell into step behind him. It felt so good to be there, following him, in
that
specific place. He led me to the far corner of the dungeon. I was surprised to see it was empty, not even Mistress Sammy or Cam around. I glanced around and saw them at a spanking bench in another corner.
When Master sat, I started to kneel next to him, but he reached out a hand. “Let’s talk up here first.”
I swallowed but settled onto the cushion next to his. He reached over the arm of the sofa and came back with the club blanket, which he spread over me. “Thank you,” I said gratefully, realizing for the first time how cold I was. “The, uh, jock doesn’t provide much warmth.”
Master laughed. “No, I’d guess it doesn’t. I have your chaps with me, if you’d like to put them on when we’re done.”
I blinked at him, then smiled. “I’d like that, Master. I….” I hesitated, then took a breath. “I don’t necessarily want everyone to stare at me.”
His smile was immediate and blinding. “I don’t want them to either. That body belongs to me. If I choose to share with the class, that’s up to me.”
I chuckled at his phrasing. Then what we were there to discuss came back to me, and I dropped the smile and swallowed. “I…. Uh….” I reached up to brush my fingers over my new collar. The metal had already warmed to my skin. I liked the weight of it. While I’d get used to it eventually, I thought I’d always be able to shift it or something and be reminded of what it was. “I fucked up,” I ended up saying.
Master didn’t laugh. “Yes. I’m not sure counting infractions is the right way to go about this, though.”
I swallowed again and nodded. “I don’t think so either. I’ve… I’m not sure I can count the number of times I bit my lip since Monday.”
He did chuckle at this. “That’s understandable and, really, the least of your crimes.”
I sighed, frowning. “I broke every rule you gave me,” I whispered, my heart thudding. I looked up at him and the expression on his face twisted my stomach and made the lump in my throat grow exponentially.
Disappointment.
“I’m sorry, Master,” I managed, trying to hold back my tears.
He nodded. “I know. But—”
“That’s not enough.”
“No. You need more. For the first time since we’re together, I’m not going to settle for one spanking. Tonight, you’ll get twenty swats with your new paddle. Then, starting tomorrow, every day for the next week, you’ll get ten more hard swats in the morning. What do you think of that?”
I buried the whimper with effort. I had no right to whine about this. I’d put Master through a week of hell with my silence. I’d let him worry, I’d put him off, when I knew better. He’d done nothing but show me his trust and love, and I hadn’t given him mine, not when it counted. “That’s fair, Master,” I murmured, near tears already and he hadn’t even lifted the paddle once yet.
“Now, let’s get this part over. We’ve got twenty minutes until midnight, and then we’re going home.”
I stood, folding the blanket and setting it with his bag. “Where…?”
He pointed to the spanking bench nearby. “Over the bench, but I’m not tying you down. You will stay on there on your own.”
“Yes, Master,” I murmured, heart pounding, understanding. I was accepting his punishment, not being made to take it. As I settled onto the bench and gripped the legs of it by the armrests, my eyes blurred.
“You’ll count,” Master said from next to me. “You’ll otherwise keep your sounds quiet. You may make them, but they’ll be quiet.”
I nodded, unable to speak.
“Is that clear, boy?”
“Yes, Master,” I whimpered.
“Safewords?”
I took a deep breath. “Cherry and lemon, Master.”
“And?”
“I’ll use them if I need to.” I looked up, and whatever was in my expression seemed to satisfy him.
“Very well, then.” He stepped back, and in the mirror, I watched him move. “Eyes down, boy.”
I closed them and waited. His hand squeezed my ass, and then he pulled his hand away. I knew it was coming, I was expecting it, and maybe that’s why it hurt so bad. Or maybe because I knew I deserved this, because I
wanted
it to hurt.
Maybe I simply felt Master’s disappointment in it.
I didn’t know. But the pain from the strike was awesome in its magnitude, and it took me a moment to spit out the count. Especially because it was a pain I really
did not like.
I wanted to scream, but I gritted my teeth and held it in. Master didn’t want to hear these sounds. And I was going to do everything I could to wipe away the disappointment he had in me. I’d jumped, I couldn’t help it, and I resettled, determined to stay still for the rest.
I recognized the tears after the third swat, though I don’t know if I’d started crying sooner or not. I guessed they’d started after the first one and I was too focused on the pain to notice.
He didn’t let up, every one he gave me as hard as the first. My ass was on fire, my skin throbbing with the pain. Every one of those twenty swats reverberated through my ass and muscles, along my body, and took every bit of effort I had to accept mostly in silence, except for my count.
I’m not sure when the sobbing started. Probably around the tenth swat. That might have also been when I tacked the “I’m sorry, Master” on after “Thank you.” I couldn’t be sure. The entire spanking was just a huge haze of pain.
I couldn’t move when it was over. My hands had locked themselves around the legs of the bench. My throat was raw from sobbing and holding it all in. Tears still streamed down my face, and it took me a while to realize I was still saying, “I’m sorry,” over and over.
“Shh, beautiful boy, shhh,” Master murmured, prying my hands off the wood. He manhandled me to my feet just enough to scoop me into his arms. I didn’t pay attention to where he took me. Instead, I burrowed into him.
Right where I belonged. I inhaled him, soaking up his warmth, his scent, and his strength. I was still whimpering quietly. I couldn’t seem to stop. My ass still throbbed, felt four times its normal size and so hot I was sure I could burn bacon on it.
He didn’t touch it to soothe, and I didn’t dare. There was still a part of me that needed to hurt. So when Master sat on the couch and set my painful ass on his legs, I moaned but otherwise didn’t say anything.
Except, I guessed, the “I’m sorry,” I didn’t realize I was still saying over and over.
“Shh, now, beautiful boy. It’s over. I’m so proud of you. You did so well.” He lifted my chin and kissed my cheeks over my still-running tears, then my forehead and back to my cheeks. He brushed them away with his fingers, and finally I settled into a few hiccups, then quiet. “You took that so well, baby. So well.”
I swallowed thickly and sucked in an unsteady breath. “Thank you. Thank you for giving me what I needed.”
He beamed at me. “You’re welcome. How are you feeling?”
I paused to think about it for a time. He wasn’t talking about my ass. There was no doubt my ass was still an agony of fire. Sitting on it was killing me, but I refused to move. I focused, instead, on my emotions. I felt… empty, clear, light. I didn’t realize how knotted and heavy my insides had been for the last week. But that was gone. I was still sorry for hurting Master, but I realized too I could accept his forgiveness and let go of it.
“Forgiven.”
His smile, if it was possible, widened. “I’m so glad, baby. So glad.”
He leaned in and I met his kiss happily, feeling that forgiveness in it. We were interrupted when the dungeon burst out in noise.
“Ten!”
Master grinned. “Well, look at that.”
“Nine! Eight!” We counted along with them, and when we got to one, kissed again, this one so long and thorough, I forgot the pain in my ass for a moment.
“Are you ready to go home?”
I didn’t mistake his meaning. I still worried, but I wasn’t going to argue. “Yes, Master.”
“Then let’s go. I have one more surprise for you.”
Mal
IT JUST
about killed me to see him crying as much as he was. The look on his face when I gave him the collar was more than I ever could have asked for. Then when he dropped to his knees, I thought I was going to float away with happiness. I knew I was being sappy, and I didn’t give a single damn.
But when I had to punish him…. God, I wanted to do just about anything but hurt him. I had to repeat, over and over like a chant in my head,
He needs this.
Because I understood he did.
I didn’t just take his word for it. I’d talked at length to Cam and Sammy, then Nash and even Mike—who Kyle had finally convinced about our relationship—before I figured out what kind of punishment to give him. I listened to both submissives to make sure I got it. I would have asked more, but I didn’t have that much time.
I also needed to trust Kyle.
Each swat hurt me almost as much as it hurt him. Each one reminded me of my own shortcomings and the ways I’d failed him. He insisted I hadn’t, but I knew better.
I’d been just as guilty of holding things back. While I’d had a good excuse for that, it was just that: an excuse. I should have made it clear I wanted him to live with me and that I would be there when he was ready. I should have made sure he understood how much I wanted him.
I deserved the week of misery I got. I deserved to have to give Kyle a punishment like that, even though it hurt me. As would the swats I gave him for the next six days. They would be as much of a reminder to me of what I needed to do and remember as they would be for him.
We didn’t hang out after the countdown. I helped him dress in the sweats I’d brought, just in case he didn’t want the chaps. He’d worn jeans to the dungeon and wasn’t going to be up to wearing them. I couldn’t wait to get home and put some lotion on that ass.
As soon as he was dressed, we said our good-byes and headed to the car. Kyle’s eyes widened at the pillow I’d left on the passenger seat. “Th-Thank you, Master.”
“I didn’t assume anything,” I said to make sure he knew it. “I just wanted to be ready if you said yes.”
He smiled up at me and leaned in to kiss me. I took it, returned it, but kept it from getting too involved. We had one more thing to settle yet before I’d feel like I could breathe easier.
I helped him settle into the car—sitting half on his hip—then hurried to my own side. We drove home in relative silence, only sharing a word or two. We were both nervous. Kyle, I was sure, despite his words after the spanking, that I was still mad or upset. I was nervous because I almost desperately wanted him to understand and accept the last thing.
I was most definitely not the kind of guy who felt like he needed to protect his partner. I had no allusions to any sort of machismo, nor did I have any latent caveman tendencies. But that didn’t mean I didn’t want to help and protect the thing that had become most important to me in the world either.
I wanted to take care of Kyle. I wanted to help him, make things easier on him, if I could.
We pulled into the driveway and I helped Kyle out of the car. I resisted the ridiculous urge to scoop him into my arms and carry him into the house. Instead, I made sure he could walk well enough and focused on unlocking the door.
I flipped the light switch. I had a set of little hooks by the door I hung my keys on, then picked up the set next to it. I turned to Kyle and pointed to my office door. “There are a few parts to what I have for you.”
He scrunched his forehead in puzzlement, which was so damned adorable. I couldn’t stop the chuckle. He scowled. “What’s so funny?”
That only made me laugh. “You’re adorable like that. Come on.” I opened the door to the office and turned to watch Kyle’s reaction.
I’d been a busy beaver over the weekend since Kyle’s call. Around playing our game, I’d done quite a bit of shopping, among other things, the first of which Kyle was now looking at.