Authors: Julie Halpern
Tags: #Juvenile Fiction, #Social Issues, #Depression & Mental Illness, #Love & Romance
Get Well Soon (5 page)
Tracy!
It’s a bright, bright, bright sunshiny day! (Gross! I hate that song!) First thing in the morning, a worker came into my room with a bag of clothes that my parents dropped off last night (I will not yet get into how disturbing it is that my parents were here last night and
didn’t visit me
), and I got my Chucks back! Not to mention my favorite soft jeans with the red stitching around the bottoms and my black Ramones T-shirt with the bleach stains from when we tried to highlight your hair. I put the shirt on, and now I can at least feel a little more like myself.
didn’t visit me
), and I got my Chucks back! Not to mention my favorite soft jeans with the red stitching around the bottoms and my black Ramones T-shirt with the bleach stains from when we tried to highlight your hair. I put the shirt on, and now I can at least feel a little more like myself.
Before I tell you about the even
cooler
thing that happened at Community, I am going to rant about my parents. Prepare yourself.
cooler
thing that happened at Community, I am going to rant about my parents. Prepare yourself.
WHAT THE HELL?! How could they be here and not come see me? How could they come and bring me more clothes,
meaning they’re not going to get me out of here anytime soon, and not talk to me about it? I feel so betrayed. Like they trusted all of these adults who don’t know anything about me and who, of course, think I’m crazy because they saw me screaming and crying and because I said I wanted to kill myself (who doesn’t think that from time to time?), and they didn’t even bother to talk to me about how I haven’t been eating and how my psychiatrist is a dickhead and how I got into trouble for dropping my stupid pillow! How is it that they manage to go to work every day? The part that gets me is that my dad can go to work and be with all of his students’ bullshit, but he can’t handle dealing with mine? And what is my mom telling her customers at the knit shop? I know they gossip and brag about their kids all of the time. Is she pretending nothing’s wrong, as usual? I almost don’t want to go home now, so I don’t have to be with those traitors. But I still want to ’cause I miss you.
Go teepee my parents’ house tonight, will you?
meaning they’re not going to get me out of here anytime soon, and not talk to me about it? I feel so betrayed. Like they trusted all of these adults who don’t know anything about me and who, of course, think I’m crazy because they saw me screaming and crying and because I said I wanted to kill myself (who doesn’t think that from time to time?), and they didn’t even bother to talk to me about how I haven’t been eating and how my psychiatrist is a dickhead and how I got into trouble for dropping my stupid pillow! How is it that they manage to go to work every day? The part that gets me is that my dad can go to work and be with all of his students’ bullshit, but he can’t handle dealing with mine? And what is my mom telling her customers at the knit shop? I know they gossip and brag about their kids all of the time. Is she pretending nothing’s wrong, as usual? I almost don’t want to go home now, so I don’t have to be with those traitors. But I still want to ’cause I miss you.
Go teepee my parents’ house tonight, will you?Now for the cool news: Matt O. stood up at Appreciation and said, “Anna, I appreciated eating dinner with you last night.” Someone enjoyed my presence! Albeit, not the right someone, but I felt like I kind of fit in. I thought about standing up and saying, “Justin, I appreciate your hotness,” but I didn’t think I’d get any points for that. I also noticed Justin looking at my Chucks possibly thinking that we were soul mates for wearing the same shoes. (Or should I say
sole
mates?) If only I had my retired Converse collection here. I could be irresistible in my green
Chucks with the duct-taped bottoms. Although, if I recall, they do have a distinctive scent. Or, should I say, di
stink
tive. I’m so punny today!
sole
mates?) If only I had my retired Converse collection here. I could be irresistible in my green
Chucks with the duct-taped bottoms. Although, if I recall, they do have a distinctive scent. Or, should I say, di
stink
tive. I’m so punny today!
LATER IN THE DAY
Guess what—I’ve got a roommate! She calls herself Sandy. (Ever notice how in other languages you introduce yourself by saying “I call myself … ,” like “Me llamo Lupita”? I am bringing that into the English language. I call myself “Bored Person.”) Sandy is from Joliet (the city on the South Side with both a casino and a jail!). She’s teeny but has huge, blond, fried hair. Already she has plastered twenty-six pictures of her buff boyfriend up around her desk. She hasn’t said much, but it doesn’t strike me as bitchiness as much as sadness and confusion.
“I don’t know. I guess it’s ’cause I don’t get along with my parents,” she tried to explain to me how she got here. “I ran away to live with my grandparents, my parents didn’t like it, came to get me, and now I’m here.”
It seems more and more evident that parents don’t know what to do with their kids, so they just pawn them off on morons who don’t know anything about their kids and get paid a lot of money to enforce lame rules like no pillow dropping. I wonder if my parents checked this place out before they brought me, or if they just trusted that this place would “fix” me and they could feel OK about themselves because I’m being “taken care of,” when really they should feel like shit for abandoning me.
Sandy was smart enough not to tell the staff that she was contemplating suicide, so she’s wearing her own clothes. Unfortunately, she seems to be stuck in some sort of small-town ’90s time warp of big hair, stone-washed overalls, and white leather Keds. At least she hasn’t given me the finger.
After briefing Sandy on the rules, I went down to dinner. Sandy is only a Level I; therefore she ate in our room.
I am starting to look forward to the elevator rides. There’s something very forbidden about touching someone’s arm “by accident” when there’s no touching allowed. Unfortunately, I am always next to Eugene on one side and Victor on the other. So far no Justin contact, but I’ll be sure to keep you up to date on any pertinent arm-touching occurrences in the future.
Dinner was once again kind of fun, in the “I’m-still-trapped-ina-mental-hospital-and-eating-shitty-food-with-a-bunch-of-guys-I-barely-know” kind of way.
Justin complimented my Ramones shirt in the food line. “You like the Ramones?” I asked, too eagerly.
“Well, I used to.” It was his turn to order food and then my turn, and by the time we got to the table that conversation was gone, and the buzz was all about Sandy.
“Is she hot?” drooled Phil/Shaggy. He’s sick. He looks like a hyena, all desperate and greedy. He even laughs like a hyena! I can picture him doing that little prancy pacing that hyenas do while they wait to feed off of someone else’s kill. I told him that Sandy was cute and that she has a very large boyfriend back home.
“Well, he ain’t here.”
“As if that would make your chances any better,” I retorted. I wish I could have thought of something spunkier, but I’ve never been one for classic comeback lines. Still, I got some laughs. Even my not-so-funny lines are funny here in Bummerville.
I noticed that Justin was eating with his left hand. Another lefty? I must have died and gone to beautiful left-handed boy heaven (if that heaven has fluorescent lighting and smells like burnt mac and cheese).
SNACK TIME!
We get Snack Time every night before Relaxation. They bring raisins or apples or granola bars and one of those juice cups around on a cart, and we have snacks in our room. How quaint. If Sparkle is here during Snack Time, she slips me and Sandy an extra box of raisins. Tonight she told me I looked good. “You looked pretty messed up when you first got here, but now you look nice. I like your hair down.”
In suckier news, I got my period tonight. I have to use hospital pads because SOMEONE forgot to pack them (OK, that someone is me, but my mom could have thought about that in my fragile state). It makes me think of when I first got my period, and my mom had to help me buy pads. We went to Cub Foods, and she let me pick out the “Teen Style” ones. Why my pads had to be stylish, I don’t know. Then we celebrated with DQ. I wish she could bring me some teen pads and DQ now, because these pads
suck! Not only do they not have wings, but they’re so thick it’s like wearing a couch in my underwear. Can you imagine how nasty it would look if I was wearing one of these with a pair of bike shorts (not that I’d even wear bike shorts)? I wonder if people can tell I have a giant pad on. It feels like I’m walking all widely, like a cowboy approaching a showdown. I hope Justin doesn’t notice. Pardner.
suck! Not only do they not have wings, but they’re so thick it’s like wearing a couch in my underwear. Can you imagine how nasty it would look if I was wearing one of these with a pair of bike shorts (not that I’d even wear bike shorts)? I wonder if people can tell I have a giant pad on. It feels like I’m walking all widely, like a cowboy approaching a showdown. I hope Justin doesn’t notice. Pardner.
Speaking of Justin, Sandy is in Justin’s Group. I’m dying to ask her about him—what does he talk about? Who does he sit next to? Has he confessed his undying love for anyone (wink wink)? But I haven’t said anything yet. I don’t want her to think I’m some crushing dork. Not this soon in our friendship anyway.
Tracy,
Well, a week later and I still haven’t actually mailed you a letter. I’m kind of afraid what they’ll do at the front desk if I ask for an envelope and a stamp. Maybe they’ll take my bra back or make me sleep in the hall again. I never know here.
Today I get the exciting addition of school to my schedule. I haven’t been down there yet. (“School” is on a lower floor of the building. According to the elevator buttons, we live on the third floor, and there are four floors total.) Yesterday the hospital staff made me sit in my room during school hours. I did some reading from a random English textbook the staff found left over from a
past inmate. I really loved the story “Kaleidoscope” by Ray Bradbury, where all of these people are floating around in space because their spaceship blew up. They still had radio contact with each other, but they knew that sooner or later they would all drift apart and lose communication. Some went crazy, others berated each other, and then in the end they all died as meteors sliced their limbs off or they burnt up in the Earth’s orbit. I wonder which was the best way to die.
past inmate. I really loved the story “Kaleidoscope” by Ray Bradbury, where all of these people are floating around in space because their spaceship blew up. They still had radio contact with each other, but they knew that sooner or later they would all drift apart and lose communication. Some went crazy, others berated each other, and then in the end they all died as meteors sliced their limbs off or they burnt up in the Earth’s orbit. I wonder which was the best way to die.
I have cramps. I wish I had my ugly brown cardigan here. What I wouldn’t give to snuggle up in some brown acrylic. In other clothes news, my pants are definitely looser. I still don’t have much of an appetite. That would be so amazing if I was actually losing weight without trying.
They’re coming to get me to go to school now. More later …
AFTER SCHOOL
Whoa! I don’t know where to start! School is cool! (Don’t be a fool!) It’s like this little maze of classrooms, so we get left alone a lot when one of the “teachers” (I don’t think they’re actual teachers, since they don’t actually teach us anything. And we get to call them by their first names) has to go help someone else. I was in the same room as Matt O. and Colby, and across the hall I could see Justin, Tanya, and this short buff guy named Luther from Group A. My teachers at real school finally sent
my homework, and—oh joy!—I get to read
The Crucible.
How sad that someone could write a play about witchcraft and make it so boring. Being in a school set me on edge again. The classrooms weren’t full, but they were quiet. I started bouncing my knee up and down, which is what I do when the stomachaches start. I was about to ask the teacher if I could go to the bathroom when she stepped out of the room. The instant she walked away, Tanya and Luther started making out! It was totally weird and kind of gross, but also funny. I never would have thought of the two of them together, but I guess it’s pretty slim pickings here. The whole time Phil/Shaggy was simultaneously peering into the hallway to see if the teacher was coming back and leering at the young lovers. I couldn’t take my eyes off of Justin, who looked so cool and studious sitting next to them and writing in his notebook. Then he looked up at me, and I totally wanted to turn away but couldn’t because he looked so good. Then he smiled at me, and I nearly let out a moan. Phil broke the moment by zooming back to his desk. Tanya and Luther wiped their forearms over their mouths and went back to their homework. When the teacher got back, it was as if nothing happened.
my homework, and—oh joy!—I get to read
The Crucible.
How sad that someone could write a play about witchcraft and make it so boring. Being in a school set me on edge again. The classrooms weren’t full, but they were quiet. I started bouncing my knee up and down, which is what I do when the stomachaches start. I was about to ask the teacher if I could go to the bathroom when she stepped out of the room. The instant she walked away, Tanya and Luther started making out! It was totally weird and kind of gross, but also funny. I never would have thought of the two of them together, but I guess it’s pretty slim pickings here. The whole time Phil/Shaggy was simultaneously peering into the hallway to see if the teacher was coming back and leering at the young lovers. I couldn’t take my eyes off of Justin, who looked so cool and studious sitting next to them and writing in his notebook. Then he looked up at me, and I totally wanted to turn away but couldn’t because he looked so good. Then he smiled at me, and I nearly let out a moan. Phil broke the moment by zooming back to his desk. Tanya and Luther wiped their forearms over their mouths and went back to their homework. When the teacher got back, it was as if nothing happened.
So love is possible at the Loony Bin. Or, at least, lust.
STILL IN SCHOOL
Wow. The minutes pass like hours here, just like in real school! As part of my assignment for
The Crucible
, I’m supposed
to write a list of characters. However, since I can’t seem to get past page three, I’ve decided to create my own cast of Lake Shit characters. I shall call it:
The Crucible
, I’m supposed
to write a list of characters. However, since I can’t seem to get past page three, I’ve decided to create my own cast of Lake Shit characters. I shall call it:
ANNA’S HANDY DANDY GUIDE TO ALL FOLKS OF LAKE SHIT
ANNA: Your lovable narrator, dealing with panic attacks, irritable bowels (ugh! That word!), and fatness.
SANDY: My trusty roommate, slightly white trash, who ran away from home and landed here. Has buff boyfriend back home.
TROY: Jack-assian, yet kind of hot, white guy who twists his hair into dreadlocks and gives me nasty looks.
VICTOR: A nice and funny guy in my Group who sold drugs at school and whose mom has cancer. At least I think she does. I don’t always know what to believe here. Likes to stand near me in the elevator.
PHIL/SHAGGY: Sleazy guy who liked to set things on fire and who seems like a total perv.
COLBY: Awkward kid who hears voices and is afraid of everything. Not very fun to hang around.
MATT O.: Nice guy in my Group who enjoyed eating dinner with me. Once had a pencil that was lost by Justin.
TANYA: Mean girl who hates me. Hates everyone, really, except Luther.
JOLENE: Tanya’s bowl-haired ex-roommate. She went home the week I got here.
BOBBY: Younger guy who reminds me of Mara. Hit his brother (on purpose?). Seems OK.
SEAN: Rosary-carrying rebel who busted out of boarding school. Scum-stache.
JUSTIN: The beauteous yet mysterious lefty who once liked The Ramones.
Do you think it’s worth an A?
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