Breathless (169 page)

“I’m so sorry, Jesse. I was only a child, and I had no idea what I was saying.”

“It’s okay. You taught me that I needed to be strong to survive this world, and I owe you for that.”

“I made you bitter toward the world.”

“No, you didn’t. You were just the first of many to look down on me. Despite how we met, you’ve shown me that it’s okay to care about someone, to love someone, because there are people who come into your life who deserve to be loved. They are the ones worth taking a chance on, hoping you don’t end up broken.”

She grabbed my face and kissed me. “I love you, Jesse. I’ll never leave you. There’s something between us that ties us together.”

“I like being tied to you. Just promise not to shatter me.”

“I won’t.”

What came after that wasn’t sex. It was so much more. Where words failed, our bodies showed just how much we loved each other. Sex was nice, but it was nothing compared to this. We were one.

Eighteen-Emma

We spent the rest of the weekend exploring London and spending time with my dad and his bandmates. I’d grown up around those guys, and they felt more like family to me than my own mother did. When it was time to leave, I cried. I wasn’t ready to leave my dad or the pure bliss that I’d found in London.

After our talk on Saturday morning, I felt closer to Jesse than ever. This boy had my heart, and I loved it. There was no one else in the world who could ever compare to him. Every look, every touch between us seemed to mean so much more. He loved me, and I loved him. For those few short days, life was perfect.

The trip back to California was uneventful. As the hours passed, a sense of foreboding came over me. Everything had changed, but at the same time, things were still the same.

Tomorrow, Jesse would be allowed back in school where everyone hated him for what he’d done to Todd. I frowned as I thought of the fight I’d had with Todd when I finally had a chance to corner him and let him know just what I thought of him. He’d claimed that he was only trying to protect me because he cared, but I wasn’t buying it. He was as obsessed with status as my mother was, and I wanted nothing to do with it. I had told him to stay away from me, and so far, he had. I just hoped that it would last.

***

On the car ride back to his house, Jesse dropped a bomb on me. “My mom is moving to West Virginia with Mark, and she wants me to go with her.”

I had no idea what to say to that. I sat silently as I waited for him to continue.

“You can stop trying to break the steering wheel in two. I’m not going,” he said.

I glanced over at him. “What do you mean? You can’t stay here by yourself. Where would you live?”

“I can and will stay here by myself. I’ll still be in my shitty trailer. Money will be tight, but I’ll manage if I can find a second job.”

“How do you plan on working two jobs and going to school? You’ll wear yourself out.”

“It’s only for two years. Then, hopefully, Rick will let me pick up more hours.”

“Why are you staying? Be honest.”

He paused before answering. “Honestly? Because of you. I just found you, and I won’t leave you behind. Besides, Santa Monica is my home. I’m not going to give up everything.”

“But your mom will be thousands of miles away.”

“I know, and it sucks, but it’s her choice. I won’t hold her back.” “When is she leaving?” I asked.

“Soon,” he said shortly.

I knew that he was done talking about the move, so I let it go. The rest of the drive to his house was completely silent. Both of us were lost in our thoughts. I couldn’t believe that he was willing to stay here and work two jobs just so that he could be with me. I didn’t want him to leave, but I also didn’t want him to pick me over his mom. I was afraid that he would resent me for it later.

I dropped him off and headed to my house. The house was empty as I carried my bags up to my room. I sent my mom and my dad both a text to let them know that I’d made it home safely. My dad was the only one who responded—no surprise there. I spent the rest of my day washing laundry, still thinking about Jesse and his mom. I didn’t want either of them to hate me for Jesse’s decision to stay, but I didn’t want him to leave either.

***

School was just as I’d expected the next day and the rest of the week. Everyone was either terrified of Jesse or hated him. I hated that I had to keep silent as the whispers followed him through the halls, but I couldn’t take a chance on if people found out we were together and someone let it slip to my mom.

We only had a few weeks until my eighteenth birthday. After that, I wouldn’t have to hide Jesse from the world. I would be a legal adult, and I knew my dad would pay for me to stay someplace. I wouldn’t be trapped under my mother’s roof.

I was just hoping that Jesse would wait that long. I could see the resentment in his eyes when we would pass each other in the hallway, and I couldn’t say a word to him because my friends surrounded me. I’d texted him a few times to see if I could come over after school, but he always claimed that he had to work.

The next week was the same.

And the next.

Things were beyond tense when we were together, which wasn’t often. I tried to talk to Jesse about it, but he refused. I just kept telling him to give me a few weeks until I could move out, and then I’d announce it to the world.

Lucy knew what was going on, but she had no way to help me either. She knew I was hurt by the coldness Jesse was showing toward me, and she would try to cheer me up, but it was useless.

Every day, I felt like Jesse and I were being pulled further and further apart. I’d finally had enough of it one night, so I texted Jesse to tell him that he was coming to my house whether he liked it or not since my mom had a dinner she had to go to. It took him forever to reply, but he finally texted me back and agreed to let me pick him up at his house.

I didn’t care how long it took. I was going to make him see how much I loved him and just how hard it was to stay away from him while everyone bashed him at school. I would make things right between us. I had to. There was no way that I could deal with losing him.

I was nervous as I drove to Jesse’s. It felt like London had never happened and that we were hanging precariously at the edge of a cliff. One slip, and everything that we’d accomplished together would fall.

I was surprised to see that Jesse’s mom was home. I knew she worked the night shift, so it was unusual for her to be home this early in the evening.

“Hey, Emma,” she said when she answered the door.

“Hey. Is Jesse here?”

“Yeah, he’s in his room. Please ignore the mess. I’m trying to get everything packed and ready to go. Mark and I leave tomorrow.”

“Already? Jesse told me you were leaving, but I didn’t realize it was this soon.”

“He won’t talk about it, so I’m not surprised that he hasn’t mentioned it.”

“He really hasn’t talked to me period lately. It’s my fault though.”

“Well, go fix it. He’ll need you around more once I’m gone. I don’t want him to be alone.”

“He won’t. I’ll make sure of that,” I said as I walked back to his room. I could hear music blaring from inside the room, so I didn’t bother knocking.

He wouldn’t hear me anyway.

He was lying on his bed when I walked in. He noticed me and turned off the music.

“Hey,” I said nervously.

“Hey.”

“Can we talk? I mean, we
are
going to talk whether you want to or not. I just wasn’t sure if you wanted to talk here or at my house.”

“We can talk wherever you want.”

“Okay…I guess I’ll start. Why have you been ignoring me?”

“I think you have it wrong. It’s you who’s been ignoring me.”

“You and I both know why I can’t be with you at school. But every time

I try to meet up with you, you shoot me down. Why?”

“Maybe I’m sick of being your little secret. Maybe you need to see what it’s like.”

“Jesse, I’m sorry that I’ve hurt you. I just don’t know how to fix this.”

“Neither do I.” He sighed. “Look, it’s not just you who I’m pissed off at. My mom has been driving me nuts while she’s been packing for the last two weeks. She will be gone tomorrow, and I’m trying to accept that I’ll be alone.”

“But you’re not alone. You have me. Just hold on for a few more weeks until I turn eighteen. Once I do, I’ll scream that I’m with you from the roof at school. My mom can kiss my ass because I won’t have to live with her anymore. I’ll be an adult, and I know my dad will let me stay at his place here or pay the rent for an apartment.”

He studied me. “You won’t hide me anymore?”

“No. I’ve never wanted to hide you, but if anyone found out now, my mom would lock me in my room, and she’d find some way to have you kicked out of my school. We just have to wait until I can leave.”

“It was always there in the back of my mind that you were ashamed of me.”

“I could never be ashamed of you. Never.”

He pulled me down, so I was sitting next to him on the bed.

“I sound like a needy girl, but that makes me kind of happy. I thought we had things figured out when we were in London, but then everything went to shit as soon as we got back.”

“I know, and it’s my fault. I promise to fix this.”

“All right, I believe you.” He leaned over and kissed me.

“Let’s go to my house to hang out. My mom has a dinner thing, so she won’t be back until tomorrow. She always prowls those parties for some poor unsuspecting guy to sink her claws into.”

He laughed. “Poor bastard. I can’t wait until I get to meet her. After she hears what I have to say, she’ll love me even more.”

“It’s impossible for anyone to
not
love you. Well, except for her. I mean, you met my dad when he caught me naked in bed, and he still liked you. That’s charisma right there.”

“I’m lucky that he didn’t break my neck. Your dad is one scary motherducker.”

I raised an eyebrow. “Motherducker? Really?”

“Well, I didn’t want to call your dad a motherfucker, so I tamed it down.”

I shook my head. “Only you.”

He held my hand as we walked out of his room and down the hall to where his mom was taping boxes. Her eyes lit up when she noticed our linked hands.

“I see you two worked things out,” she said happily.

“We’re working on it,” I told her truthfully.

While we had made amends for right now, I knew things would still be uneasy between us until I could prove to him that I wasn’t ashamed.

“I’m glad to hear it. I told Emma that she’s in charge of taking care of you once I leave. You know I’m going to worry about you constantly.”

“I’ll be fine. We both know that I can take care of myself.”

“You know, I was just telling Jesse that I’m going to see if my dad will rent a place for me until I finish high school. Jesse could always move in with me instead of killing himself by working two jobs.”

“While I appreciate the thought, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t approve of you two living together.”

“I’d make sure that it was a two-bedroom apartment,” I added.

“And I’m sure you two would sleep in your own beds. I’m not stupid,” she said as she grinned.

Jesse shrugged. “It’s not a bad idea as long as her dad lets me help with the rent.”

“Jesse—”

“It’s no different from me staying here by myself. You’ll be gone, and you won’t know how often Emma stays the night.”

This was getting awkward fast. It was embarrassing how he was basically telling her that we were having sex, and there was nothing she could do about it.

“Anyway, I’m ready if you are,” I said, hoping that he would stop talking.

“Let’s go. I’ll see you later, Mom.”

“Bye, Jesse. Be good.”

“Always am.”

“Why do I even bother?” she mumbled under her breath.

“I have no idea,” Jesse called as we walked out the door.

“You should be nicer to her. She is your mom, and she’s just trying to look out for you.”

“I know, but I’m kind of pissed at her for really leaving with this guy.”

“She’ll be thousands of miles away soon. You shouldn’t stay mad at her.

You need to take this time and cherish it. I’d kill to have a mom like yours.”

“I’ll kiss and make up with her before she leaves tomorrow. I promise.”

“Good. Now, let’s go. I haven’t been alone with you for weeks. I
need
some alone time.”

“Naked alone time?” he asked hopefully.

“Definitely naked.”

“Let’s go.”

Nineteen-Jesse

Emma straddled me as she ran her hand down my bare chest. She’d practically carried me up the stairs and to her room as soon as we’d made it to her house.

“I’m so glad that we’re finally alone. I’ve been waiting forever for this,” she said.

“For what?”

“This.” She undid the last of the buttons on my shirt and kissed a trail from my belly button to my neck.

I moved my head to the side to give her better access. Things had been so tense between us lately, and I planned to enjoy every second of this. I felt my dick jump as she ran her tongue behind my ear.

“You’re killing me here,” I mumbled as I closed my eyes and relaxed.

“My apologies. I’ll stop.”

She started to get off of me, but I caught her around her hips and held her in place.

“Oh no. You’re staying right where you are.” “I thought I was bothering you,” she teased.

“You are but in a good way. I like it when you bother me like this.”

She smiled as she leaned down and kissed me on the lips. I slipped my hands into her shirt and skimmed my fingers down her back. She shuddered, and it was officially on. My hands slipped around to her stomach and slowly made their way to her breasts. I kneaded them through her bra, and she bit her lip as a small moan escaped her.

“Now, you’re killing me,” she whispered.

I pulled her shirt over her head and flipped her onto her back. “Good.”

She ran her hands through my hair as I started kissing her neck, heading down and down until I reached her breasts. Her breath came in short gasps when I pulled the cup of her bra down and ran my tongue over her nipple.