“It's big for me too. It used to belong to LewâCaptain Alton, I mean. Lord Kennard gave me some of his outgrown clothes, so that I'd have a decent outfit for the cadets. He gave me a good horse too. He's been very kind to me.”
Regis laughed. “I used to wear Lew's outgrown clothes the years I was there. I kept growing out of mine, and with the fire-watch called every few days, no one had time to make me any new ones or send to town.” He laced up the cords at the neck. Danilo said, “It's hard to imagine
you
wearing outgrown clothes.”
“I didn't mind wearing Lew's. I hated wearing my sister's outgrown nightgowns, though. Her governess taught her needlework by having her cut them down to size for me. Whenever she was cross about it, she used to pinch or prick me with her pins while she was trying them on. She's never liked sewing.” He thought of his sister as he had last seen her, heavy-footed, swollen in pregnancy. Poor Javanne. She was caught too, with nothing ahead of her except bearing children for the house of Hastur.
“Regis, is something wrong?”
Regis was startled at Danilo's look of concern. “Not really. I was thinking of my sister, wondering if her child had been born.”
Danilo said gently, “I'm sure they'd have sent word if anything was wrong. The old saying is that good news crawls on its belly; bad news has wings.”
Damon MacAnndra came toward them. “Have you been tested yet by the arms-master?”
“No,” said Dani, “they didn't get to me yesterday. What happens?”
Damon shrugged. “The arms-master hands you a standard Guardsmen sword and asks you to demonstrate the basic positions for defense. If you don't know which end of it to take hold by, he puts you down for beginner's lessons and you get to practice about three hours a day. In your off-duty time, of course. If you know the basics, he or one of his assistants will test you. When I went up last night, Lord Dyan was there watching. I tell you, I sweat blood! I made a damn fool of myself, my foot slipped and he put me down for lessons every other day. Who could do anything with that one staring at you?”
“Yes,” Julian said from the cot beyond, where he was trying to get a spot of rust off his knife. “My brother told me he likes to sit and watch the cadets training. He seems to enjoy seeing them get rattled and do stupid things. He's a mean one.”
“I studied swordplay at Nevarsin,” Danilo said. “I'm not worried about the arms-master.”
“Well, you'd better worry about Lord Dyan. You're just young enough and pretty enoughâ”
“Shut your mouth,” Danilo said. “You shouldn't talk that way about a Comyn lord.”
Damon snickered. “I forgot. You're Lord Alton's protégé, aren't you? Strange, I never heard that
he
had any special liking for pretty boys.”
Danilo flared, his face burning. “You shut your filthy mouth! You're not fit to wipe Lord Kennard's boots! If you say anything like that againâ”
“Well, it seems we have a whole cloister of monks back here.” Julian joined in the laughter. “Do you recite the Creed of Chastity when you ride into battle, Dani?”
“It wouldn't hurt any of you dirty-mouths to say something decent,” Danilo said and turned his back on them, burying himself in the arms-manual.
Regis had also been shocked by the accusation they had made and by their language. But he realized he could not expect ordinary young men to behave and talk like novice monks, and he knew they would quickly make his life unbearable if he showed any sign of his distaste. He held his peace. That sort of thing must be common enough here to be a joke.
Yet it had touched off a murder and near-riot in the Terran Zone. Could grown men actually take such things seriously enough to kill? Terrans, perhaps. They must have very strange customs, if they were even stricter than the
cristoforos
.
He suddenly recalled, as something that might have taken place years ago, that only this morning he had stood beside young Lawton in the Terran Zone, watching the starship break free from the planet and make its way to the stars. He wondered if Dan Lawton knew which end of a sword to take hold by, and if he cared. He had a strange sense of shuttling, rapidly and painfully, between worlds.
Three years. Three years to study swordplay while the Terran ships came and went less than a bowshot away.
Was this the kind of awareness his grandfather carried night and day, a constant reminder of two worlds rubbing shoulders, with violently opposed histories, habits, manners, moralities? How did Hastur live with the contrast?
The day wore on. He was sent for, and an orderly measured him for his uniform. When the sun was high, a junior officer came to show them the way to the mess hall, where the cadets ate at separate tables. The food was coarse and plain, but Regis had eaten worse at Nevarsin and he made a good meal, though some of the cadets grumbled loudly about the fare.
“It's not so bad,” he said in an undertone to Danilo, and the younger boy's eyes glinted with mischief. “Maybe they want to make sure we know they're used to something better! Even if we're not.”
Regis, aware of Danilo's patched shirt on his back, remembered how desperately poor the boy's family must be. Yet they had had him well educated at Nevarsin. “I'd thought you were to be a monk, Dani.”
“I couldn't be,” Dani said. “I'm my father's only son now, and it wouldn't be lawful. My half-brother was killed fifteen years ago, before I was born.” As they left the mess hall, he added, “Father had me taught to read and write and keep accounts so that someday I'd be fit to manage his estate. He's growing too old to farm Syrtis alone. He didn't want me to go into the Guards, but when Lord Alton made such a kind offer, he couldn't refuse. I
hate
to hear them gossip about him,” he said vehemently. “He's not like that! He's good and kind and decent!”
“I'm sure he doesn't listen,” Regis said. “I lived in his house too, you know. And one of his favorite sayings used to be,
if you listen to dogs barking, you'll go deaf without learning much.
Are the Syrtis people under the Alton Domain, Danilo?”
“No, we have always been under Hastur wardship. My father was hawk-master to yours, and my half-brother his paxman.”
And something Regis had always known, an old story which had been part of his childhood but which he had never associated with living people, fell into place in his mind. He said excitedly, “Dani! Your brotherâwas his name Rafael-Felix Syrtis of Syrtis?”
“Yes, that was his name. He was killed before I was born, in the same year Stefan Fourth diedâ”
“So was my father,” said Regis, with a surge of unfamiliar emotion. “All my life I have known the story, known your brother's name. Dani, your brother was my father's personal guard, they were killed at the same instantâhe died trying to shield my father with his body. Did you know they are buried side by side, in one grave, on the field of Kilghairlie?”
He remembered, but did not say, what an old servant had told him, that they were blown to bits, buried together where they fell, since no living man could tell which bits were his father's, which Dani's brother's.
“I didn't know,” Danilo whispered, his eyes wide. Regis, caught in the grip of a strange emotion, said, “It must be horrible to die like that, but not so horrible if your last thought is to shield someone else. . . .”
Danilo's voice was not entirely steady. “They were both named Rafael and they had sworn to one another, and they fought together and died and were buried in one graveâ” As if he hardly knew what he was doing, he reached out to Regis and clasped his hands. He said, “I'd like to die like that. Wouldn't you?”
Regis nodded wordlessly. For an instant it seemed to him that something had reached deep down inside him, an almost painful awareness and emotion. It was almost a physical touch, although Danilo's fingers were only resting lightly in his own. Suddenly, abashed by the intensity of his own feelings, he let go of Danilo's hand, and the surge of emotion receded. One of the cadet officers came up and said, “Dani, the arms-master has sent for you.” Danilo caught up his shabby leather tunic, pulled it quickly over his shirt and went.
Regis, remembering that he had been up all night, stretched out on the bare straw ticking of his cot. He was too restless to sleep, but he fell at last into an uneasy doze, mingled with the unfamiliar sounds of the Guard hall the metallic clinking from the armory where someone was mending a shield, men's voices, very different from the muted speech of the monastery. Half asleep, he began to see a nightmarish sequence of faces: Lew Alton looking sad and angry when he told Regis he had no
laran,
Kennard pleading for Marius, his grandfather struggling not to betray exhaustion or grief. As he drifted deeper into the neutral country on the edge of sleep, he remembered Danilo, handling the wooden practice swords at Nevarsin. Someone whose face Regis could not see was standing close behind him; Danilo moved abruptly away, and he heard through the dream a harsh, shrill laugh, raucous as the scream of a hawk. And then he had a sudden mental picture of Danilo, his face turned away, huddled against the wall, sobbing heartbrokenly. And through the dreamlike sobs Regis felt a shocking overtone of fear, disgust and a consuming shame. . . .
Someone laid a careful hand on his shoulder, shook him lightly. The barracks room was filled with the dimness of sunset. Danilo said, “Regis? I'm sorry to wake you, but the cadet-master wants to see you. Do you know the way?”
Regis sat up, still a little dazed by the sharp edges of nightmare. For a moment he thought that Danilo's face, bent over him in the dim light, was actually red and flushed, as if he had been crying, like in the dream. No, that was ridiculous. Dani looked hot and sweaty, as if he'd been running hard or exercising. Probably they'd tested his swordplay. Regis tried to throw off the remnants of dream. He went into the stonefloored washroom and latrine, sluiced his face with the paralyzingly cold water from the pump. Back in the barracks, tugging his leather tunic over Dani's patched shirt, he saw Danilo slumped on his cot, his head in his hands. He must have done badly at his arms-test and he's upset about it, he decided, and left without disturbing his friend.
Inside the armory there was a second-year cadet with long lists in his hands, another officer writing at a table and Dyan Ardais, seated behind an old worm-eaten desk. Because the afternoon had turned warm, his collar was undone, his coarse dark hair clinging damply around his high forehead. He glanced up, and Regis felt that in one swift feral glance Dyan had learned everything he wanted to know about him.
“Cadet Hastur. Getting along all right so far?”
“Yes, Lord Dyan.”
“Just Captain Ardais in the Guard hall, Regis.” Dyan looked him over again, a slow evaluating stare that made Regis uncomfortable. “At least they taught you to stand straight at Nevarsin. You should see the way some of the lads stand!” He consulted a long sheet on his desk. “Regis-Rafael Felix Alar Hastur-Elhalyn. You prefer Regis-Rafael?”
“Simply Regis, sir.”
“As you wish. Although it seems a great pity to let the name of Rafael Hastur be lost. It is an honored name.”
Damn it, Regis thought, I know I'm not my father! He knew he sounded curt and almost impolite as he said, “My sister's son has been named Rafael, Captain. I prefer not to share my father's honor before I have earned it.”
“An admirable objective,” Dyan said slowly. “I think every man wants a name for himself, rather than resting on the past. I can understand that, Regis.” After a moment, with an odd impulsive grin he said, “It must be a pleasant thing to have a father's honor to cherish, a father who did not outlive his moment of glory. You know, I suppose, that
my
father has been mad these twenty years, without wits enough to know his son's face?”
Regis had only heard rumors of old Kyril Ardais, who had not been seen by anyone outside Castle Ardais for so long that most people in the Domains had long forgotten his existence, or that Dyan was not Lord Ardais, but only Lord Dyan. Abruptly, Dyan spoke in an entirely different tone.
“How tall are you?”
“Five feet ten.”
The eyebrows went up in amused inquiry. “Already? Yes, I believe you are at that. Do you drink?”
“Only at dinner, sir.”
“Well, don't start. There are too many young sots around. Turn up drunk on duty and you'll be booted, no excuses or explanations accepted. You are also forbidden to gamble. I don't mean wagering pennies on card games or dice, of course, but gambling substantial sums is against the rules. Did they give you a manual of arms? Good, read it tonight. After tomorrow you're responsible for everything in it. A few more things. Duels are absolutely forbidden, and drawing your sword or knife on a fellow Guardsman will break you. So keep your temper, whatever happens. You're not married, I suppose. Handfasted?”
“Not that I've heard, sir.”
Dyan made an odd derisive sound. “Well, make the best of it; your grandfather will probably have you married off before the year's out. Let me see. What you do in off-duty time is your own affair, but don't get yourself talked about. There's a rule about causing scandalous talk by scandalous behavior. I don't have to tell you that the heir to a Domain is expected to set an example, do I?”
“No, Captain, you don't have to tell me that.” Regis had had his nose rubbed in that all his life and he supposed Dyan had too.
Dyan's eyes met his again, amused, sympathetic. “It's unfair, isn't it, kinsman? Not allowed to claim any Comyn privileges, but still expected to set an example because of what we are.” With another swift change of mood, he was back to the remote officer. “In general, keep out of the Terran Zone for your . . . amusements.”