“Why should I believe you?”
Lucas wished he had a good answer. “Because it’s true! The other night, it was just…”
“What?”
“I couldn’t believe that guy wanted me. Me. It felt so amazing and I got carried away. I wish to God it hadn’t happened.”
Nate’s face creased in confusion. “Why wouldn’t he want you?”
“I don’t know why anyone would!”
The words hung in the air, and Nate’s jaw clenched. “What the hell does that say about me? I guess I’m a real loser for wanting to be with you. For giving up other guys.”
“No, that’s not what I meant.” Lucas didn’t know how to make him understand. He didn’t even understand it himself.
“So you need other guys to feel wanted because I’m not enough. Maybe you just don’t want me anymore.”
“No!” Lucas threw his hands up. “Of course I want you! It’s not that. Believe me, it’s not. I keep waiting for you to wake up and realize that you could do way better than me.”
Bending down, Nate picked up his bag and slung it over his shoulder. “Well, I guess you’re right.” He jerked open the door. “I’ll come back for the rest later.”
“Wait, it can’t be over just like that.
Please
.”
“You did us both a favor, Lucas. This was a mistake to begin with.” He smiled grimly. “Don’t worry, you won’t be single for long.”
Lucas sat on the floor, his shoulders shaking as the tears came.
Chapter Eight
“Okay, what are you doing this weekend?” Casey opened his knapsack and tossed his notebook inside as students filed out of the lecture hall.
Lucas shrugged. He’d barely paid attention in class and the most he could think about doing was perhaps having a nap. “Dunno. Nothing, I guess.”
“Wrong, McKenzie. You’re going to help me study for this test next week.”
He hadn’t even given the test a second thought. Nor had he read two of the necessary books. “I don’t think I’ll be much help.” Lucas scraped his chair back and slung his bag across his chest.
“Come on, man. I’m a jock. This English stuff is not my forte.”
“I haven’t even read all the books.” They headed down the stairs, following their straggling classmates.
“So we’ll get the CliffsNotes. Two heads are better than one, right? Besides, you’ve spent a week moping around that apartment. Come mope around mine for a change of scenery at the very least.”
Lucas chuckled despite himself. “Yeah, okay.”
“Cool.” Casey opened his knapsack and tore a piece of paper from his notebook, then scrawled on it before handing it to Lucas. “See you Saturday at seven.” He glanced at his watch. “Gotta run. Later!”
Lucas waved, stuffing the paper in his pocket.
* * * * *
Turning his key, Lucas realized the apartment door was already unlocked. He cautiously edged it open, and breathed a sigh of relief when he saw Nate kneeling by the futon, going through a stack of papers. The relief that there was no intruder quickly turned to apprehension.
“Um, hey.” Lucas closed the door and dropped his book bag.
Nate didn’t look up. “I’ll be done soon. I didn’t think you’d be here.”
“I skipped my American history class. Wasn’t in the mood.”
Nate grunted a response and continued leafing through the stack of paper. Lucas felt silly standing there, so he toed his shoes off and walked around to the end of the bed. He sat down and watched Nate for a minute.
“You can just pretend I’m not here.” Nate still didn’t look up.
Yeah, right
. “Nate, this is your apartment too. You can stay as long as you want.”
At this, Nate finally met his eyes. “It
was
my apartment.” He got to his feet. “I should go. Are you going to be in class tomorrow? I’ll come back and clean out the rest of my stuff then.”
“Nate, can we just…” Lucas wished he knew what to say.
“What? Lucas, it’s for the best. We were kidding ourselves.”
“That’s not true.”
Nate’s eyes blazed. “Yes, it is. This is why I never had a boyfriend before. Relationships don’t last. You just end up hurting each other. It’s not worth it.”
“It doesn’t have to be like that.”
“But it is, Lucas. Look at us. It was inevitable.”
“So, that’s it? We just never see each other again?”
Nate shrugged and turned away, walking into the kitchen. He opened and closed each cupboard in turn, taking nothing out.
“What did you tell your parents?” Lucas swallowed hard over the sudden lump in his throat. The Kramers had been so good to him, and he’d started to feel as if he was one of the family. That was all over now.
“That I missed being at home. That you were driving me crazy and I needed my own space again. I didn’t really need to tell them anything; my mother was more than happy to have me back.” Nate’s voice was flat. Lucas thought of Nate’s room, with its twin beds and childhood relics.
“I’m sorry.”
With a sudden slam, Nate closed another cupboard. “Stop saying that. Stop trying to make me feel guilty.”
“I’m not! I’m trying to tell you how I feel.” Rising from the end of the bed, Lucas walked the few feet into the living room. “I’m the one who’s guilty.”
“Yeah, you’re damn right.” Nate stalked toward him, nostrils flaring. “I changed my whole life for you!” He shook his head. “Everything was fine before you came. I should never have let myself get carried away.”
“Nate, it wasn’t fine. You weren’t happy. Look, no matter what happens with us, don’t tell me you regret changing your major. Even if you don’t have the balls to tell your parents.”
“Don’t. It’s none of your business, Lucas. You don’t understand.” He shook his head again. “Everything was fine, but now it’s all wrong.”
Lucas hung his head. “I’m sor --”
With a burst of anger, Nate grabbed the front of Lucas’s shirt, fist tight. “Stop saying that! It doesn’t change anything!”
Breathing heavily as they stared at each other, the air became electric. Lucas opened his mouth to respond, and Nate cut him off, crushing their lips together. As Nate’s fingers tangled painfully in Lucas’s hair, Lucas kissed him back, surrendering to the onslaught.
Their tongues clashed, teeth knocking together. A rush of blood went straight to Lucas’s cock, his nerve endings on fire as he tasted Nate’s mouth again. However, when he put his arms around Nate, Nate jerked back, still holding Lucas’s head in his hands. Nate’s chest heaved, and he swallowed thickly.
“Nate. Please.”
Stepping back, Nate’s hands fell away. He shook his head, and in a few quick steps he was gone, the door thudding closed behind him.
Nate hadn’t taken anything he’d come for.
* * * * *
Saturday night arrived before he knew it, the day having passed in a haze of nothingness. Lucas felt as if he was sleepwalking now, each day blending into the next as he went through the motions, wishing he could see Nate.
He’d come close to canceling the Saturday night plans, but maybe Casey was right; he needed to get out of the apartment. Casey’s place was nearby in the Village, and Lucas walked in the damp and chilly November air.
Casey lived in a three-story walk-up next to a Laundromat and a convenience store. Lucas popped into the store to buy a few bags of chips for the study session. Casey buzzed him into the building and he walked up to the second floor.
Casey poked his head out of his apartment, which was halfway down the hall. “Over here.” He smiled and ushered Lucas inside. It was a small two-bedroom with a galley kitchen on the right and the two bedrooms and a bathroom on the other side down a short hallway. The living room lay in between, decorated with modern art posters, blue paint, and Ikea furniture.
Casey swept his arm broadly. “Welcome to my palatial home. Tours commence every hour on the hour. I’m sure you’ll enjoy the gardens.”
Laughing, Lucas played along. “Yes, yes, I look forward to the reflecting pool. I hear it’s stunning.”
“A marvel to behold.”
“Is your roommate lounging on the terrace?”
“No, he’s out at an exclusive beer tasting.” Casey clapped his hands. “Speaking of which, let me get you a beverage. Make yourself at home.”
Lucas unlaced his sneakers and put them beside the door, hanging his coat on a hook there. The faded brown couch was comfortable and Lucas and Casey settled in with their books and snacks.
For a couple of hours, they talked and drank and ate, discussing plots and characters and taking notes when necessary. Lucas found himself smiling and laughing, and he was surprised to realize he was enjoying himself. He had a pleasant beer buzz, and spending time with Casey was just so
easy
.
It was after one o’clock when Lucas looked at the time. “I should go and let you get to bed.”
“It’s okay.” Casey put his beer down on the glass-topped coffee table. “You can stay here if you want.”
“Stay here?”
“Sure, on the couch. Or with me.” Casey ran his finger up Lucas’s arm, making him shiver. As if a switch had been flipped, the atmosphere changed.
Lucas swallowed hard. “With you?”
“It’s pretty obvious that I like you. No strings, okay?”
“You like me?” Nate’s earlier suspicions ran through Lucas’s head. Had Casey really liked him all this time?
“But…how?” Lucas’s brain was fuzzy.
“How do I like you?” Casey grinned and leaned in close, his voice low, hand gliding up Lucas’s thigh. “Well, I’d like you spread-eagled on my bed.”
Lust surged through Lucas, and he sucked in a breath.
No, this was wrong. Wasn’t it
? “But…Nate. I can’t…”
Casey sucked on Lucas’s neck, his hand stroking Lucas through his jeans. “Last time I checked, Nate broke up with you. You’re free to fuck whoever you want.”
It was true, but thoughts of Nate still ran riot through his mind. Then Casey was kissing him, and Lucas didn’t think anymore. Casey led him into the bedroom, stripping Lucas’s clothing off as they went. Lucas lay back on the double bed, watching as Casey pulled his polo shirt over his head. His chest was golden and hairless, his six-pack rippling.
With firm hands, he spread Lucas’s legs and then he was sucking him, his mouth hot and wet, his nose buried in Lucas’s pubic hair as he took Lucas deep into his throat. Lucas closed his eyes, sensation overtaking him as Casey’s mouth and tongue worked him. Reaching up, Casey pinched Lucas’s nipples, sending another surge of blood straight to his dick.
Casey lifted Lucas’s ass and lapped at his balls, sending sparks of pleasure to the tips of Lucas’s toes. He moaned as Casey worked away, and he came all over his chest, long spurts sticking to his skin.
Chuckling, Casey kissed him, and Lucas tasted himself. He’d never kissed another man besides Nate, and it felt wrong, in a way. Yet he couldn’t deny that he enjoyed it, that Casey was hot and sexy and certainly knew what he was doing in bed.
“Can I do you?” Casey’s hard cock nudged Lucas’s thigh.
A million thoughts ran through Lucas’s mind in that moment.
Yes. No. Maybe
. In the end, he nodded and moved onto his hands and knees, not wanting the intimacy of a face-to-face position. It was over with Nate, and Lucas needed to move on. Casey’s slick fingers probed his ass, stretching him.
Casey rooted around in the bedside drawer for a condom. When Casey entered him, his large body covered Lucas, his strong hands on his hips. Casey’s cock was thicker and shorter than Nate’s, and he fucked with a different rhythm. Nate had played Lucas’s body as if it was a violin, but Casey’s staccato thrusts were more workmanlike and didn’t satisfy Lucas.
Casey grunted as he worked Lucas’s ass, rocking in and out until he shook and fell on top of him. With a groan, he pulled out, and Lucas lengthened his limbs, stretching his legs. The bed dipped as Casey returned from the bathroom, and he patted Lucas’s ass affectionately and kissed him.
“Even better than I thought it would be.”
With that, Casey curled up beside him and fell asleep. Lucas rolled over and counted the cracks in the ceiling as the hours ticked by.
* * * * *
Lucas had just finished filling the kitchen sink with soapy water on Sunday afternoon when he heard the knock. He quickly tossed the dishes into the sink to soak and dried his wet hands on a dish towel before peering through the peephole. Blinking in surprise, he took a deep breath and then turned the knob.
Mr. Kramer stood in the hallway. He smiled. “Hello, Lucas.”
Lucas swallowed, his throat suddenly dry. “Hi, Mr. Kramer. Is there…um…come in.” He stood aside.
What the hell was he doing here?
“Thank you.” Mr. Kramer slipped his long coat off, and Lucas carefully laid it on the bed.
“Can I get you something to drink?”
“Some water would be fine, thank you.” Nate’s father sat down on one end of the futon.
Lucas quickly washed and dried a glass, since he’d let the dishes pile up for days on end and the cupboard was empty. His hands shook with nerves as he poured the water from the Brita filter. In the living room, he handed Mr. Kramer the water and perched on the other end of the couch.
“Did you come to pick something up for Nate?”
“No, I wanted to speak to you.”
“Oh.” Lucas cleared his throat. “So is there something I can do for you?”
Mr. Kramer took a sip of water and carefully placed the glass back on the coaster. He crossed his legs and smoothed the cardigan he was wearing. “You can tell me what happened between you and Nate.”
“Um.” Jesus, what was he supposed to say? “You know, it was just too crowded here. It’s no big deal.”
“So that’s why my son’s moping around his room and acting as if he’s lost his best friend?”
“I don’t…I’m sure…” Lucas had no idea what to say.
Nate was moping? Did that mean he missed Lucas as much as Lucas missed him?
“I’ve never seen him like this. So brokenhearted.”
Lucas’s heart skipped a beat. There was no way Nate’s dad knew the truth about them. He couldn’t. Right?
Mr. Kramer regarded him evenly. “I’m well aware that you and my son were much more than roommates, Lucas.”
Oh, shit
. He exhaled a shaky breath. “You…you know?”
“Of course. I’m not blind, Lucas. I saw the change in Nate after you stayed with us for the holidays. Oh, how he missed you once you were gone. I’d suspected for quite some time that he might be gay, but seeing him with you made everything click into place.”