Chapter 18
“There are some sins I'm just going to have to live with
.
”
â
Angel King
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“I thought I had scared you off,” admitted Theresa when she found Angel waiting outside her door as scheduled a week after their initial meeting.
“Please. I come face to face with death every day. It takes a lot more than a round of Twenty Questions to put some fear in me!”
Theresa laughed and led her into the living room. “Point taken. After battling cancer, nothing much scares me anymore either.”
Angel sat down and pulled out her notebook. “Let's get down to business, shall we? What's going on with you today? How are you feeling?”
Theresa sighed. “I lost some more of my hair today. I know it sounds vain, but losing my hair never gets any easier. You'd think I'd be used to that by now, or would have the guts to just shave it all off.”
“It's not vain, and it's completely understandable. You're a woman. Our hair is our crowning glory. I freak out when I see more than a few strands in the brush. I can only imagine what you must be going through. You don't have to put up a front for me.”
She squeezed Angel's hand and offered a slight smile. “Thanks.”
“Do you have anything else to report?”
“I've been a little tired. I can't run around with the girls like I used to, which really puts me in a funk.”
“Lethargy and depression are to be expected,” cautioned Angel.
“It feels like cancer is taking all of the parts of my life that used to matter.” Theresa's youngest daughter darted into the room and careened into Angel's lap. “I take that back. One of my most important parts is right there.”
“She certainly is a friendly little thing, isn't she?” noted Angel as Morgan crawled into her lap.
Theresa smiled. “She's only four, but she has a discerning spirit about people. She's sort of naturally drawn to good people.”
“You're pretty,” said Morgan, fiddling with Angel's earrings.
“So are you,” returned Angel.
“Do you want to come in the backyard and play with us?”
“Maybe later. I have to check on your mom right now.”
Morgan wrinkled her nose. “Mommy's sick, isn't she?”
Angel and Theresa exchanged glances. Theresa cleared her throat. “Sweetheart, don't you remember that I told you that Mommy has a disease? Miss Angel is going to try to help me feel better.”
“Is she going to fix the disease?”
“No, baby, she can't.”
“Then what can she do?”
“Well,” began Angel, “I can give her medicine whenever she starts to hurt, and I can make sure that she has everything she needs to be healthy.” She smiled at the little girl. “And I can play with you when she gets too tired.”
Morgan jumped out of Angel's lap. “Okay.”
“Go outside with your sister. I'm sure she's wondering what happened to you,” said Theresa.
Angel smiled as she watched Morgan sprint out of sight. “You know, when I look at your daughter, I can't help but think about the child I lost. She would be around Miley's age if she had lived.”
“I'm sorry if being around my kids makes you sad,” said Theresa.
Angel shook her head. “Don't apologize. I love kids. It's not your fault my baby died.”
Theresa looked away.
“Anyway, we're here to talk about you and how I can make your life easier, not me and all my drama from relationships past.”
Theresa faced her. “Angel, I want to ask you something first.”
“Go ahead.”
“I've been thinking about our conversation the other day and about forgiveness and all, and it got me wondering.” She looked Angel in the eyes. “Have you forgiven your husband and the woman who took him from you?”
“Well, first off, she didn't
take
anything,” emphasized Angel. “The other woman wasn't committed to me, he was. My husband chose to leave home all by himself. I'll never forgive Duke for what he did to me. I hope he and that tramp both get exactly what's coming to them.”
Theresa withdrew from the sofa and watched Morgan and Miley playing through the bay window. “I'm sure both of them regret hurting you the way they did, but you have to be forgiving. The Bible says so. Holding all that resentment inside can eat you alive.”
“I know, but whenever I think about what Duke did to meâwhat they both didâI can't feel anything but anger and animosity,” Angel admitted.
“You're just as guilty of sinning if you refuse to forgive them.”
Angel joined her at the window and lifted her eyes toward heaven. “I guess there are some sins I'm just going to have to live with.”
“Angel, what would you say to the other woman if you ever came face to face with her? How do you think you'd react?”
She considered the scenario. “I'd like to think I'd be mature about it, but we're talking about a woman who swooped down, seduced my husband, got pregnant by him, and then rode off into the sunset with my life. By no means do I think that Duke is blameless, but I have to believe that there's a special place in hell for women like that.”
Theresa shook her head. “You don't know that woman's situation. I'm sure she's had her share of guilt and suffering over it.”
Angel laughed a little. “She and Duke are probably off living their lives, carrying on as if nothing happened. The only one who's had to suffer in all this is me. I didn't do anything wrong, but I got stuck with all the hurt.”
“God has a way of healing all wounds, including yours. Forgiving the people who hurt you could be the first step in that process.”
Angel smiled and teased her. “I thought I was the Angel in the room. You have much more compassion than the average person, but if your husband did that to you, I don't think you'd be as understanding. Their affair almost cost me my life, and it did cost my baby hers. I think they deserve their fair share of pain too.”
“
Vengeance is mine, says the Lord
,” quoted Theresa. “Nobody ever gets off easily when they destroy other people's lives. Besides,”âshe looked down at her decaying bodyâ“God always makes sure everyone gets what they deserve one way or another.”
Chapter 19
“Working for Angel is okay, but I have other dreams too.”
â
Kina Battle
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It was a scene that almost made Kina's heart stop, but there he was. Kenny was seated on the floor of her closet, wielding his father's loaded gun.
“Kenny, where did you get that?” she screamed.
“I found it in here when I was looking for some paper for school. Is it real?” He traced his fingers across the gun and positioned it as if he were going to shoot.
Kina took a deep breath, “Very slowly, I want you to hand me the gun, all right?”
Trepidation darkened Kenny's face. “Am I in trouble?”
“No, I just don't want you to accidentally fire it. Your dad keeps it loaded.”
He surrendered the gun to her, and Kina let out a sigh of relief. “Kenny, I don't ever want to see you with this gun again. You hear me?”
“Yes, ma'am.”
She secured the gun into the holster and set it on a shelf far above Kenny's reach. He watched as she lodged it in place.
“Why does Daddy need a gun?”
“It's for our protection.”
“Is he going to shoot somebody?”
“I pray that he never has to, but either way, you are not to come anywhere near this closet without permission. Got it?”
He nodded.
“You nearly scared me to death holding that gun. You could've killed yourself, Kenny. Do you realize that?”
Kenny dropped his head. “I didn't mean to scare you, Mama. I just wanted to look at it.”
“Do you know how many children have hurt themselves or other people just because they wanted to look at a gun?” Kina's stomach churned as she heard E'Bell unlocking the front door. “Go into you room and stay there until I come get you.”
Kenny, eager to avoid E'Bell's wrath, left without protest.
“Kina, where you at?” bellowed E'Bell.
“I'm in the bedroom,” she called back and then said a quick prayer for her son's safety.
E'Bell appeared in the bedroom doorway with a can of beer and a scowl across his face. “Dinner ready yet?”
She shook her head. “I was about to start whenâ”
“You ain't even started?”
“I couldn't.”
“Why not?”
“There was a situation with Kenny. He . . . he found your gun.”
“What?”
“He found it in our closet and was playing with it.”
“Why are you letting him go through my stuff?” he fired. He snatched off his belt. “Tell that boy to come here!”
Kina reached for the belt. “Honey, don't whip him. He was just in here looking for some paper when he found it. It ain't his fault. We should've hidden it better.”
E'Bell bolted into the closet and began rummaging through the boxes, clothes, and shoes placed in there. “Where did you put it?”
She pointed to the shelf. “I didn't want him to be able to reach it. E'Bell, I've never felt safe with that thing in the house, now more than ever. Can't you get rid of it?”
“And what are we supposed to do if some fool tries to break in and take the little bit of stuff I've managed to get?” He found the gun and removed the clip to make sure all of his bullets were still there. “Who's gon' protect us thenâyou?”
“God is all the protection we need.”
“Yeah, God and this forty-four.” He reattached the clip.
“At least hide it so Kenny can't get to it. Nothing scares me more than the thought of coming home and finding my baby dead on the floor with a bullet in his head.”
E'Bell sucked his teeth and wiped Kenny's fingerprints off the gun. “Shouldn't you be cooking dinner instead of standing here looking at me?”
Kina treaded into the kitchen and began butchering a chicken for dinner. She hadn't gotten halfway through rinsing off the legs before E'Bell stormed into the kitchen.
“What's this, Kina?” he demanded, holding up a crumpled brochure in his fist.
Kina recognized it at once and dropped the knife. It was the brochure containing her application for Savannah State University. “IâI don't know,” she fibbed.
E'Bell yanked her by the throat, immediately cutting off her air supply. “You gon' look me in the face and lie to me like that?” He shoved her. She lost her balance for a second, but at least she could breathe again. “I know what you're trying to do,” he alleged. “See, you think you're slick, Kina! When are you going to get this through that thick head of yours that you can't outsmart me? You're about as dumb as you are fat.”
“I wasn't trying to trick you, E'Bell.”
“Then why didn't you say nothing about it? Why did I find your application in a shoe box in the back of the closet?”
“I just put it there for safekeeping. I haven't even decided whether or not I want to go.”
“Oh,
you
hadn't decided, huh? Here it is that I had to quit school before I even got there because of you, and now you're trying to sneak and go behind my back.”
“We can both go to school, E'Bell. You still have time to apply and register for classes. Think of how much closer that whole experience could bring us. It would be like being in high school again.”
“I'm almost thirty-three years old. What college do you think is going to put me on their football team?”
“Don't make school about football this time. You can get a degree in anything you want.”
“All I ever wanted to do was be a football player. I wasn't some nerdy
A
student like you. I barely got out of high school. Nobody would've accepted me in their college if I couldn't play ball. Football was my one shot at making it big, at being somebody.”
“E'Bell, with or without a football, you're still somebody.”
“Whatâa janitor? On that field, I was Give-'em-hell E'Bell. Now, I'm just another janitor to sweep up behind a bunch of simple-minded teenagers. Do you know how it makes me feel to have to clean up after those kids? To have to polish the trophies and plaques that my sweat earned for that school? 'Round there, they treat me like I'm nothing, Kina, like some ol' has-been with a mop and a broom.”
“You can quit and do something else,” suggested Kina.
“Don't you get it? There
is
nothing else. This right hereâthis pissy apartment, dead-end job, a fat wife, and a son who can't even hold a footballâthis is it for me, and I hate it!” He ripped the application into shreds.
“E'Bell, no!” she cried and lunged at him, trying to retrieve the application.
He pushed her. “You think I'm gon' let you go to college after you screwed up my chances of going?”
Tears began flooding from her eyes. “I just wanted to make something of myself. Working for Angel is okay, but I have other dreams too.”
“Yeah, I bet Angel and the rest of them silly broads are the ones who put this crazy notion in your head, too.” He sprinkled the remnants of the application down on her like confetti. “You can forget about this school business, Kina. It ain't happening. If I ain't gon' be nothing, you ain't gon' be nothing. Now, get over there and fix me something to eat.”
E'Bell grabbed another beer before settling down in front of the television. Kina milled around the kitchen, doing as she was told. On the outside, she appeared broken, which satisfied E'Bell. Inside, she couldn't help but smile a little and thank God for the college application that she had already filled out and submitted online.