Finding Faith (23 page)

While I sat and waited, I noticed her condo had a different feel to it during daylight. It was minimal, with no pictures of her sisters. Now that I think about it, she hasn’t said so much as boo about them. She said she didn’t want to talk to me about it so I would have to tread carefully. I was already on thin ice with trying to get her to admit she wanted a relationship with me.

I could see out her window from where I sat, noticing how different our views were. Mine was reasonably silent and peaceful watching the water ebb and flow, trees sway in the fall breeze while hers was nonstop commotion, and the only trees you saw were set in the concrete sidewalks.

I could see her tiny bookcase, tiny just like its owner. It only had two books, but I would have to take care of that and make it at least three with the brown journal I gave her. I went over to the wooden bookcase that came up to my waist and picked up the books to exam them. One was about small women, no surprise, totally girly. The other was a story about a knight. Not just any story,
the
story, our story. Shit! She forgot the journal at my place. No problem, we could pick it up later. After finding our tale, I can already tell she’s going to love it. I gingerly placed the books back in their rightful places and glided over to the window

I started daydreaming of fun ways to spoil Faith to get her to admit she loved me again with no excuses to hide behind. That meant sex was unfortunately out. The whole blanket and music thing has been ditched for life as far as I’m concerned. It didn’t take me three strikes to call that plan out.

While in the middle of my new plan for seduction, a scream erupted from Faith’s bedroom, making me shoot up and charge in to check on her.

When I ran into her bedroom I came to an abrupt halt. I had to blink to believe what I was seeing. Her room was completely demolished.

In red lipstick the word slut was written over her bed and whore was on the opposite wall. The bed sheets were sliced up into rags and torn off the bed. Holes were punched into the wall next to what looked like the side Faith slept on and bleach was dumped all over her carpet. There was no sign of Faith.

I heard what sounded like a muffled child crying and followed it in the direction of Faith’s master bathroom.

The sight I walked into ripped my heart out. She was on her knees with her head in her lap sobbing and convulsing uncontrollably. There was more writing on the mirror in the same lipstick calling her an easy lay and a pill popper.

Strewn all across her counter and floor were loose pills and opened condoms. I picked up one of the pills to examine it. That son of a bitch dumped Oxy all over the place, the same pill her mom was addicted to. Were these her pills? No, they couldn’t be.

My hands clenched into fists at the thought of that man in her space doing these heinous things where she came to feel safe. She won’t be staying here anymore, I would guarantee that much.

I dropped to my knees in front of her. I didn’t know what to do. The longer I watched her the more I wanted to go beat the shit out of the person who did this to her.

She was curled in on herself and was hyperventilating. The only thing I could think to do was encase her with my body. She was so petite I covered her entirely. If I could split myself in two now would be the time, one to take care of Faith and the other to hunt down the bastard that violated her.

With my arms tucked under her rear and my head resting against her back I let her cry as I rocked us. I made sure to tell her everything would be safe. I would take care of this for her. Told her how special she was and that I loved her. I don’t think she could hear me over her crying but I told her anyway.

When I could hear her breathing start to calm with only sporadic gasps I finally spoke. “Faith, who do I need to call? What do you want me to do?” I sat hovering over her, waiting for her to respond. I knew how shaken up she was. Who wouldn’t be?

It took her several minutes to answer me. I was starting to think that she had gone catatonic. All I could think to do was rub her back and keep hugging her. It pissed me off even more to think someone did this to the things she worked so hard to earn.

“I have to go,” she said between gasps. “I can’t miss my meeting.” She let out a staggered breath as she finished. Was she for real? How important was this meeting? Couldn’t it wait?

I started to sit up when an outstretched hand from underneath Faith’s body tugged onto my shirt, yanking me back down over her. She managed to say, “No, I need you to stay a little bit longer.”

All I could muster was an “OK.” If I said more she would be able to hear the fury that was slowly boiling to the top. I started rocking her again and humming our song from this morning. It seemed to ease her back down to me from where ever she went.

The words didn’t have to be spoken about who did this. We both knew it was that motherfucker of an ex, and when I caught up with him he would be sorry. He fucked with the wrong girl on the wrong day. She was in no condition to tell me anything, but she didn’t have to.

My cheek was still resting on her lower back as I spoke to her softly, not wanting her to think I was angry with her.

“Listen to me, sweetie, I don’t expect you to explain. I already have a good idea of what’s going on. If you want to talk about it I’m here, but this isn’t going to change us at all.”

I turned my head, giving her a kiss where my head just was. “I think you should reschedule, but I’m not your boss and no matter how much I wished I was I’m not your boyfriend either. If you feel it’s necessary to go I won’t argue with you. I’ll call Mike and see who we can get over here after you get back from your meeting so they can take a report.”

I sat up waiting to see what my next step should be.

Why did I make that boyfriend comment?

When she didn’t protest me moving I asked, “Is Grace home?” She nodded. “Which condo is hers?”

She was still curled up into a tiny ball when she said, “Two doors farther down across the hall.”

A sniffle came out when she finished. If my heart hadn’t already been torn out when I first saw her it would have been shredded into little pieces now.

I almost couldn’t decide which pain was worse, the night she disappeared from me or now? When she left me I hadn’t known the situation with her mother so I couldn’t protect her, otherwise I would have in a heartbeat. Finding her again, I see she’d made herself a good life with at least one close friend in Grace. As I sat in the middle of the destruction my anger grew. What that bastard did, taking away her feeling of safety and happiness might well be my unraveling. He was a ticking time bomb, it was a fact. I saw it. Why didn’t I act on it sooner?

For the first time since she had disappeared from my sight to change she unraveled herself and we were face to face. Her eyes were bloodshot and searching mine for something but I didn’t know what. Her face was pink from the stress of crying, with tears starting to dry leaving streaks of salt down her face.

With my thumb I wiped a few of the tears that were still falling from her face and traced their path across her soft and wet bottom lip. I wanted to lean in and kiss her, to take the tears and fear away. I decided to cup my hands behind her neck when I was done instead.

If I didn’t tell her what I was feeling I would always regret it, so I did. Coming a breaths width apart from her, our noses practically touching, I said, “Faith, don’t let this change the decision you were about to make before we came up here.”

I stared at her, hoping it got through, but I got no response, just a blank stare.

Giving her a kiss on the cheek where I had taken away her tears, even though it was her lips I really wanted, I got up and left to go get Grace.

As I left her I prayed to God I wasn’t a presumptuous ass and that she was planning to make the decision I was wanting and that I didn’t just blow it forever.

In all the years I’ve known Grace she has never been speechless, until today. After she stood in silence with her mouth hanging open while taking in the disaster that was my room she found her voice.

“What the fuck happened, Faith?” she yelled from the doorway of my bedroom.

It didn’t take long after John left for my legs to finally decide to work and I had gone out to sit on the couch. I needed to get some distance between me and the mess to gather my wits. No matter how close I was it helped to not be in the same room. I could feel my anxiety slowly dissipate, taking the shakes I’d had since I found the mess with it.

I wanted John here with me. He made me feel safe but he told me he was going to get things taken care of, whatever that meant. I could see Grace from where I sat. She said John told her not to touch anything because some of the guys would be coming over to talk to me and take pictures later.

Ah, John. What would I have done if he weren’t with me when I found this? A shudder ran through me. He was so sweet to me the entire time. Was I that transparent that he knew I was about to give in and tell him I wanted to give us a try? He told me to not let this get in the way but how could it not?

If Brad came after me who’s to say he wouldn’t do something to John. Who’s to say he wouldn’t set John up and get him in trouble at work? I had to stay away from John for his own good. He’s finally starting to get his life back in order after the trauma he went through with his parents.

I didn’t have time to sit here and be terrified anymore. I had to get ready and leave. When I came back I would take care of the trashed condo.

Grace was still in my doorway as I went to change. I passed behind her asking, “Grace, why did John want you to come over here? I really don’t need you to help me. I’m a big girl.”

I was just going to leave anyway. Why did he think I needed her?

“Not like my door was broken down. Go back to your place. I’m fine.”

Brad obviously had made a key when he had my spare while we were together and that’s how he got in here. I would just chain my door when I was home and I’d be fine tonight, and tomorrow I’d have the maintenance man change the locks. Stan was no longer my front desk man for letting something like this happen on his watch.

With another one of her are you crazy looks, Grace said, “Faith, look at this place.” She spread her arms out as she scanned my trashed rooms. “From what John told me you were curled up like a fetus. He’s really worried about you. I was given strict orders to take you to the meeting and not let you out of my sight.”

She crossed her arms across her chest, pouting her lips, daring me to argue.

“Since when do you choose a man over your best friend?” I blew out an irritated sigh.

I made sure not to divert my eyes from my clothes. It made it easier to pretend nothing was wrong. I moved as quickly as my arms would go to get out as fast as possible.

“When the yummy man can make better decisions about what you need than you can, that’s when,” she answered.

“Did he tell you where he was going?” I really didn’t have time to fight so I tried to pick her brain as I finished. The faster we were at the hospital the faster I could get rid of my escort.

When did John start taking care of me? When did he start using my friend against me? I wanted to be upset with the fact that John thought I needed a baby-sitter but I couldn’t because it had been such a long time since anyone showed me they cared for me.

“Nope. All he told me was the rundown of what happened and that he needed me to take care of you. He didn’t want you left alone and I had to hang out with you until he was able to get back to you. Do you think it was Brad? That man is a nut job. I keep telling you and you don’t believe me. What if you had been here?”

I hadn’t had time to tell Grace about the texts and phone call Brad had given me. She would have gone ballistic that I had planned to come back to meet him alone, so I didn’t tell her.

I must have been too quiet because she came into the closet, watching her feet as she did to make sure she didn’t step on anything. She stood in front of me with her hands on her hips, foot tapping, and said, “Answer me, Faith.”

“What?” I looked at her with a dumb look on my face.

She flung a hand palm up waving at the mess and said, “Do you think Brad did this?” Her foot was about to fly off her body it was bouncing so fast.

I didn’t know how to tell her. She was already getting upset and she didn’t even know all of it.