Read Choosing Happy (Madison Square #2) Online
Authors: Samatha Harris
Choosing Happy (Madison Square #2) (29 page)
Sean
So there I was, parked on that same bar stool, staring into my empty glass of scotch while Papa Jack stared at me, drying off the bar glasses one by one.
“Didn’t you retire?” I asked.
Papa Jack just shrugged. “Figured you could use someone to talk to.”
“You figured wrong.” I pushed my glass across the bar toward him.
Jack shook his head and leaned his elbows on the bar top. “You ain’t findin’ the answer in the bottom of that glass,” he said as he pushed the empty glass back toward me with a flick of his fingers.
“Won’t know until I try, will I?” I pushed the glass back toward him as the bell above the door jingled, announcing someone’s entrance.
I looked over and sighed.
“Hello, son.”
Jack refilled my glass with a wink. “What the fuck do you want?” I asked as I drained my glass.
“I wanted to talk,” he said.
“A little late for that, don’t you think?”
“I hope not.” He took a seat on the stool beside me and nodded to Papa Jack for a drink. He tilted his head toward my now empty glass, and Jack poured his drink and shook his head when I held out my still empty glass to him. Who do I have to fuck to get a drink around here?
My father stared down at the bar, swirling his drink around in the glass. “I know I made a lot of mistakes.”
I laughed. “You think?”
He sighed. “This isn’t easy for me.”
“Neither was being your son.”
He nodded. “I deserve that.”
I frowned, studying him while trying to figure out his angle. “What do you want from me?”
“A chance,” he said. “To be in your life, in Emily’s life.”
“Are you kidding me? Are you dying? Is that what this is about? You’re trying to reconcile with the kids you abandoned before you kick the bucket.”
He laughed. “No. Let’s just say I met someone who made me realize that the mistakes I’ve made in my past don’t necessarily have to define my future.”
I winced and squeezed my eyes closed tight to fight off the pain that had clawed its way up my throat. “Guess you can add her to the list of things you’ve stolen from me.”
“I was a lousy father, but I’ve never stolen anything from you. I thought I was preparing you for the harsh realities of life. I wanted you to succeed. I didn’t want you to grow up bitter and resentful like I did, but look at you, Sean. That’s exactly what you’ve become.”
I ground my teeth and tightened my fist at my side. Who the fuck did he think he was? Coming in here, judging me and comparing me to him. I don’t abandon the people I love. I don’t bend them to my will, like puppets.
“I’m nothing like you,” I spat.
“Keep this shit up and you will be.” He sighed and ran a hand down his face. “You’re a good man, Sean, and you got there on your own. You live a full life, you have good friends, a family, and a good woman who loves you.”
I scoffed at that last one. “She doesn’t love me. She left me…again.”
“Trust me, son. She loves you. She’s just afraid.”
“Afraid? Of what? Of what other people think?”
“Maybe,” he said. “But I think she’s more afraid of living her own life, making her own decisions.”
I dropped my head, hating that he was right.
“If you love her, give her time. She has to choose for herself.”
I raised my head and narrowed my eyes at him. “Did we just…?” I shook my head.
“Bond?” he said, attempting to finish my sentence.
I made a stink face and leaned back from the bar. “I wouldn’t go that far.”
He laughed and drained the rest of his glass. “Can’t blame a guy for trying.”
I chuckled, feeling a weight I hadn’t realized was there begin to lift off my shoulders.
“I’m sorry, Sean. I’m sorry for not being the father you needed. For not being there when you needed me the most. For everything. I’m sorry.”
“I wish that was enough,” I said. He looked at me. His face fell, and he nodded.
“Well,” he said, getting to his feet. “I’m headed over to the restaurant for the next stop on my apology tour. Wish me luck.”
He headed toward the door. “Dad?” I said. He turned back to face me with hope in his eyes. “Give it time.” He nodded again and gave me a small half smile. “Oh, and watch out for Gran. She’s old but that rolling pin still packs a mean punch.”
He laughed. “Thanks for the heads up.”
I smiled. Maybe there was hope for the old man yet.
***
I left The Den and headed home. When the elevator doors opened on my floor, I stopped cold.
“Madison?”
She looked up at me from her seat on the floor beside my door. She tried to get up and adjusted her neck that was probably stiff from sitting on the hard ground.
“What are you doing here?” I asked.
“I wanted to see you.”
I shook my head. “No, I’m not doing this again.” I pushed my keys into the lock and opened the door, slamming it behind me.
A soft knock came from the other side, and I ran my fingers through my hair. I growled in frustration. I hated that her sweet floral scent hung in the air around me.
“Sean?” she asked, her voice muffled through the door.
I leaned back against it and sighed. “Go away, Madison.”
She was quiet for a moment. “I just want to talk,” she said.
I couldn’t do it. I knew that if I opened that door, she’d pull me back into that fucking cycle where she comes back into my life only to break me all over again. Fuck, I’m the girl, again. Jesus Christ! Can’t I just once be in control and break her heart instead of always ending up an emotional heap on the floor?
“Sean? Please?”
I growled and turned, whipping the door open. She stepped back, eyes wide.
“What do you want?”
“You.”
I laughed and nodded my head, feeling a little crazy at the moment. “You want me,” I said, repeating her words to myself. I hated how much I wanted them to be true.
“I’m done running.”
“I’ve heard that one before,” I said, stepping back into the apartment and shutting the door again.
I started down the hall when her voice stopped me. “I’m not going anywhere,” she said, her voice stern. I stopped and turned, looking back at the door. “I’ll stay out here all night if that’s what it takes.”
I marched back down the hall and flung open the door. “Why?”
She crossed her arms across her chest and fixed me with a defiant glare. “Because I love you.”
“You…”
“I love you, and I’m not going anywhere until you talk to me.”
“Jesus, Madison, you left me…twice! Now you show up here saying you love me and the bullshit you put me through is just supposed to magically disappear?”
“No,” she said then took a step toward me. “But I’m not leaving until you hear me out.”
I shook my head slowly and watched her as she stared me down, waiting for the moment I would break. I sighed. “Fine, talk.”
“Here?” she asked, still standing in the doorway.
I shrugged. “It’s as good a place as any. Easier access to the elevator.”
“I’m done running, Sean.”
I scoffed.
“You were right. I was never going to be happy until I chose it for myself. I’ve wasted so much of my life letting other people make my decisions for me, and I’m done. I have a good life. I love my job, my friends, and I love you.”
“What about your ex? Your parents?”
“Michael needs to figure out his own life. He’s no longer a part of mine. You made me realize that we never really loved each other. I never felt loved or cherished until I met you. And my parents? Well, they will always be in my life, but their opinions no longer matter.”
“Come on, Madison,” I said. “It’s just a matter of time before Margot or your parents convince you that we shouldn’t be together.”
She stepped forward and rested her hands on my chest. “None of that matters any more. I
can
be happy without you, but I’m
choosing
to be happy with you.”
I looked down at her. Her eyes were bright, full of joy and hope. It nearly took my breath away.
“I love you, Sean.”
“Say it again,” I said as I brushed my fingers against her cheek.
“I love you,” she whispered.
“No,” I said. She pulled away and looked up at me with a frown. I smiled. “The part about me being right.”
She smiled and slapped at my chest as I leaned in for a kiss.
This kiss tasted of possibilities, of a future filled with ups and downs and choices, but as long as we were together in the end then we’d always be choosing happy above all else.
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Acknowledgements
I have to say a huge thank you to the amazing people in my life who have been a constant source of love and support throughout this crazy process. I feel truly blessed to have you in my life. I would be totally lost without you all allowing me to pester you with my endless questions and self-doubt.
I want to thank my family, all of you, for your love and support. I want to thank my husband Dave for picking up the slack and giving the time I need to write.
I want to thank my beta readers Haley, Michelle, and Mitsy. Your feedback saved me. I will be forever grateful for your honesty and support. Your notes kept me focused and helped shape this story into something wonderful. You are all wonderful writers and amazing friends.
Huge fangirl moment to one of my favorite authors, Kaylee Ryan. You are an inspiration to me as a writer and as a person. I’m truly lucky to call you a friend. Thank you for your support and advice. You are amazing! #1 fangirl forever!
To my LP family, you all are incredible. I’m lucky to be a part of this amazing pub family. Your support and advice has helped me more than I can possibly say.
To all the bloggers and reviewers, thank you for taking a chance on an unknown author and all the love and support you’ve shown me.
Thank you to my dear friend Ely for discussing Sean and Madison like they were real people. We are our own kind of crazy.
To my wonderful editor, Tiffany, you have the patience of a saint and an eye for details. I’m truly grateful for all that you do for me. You are a rock star.
And last but never least, thank you to the readers. You’ve made a dream I never thought was possible come true. I love sharing the world of Madison Square with all of you. Thanks for reading!
Kisses,
Sam