AFT (AFTER FIELD TRIP)
Oh god. What an amazing, bizarre, unbelievable day. Here’s what went down:
Justin, Matt O., and I met Big ’Do by the check-in desk. She carried a clipboard and hid several pens in her hair, which she randomly removed every time she needed to check something off.
“Ready to go?” she smiled. We all nodded, and she noted it with check marks. After she wedged the pen into her hair, we were off.
The elevator ride down to the first floor was quiet. Since there were only four of us, it would have looked weird if any of us stood too close to each other. No elevator action today, but I wasn’t worried.
As we walked out through the front hallway of the building, I had flashbacks of the night my parents brought me in. Things looked different, since the daylight made everything brighter and cheerier. But I also felt I had a different perspective on the way things looked, too. At the beginning, I was scared and wussy.
Now I was the queen of our floor, a kick-ass Level III who also spent a little time in the Quiet Room for bad behavior. I had a feeling of superiority walking through the foyer, almost thuglike, as if the sight of me struck fear in the hearts of the crazies and old people who littered the hallway. I wish real life had Level IIIs.
Outside, the light was overpowering. Real, direct sunlight cannot be replaced with fluorescent bulbs and a screen-covered window. For the first time I saw how pale everyone looked, almost blue. Justin and Matt O. had poofy bags under their eyes, and Matt O.’s hair was a flat, grayish-black color I never noticed inside. I worried that they were picking out my faults, too, but we began walking, and soon the sun started soaking into my skin. My whole body felt five degrees warmer, but in a good, nonsweaty way. Big ’Do walked us to a busy intersection, stuck out her hair, er, arm, and caught a cab. She sat in the front seat, which allowed me automatic leg access to Justin. I sat in the small middle seat. You know when you sit in the middle seat next to someone you’re really close to, so you lean your leg against them without even thinking about it? Or how when you’re next to someone you don’t know very well, you keep your leg tense the whole time so it doesn’t touch theirs? Well, on the Matt O. side I could sense the tension from him, and every time we turned a corner and our legs accidentally touched, he jerked away. On the Justin side, at first our legs weren’t touching. There was kind of enough room to not have to touch, especially with Matt O. backed into a corner. But when the first abrupt
cab turn happened, and Justin was forcefully slid in my direction, our legs touched and didn’t stop touching for the rest of the cab ride.
Big ’Do sat in the front, chatting away with the cab driver, who kept nodding and looking at the fare meter. When we got to the museum, ’Do said to us, “Be sure to get out on the curb side,” and she handed the money to the driver.
The Shedd Aquarium is a beautiful, old building in itself, but the view of Chicago and the shores of Lake Michigan was like a postcard. I looked for Lake Shit amongst the skyscrapers, but I had only seen the outside of it twice. The city was endless in every direction, but all I could think of was how I had been in the exact same place for almost three weeks. In the back of my mind, I worried that a stomachache was coming on, but I took a deep breath and let all of the excitement and anticipation push that away.
“Everyone is so quiet.” Big ’Do looked at us. Robotically we hadn’t said a word since we left our rooms. I had assumed that the rules were the same on our field trip as they were at the hospital, and talking, unless told to, was forbidden. “It’s OK if you talk to each other. This is your reward for doing such a good job in your treatment,” Big ’Do said. Treatment. What an icky, sickly word. But seeing the pale faces of my friends, I guess it was fitting.
Justin, Matt O., and I looked at each other. With all of that freedom to talk, we didn’t know what to say.
“Um, hi?” I said to both of them.
“Hi, yourself,” Justin said, and if I wasn’t such a petrified, inexperienced wuss, I would’ve kissed him right there.
“I hear that we’re allowed to buy and eat any foods we want on this field trip. Is that correct?” Matt O. asked Big ’Do.
“As long as you don’t go overboard, I don’t see why not.”
“Then I propose we begin with ice cream novelties.”
“Matt, it’s ten thirty in the morning,” Justin told him.
“And your point is?”
“Lead the way,” I said. Who could argue with ice cream novelties?
Outside of the aquarium was a man on an ice cream bicycle cart. He reminded me of Chilly Willy, the man who rode his bicycle cart every summer day through my subdivision at home. “What can I get ya?”
Matt O. ordered a SpongeBob Popsicle, while I opted for a Chipwich. Justin chose a Screwball, and Big ’Do surprised us all by ordering a Choco Taco. Before I ate, I wondered if Justin thought I was a cow for eating ice cream at 10:30 in the morning. But he was eating it, too, and it looked way too good to pass up.
While I enjoyed the ice cream immensely, I worried how it would make my breath smell. I hoped at some point there would be the option of gum. Like an answer to my prayers, Big ’Do pulled a pack of sugarless mint gum out of her purse. “Gum, anyone? It helps protect your teeth if you don’t have a toothbrush handy.” I gladly accepted, even though Big ’Do was freaking me out with her impression of a Stepford Wife.
We finally walked into the aquarium, and it was just as I remembered it: the same damp and fishy smell, the cavernous echo of hundreds of voices as kids and parents yelled, and the giant gift shop where I was always compelled to purchase fish-themed jewelry. I couldn’t believe I was there with my two mental hospital inmates and a therapeutic chaperone.
The rest of the morning was spent looking at fish displays from all over the world. For some reason I didn’t feel as bad for the fish as I normally feel for animals in zoos. I mean, the fish were trapped in these little water areas when they should have been living in the vast foreverness of oceans, lakes, and rivers, but they were so expressionless it was hard to feel pity. Did they know they were trapped? Were they sad? Content? Bored? They did kind of look bored. Actually, they looked pretty bor
ing.
After an hour of watching what looked like the same fish in different display cases, Matt O. declared, “I’m hungry. Can we get lunch?” Was he hungry from looking at fish? I began to wonder what kind of food they served in the cafeteria and just how fresh it was. Thankfully, the caf was filled with the usual crap that all museums serve: pizza, salads, and pre-made sandwiches with too much mayo. My decision was bittersweet: I would finally have a chance to eat pizza, my absolute, 100% favorite food in the entire world, but ordering reminded me that since I would be leaving on Friday morning, I would miss the Level III pizza party.
“The pizza party pizza supposedly tastes like turds anyway,” Justin assured me as he ordered a cheese burrito and French
fries. Matt O. ordered a chef salad, tuna sandwich, and an enchilada. “Well, they said anything … .”
I thought our lunch conversation would have been about the cab ride or the fish we just saw, but we really just talked about mental hospital things.
“How’s Sandy doing?”
“Has Colby heard any voices lately?”
“Do you think Troy and Callie have done it?” This last question from Matt O. sparked a concerned look from Big ’Do, and I heard a thud as Matt O. jerked back from Justin’s under-table kick.
“Who’d like to see the shark reef?” Big ’Do asked us. We all agreed that that would be very cool. I asked her for another piece of gum. “Last one,” she said. That meant if I wanted to keep my minty fresh breath until the moment of kissage, I would have to limit my number of chews. I am one of those people who can’t stand chewing hard gum, and I normally spit it out the second I sense stiffness. This time, I would be more careful.
To get to the shark reef, we had to take an elevator down to the bottom floor. The elevator was crowded with civilians, or at least non-crazies, which allowed for me to squish up against Justin. I looked at him and smiled a silly smile, and he gave me one of his closed-mouth hottie smiles. When would I find a moment alone with him?
The shark reef exhibit was dark and cool. It really did have a sense of doom, as if you never knew when a shark would turn on the humans, break the glass, and attack. The exhibit itself was
made up of a winding pathway, where you could observe smaller sharks, read facts, and touch fake pieces of sharks’ bodies. We began walking as a group of four, commenting to everyone as we observed new things. As we entered the shark tunnel, I looked up to watch the sharks swarm directly above my head. I swore I could hear their strong noses bumping up against the glass. When I looked back down, Matt O. and Big ’Do had walked farther into the exhibit. I was left behind with Justin. Was Matt O. doing that on purpose? Was he leading her away so that I could make my big move? He didn’t even know I
had
a big move. Even if it was just a coincidence, I wouldn’t let the chance escape. Matt O. and Big ’Do were far enough ahead that they had turned a corner. Justin and I were completely out of their sight.
I noticed then that the gum in my mouth had turned solid and rubbery, and I had to get rid of it. I found a garbage can nearby. Unfortunately, the gum was so dry that when I took it out of my mouth it immediately stuck to my fingers. As I tried desperately to get it off without it sticking to any more fingers, Justin approached me. This was not how it was supposed to go, I thought. He’s going to see what a dork I am, and Big ’Do’s going to notice we’re gone while I waste my time trying to get this stupid gum off my fingers!
Justin watched me, smiling. I finally managed to stick the gum from my hand onto the side of the garbage can. “There!” I said, and I was ready to try the kiss. My heart was pounding in my stomach, in a good, crushy way. I tried to calm myself down by
breathing deeply, and I was about to look up at Justin when the most perfect thing happened. Justin placed two of his fingers under my chin and tilted my head up towards his. Without even giving me a second to figure out what to do, Justin leaned forward and kissed me. And, naturally, I kissed him back. His kisses were warm and soft and slow. When he used his tongue (a few kisses after the initial kiss) it felt a little like his tongue was stroking mine. I didn’t even have to think about where to put my hands; one automatically moved to his hip, which felt solid and manly, and the other to his cheek. I leaned back against the rocky exhibit wall, and we kissed and kissed and kissed. I opened one eye, and I swear that the sharks were doing a choreographed celebratory dance over our heads.
The moment broke when I heard Matt O. say my name loudly. “ANNA,” and Justin pulled away from me. Instantly he pretended to read a display card, while Matt O. and Big ’Do rounded the corner back towards us. I heard Matt say to Big ’Do, “Yeah, ANNA has been a great friend at the hospital. We’re gonna miss her.”
Matt O. had given us a warning. That meant that he knew what we were doing. That meant that Justin had planned the whole thing and told Matt O. about it. Justin told Matt O. that he was going to kiss me. Kiss. I just kissed the most perfect, beautiful, sensitive guy in the world, and he made the first move. The most perfect, beautiful, sensitive guy in the world kissed
me.
I floated through the rest of the field trip. When Matt O.
suggested we get another snack before leaving, I said I wasn’t hungry. Justin said he wasn’t either, but that didn’t deter Matt O. from getting a blue snow cone and a pack of Sour Patch Kids.
The cab ride home was as quiet as the cab ride to the aquarium; even Big ’Do was too tired to talk. Justin took my left hand in his right hand, and I rubbed my thumb over his scars. My hand was a little bit clammy, but his was, too. Neither of us seemed to mind.
We got back to our rooms while everyone else was down at dinner. Matt O. asked to go down to the cafeteria to eat, but Justin and I said we were fine just hanging out in our rooms until Free Time.
When Sandy came back from dinner, I told her about the day’s events, and the two of us jumped up and down and silently screamed. “I knew it!” she said. “I had a dream about this last night! Except you weren’t at the aquarium, you were at the planetarium. And instead of Justin, you were kissing Phil, but still!” We laughed, and I lay down on top of my covers. Tonight would be my last Free Time with Justin. I closed my eyes and relived the kiss over and over, opening my eyes every once in a while to make sure Sandy wasn’t watching me. Who knows if I accidentally kissed the air while I thought about it?