“Smart’s good.” Sam got up and dumped his bowl and spoon in the sink. “I wouldn’t say this to most people, but tits get kind of boring after a while if a girl doesn’t have anything to say, you know?”
“Don’t worry, your secret’s safe with me.” Sometimes Sam surprised him. Not often, but sometimes.
“Thanks, dude.” Sam stretched his arms over his head and yawned widely. “I’ve gotta go to Mandy’s and change for work.”
“I’d stop by the flower market on your way.” Sam had better make up with Amanda, because Lucas couldn’t take another night on the futon.
“Good call. Thanks for having my back, buddy.”
“Anytime.”
“Later, bro!” Sam yelled in the direction of the bathroom. Then he was gone, and Lucas crawled gratefully into his own bed. Maybe he’d skip sociology class that morning, just once.
A few minutes later, a wet Nate joined him on the bed. “Thank God he left.”
“He’s not so bad.” Lucas felt an odd surge of protectiveness. Sam meant well most of the time.
Nate snorted. “You didn’t have to grow up with him. You don’t have his knuckle marks permanently etched in your skull thanks to all the noogies he gave you.”
“Okay, you have a good point.” Lucas reached out and stroked Nate’s short curls. He’d cut his hair again once school had started. “You ever think about telling him?”
“What, about me? About us?”
“Yeah. That way we wouldn’t have to pretend with him, at least.”
“Yeah, we wouldn’t have to because he’d never talk to us again.”
Lucas’s hand stilled. “You think so? Really?”
“He’d totally freak if he knew the truth. Come on, you know his type. Meathead jock. He and his friends aren’t exactly PFLAG members.”
“He might surprise you.”
Nate stared at the ceiling. “If he doesn’t, then he’ll tell Mom and Dad and…”
“And what? Maybe it won’t be so bad. Maybe they’ll accept it. Accept you. Us.” Nate shook his head, and Lucas went on. “I wish I’d told my dad before he died. He never really knew me, in a way.”
Nate stroked Lucas’s cheek with the back of his fingers and watched him with sad eyes. “I know. It’s different with my family, though.”
“Why?”
“It just is,
libn
.”
“What does that mean?”
Nate didn’t answer, but kissed Lucas softly and rolled on top of him. He was wet from the shower, but as his tongue stroked the inside of Lucas’s mouth and his hands moved lower, Lucas found he didn’t mind.
He was definitely skipping class.
Chapter Four
As the lecture hall filled up, Lucas watched the students filing in, waiting to spot Casey. It was a few weeks into classes, and they always sat together in twentieth-century lit. Lucas looked forward to seeing him; it was nice to have a friend at school, since he and Nate rarely crossed paths during the day. Finally, just as the professor took his spot at the front of the room, Casey bounded up the stairs and plopped down in the chair Lucas had saved for him.
Casey grinned, his dimples showing. “Thanks, man.”
The lecture began, and Lucas diligently took notes as the professor instructed on the history of the early part of the twentieth century and its impact on literature. Lucas was also taking an English historical survey class that started with
Beowulf
, and it was nice to hear a lecture on a century he was at least familiar with.
After class, he and Casey walked outside together. The summer was hanging on late in September, and Lucas was actually looking forward to some fall weather.
“Hey, what are you doing this weekend?” Casey asked.
“Nothing big. Doing some reading, I guess.”
Having mind-blowing sex with Nate. Never getting out of bed
.
“One of the frats is having a blowout. You should come.”
“It’s not really my scene.”
“Well, if you change your mind, it’s over at Zeta Psi.” Casey checked his watch. “You feel like an ice cream? When’s your next class?”
“Not for an hour. Sure, is there anything around here?”
“Follow me.”
Casey led the way through Washington Square Park to an ice-cream truck, its bell ringing merrily. Lucas went for a chocolate dip while Casey chose a vanilla/chocolate swirl. They sat on a bench in the park, which was swarming with activity. Students laughed and talked in groups, older men studied chessboards closely, and dog walkers followed their furry companions.
“I love this city.” Lucas took a long lick of his cone.
“Where are you from?”
“All over the place. My dad moved around a lot. The Midwest, Michigan. Nowhere as big or cool as New York, that’s for sure.”
“Where’s he living now?”
Lucas felt a familiar tightening in his chest, although the pang wasn’t nearly as strong as it once was. “He died. Cancer.”
“Shit, I’m sorry.” Casey’s ever-present smile was gone.
“No, no, it’s okay.” Lucas took a big lick of his ice cream.
“Oh, you’ve got…” Casey pointed to Lucas’s cheek. “On the left.” Lucas swiped at his face and Casey smiled. “No, my left. Your right.” Lucas tried again to wipe off the errant bit of chocolate and they both wound up laughing, as Casey reached over to brush his cheek.
“Lucas?”
Nate stood about ten feet away, watching with an unreadable expression. Lucas wiped at his face again, knocking Casey’s hand away before standing. He felt strangely as if he’d been caught doing something wrong. “Hey! Casey, this is…” Suddenly Lucas was struck with a moment of unease. What would Casey say if he knew Lucas was gay? Would he still want to be friends? Lucas realized in that moment that aside from Nate, he’d never told anyone else the truth. Nate’s friends obviously knew, but it wasn’t as if he’d come out to them. Showing up at a gay club holding hands with Nate had done the trick. Now as Casey stood waiting for Lucas to finish his sentence, Lucas was nervous. He didn’t want to lose his only friend.
Marching forward, Nate smiled coolly and extended his hand. “I’m Nate. Lucas’s
boyfriend
.” He and Casey shook hands.
“Hey, nice to meet you.” Casey smiled. “Well, I should get going. Lucas, see you in class next week. And hey, remember what I said about this weekend. Later.”
Lucas gave him a wave. Well, he seemed okay with the gay thing, at least. Lucas turned to Nate, who was no longer smiling. “Got a hot date?”
“What?” Did Nate really think he’d do that? “Casey’s a friend from English class. He just told me about some frat party. I’m not going.”
“Much to his disappointment.”
Was Nate
jealous
? “I told you, we’re friends. He’s not even gay.”
At that, Nate shot him a withering look. “Jesus, Lucas, we really need to take your gaydar into the shop. He’s totally into you.”
Lucas sputtered and laughed in disbelief. “You cannot be serious. Nate, I just met him a few weeks ago. He’s a friend. Besides, how do you even know he’s gay? He never said anything to me.”
“I know he’s gay because I know. Trust me, I can tell. Obviously you didn’t tell him you’re gay, since you apparently can’t even call me your ‘boyfriend’ out loud.”
Shame coursed through him and Lucas reached for Nate’s hand after dropping his melting ice-cream cone into a nearby garbage can. “I don’t know what was wrong with me. I guess it’s just weird to come right out and say it to someone like that. I never have before.”
Nate softened and squeezed his hand. “It’s okay. I know you’re new at all this.” He shook his head with a rueful smile. “But believe me, Casey would love to be a lot more than friends.”
As if
. “Nate, you’ve got nothing to worry about, okay?”
“Yeah, okay.” He glanced around and brushed a lightning-quick kiss against Lucas’s lips. “I’ve gotta get to the darkroom lab. See you tonight.”
Lucas watched him go, swiping at his cheek to make sure all traces of chocolate were gone.
* * * * *
Sitting cross-legged and sideways on the futon, Lucas surveyed the books in front of him. So much reading, and he didn’t want to do any of it. Nate sat in the desk chair they’d picked up on sale and leaned over the dresser they’d bought and put against the half wall.
Lucas sighed loudly. “I think my brain has reached its maximum intake capacity. I’m reading, but nothing’s sinking in.” It was Friday afternoon, and he’d had his fill of school.
Nate chuckled. “Tell me about it.”
“Let’s go out. We could see a movie, or whatever.”
Nate glanced up from his notebook. “I think I’m going to go home tonight. I need to use my darkroom for school and if I come tonight for dinner my mom won’t give me a hard time when I don’t stay tomorrow night.”
Anything to avoid studying. “Oh. Okay. If you want to.”
Nate’s brow furrowed. “It’s just one night. I could use some alone time and I need to get these pictures developed. The lab at school’s a zoo.”
Alone time
. Meaning time away from Lucas. “I thought you were taking mostly digital photography.”
“I’m doing both. Remember, it’s only first year. There’s a lot of intro stuff.” He sat up straight in the chair and took his glasses off. “What’s the matter?”
“Nothing, nothing. It’s fine.” Lucas tried to ignore the irrational surge of hurt he felt about the fact that Nate wanted to be away from him. He opened his sociology textbook and flipped to a random page.
“It’s just for a night.”
“I know, it’s fine.” Lucas pretended to read.
“We didn’t have plans, right?”
“No, it’s cool. We’re not married; you can go out without me.” Lucas tried to laugh, but it came out sounding more like a whimper.
Nate rubbed his eyes and came over to sit on the other end of the futon. “I’m not going
out
. I’m going home to eat dinner with my parents and use my darkroom. I’ll be back tomorrow afternoon. You’re acting like I’m sneaking out on a date or something.”
He was right; Lucas knew he was being ridiculous. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
“We don’t have to be attached at the hip every second. Don’t you get sick of me sometimes?” Nate smiled ruefully. “I certainly get sick of myself.”
“I could never get sick of you.” Lucas shoved the books out of the way and pressed Nate back against the hard futon. He slid his tongue into Nate’s mouth as his hand slithered up beneath Nate’s button-down shirt. “I’m an idiot,” Lucas said.
“It’s okay. You’re
my
idiot.” Nate arched his hips up and grinned. They kissed again, tongues winding together and bodies moving in a familiar rhythm. Nate groaned and broke away. “I’ve got to get going.” He cupped Lucas’s cheek. “Come home with me tonight. My parents always love seeing you.”
“No, I was being stupid. You need to get some work done. Maybe I’ll go to that party Casey mentioned.” Lucas wasn’t sure where the last part came from; wild parties weren’t usually his scene.
Nate’s smile slipped a bit. “Maybe you’re the one with the date.”
Lucas felt a twinge of pleasure at Nate’s jealousy, followed by a rush of shame. He sighed and sat up, running a hand through his hair. “We’re just friends. He doesn’t like me.” As if a popular, outgoing, gorgeous jock like Casey would like
him
. Lucas shouldn’t have even brought it up.
Nate smiled. “Okay, I believe you. I was just kidding anyway.” He checked his watch. “Crap, I really do have to go if I’m going to make it for dinner.” After sliding out from under Lucas, he stuffed his notebook in his messenger bag and slung it over his chest. “See you tomorrow.” He dropped a last kiss and was gone.
Lucas lay back on the futon and stared at the ceiling. Maybe he really should go to that party. If Nate was going to have his own life, Lucas needed to get one too. Stat.
* * * * *
The frat house pulsed with bass and people, and Lucas had an uncomfortable flashback to the dorm at Brookfield. He considered turning around on the sidewalk and going back the way he came, but resisted. He was definitely not coming to the party to see Casey, but he was never going to make friends hiding at home with his textbooks.
The party was in full swing, and Lucas squeezed his way into the house through a crowd of scantily clad girls who seemed to be ingesting a large amount of beer. In the corners, couples groped each other, and on a pool table, a topless girl danced and giggled. One of her more sober friends attempted to get her down, but the dancing girl shimmied out of her grasp.
“Hey! You made it!” Casey appeared, thrusting a beer into Lucas’s hand.
“Thanks. I think.” Lucas took a tentative sip.
Casey laughed. “Don’t worry, I didn’t roofie you. That comes later.” At Lucas’s expression, Casey laughed harder. “I’m kidding, man. Lighten up.”
“Sorry. I’m not very good at this.” Lucas waved his hand around to encompass the room.
“At what?”
“Parties, I guess. This isn’t really my scene. You know how…” He realized they’d never had a chance to talk about the fact that Lucas was gay.
Casey raised his eyebrows, nodding encouragingly. “How…”
“How I’m gay.”
“Uh-huh. I’m gay too.”
“You are?” Lucas squeaked in surprise. Nate was right. “I just…oh. I didn’t know.”
“Well, it’s not a secret. I thought you knew.”
“Wow. So, you’re gay. And I’m gay.”
Casey smiled, flashing his dimples. “Yes, I think we established that when I met your boyfriend.”
“I mean…” Lucas was rambling nonsensically. “I guess I’m surprised you’d be at this kind of party.”
“Are you kidding? My friend, frat parties are one of the best places to hook up on campus.”
“But aren’t these guys, you know, straight?” Lucas glanced around at all the guys ogling the girls.
“Most of them, sure. But not all. Some are on the downlow. Then there are the closet cases that are practically coming in their pants they’re so repressed. Trust me, you’ll get lucky.”
“Oh, I’m not looking. Boyfriend, remember?”
Casey smiled. “Right, right. Hey, it’s up to you. But if you change your mind, let me know.” Something caught his eye, and he gulped down the rest of his beer. “Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s someone I have to go do.”
Casey disappeared into the crowd, zeroing in on a gorgeous guy who stood alone in the doorway to another room. Lucas watched as Casey approached him and started talking. It didn’t take long for the other man to nod and go upstairs. A moment later, Casey followed. He caught Lucas’s eye and gave him a nod and a grin.
Lucas took another sip of beer, wondering what the hell he was doing at this party. Just then, a tall, scantily dressed blonde girl with a big smile and even bigger breasts sidled up. “Hey. What’s your name?”
After peeking around to make sure she was talking to him, he answered. “Lucas.” After a beat, he added, “What’s yours?”
“Ashley. I’m a freshman.” She stood very close, and Lucas inched back.
“Me too.” He didn’t bother explaining about transferring from Brookfield.
“Wanna dance?” Ashley rubbed up against him.
“Uh, I’m not much of a dancer.”
Ashley ignored this and before he knew it, she’d corralled him onto the dance floor. Lucas dutifully shuffled his feet and forced a smile as Ashley gyrated against him and everyone in her immediate vicinity.
As Lucas looked around the room in an effort to ignore Ashley’s heaving bosom pressed against him, he caught the eye of a cute boy leaning against the pool table. Lucas found himself smiling for real, and the guy smiled back, eyes twinkling beneath his shaggy brown hair. Then he nodded his head slightly toward the stairs.