God Save the Queen (15 page)

             
As Michael approached the car door I could faintly see a figure moving inside the car.
Maybe just a business associate,
I thought as I continued to watch. Michael walked back to the truck and threw his suitcases in. After he shut it, he walked over to the door, smiling as he opened it. No sooner was the door opened then two arms came flying out and wrapped themselves around Michael’s neck. I pressed my face against the window to try and get a closer look but that wasn’t needed. Soon the face of a redheaded
girl
in the car was perfectly clear.

             
Maybe just his sister,
I began telling myself over and over. He was always talking about her. Maybe she was coming for the ride. But then the woman pulled herself close to his face and kissed him in a way that was anything but sisterly. I held my breath to see what Michael would do at this moment. Would he pull away? He
had
to. Maybe this girl had somehow gotten the wrong impression. Maybe a tabloid had set her up as bait for a salacious cover story. I waited as my head got woozy from lack of oxygen.

             
Michael never let her go. He never pushed her off to give her a what-the-hell-do-you-think-you’re doing tirade. He just held her. Pulled her in closer and they continued what had to be the most passionate kiss in the history of mankind. I watched them carry on like this for another minute or two, then they both climbed in and drove off into the sunlight.

Just like Kevin
had said they would.

              As I stood at the window and watched them drive away, I didn’t know what to do. All emotion drained from my body. I felt my feet move away from the window, and the next thing I knew I was walking like an automaton down the hallway. I’m pretty sure I passed Mari or Avery, but I only remember that in retrospect. My feet kept moving but I wasn’t in control. I was still going over what happened in my head.

             
How could this have happened? What had I done to make Michael run away from me like that? He had said he loved me before he left, so apparently he was an amazing actor. I felt my body begin to burn. A pain in my chest began to rise and I found that all emotions were beginning to come back as I thought of it more.

             
I snapped back into real world only when I heard my fist rap on the bedroom door in front of me. Blinking, I looked around to see where I was standing and realized with a jolt that I was in front of Kevin’s room. Why did I come here? Kevin was the last person I wanted to see now. I tried telling my feet to move but they wouldn’t give an inch. I felt the tears begin to rise as I struggled to leave. Then the door opened with a groggy Kevin standing in front of me. He looked at me blankly a moment, as if waiting for me to say something. Well, naturally; I had knocked on his door, hadn’t I? But suddenly I found myself unable to speak. Up to this moment shock had kept my tears in check, but now a single tear fell from the corner of my eye. And with that tear, everything changed.

             
My feet suddenly began running. I didn’t know where they were taking me, nor did I wonder where I was going. Hallway after hallway, I continued to run. There was the sound of footsteps behind me, but I remember that only in retrospect. I was suddenly in front of
La Salle en Verre
, and I felt my hand slam over the secret opening rock repeatedly until the passageway opened.

I continued to sprint down the hallway. When I got to the staircase I bolted down
the steps. Why? I had no plan, no reason, perhaps only a primitive impulse to escape, to hide. It wasn’t until I reached the bottom when I lost my footing and hit the marble floor. I was done. This was as far as I was able to go. I sat on my knees and hunched over. The tears ran down my face as the pain in my chest returned and my breathing became labored. I tried to control it but there was no hope.

As I continued to fall apart right there, I felt someone standing over me.
Yes, of course, I realized, remembering the footsteps behind me. I knew who it was but I didn’t look up, whether out of shame or despondency or both. Then Kevin knelt down and put his arms around me, and without thinking I wrapped my arms around him, too. I continued to cry as I felt his hand move gently up and down my back as he tried to calm me. “It’s going to be all right, Anya,” he said in a low, soothing voice. “You’ll be okay, I promise. Shhhh. I’m here.”

             
I looked up at him, tears still running down my face. “Aren’t you … aren’t you going to say … I … I told you so?” I stammered between gasps of air.

             
“No,” he said quietly. He pulled me closer toward his chest, cradling me in his arms. “I don’t want to see you cry anymore, Anya. I don’t want you to be in pain.”

             
“Well, you’re too late. It’s horrible. I hate him!”

             
“You want to hit something?”

             
“Wha-at?”

             
“They say it’s therapeutic, hitting something when you’re angry and need to let it all out.” He shrugged his shoulders and added, “I may regret saying this, but you can hit me if you want.”

             
I looked up at him. “I’m not going to hit you! Why … why on earth would I do that?”

             
“Because I’m the cause of this! If I hadn’t told you Michael was seeing someone else, you wouldn’t be falling apart right now. I’m sorry.”

             
“
You
didn’t do this,” I managed to say before the tears came back. My body began to shake, and my chest heaved as I tried to regain my composure. I suddenly had a coughing fit that got so bad I began to gag. Not only had I lost control of my first meaningful relationship, but my emotions as well. I was making myself sick and I couldn’t stop.

             
Throughout this whole ordeal, Kevin stayed and told me every encouraging thing possible. My breathing did slow down eventually and the tears subsided. I was exhausted, and no wonder. My eyes became heavy and I felt I could fall asleep right there. I soon felt myself lifted and I let the darkness take my mind away, as Kevin carried me back to my room.

Chapter 23

Void

             
For the next two days I stayed in my bed and refused to move. What was the point? I’d only have to deal with the sad, pitying looks from Kevin, Mari and Avery. Michael’s betrayal and my misery was probably Topic A in the palace.

Kevin
popped into my room several times to coax me out of bed, but I wouldn’t budge. He also tried to get me to eat something, another thing I steadfastly refused to do. But he wouldn’t let up on this; he kept bringing in food and wouldn’t stop pestering me until I ate at least three bites. The next day, five. He was like my guardian angel at this point. He would leave around nine o’clock at night, at which point Mari and Avery would take over. They made sure I ate, but they weren’t as ruthless about it as Kevin was. Even Barnes and Antonio would stop in to make sure I was all right. They would sit by my bed and Barnes would rub my back as Antonio repeatedly mumbled that he would kick Michael’s ass from here back to England. They were acting more like my brothers than my bodyguards. Then I would slowly and silently cry myself to sleep.

             
On the third day I made progress by actually getting out of bed. I shocked Kevin when he saw me sitting on the couch, though I still wasn’t out of my deep state of depression. Before his arrival I had ordered Ms. Rontes to send up a bucket--not a dish, not a bowl, mind out--a
bucket
of freshly made cookie dough, no questions asked. Then I went digging through my closet in search for the ultimate depression fixer, something even more effective than cookie dough. When Kevin walked in I had the movie all cued up.

             
“What are you going to watch?” he asked as he sat next to me.

             
“
Titanic
,” I said as I pressed the play button.

             
Kevin made a face. “Now why on earth would you want to watch a depressing movie like that?”

             
“Because it helps me feel better. It’s a wonderful love story.”

             
“Spoiler alert: You know the boat sinks right?”

             
“Yes, I’m quite aware of that fact, as is most of the civilized world. Now, are you going to sit there and make fun of my all-time favorite flick? ‘Cause if you are, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

             
Kevin shook his head. “No. I’ll stay here. I’ve never actually seen this from beginning to end. I might as well watch it now.”

             
I nodded and managed a smile. “I’m warning you, though; I bawl big-time when it comes to this movie.”

             
He shrugged and put his arm around my shoulder. “Don’t worry. I think I can handle it.” Then the movie started.

“Hand me the box of tissues,” I said before the main title sequence was over.
I was already beginning to tear up.

*
              *              *

             
At the end of the sixth day, the day before Michael’s return, I was finishing watching
Titanic
for what seemed to be the millionth time. Kevin was sitting next to me with the tissue box on his lap. By this time he knew exactly when to pass it to me without my even asking. When the movie ended I was about to reach for the remote again when Kevin snatched from my grasp.

             
“No!” he almost yelled. He turned off the TV, grabbed me at the shoulders and picked me up. “This is it. You have to cheer up. Or fix this. Now. Have you talked to LaGard about this yet?”

             
“No,” I whispered. I was still in shock over the fact that Kevin had actually picked me up by my shoulders.

             
“All right, you’re going to talk to him. Right now, in fact. I’m not going to watch you cry one more time. And we’re out of tissues--I checked.”

             
“But I don’t think--” I started to say before Kevin shook his head,

             
“No, you’re going to talk to LaGard
now.
End of discussion.”             

             
“Fine.” I didn’t want to fight with him. He seemed really angry. I threw my blanket on the ground and said, “I’m sick of watching people whose love life is better than mine anyway.” I started marching toward the door and noticed that Kevin wasn’t following me. “Aren’t you coming?”

             
Kevin shook his head. “No. I don’t think that I should. This is one of those things you should handle on your own.”

             
I looked at him then sneered. “You’re just going to watch the wrestling match aren’t you?”

             
He threw his hand over his heart and gave me a look of innocence. “I’m appalled you would think that! No, I wasn’t planning on watching the wrestling match. But if it should happen to be on while you’re talking to LaGard, then, well …”

             
I crossed my arms and stared at him. “Uh-huh.”

             
“Anyway, it’s not on for another hour,” he said carelessly, “but I can catch the World Cup highlights till then.” Then he realized how un-spontaneous this sounded and looked at me in sheer panic. “Please let me stay! I’ve been watching
Titanic
for the past three days and I swear it feels like I’m drowning.”

             
I sighed and waved him away. “All right, you can stay. This shouldn’t take long anyway.”

             
“Good luck,” Kevin mumbled as he reached for the remote. I gave him a final sneer before walking out the door, but he was already channel-surfing.

*
              *              *

             
After telling LaGard the whole tale of Michael and his redheaded tramp, I sat back and awaited his response. I was rather proud of myself that I didn’t cry or shake and was able to tell the whole sordid story in a clear, objective manner, so he wouldn’t be confused about anything.

             
Finally he raised his head and sighed. “I can see that this is extremely difficult for you, and I’m sorry that it happened.”

             
I nodded. “Thank you,” I said, relieved to know that he did have a heart after all. I was tempted to reach over and give him a hug, but better sense prevailed and instead I said, “Well, I’m glad that you under--”

             
“However,” he said, cutting me off, “if you expect your engagement to be nullified because of Michael’s … carelessness, well, I hate to be the bearer of the bad news, but …”

             
My feeling of relief suddenly vanished. Apparently LaGard’s warmed heart was only temporary. “Wait, you won’t end the engagement?”

             
For a moment it looked as though LaGard thought I was joking. “May I remind you,” he said with a sigh of exasperation, “this is a legal obligation. There is nothing I can do. My hands are tied.”

             
“You have got to be kidding me!” I yelled. “He
cheated
on me. There’s nothing in the contract about that?”
              “Would you like to see it?” LaGard asked, already rummaging through his desk drawers. He knew my answer.

             
For the next two hours LaGard and I pored over the contract. I examined every paragraph, every sub-paragraph and every addendum. There was a little spot in the corner that I wanted to read, but LaGard informed me that it was the place where the participant’s parents had to sign. He made it sound like I was signing up for the local teen soccer team. I sat in the chair and placed my head into my hands. I was stuck in this relationship no matter what. Well, that sucked. Why was this happening to me?

             
“Again, I am very sorry. I never knew my nephew was so reckless.”

             
Reckless … carelessness …
Those were the words he used to describe Michael’s betrayal. No point in opening that can of worms, I concluded; LaGard would never see things my way. So I tried it from a different angle. “Well, maybe if I just told Michael I know about him and the redhead, then he’ll agree to end our relationship.”

             
I shrugged and looked up to see LaGard staring at me. Well, “staring” is an understatement. He looked as though he wanted to rip my head off--right after he finished yelling at me.

             
“You are
not
going to tell him you know. Is that understood?”

             
“Wh--what? Why not? It could help my--”

             
“Listen to me, you stupid girl. You are not going to tell him. Do you understand the situation that would cause? We would have a political scandal on our hands that would take months, maybe years, to clear up.” He was standing now, leaning over his desk, his face as close to purple as I’d ever thought possible.

             
“Who are you to tell me what I can and can’t do with my personal life? I’m telling him the minute he walks though those palace doors.”

             
“If you tell Michael anything … and I mean anything, you can expect the worst.”

             
“Fine, then I’ll tell Kevin or Mari to tell him.”

             
“Not if you want to see them shipped off to Siberia.”

             
My heart stopped. I didn’t think he was bluffing. “You wouldn’t dare,” I hissed.

             
He smiled his twisted smile. “Wouldn’t I? They would be interfering with a royal legal document. And I am sure that we would be able to find other reasons for them to disappear if you ask them to tell Michael.”

             
I just looked at LaGard with my mouth hanging open. Why was he being like this? After a few more moments of silence, he sat back in his chair and turned his back to me. “You may leave now.”

             
I got up from my chair and took a step forward to plead my case. “But …”

             
“Leave now!”

             
I turned around and slammed the door behind me, hoping it would break off its hinges.

*
              *              *

             
Michael returned the next day with worse news.

             
“Can’t make it to your Coronation Ball, Anya,” he sighed when we were alone. “Sorry.”

             
“What!”
I bellowed. This was going to be the most important event of my life and he was going to miss it? Then I dared to ask. “
Why
are you missing it?”

             
“I have to go to a meeting in Japan. There’s no way out of it. It’s been planed for months.”

             
So was the Coronation Ball,
I was about to say, but why bother? I was livid. What made it worse was that it was such a bad lie. I knew Michel was going to miss the ball to be with that, that …
girl.
Well, I had my own way of payback. “Fine,” I said. “I’ll just ask Kevin to be my escort.” I knew that Michael never really liked the fact the Kevin and I were so close, so I used it to taunt him.

             
He shook his head. “No, I don’t think so.”

             
“What? You ‘don’t think so’?” I walked right up to him and leaned in close to his face. “Listen to me, now. You are not going to be here, so I have to choose my escort. I choose Kevin.” I walked toward the bedroom doors and signaled finality by throwing my hands in the air. “End of discussion.”

             
I spent the rest of the day in the library, hoping that I could avoid Michael. When Kevin came in I told him what had happened in LaGard’s office, minus the whole federal prison thing, which by this point I didn’t take seriously. Kevin was just as angry as I was. He claimed that he was going to read the contract and find a loophole that we might have overlooked. I told him to forget it. I was stuck in this horrible relationship, and there was no way out. Not even a trapdoor.

             
That night I went to bed without saying a word to Michael. I was too angry to deal with him. For all he knew, I was just in one of those angry-for-no-reason moods and didn’t want to talk to anyone. I slept with my back to him, hoping that he’d take the hint. He seemed to have gotten the memo when I turned and saw his back facing me. This was the first night I had a dream of my perfect future.

*
              *              *

             
I was sitting in a white room, surrounded by couches and chairs. On the walls were many framed photographs of people I didn’t know, even though I was in some of the pictures. I got up from my chair and headed toward what I thought was the kitchen and looked around. It resembled a 50’s kitchen with its yellow and green paint, a small Formica-topped table, a squat and round-cornered white refrigerator, and a short, stout stove. I turned around and saw a mirror facing me, but I didn’t recognize the person in the refection. I was amazed that it was me.