Chapter 4
“I love you, but I don't want to lose myself in order to become your wife.”
â
Lawson Kerry
Â
Garrett Bryant poked his bald head through the kitchen door and looked around as Lawson's thirteen-year-old son, Namon, peeked over his shoulder. “Is the coast clear?”
The mere sight of the two men she loved most in the world made Lawson's face light up. “They're all gone. You two can come in now.”
Namon whizzed by, stopping only long enough to give his mother a peck on the cheek, and disappeared into the bathroom.
“I think he had one too many sodas at the movies,” explained Garrett. “All right, Namon got sugar, so where's mine?”
Lawson set down the dishes that she'd gathered and threw her arms around Garrett's neck. “Right here.” They reveled in a long, passionate kiss.
“Is the birthday girl gone too?” he asked.
“Reggie had to work, so we might actually get the house to ourselves tonight.”
Garrett moved in behind Lawson, curling his arms around her waist, towering over his five foot three-inch lady love. “That's music to my ears.”
“What do you have in mind? You wanna rent a movie or watch TV?”
“Don't you want to see the surprise I have for you first?” he asked, taunting her.
“Oh, are you going to finish the dishes?”
Garrett chuckled. “Not tonight.” He pulled a bandana from his pocket. “I'm going to have to blindfold you.”
“Blindfold?” Lawson narrowed her eyes. “Just what kind of surprise is this?”
“Come on, be a good sport. I'm not going to hurt you. You trust me, don't you?”
She smiled and replied, “With my life,” as he tied the scarf behind her head.
Garrett led her out the door and onto the back patio. “All right, take a look.”
Lawson pulled off the bandana. She was amazed at every sight her eyes fell upon. Garrett had decorated the entire backyard with white Christmas lights, white scented tea candles, and long-stemmed white roses. The night sky was the perfect backdrop for the breathtaking scene. “It looks like something out of a movie back here,” she said, awestruck. “When did you have time to do all this?”
He escorted her to a small glass table topped with different sized covered trays. “I had my whole crew out here while you were having the party. You didn't even know it.”
“This beats you doing the dishes any day!” Lawson took it all in, sniffing the roses and touching the lights. “It's all so beautiful, Garrett. This is the most romantic thing anybody has ever done for me.”
“Baby, you're worth it. You deserve all the romance and happiness in the world, and I'm going to see to it that you have it and everything else that your heart desires.” Garrett pulled out a chair for her. “I love you. Sometimes words aren't enough, though, so every once in a while, I like to show it too.”
Lawson lifted the top of one of the covered dishes Garrett had placed on the table. Underneath was a tub of lush strawberries and whipped cream. “Wow. As my grandmother used to say, who wouldn't serve a God like this?”
“That's what this is all about, baby, treating you like the queen God created you to be.” He caressed her hand. “There's only one thing missing from this picture.”
“What's that?”
He smiled nervously, his chocolate brown eyes shining. “Open the middle tray.”
Lawson reached for the silver tray in the center of the table. “A calendar?”
“Go to January.”
She flipped the calendar five months ahead. January fifteenth was circled in red ink. “What's this?”
“That's our wedding date.”
“Wedding date?” echoed Lawson, surprised. “We're not even engaged yet.”
Garrett kneeled down in front of her. “I'm hoping to change that right now. Open the tray on your right.” With her hands trembling, Lawson lifted the top and discovered a black velvet box inside. She opened it and saw what she assumed was to be her engagement ring.
“We're Christians. When we got saved and realized that God didn't want us living in sin, we agreed to abstain from having sex and for me to get my own place until we got married. But that was two years ago. Since I know I'm not going to be able to keep my hands off this voluptuous body of yours much longer”âhe stroked his fingers along her frameâ“I better go ahead and make you an honest woman.”
“Aren't I an honest woman already?” she teased.
“Not in the eyes of the law. I know we don't need a ring or a piece of paper to define what we have, but I want us to stop playing around and do this for real. Here, let me do the honors. . . .” Garrett took the box out of her hand and cleared his throat. “Lawson, you already know how much I love you and Namon. I believe that God has a plan for us that can only be carried out by us as man and wife. I would be proud and humbled if you'd agree to see that plan through to fruition with me. Be my wife, Lawson. Say that you'll marry me.” He presented the ring to her.
Lawson fidgeted nervously in her seat. “Baby, this is all so romantic, and I've known for a long time that you're the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. . . .”
Garrett grinned from ear to ear. “That sounds like a yes to me!” he declared and moved in to kiss her.
She staved him off. “Sweetie, I love you, and I know that I'll be ready to give you that answer you want to hear . . . someday.”
Garrett was taken aback. “
Someday
?”
She gingerly put a hand on his shoulder. “Garrett, you're the oneâI know that. And in the not too distant future, we're going to go before God and our family and friends to pledge to be together for the rest of our lives. But I can't make that leap until God places it on my heart.”
“Which probably won't be on January fifteenth,” inferred Garrett, rising.
Lawson sighed and lowered her head. “Maybe, maybe not. I can't answer that.”
Disappointment settled on Garrett's face as he closed the ring box with the ring still inside.
“Baby, this doesn't mean no. It's justâ”
“Whatever, Lawson,” grumbled Garrett under his breath.
“Honey, we've talked about this. You've always known that I wanted to wait until I got my degree before we got married.”
“I understood and respected that, but you have your degree now. We've been together almost ten years, Lawson. I'm thirty-six years old. I'm getting a little too old to still be calling you my girlfriend.”
“It's only been two months since graduation,” Lawson pointed out. “Now that I'm starting this new job, I need to focus on that for a while. Once things settle down, I'll be ready to set a date. I want everything to be right before we make that commitment.”
He sat down and leaned back in his chair. “How long have I been hearing that?”
“Please be patient a little longer.” She reached for his hands. “I've been trying to get back on my feet since I was sixteen years old. Now that I've finally gotten to a place where Namon and I don't have to struggle so much, I want to take some time to savor it.”
“I know.” Garrett kissed her hands. “All I want is to be able to share it with you.”
“You
are
sharing it with me. We're building a life together.”
“I want to make it official, though. Being Uncle Garrett and Lawson's boyfriend isn't enough for me anymore. I want to be Namon's dad and Lawson's husband.”
Lawson circled her arms around his neck. “It's going to happen for us, baby. I promise. I just need a little more time.”
Garrett's tone shifted. “Yeah, I hope that's
all
you need.”
She pulled away, a little offended. “What's that supposed to mean?”
“It means that if you don't know whether you want to marry me after almost ten years together, then maybe I'm not the one you really want to marry.”
“Don't be ridiculous! I love you, but I don't want to lose myself in order to become your wife. I have to know that Namon and I will be okay with or without you.”
“You're never going to have to worry about that. If I wasn't committed to you, do you think I would've stuck around this long?” Lawson shook her head. “All right, then, what more proof do you need?”
“Can't it be enough that we're in love? There's no rush. I'm not going anywhere,” she assured him.
“That's the problem. We're not moving toward anything, just going in circles.”
“I know it may feel that way sometimes, but we're making progress,” Lawson told him then sat down in his lap. “We're going forward and planning our life together. I just need to do what feels right for me. You've been taking care of us while I went to school and worked dead-end jobs, and I love you for that. Now it's important to me that I actually have something to offer you other than my problems. There's a lot I still need to do financially and spiritually before I even
think
about setting a wedding date.”
“You sure you're not holding out for something better?”
“What could be better than this, huh?” she asked and softly kissed him on the lips. “I love you, Garrett, and I will be your wife one day. I just need time to figure out who I am outside of being Mrs. Bryant. I won't be happy as your wife if I'm not happy as Lawson. You understand that, don't you?”
He sighed and rubbed the small of her back. “I guess I have to.”
“This is temporary. You're gonna be stuck with me whether you like it or not.”
Garrett smiled and opened the ring box again. “Well, hold out that beautiful hand of yours so I can slip this ring on it.”
Lawson's eyes averted. She stood up, cramming her hands into the pockets of her jeans.
“You don't even want to wear my ring?” spat Garrett.
“If I wear the ring, it'll invite all kinds of pressure and questions from outsiders.”
“Dang, you really know how to kick a man when he's down, don't you?”
Lawson tried to touch him, but he dodged her. “Garrett, don't be like that.”
“I just got down on one knee and begged you to marry me, and you said no. How do you expect me to react?” He snapped the ring box shut.
“I didn't say no. I just said not now.”
“Not now? It's been ten years, Lawson! If not now, when? From where I stand,”âhe tossed the box on the tableâ“you might as well have said not ever.” Garrett walked away and left her standing alone in the midst of their romantic oasis.
Chapter 5
“The last thing I need for God to send me right now is another man to break my heart.”
â
Angel King
Â
Angel's dates usually ended with a polite kiss at the door and a promise to call the next day. It was a promise that neither party would fulfill for weeks at a time, if at all. This is why she didn't know why her girlfriends would expect anything different after her date with Don, a man she'd met at church and again for coffee after Reginell's party.
“What's wrong with him?” quizzed Lawson, forcing her size nine foot into a size eight ankle-strapped python pump while they were out shopping the next day. “He looked like a nice guy.”
Reginell watched as Lawson waged a losing battle with the shoe. “You thinking that shoe
looked
like it might actually fit you is proof that looks can be deceiving.”
“He's nice,” conceded Angel. “He's also very, um,
husky
.”
“Do you think he's too big?” asked Kina, feeling insecure due to her own weight.
“Don't act like y'all didn't notice,” voiced Reginell. “He could barely fit through the aisle to go talk to her.”
Sullivan eyed a pair of jeweled sandals. “A man should only be that big in two places. The bank account is one, and I'll leave the other to your imagination.”
Angel grinned. “Something tells me that you're not talking about his heart.”
“Hardly!” spat Sullivan. “Believe me when I tell you that Mr. Big Stuff is fat in all the wrong places. Dump him, girl. There are other fish in the sea. Notice I said fish, not whales!”
Lawson pried her foot out of the shoe. “Yeah, he's a little heavy set, but it's endearing on him, kind of like a chocolate teddy bear.”
“Now, Lawson, there ain't nothing teddy about that bear, and you know it!” jibed Angel. Then she felt remorseful. “Am I being totally shallow?”
“Yes,” retorted Sullivan. “Don't say that like it's a bad thing. Can you imagine all that weight rolling over you in bed, Angel? You're a scrawny little thing. You could easily get lost in one of his crevices and never be heard from again.”
Lawson rubbed her feet. “Aren't we a little too old and too evolved to break up with or reject someone because of their weight?”
“No!” exclaimed Reginell.
Lawson sighed. “So, little things like kindness and spirituality don't matter, huh?”
Sullivan shook her head. “Not when the man they're attached to is weighing in at three hundred pounds.”
“Angel, are you seriously going to listen to a woman who once dumped a man because he wore winter white in June?” raised Kina.
“A man who doesn't take care of his health is a turn-off,” admitted Angel. “If he won't take care of himself, what makes you think he'll take care of me?”
“We're women of the millennium. We don't need a man to take care of us,” boasted Lawson. “We can take care of ourselves.”
Sullivan whipped out Charles's debit card. “Hmph! Speak for yourself.”
Angel shook her head in pity as Sullivan walked to the counter to pay for her shoes. “To be honest, I just don't think I'm ready for anything serious yet. Between work, you guys, and church, I don't have time to be obsessing over some man who's probably just going to lie and cheat his way through the relationship anyway. I'd do better to keep praying and waiting for God to send me my prince. Plus, Don has a son, and where there's a baby, there's a baby's mama.”
“And where there's a baby's mama, there's bound to be drama,” finished Reginell.
Angel nodded her head. “Precisely.”
“What about that broker, Bryce what's-his-name? You almost seemed to be serious about him at one time,” said Kina.
“Bryce was never officially my boyfriend. Yeah, he was good on paper, but we rarely ever saw each other. Whenever we did go on dates, if they could be called such, we were constantly being interrupted with phone calls and text messages. There was never a love connection there. I just happened to find the only other person who's as busy as I am, and who has as little use or time for a love life as I do.”
Sullivan returned with the sandals she purchased. “If you ask meâ”
“And for the record, I didn't,” interjected Angel.
Sullivan rolled her eyes and continued. “If you ask me, the reason that you keep finding things wrong with every man you go out with is because you keep comparing them all to Duke. I don't think you've ever really gotten over him.”
“Du'Corey?” Angel laughed to herself. “That was
so
eight years ago.”
“I have to admit it, Angel. I agree with Sully on that one,” weighed in Lawson. “You haven't really dealt with it, and you never had closure with that situation.”
“Yes, I did,” countered Angel. “It's called a divorce.”
Kina placed her hand on Angel's shoulder. “That's not the same thing. You won't even talk about what happened.”
“What's there to talk about, Kina? We got married, it didn't work out, and we got a divorce. End of story.”
“To this day, I've never seen anything like the love between you and Duke,” recounted Lawson. “Feelings that intense don't just go away because you want them to.”
“You don't even celebrate Christmas anymore because of what went down,” added Reginell.
“Can you blame me?” Angel's mind flashed back to that fateful Christmas Eve eight years prior. After nearly a year of trying to conceive, she had just found out that she was pregnant and had planned to give her husband the positive pregnancy test as a Christmas present. The surprise was all hers, however, when he came home and announced that his mistress, a woman named Reese, had just delivered their baby. He then professed his love for his baby's mother and told Angel that he was leaving to start a life with his new family. He packed his bags and never looked back.
“It's no wonder you had that miscarriage,” replied Lawson.
“Don't forget about the mental meltdown,” Sullivan replied absently. Everyone scolded her with burning looks. “
What?
It's not every day that one of us spends some time in a mental institution.”
Lawson feigned disappointment. “Sorry. How could I forget to bring up the part about my best friend nearly losing her mind with depression and having to be hospitalized after she tried to kill herself?” she asked sarcastically. “Good grief, Sullivan! Is there at least one sympathetic bone in that anemic body of yours?”
“I have lots of sympathy for Angel!” argued Sullivan and glanced in a mirror. “And my body is flawless.”
“I just thank God that you had so many people praying you through it,” said Kina.
Reginell pushed Sullivan away from the mirror. “Duke was the love of your life, Angel. You don't just get over that.”
“
He
certainly did!” scoffed Angel.
“Well, with him back in D.C. now and you in Savannah, at least you don't have to worry about bumping into him wherever you leave the house,” said Lawson.
“I don't know, Angel. Sometimes the past has a way of catching up to us when we least expect it,” warned Kina.
Angel shook her head. “Not in this case. Duke can rot in hell for all I care.”
Sullivan pointed at Angel. “You all hear that? You can only wish that kind of suffering and pain on someone you love.”
“Love is overrated. My marriage to Duke was proof of that. Whatever feelings I may have had for him died the same time our baby did, and nothing can bring either of the two back.”
“Never say never,” Sullivan cautioned her.
Kina shook her head. “God won't send you a husband until you deal with your issues with Duke.”
Angel sighed. “God can send me some more patients or money to meet this month's payroll. He can even send me the seven hundred dollars to pay for these beautiful shoes.” She looked longingly at the pricey short-cuff platform boots before placing them back on the pedestal. “But the
last
thing I need for God to send me right now is another man to break my heart.”