Black Widow (8 page)

“O
k girl, what happened to you last night?” Becca slides in front of me at the corner Starbucks the next morning.

She text me multiple times last night and this morning trying to figure out why I left without saying anything to her last night. I told her I was fine and we could discuss it over breakfast but she wouldn’t drop it. After her fifth text I turned off my ringer, curled up in bed alone, trying to get the image of Eros out of my mind but who was I kidding? It was never going to happen. After an hour of trying to sleep, I put on a movie and finally dozed off around 2 a.m.

Now I’m here, right where I said I’d be and I don’t even get a simple hello before I’m being drilled again. I wish I could tell her why I left. What really happened but I’m just as confused as she is.

I was so lost in the heat of the moment. Still reeling from my orgasm, then devastated when he left me so suddenly. I was so embarrassed and felt totally alone with no clue what to do.

When he returned warm, comfort covered me all over. The sound of his voice, alone, made me melt inside, with a feeling of security once more. When he got up to join the scene, jealousy worked its way over me.

Even though I hated what I was seeing, it was like a car crash, no matter how much I didn’t want to see what was happening in front of me, I couldn’t help but sit and stare. But yet he stared right back.

When I joined him I felt a sense of happiness overcome me, even though some other girl had her mouth wrapped around his dick. I felt it and I knew he felt it, too. He came as soon as he kissed me.

Me.

Not her.

Me.

I beamed with pride until he pulled away from me, quickly checked on the girl and bailed without looking back. There I stood, in the middle of five people having sex all around me while I was fully clothed and in no way involved with them.

I’ve never felt so stupid and out of place in my life. I turned and ran out the door, catching a cab and heading straight home. So to say I’m totally confused would be an understatement, which is why I was avoiding Becca’s texts. I wasn’t ready to deal with any of it yet.

I don’t want to be having these feelings. I need to step back and look at this like the law, black and white. Just sex, no feelings.

“Good morning to you, too. I’d ask how your night was but I saw it with my own two eyes,” I hit her arm, teasing, trying to put the focus on her.

“I have a grande non-fat dirty chai on the bar for Becca,” the male barista yells out.

Becca gets up to grab her drink and I watch as she obviously flirts with the guy. I’m in awe that she can be so sure of herself to flirt so openly. He’s a little younger than us, with tattoos running up his arms that you can see under his long sleeve shirt rolled up to his elbows. If it’s not his lip ring that tops off his bad boy look then it’s his longer hair that’s spiking out from under his Starbucks hat.

I can’t help but laugh as she joins me again at our table.

“What?” she smiles knowing exactly why I’m shaking my head in disbelief. “He’s cute, isn’t he?”

“Yes, he is. And of course my dirty friend would order a dirty chai.”

She winks at me with a silly smirk before starting in on me again, “Ok, spill it girl. I looked over and Eros had his arms all over you. What happened?”

I sigh before spilling every hot detail, which is weird since I’ve never spoken this openly about sex but for some reason with Becca it feels totally normal. She smiles like I’m telling her about a new movie I watched, even though the movie I was watching was her, in real life, getting done from behind.

I still can’t believe it.

“So you’re going to join right?” she spits out once I’ve told her the whole story.

“Hello? Weren’t you listening? He just left. I stood there like an idiot.”

She waves her hand dismissively, “That’s no big deal. You better join though. He wants you to. I just know it. He was probably just pissed he couldn’t fuck you.”

I shake my head. “What’s the point? All I’ve done since I left was think about him, and yet I really have no idea who he even is? Or what he really looks like. This is not what I want.”

“The point is for fun. That’s it. Enjoy life’s little pleasures. Unless…” she stops squinting her eyes, “I guess I should have asked you, are you looking for a relationship? Like real, get together on weeknights to make dinner together and take him home to mom and dad, relationship?”

Without hesitation I answer, “No!”

I guess I should have tamed my response back a bit because now she’s wondering why I’m
so
against it.

She sighs, her lips tilting down to a frown. “Is there something I should know? I get it. I’m not really looking for a relationship either but I get the feeling it’s more than that for you. When was the last time you’ve been in a relationship and what happened that you’re sooooo against it?”

My eyes instantly tear up. “It’s been a while. Can’t we just leave it at that?”

“No, sorry. To be involved in this world it’s important that you’re open and honest, especially with yourself. This world is built on trust and if you can’t trust yourself then you definitely can’t trust someone else and that’s when things get nasty. I’ve seen it happen. The human factor. You join us for a fun release, not an escape. There’s a difference. I need to make sure you know the difference.”

I sigh, “I know the difference. I’m not escaping from anything. Well, I mean, not really. I don’t want a relationship that’s all. I already gave my heart to someone and vowed I would only love him.” I grab a napkin dabbing the tears falling down my face.

Becca grabs my hand, holding it softly, saying, “So what happened?”

“It’s been five years. Don’t worry about it.”

“No, Kamii. I’m your friend now remember? Tell me what happened.”

I close my eyes, bringing back my last memory of Nick.

“Well Mrs. Schafer, how does it feel to be a married woman?”

I run my fingers through his chest hair. It’s the perfect amount of hair. Just enough to be sexy, where I can run my fingers through it but not enough to make him look like a bear. “I feel like this is going to be the best day of my life, Mr. Schafer. Knowing that I get to wake up in your arms for the rest of my life is truly a dream come true.”

He leans over, kissing my forehead, “I fully agree. Our flight for Hawaii leaves in a few hours. I thought I would go get you breakfast in bed from your favorite bakery. How does that sound?”

“Only a few hours of marriage and you’re already spoiling me rotten. You know the way to my heart.”

He leans down kissing my lips, “Yup, a maple donut with a lavender latte coming right up.”

I grab him before he can get up, kissing him as I whisper, “How’d I get so lucky?”

“You said yes. That’s how.”

He kisses me softly before getting up and putting on some clothes and slipping out the door. Lying back down, I roll over, grabbing the covers and pulling them up high with a huge smile on my face.

Not even thirty seconds later my smile was gone.

Forever.

“Oh Kamii, I’m so sorry,” is all Becca says.

I’m sick of people saying they’re sorry. Sorry for what? They didn’t kill him. They had nothing to do with it and nothing to be sorry for. I shake my head. Wiping the last of my tears, sternly saying, “So this is why I’m not looking for a relationship. They’re nothing but heartache.”

Becca grabs my hand again, “Not always.”

I see the pain in her eyes. Pain for me. Pain I have seen in everyone’s eyes since that fateful morning and I’m sick of it. This is why I don’t have friends. Why I buried myself in my work and my books. That was my escape. This will be my reality. I think it will be good for me and now that I really think about it, the fact that I don’t know who he is probably is even better.

“No, this is exactly what I need. When I said this is not what I want I didn’t mean it in terms of a relationship. Exact opposite actually. I don’t want to be thinking about him, which is exactly what I’ve been doing. I just want the sex part. That’s it.”

“I get it. I do. Just please, promise you’ll talk to me if you need to at any time, ok? I’m sure things will be normal after he fucks you. It’s just because that was probably the first time he’s been in a situation where he really wanted to but couldn’t.”

“Ok. You’re probably right.”

“Besides. You have to fuck him. Mmm, it’s so good,” she smirks.

Now my interest is piqued, “Really? You have?” I smile.

“Oh girl, just wait. And he’s in your same boat. No relationships so you have nothing to worry about. So, now, where is that paperwork?” she smiles, winking at me.

“I have it right here. I did fill it out last night. How well do you know this guy?”

She smirks, “I’ve known him for about six months now. He’s pretty secretive and I promised I would keep his secrets so don’t ask me anything else. I hate to keep secrets from you but I owe him that. Just know that you’re in for a world of fun. But not only with him. There are new men in this group that I have yet to taste and I’m sure we will have our fill of many different options. After you’re with someone else he won’t be more than a rating on your fuck scale. Those who you’ve done, would do again and would try to do every time you see them,” she winks as she sticks the paperwork in her purse.

My heart flutters with excitement as she fills me in on more of the rules, what each night is meant for and we make plans for next week. Since the club is new, they are rushing my test results and I have an appointment already scheduled for tomorrow. Becca told me they made the appointment last week knowing that I would want to sign after my first night of just watching. Pretty presumptuous of them but I guess they knew once I walked in I’d want to belong.

They were right.

M
y week has been insane. We’re working on a new, high-end case at my firm that has taken control of my life. I can’t say I’m sad about it though. I’ve had no time to think about Eros, what happened last Saturday night or more importantly, what’s going to happen tonight. I had work as an excuse to get me out of last night, which was more of a couple’s night. I didn’t want to be a part of that. Not for my first time.

Tonight is Friday and Becca said she would drag me kicking and screaming if she had to, saying I would fit right in since it’s BDSM night. I know she was kidding about fitting right in with the kicking and screaming but not about dragging me down there.