Sullivan refused to take it. “What are you doing? You know I don't want to speak to the press.”
“It's not a reporter, Sully,” said Lawson gravely. “It's Charles.”
Chapter 44
“Your wife is dying and more than ever, you need to be dealing with reality.”
â
Angel King
Â
Angel heard muffled sounds coming from inside the Kings' pool house. She cracked open the door and found Duke inside on the loveseat. She joked, “I thought this was
my
hideout.”
Duke sat up. “I'm just taking a load off. What's your excuse?”
Angel sat down in the recliner across from him. “I needed a minute to clear my head. Do you remember my friend Sullivan?”
He nodded. “She was your roommate in college, right?”
“Yes. She did something so incredibly stupid.” Angel shook her head at the thought of Sullivan's antics. “Don't worry. You'll hear all about it on the news tonight. Anyway, I needed a minute to mentally distance myself from her drama before I went into the main house. How's Theresa?”
Duke dropped his head and, without warning, succumbed to his grief and tears. “She's dying, Angel. My wife is dying and there's nothing I can do to fix it and nothing I can do about it. I don't get it, you know? Why her? Why now? She's so young and vibrant and beautiful. Why did this have to happen? How do I get my little girls through the pain of losing their mother?”
Angel rushed to his side. “God is still in control, Duke. I know it doesn't feel like it right now, but He is. And you
are
doing something about it. You're making sure she's comfortable and that she has everything she needs. You're taking great care of the girls, so that's one less thing she has to worry about.”
“The girls?” He looked up at her through his watery eyes. “What am I supposed to tell them? They think I'm some kind of superhero, that Daddy can do anything. How do I explain to them that their superhero can't save their mother? How do I break their hearts and tell them that they're never going to see her again, not on this side of heaven? How do I make them understand what I barely understand myself?”
“You tell them the truth, Duke. They need to know that Mommy's sick, but she's going to a place where she'll never have to be sick, in pain, or hurt again.”
“I tried that, and you know what Morgan told me? She said that she wanted to die too, so she could be with her mother. It broke my heart.”
“She's four. She doesn't have a real concept of death or know what she's saying. I'll talk to her and try to help her understand.”
Duke seemed to take some comfort in that. “If anybody can get her to understand, it's you. Morgan is crazy about you, you know?”
Angel smiled. “The feeling's mutual. You have two beautiful, special little girls. I can see why you and Theresa are so proud of them.”
“As much as I love my daughters, I can't help but think about the child we lost,” he admitted. “I'll never forgive myself for playing a part in your miscarriage.”
“Duke, this is not the time for you to be dwelling on that. Right now, your focus needs to be on Theresa and the girls and getting through this as a family.”
“None of us would even be going through this if I'd just stayed married to you.”
“That might be true, but you wouldn't have Morgan and Miley either if you'd stayed married to me. I know you wouldn't give them up for the world.”
Duke shook his head. “Things would've been so different if I hadn't been so stupid. Remember all the dreams we had about the kind of life we wanted and how we'd raise our kids?”
She laughed a little. “We were going to have twinsâa girl and a boyâand live in a cottage on the beach and collect sea shells and build sand castles with our babies.”
“You would've been a great mother,” he said.
Angel felt uncomfortable and moved away. “Maybe we shouldn't be doing this.”
“Doing what?”
“Playing âWhat If.' Your wife is dying, and more than ever, you need to be dealing with reality.”
“I have more reality than I can take right now. I just want to sit here and forget about it for a minute.”
She sat down and rubbed his back. “You're tired, aren't you? I spend so much time worrying about Theresa and the girls that I forget that you need a break too.”
“You're a good woman, Angel. I don't think I deserved you. I know I don't deserve your help and your kindness now.”
“I try not to worry about who deserves what and when. Theresa doesn't deserve what's happening to her, neither does your family. I'm no better than you all are.”
He sighed. “Reese is the one who holds our family together. As the head of the household, I know I'm supposed to be this big tough guy, but I can be strong because I know she's got my back. She's fearless, and she loves her family more than anything.”
“Even in her fragile state, she's trying to make provisions for you to make the transition easier.”
Duke nodded. “Well, I know that she arranged her funeral some time ago. She's already written down the mortuary home she wants to use, the dress she wants to be buried in, and even the songs she wants played at her funeral. She didn't want her parents and me to have to worry about any of that.”
“That's not all she didn't want you to worry about. She asked me to take care of you and the girls. She even went so far as to say she wanted us to remarry and raise the kids together. That's how much she loves her family.”
“Angel, I know that my wife had the best intentions, but you've got your own life to live. You have your business, your family and friends. I don't expect you to keep looking after the girls and me.”
“Looking after you guys is something I want to do. Besides, I promised Theresa that I would. You guys mean everything to her, and she wants me around to make sure that you all are okay. That's her dying wish.”
“Angel, nobody expects you to give up your life for us. She shouldn't have put you in this position.”
“She only did it because she knows that I love those girls just like they came from my own body.” Angel paused. “And she knows that I love you.”
Duke faced her. “She knows that I loved you, too, in my own way. As incredulous as it sounds, I love both of you. The love is different, but it's love nevertheless.”
“In her mind, she is the one who tore us apart, so she wants to be the one who brings us back together.”
Duke smiled. “That's Reese for you. She always tries to make everyone else happy. She knows what an incredible woman you are, Angel. You're amazing. I don't know why I couldn't see it before.” He hugged her, and she let herself wallow in his solace. It was nice to be in his arms again.
As they were pulling away, there was a moment when their eyes met. She felt the way she used to whenever he looked at her, and she could sense that he felt it too. Duke touched her face and slowly drew Angel into a kiss.
The guilt set in as soon as she realized she was kissing him back. She dragged her lips away from his and whispered, “We can't do this.”
He pressed his forehead against hers. “I need you, Angel.”
“You don't want to do this. You're hurt and you're confused.” She rose. “I can't let you do something that you're going to regret.”
“There's still something here between us.”
“Of course there is. We were in love, and we were married. But you have a new wife and a family now. They need to be your only focus.”
He stood before her. “Am I supposed to just ignore how I feel?”
Angel shook her head and crossed her arms. “You're doing it again, Duke! It's just like when we were married. You feel trapped and you feel the pressure mounting, so you look for an escape. First it was with Theresa, now me.”
“That's not what I'm doing.”
“That's
exactly
what you're doing. You can't run away this time. You have to face this. Your wife is dying, you've got to accept that. Within the next few weeks, those beautiful girls are going to lose their mother. You're going to be a single father, and those kids are going to be totally dependent on you. You've got to accept that too.”
“You're right.” He nodded. “I need to grow up and take responsibility whether I like it or not. Forgive me for over-stepping the boundaries like that. I know that you're not the kind of woman who would help a man break his vows.”
She touched his shoulder. “I know it may feel like it right now, but you're not alone, Duke. You've got family and friends.” Angel cupped his face. “You also have me, but don't try to turn this into something it's not. That won't help either of us.”
“I know,” he conceded. “It just hurts so bad, Angel. It's hard to come to terms with the fact that she's leaving me.”
“She's not leaving you,” said Angel. “She's going home.”
They heard Morgan and Miley right outside of the door, calling his name.
“Duty calls,” Duke said and stood up.
“You want me to take them to the park for a while to give you some time to get your head together?”
“No. If I'm going to get used to facing my responsibility, I may as well start now.”
Angel put her hand on his shoulder. “I'm glad to hear you say that.”
He opened the door for the girls and let them in. “What have you two munchkins been up to?”
“We were looking for you, Daddy,” answered Miley. “Are you hiding from us?”
“I was,” he said, then looked at Angel. “But I'm not hiding from you anymore. From now on, you never have to worry about where I am.”
“What if you get sick like Mama?” asked Morgan.
“Then Miss Angel will take care of us, stupid!” Miley looked up at Angel. “Won't you, Miss Angel?”
Angel nodded. “Yes, I'll be around whenever you need me.”
“See, I told you,” assured Miley. “Miss Angel's going to be our new mama, aren't you?”
Angel stooped down to her level. “Sweetie, you already have a mama who loves you very much. She loves both of you girls, and nothing brings her more joy than being a mother to you.”
“But when she goes to heaven, you're going to be our new mama 'cause she told us,” revealed Morgan.
Duke stepped in. “Girls, you can't just ask somebody to do that.”
“Yes, you can,” insisted Morgan. “Don't you want to be our new mommy, Miss Angel?”
For someone who usually had all the answers, Angel didn't have a clue about what to say.
Chapter 45
“You started taking me for granted the minute we got married.”
â
Sullivan Webb
Â
“Hello, Charles,” whispered Sullivan when she found him in the study, staring at the computer, after he summoned her home with a terse, “Come home. I need to talk to you,” before hanging up the phone. There was no point in telling him that it wasn't what it looked like, so Sullivan did the only thing more selfish than cheating on him: she shifted the blame to him.
She put down her purse. “In all fairness, you were the one who set all of this in motion. If you had taken my car to the mechanic like I'd asked you to, I never would've met him and this never would've happened.”
Charles stared at Sullivan in anger and disbelief. “You know, I bet that honestly makes sense in your warped, twisted mind. I had actually convinced myself that you would come home and tell me that it was all lies and that the pictures had been doctored somehow.” He laughed bitterly to himself. “The joke's on me, right?” Charles smashed one of their framed wedding pictures against the wall.
Sullivan shrieked. “Charles, let me explain . . .”
“How could you, Sullivan? You're my
wife
, for God's sake!”
“I never wanted to hurt you. Please tell me you believe that,” she whimpered. “Please say you forgive me.”
“I trusted you. I gave you my heart and all I had in me to give. There was
nothing
I wouldn't have done for you.” He put his hand over his heart. “You know, I knew that perhaps you didn't love me as much as I loved you, and I accepted that. But for you to turn around and do this . . .” He pushed over the desk, sending the computer monitor and keyboard crashing to the floor. “My God, Sullivan, do you have no conscience? Does Christ live anywhere in you?” No longer able to stand the sight of her, Charles headed upstairs to their bedroom.
Sullivan followed him up the steps. “I never meant for any of this to happen,” she sobbed.
“You never meant for what to happen, Sully? When you laid down and took off your clothes for this man, you never meant to sleep with himâis that what you're saying?” All she could do was shake her head. “No, you meant for that part to happen, right? And don't give me this crap about not meaning to hurt me because you knew that sleeping with another man would devastate me. The only thing you didn't mean to happen was me finding out.” He tore open the closet door and grabbed a duffel bag.
“Nobody was supposed to get hurt, especially not you,” she cried. “It was just a fling, it was nothing, Charles.”
“You had an affair. You slept with another man. How could you disrespect our vows like that? We went before God,” he continued, stuffing clothes into the bag. “We promised to be faithful and honest with each other no matter what.”
Sullivan tried to grab him, but Charles pulled away from her. “We have to talk about this, baby. Let's just pray, or yell at each other, or make love, or anything other than you looking at me with such contempt in your eyes.”
“I can't look at you any other way right now.” He moved about the room, tossing in items.
“Moving out won't solve anything. I still love you, and I know that you still love me. You know it too. Don't you even want to hear what I have to say?”
“Not really.” Charles stopped packing momentarily, granting Sullivan a smidgen of hope. “I do love you, Sullivan, and believe it or not, I forgive you, because not only are you my wife, but you're also my sister in Christ. But forgiving you doesn't mean I have to hang around while you make an even bigger fool out of me.”
Sullivan took a deep breath. “I made a horrible, selfish mistake, I admit that, but you've made mistakes too.”
Charles zipped his bag and tossed it over his shoulder. “The only mistake I made was trusting you.” He walked past her.
“Go on, leave,” Sullivan called after him. “That's the one thing you've been good at lately.” He stopped in the doorway. “You've been so wrapped up with this campaign until it's like I'm not even here. You've been too busy to notice what was going on under your own roof. When was the last time you even asked me how my day went or took an interest in what I wanted?”
“You know how important this race is to me. You said that you understood.”
“I do understand, but I'm human. I get lonely, and I need more than these stupid campaign posters and speeches to make me feel wanted.”
Charles faced her. “And you don't think I've been lonely? This race has been my whole life, and most days, the only thing that keeps me going is knowing I'm going to come home to you. I thought that you had my back, my helpmeet. I thought you'd be there when no one else but God would.”
“I've been here with you and for you through the ups and downs, disappointments and bad days, but you started taking me for granted the minute we got married. You're just as much to blame for this as I am.”
“You know what? I accept that, Sully. I know that there are thousands of things I've done wrong, but I never cheated on you. I never even thought about it.”
“Just stay, Charles,” pleaded Sullivan. “We need to talk until we work this out.”
Charles nodded. “We can do that . . . if it only happened once.”
Sullivan blinked. “What?”
“I can forgive you, Sullivan, and we can work on putting this behind us if it was a one-time moment of weakness that you gave in to.”
She swallowed hard. “Charles, Iâ”
He reached for her hand. “Just look me in the eyes and tell me that it was just this once, that you haven't been making a fool out of me time and time again.”
“I can tell you that it'll never happen again,” vowed Sullivan.
“But you can't tell me that it hasn't happened before, can you?” She shook her head, her eyes burning with tears. Charles dropped her hand. “I'll be back to get the rest of my things in the morning. It'll be better for both of us if you weren't here.”
Sullivan blew into a tissue. “You're not wasting any time, are you?”
“I've done enough of that already.” They were silent for a moment. “Look, I haven't made any announcements to the press or anything about us breaking up. I'm trying to hold it off as long as I can because I think that it'll just draw unnecessary attention to my personal life instead of the issues. I'm hoping that you and your boyfriend will respect that and use some discretion, at least for now.”
“Vaughn is not my boyfriend. He isn't anything to me. It's over now.”
“It's funny,” said Charles. “Before today, the rest of the world thought that we were the perfect couple, but I think we both know that hasn't been true for a long time. I didn't want to see it, but you and your lover have made it very clear. Obviously, he knew that things weren't right long before I did.”
“Charles, don't talk about Vaughn like he was the great love of my life. He's barely out of high school. He's just a kid.”
“But it's true, right? All of those nights that you were lying there in that bedroom with me, you were secretly pining away for him.”
“It wasn't like that.”
“I still can't get the image of the two of you together out of my head. There you were, on the computer screen, kissing and touching him, when I have to beg for the least bit of affection from you.”
“It's different with you. We have a relationship based on respect and partnership. Despite what you saw on that Web site, I love you, Charles. I always will.”
“What, like a brother? Does he love you, Sully? I did. I wanted a future with you. I had already picked out the names for our kids, and I stood up in front of everyone in the church and professed my everlasting love for you. I saw myself sitting on the porch in a rocking chair next to you, watching our grandkids run around the yard. Just last week, I was joking with some of the deacons about having to trade in your BMW for minivans and getting a dog and taking trips.”
“We can still have all of that,” she assured him.
“I wanted it with you.” He dropped his head. “But you want it with him, don't you? Didn't you know how much I loved you? I would have given you everything. You could have just told me that you didn't love me anymore. You didn't have to jump in bed with another man.”
“I wanted to tell you about him; I just couldn't.”
“You couldn't tell me, but had no problem sleeping with him behind my back.”
“Charles, please tell me what I can do to fix this. If you want me to make a statement to the press, I will. If you want me to go before the church and apologize, I'll do that, too. Just tell me what to do.”
“All I know to tell you to do is ask the Lord for His forgiveness.”
“What about us? You said I have your forgiveness, so I don't see why we can't work this out. A lot of couples have to face infidelity. We've had several in the church who have dealt with it, but emerged stronger in their marriage and their walk with God. Think of what it would do for the congregation if we could show them that couples can survive a hit like this and still stay together. What could be a more powerful testimony?”
“All that sounds real good, Sullivan, but this ain't about my campaign or putting on a show for the church. I don't care about those things right now. It's about us, and me opening my eyes to the kind of woman I married.”
Sullivan fumed. “Newsflash, Charles: your wife ain't perfect,” she said sarcastically. “She's not the innocent little First Lady who sits on the front pew with her white gloves and hat. She's a woman who's passionate and sexual and creative.”
“Don't you think I know that, Sullivan? And I knew that with our age difference could come some complications. I was prepared for that. What I wasn't prepared for was a wife who could lie to my face and run around with another man behind my back and have the whole world witness my humiliation. Now I have everything I need,” he said as he picked up his suitcase, “and thanks to you, a few things I didn't.”