Dark Solace (7 page)

“Devlin—”

“When I found out it was his child, I was
enraged. I wanted to kill him, and just take you. But I told myself
to be patient, that I could wait for you to come to me. Time would
pass, and eventually, I’d only have to share you with Danial.”

Once Theo died, that would be true. I looked
away from him.

“I hoped in time you would reconsider living
with me. Time is one thing I have plenty of.”

“We both do now,” I replied carefully.

“But I saw over the following months that
most of what you felt for me was just because of the blood I had
given you, the attraction any turn feels for their sire. I gave you
a lot of my blood when I saved you. More than I had ever given
anyone before, even Anna. It influenced you, made you desire me. I
thought that you really loved me, as I wanted you to. But it became
obvious—as more time passed and you had less of my blood in your
system—that you didn’t want me the way you had before. That you
didn’t love me, as you said you did. You loved Theo and Danial, but
not me.” There was utter despair in Devlin’s tone now, sorrow
enough to drown in. “My jealousy ate at me. Your being with Lash
didn’t help.”

I whipped my head around to give him an angry
look. “You told me what happened was okay with you.”

“I know I said that,” Devlin said heavily. “I
trusted him with you because I knew he was loyal to me. But you
tested that loyalty sorely. I can see how he looks at you now.”

Remembering Lash’s last look at me, I
flushed. “Dev, stop—”

“You know he still hasn’t been with anyone
else.”

I had to get the conversation off Lash. “Dev,
leave him out of this. What he and I did is done and over. We need
to talk about us, not The Lust, or old lovers—”

“But I am just an old lover, aren’t I?”
Devlin said bitterly. “Months ago, you came here after you had
fought with Theo. You never even called me to tell me you were
here. Why, Sar? I’ll tell you why. Because you didn’t want to be
with me. You just needed somewhere to go to not be with him.”

“You’re my former Oathed One!” I shouted.
“Stop making yourself out to be the victim, when it was you who
broke our Oath! If all you are is an old lover of mine, that isn’t
my fault, it’s yours!”

Devlin tilted his head up, then looked down
at me. “Do you know how many women have told me they loved me? That
they wanted nothing more than to spend the rest of their lives with
me? Not counting the ones I had sex with, even?”

I took in his handsome face, his beautiful
eyes, his sculpted body under his tight clothes. He was probably
the most sexy and attractive man I’d ever known. The women who’d
been attracted to him in his long life, who’d wanted him for their
own, were probably every woman he’d ever met. “Probably a lot,” I
answered.

“I’ve only told you and Anna that I loved
you, outside of quoting poetry and songs, of course—”

“Of course,” I echoed sarcastically.

“I’ve only ever wanted her and you, Sar. I’ve
never asked anyone else to Oath to me.”

God, I wanted to believe him, wanted it to be
true, because that made me feel like I was important, to matter so
much to him. But the truth was I was not on his level.

“How can you look at me like that, when I’m
trying to tell you how I feel?” Dev said, tears again forming in
his eyes. “Like I can’t mean a word of it.”

“Because I want so badly to believe you,” I
replied morosely. “I wanted you to love me, to want me, from the
moment I first saw you. That’s why I asked you for that fantasy
back last fall—”

“I told you the truth! None of it was lies,
Sar!”

“I wanted so badly to mean something to
you.”

“I’m telling you that you do! I’ve been
telling you now for almost a year! Why won’t you believe me?”

I put out my hand, and touched the silk
coverlet gently. “I didn’t want to let down my guard. I was afraid
of you breaking my heart if I let myself trust that you loved me.”
I swallowed hard, tears forming in my eyes. “I finally did though.
When I came to you that night, I just wanted you to feel the baby
kick—”

“Sar, I’m so sorry—”

“—
and when I saw you...with her, it was
just as crushing as I’d imagined. I called myself an idiot then,
for knowing you were going to break my heart and letting myself
love you anyway.”

“I have called myself worse in these months
we’ve been apart for doing that to you. I could give you my
reasons, but they were selfish reasons, and there is no
excuse—”

“Stop talking about it,” I said softly,
brushing my tears away. “I don’t know if I can forget or forgive
you for that, Devlin. But if you tell me you won’t see her ever
again, that can be a beginning.”

“I’ve not spoken to or seen her since that
night,” he said, coming to sit again by my side. “And I won’t,
Love. That’s a promise.”

“But you’re right about something.” I took a
deep breath, steeling myself for what I needed to say. “You asked
me once if I was afraid because I wasn’t enough of a woman to hold
on to your love. Do you remember that?”

Anguish replaced Devlin’s hopeful expression.
“Sar, please—”

“Do you?” I said sharply.

“Yes, of course. I’m so sorry—”

“I was afraid,” I said, wiping more tears out
of my eyes. “I have always been afraid of that. I never thought
Theo or Danial would grow bored with me, or that I wouldn’t be
enough for them.” I took a deep, deep breath, and let it out. “But
I doubted myself with you. I told myself repeatedly not to get too
attached to you, because you weren’t going to be interested in me
for long. Because I know in my heart that I’m not enough to hold
onto someone like you—”

Devlin laughed quietly.

I shot him an angry look. “Why are you
laughing?”

“Because I was afraid that I was not enough
for you,” he said bitterly. “Not good enough, not kind enough, not
loving enough, not decent enough.” He brought my hand to his lips.
“Perhaps we were both wrong.”

“You’re a king among men and vampires,” I
said in exasperation, pulling my hand out of his grasp “You’re a
dream come to life, Devlin.”

Devlin grasped my hand and yanked me forward
into his arms. “That is where you’re wrong, Sarelle. I am not God,
or a king, or even a dream. I’m just a man who wants to be loved.”
He touched his lips to mine, brushing lightly. “A man that wants
your love.”

I sighed. “If you truly wanted me for more
than sex, Dev, why is that all we ever did?”

Dev gaped at me, blinking. “What else did you
want to do? You never mentioned—”

I narrowed my eyes. “I was your guest in your
home for months, Dev. When I visited, we’d have sex, we’d sometimes
go out to Davy’s or we’d sleep. You’ve never treated me as anything
but a lover.”

Devlin stared at me, aghast. “Why did you
never tell me you felt like this?” he whispered.

“I thought that was just how things were,” I
answered, suddenly awkward. “That you were treating me like that
because things were temporary. I felt bad about that, but I
accepted it. That was one of the reasons I asked to help you, to
keep busy here so I wouldn’t obsess over it.”

Devlin moved, reaching and pulling me roughly
into his arms. “I never meant to make you feel that way,” he said,
smoothing my hair, kissing my tears away. “Anna never wanted to do
anything but read poetry, buy new clothes, and do embroidery. I
don’t know how else she spent her time other than that, when she
wasn’t sleeping with me. I know you work hard at your home, and at
Danial’s. I didn’t want you to have to work here.”

“Dev, I’m not talking about working. Why did
we never go to a movie, or even watch one together? Go out again on
your motorcycle? See a play, or go out walking even—?”

Devlin squeezed me so hard he cut off my
words. “I’m sorry,” he said, kissing my cheek. “I didn’t think you
wanted to do those things with me. I know you did them with Theo
and Danial, but you never mentioned any interest in doing them with
me. I wanted to do them with you, but I was always hesitant to ask.
That is why when Danial invited me to the movies with you, or told
me that you had an appointment, I made sure to be there, even if I
wasn’t sure you wanted me there. I wanted to take you out again on
the motorcycle, but I didn’t want to risk it until it was warmer.
By then, we knew you were pregnant, and it was too dangerous for
you.” Devlin paused. “Some of it was being busy with Ebediah’s
affairs in Canada. I’ve felt for most of this year as if all I do
is work, feed, and sleep. There were many vampires and weres that
were angry that needed to be dealt with or convinced to join my
side. Getting that cooperation was necessary to protect against a
revolt—”

“Why didn’t you ever talk to me about that?”
I interrupted.

“I didn’t want to upset you in your
pregnancy,” Devlin replied. “You had enough on your mind with The
Lust and everything else that was happening.”

What he was saying made sense. Danial had
treated me much the same when we first lived together. Perhaps
women of their time had been happy doing nothing and hearing only
pleasant things. As for his work...well, I had been wrapped up in
other problems. Knowing Dev could be torn down from his throne
might have been enough to send me over the edge.

“When you see someone once a week, you want
the time to be purely enjoyable,” Dev added. “I wanted to be alone
with you, to have you all to myself.”

I’d relaxed him enough. If I was going to
make my move, now was the time. “We are alone,” I said lightly,
nestling my head into the hollow of his throat. “Do you really want
to spend any more of this evening talking?”

Devlin tipped my head up with his fingertips,
so I looked at him. “What I want is to know why you chose tonight,
Love.”

He wasn’t as astute as Danial, but he was
close enough. Mix in some truth. “You heard about the
challenge?”

Devlin nodded. “Frankly, I’m surprised Theo
won. I’m sure you were relieved—”

His sarcasm rankled me. “This isn’t about
him,” I said angrily, grabbing his hand and pushing it away from my
chin. “This is about us. Life is too short to hold grudges against
people you love. I’m here because I want to be here with you.” That
was the truth, just not the whole truth. “I’m scared, and I need
you. If you don’t want me here, then just tell me to—”

“I want you here,” he said quickly, hugging
me tight.

I hugged him back, then kissed his neck
chastely.

He caressed my arm with his fingertips
lightly. “Do you believe I love you now?” he asked. “That I want
you with me not just for tonight or tomorrow, but forever?”

I wasn’t ready for an Oath tonight. “I
believe we should take it slow,” I said softly, into his skin. “We
need to—”

“Do you believe me, Sarelle, when I say I
love you?” Devlin said, holding my face in his hand, his golden
eyes looking down into my green ones. “Do you believe me, when I
say you are more than enough for me?”

“Yes,” I responded. “I do.”

“Do you still love me?” he asked, his eyes
searching mine.

“Yes,” I said softly, and kissed him
passionately. “I want to lose myself in you—”

Devlin kissed me roughly, his lips devouring
mine. I pushed him back abruptly, then pulled off my clothes and
shoes, dumping them in a pile. Devlin did the same, discarding his
suit and shirt, then moved closer to embrace me, brushing his cheek
with mine.

“Where do you want me?” he said temptingly in
my ear.

I was caught off guard, then realized why he
was asking. “In our bed,” I answered. I reached down and stroked
his hardness, making him groan.

“What would you like?” he asked, easing me
down to the bed beneath him. “Do you want me to sing, or—?”

I took his face in my hands. “I want you to
do what you feel like doing,” I said, kissing his cheeks, mouth and
eyes. “Just be with me, Dev.” I kissed him. “That’s all I
want.”

* * * *

I’d forgotten how good sex could be with him.
I’d wanted to, in my anger and pain.

But Devlin made me remember with every kiss,
every touch, every whispered “I love you.” And he remembered what I
loved more than the poetry he quoted me, or the songs he sung me,
or his expertise that had no equal. Devlin whispered as he made
love to me, telling me everything he was feeling and how he had
dreamed of me coming back to him every night, of finding me there
waiting for him, of hearing my sighs as he touched me, or my cries
as he gave himself to me over and over.

When we were resting, I turned to him. “Why
didn’t you bite me?”

He gave me a devilish smile. “I was waiting
for you to ask me to.”

“Then I’m asking,” I replied, rolling on top
of him and beginning to move.

Devlin arched his back beneath me, a lazy
smile gracing his handsome features as he clasped my hips. He moved
purposely, his eyes watching me as I swayed above him in rhythm, my
pleasure slowly building. As my climax neared, Devlin moved faster,
his eyes fixed on me lustily, his fangs bared. Our rapid breathing
intensified, my heart racing as the sweat beaded on my body.

The climax hit, and I began to shudder,
moaning. Devlin pulled me down, turning my head and sinking his
fangs in. His body tensed suddenly, then his arms tightened around
me. I begin to scream in bliss, the heady joy of orgasm suddenly
escalating to white hot intensity.

Devlin moved rapidly, straining against me,
his body convulsing even as his muffled moans filled my ears.

“Yes, please,” I whispered, my head lolling.
“I’m yours, Dev. I’m yours!”

Devlin drew back, then kissed me fiercely.
Sweetness flooded my mouth, and I moaned, my tongue delving into
his mouth as I pressed my lips hard against his, desperate for
more.