Your ability to do that is getting scary.
Huh?
Matt hadn't known he was doing anything.
You hear things I haven't even thought yet.
There was a familiar mix of pride and exasperation in Pietr's mind.
Hey, I can't help that I'm smarter than you.
What the... Asshole!
Pietr caught him in a tight grip, wrestling him down onto the bed. Matt fought back, but mostly for the fun of it. All he wanted was to be close to his mate after an exhausting day.
Pietr stilled when he heard that thought. Then he pulled off first his own his shirt and then Matt's, pushing in close. His skin felt good against Matt's, and Matt wrapped around him.
I love you.
I know, Matt.
His mate was open and caring and considerate, and Matt could feel the love pouring out of Pietr's mind. It finally made him feel somewhat settled.
I hated seeing him like that. I've never hurt anyone before.
Pietr was worried, but there was also a certain helplessness in his mind.
Don't worry; I am going to do it. I promised Jerry.
Matt showed Pietr his conversation with Jerry.
He told you about Stor?
Pietr was baffled.
Yes. I guess he's not the type to talk about it?
No. He never talks about it. But everybody knows.
Why?
Pietr peeled off the rest of his clothes and helped Matt do the same. Matt knew that it wasn't because Pietr wanted sex; he just wanted to be as close as possible. Matt could relate to that.
It was the key moment of the war.
The images in Pietr's mind were muddled, terror and desperation prominent among them as he showed Matt what the war had been like.
We had been fighting each other for so long that we had lost perspective. There had been fatalities before, but not intentional; they were accidents. Or as accidental as it can be when a Warrior faces another Warrior and does everything in his power to win. It wasn't until later that we started realizing how much the battles affected us long-term. A lot of us couldn't live with what we had done.
Matt caught the memories of Himika going crazy with the realization that they had tried to hurt other Himika. It wasn't simply a matter of conscience; it was the very fundament of their existence that crumbled when they couldn't trust each other anymore.
But that was later. During the fighting, nobody had been killed deliberately. Jerry was really strong, one of the candidates to be our leader. But he didn't want that, didn't even want to take part in the fighting if he could avoid it. But he couldn't. There were strong Himika who weren't Warriors, and they schemed and manipulated everybody else into taking sides and fighting for them. And it wasn't for some sort of cause; it was all politics. Sometimes, the sides changed so fast you got dizzy.
Pietr took a deep breath.
There was a major battle that day. The strongest contenders to take over were all there with their respective Warriors. Jerry was there, too, but only because he wanted to try talking some sense into the combatants.
There was a deep bitterness in Pietr's mind as he remembered the events.
He wasn't even fighting when it happened; he had no shields up whatsoever. And then someone went for his mate.
There was such a sense of betrayal in Pietr's mind that Matt clung to him, tried to lessen Pietr's devastation at remembering that fatal day.
The Himiko killed Stor without even straining himself. Stor wasn't strong -- he was only there because his mate was and to help if anybody got hurt. Killing him was far easier than fighting Jerry in an open fight.
Pietr was back in the middle of the fight, his mind so deep into his reminiscing that he probably didn't even notice Matt next to him anymore.
Everything stopped when that Himiko lashed out at Stor.
Matt saw through Pietr's eyes how the fighting came to an abrupt halt, everything standing still when the Himika realized what had happened.
Then Jerry fell over, too, and Sam screamed at him.
I still don't know how Sam did it, but he went so deep into Jerry's mind that he managed to get Jerry back.
Sam kept him from dying for long enough for him to regain consciousness. I've never heard anyone scream like Jerry did when he woke up and found out that he was alone.
Pietr shuddered, and Matt held him tight.
But Sam wouldn't let him go, wouldn't let him die. I'm still not sure if it was the right thing to do.
Matt was right beside Pietr in his memories, saw how devastated Jerry had been, an empty shell of sorrow.
It was enough to make us stop. We had crossed the ultimate line, and if we didn't step back, it would mean the end of our entire civilization.
Matt could feel it, could feel how the trust betrayed had made the very foundation of the Himiko civilization waver. It wasn't an individual thought, it wasn't even a rational knowledge; it was the certainty that if the Himika kept on fighting, they would lose the trust that bonded them together as a race and assured their very existence. Pietr had told Matt about this before, had told him that the mental communication was more than a pure means of communication. It wasn't until now that he really understood, though, that violating the rules of coexistence would have the same effect on the Himiko society as that of all humans going psychotic: It would mean the collective loss of sanity.
At least it made us end the war.
Pietr took a deep breath, trying to tell the rest of the story.
We realized that we couldn't go on like that, and so we stopped.
What happened to the Himiko who killed Stor?
Pietr shrugged.
He went crazy when he realized what he had done. I still think it would have been better if there could have been a trial.
Closure?
A symbol that this would never be tolerated.
What about me?
Matt would have preferred not to ask, but it was impossible to hide anything from Pietr when they were as entwined in each other's minds as they were right now.
What do you mean?
Matt made an effort to collect his thoughts.
I'm going to fight a Himiko; will I be tolerated after that?
Yes. You will.
Pietr rubbed Matt's back, deep in thoughts.
And this is what makes you different from me -- from most Himika, in fact. You know it has to be done, and you're going to do it, no matter how hard it's going to be. That's why Himika need Warriors; someone to do what the rest of us can't. You are a Warrior, Matt.
Ruthless?
Willing to do what it takes. It's a brave thing to do, Matt.
I don't feel brave at all.
Matt tried to push the image of fighting another living being out of his head.
Good. It shouldn't be easy.
Pietr pulled back and looked into his eyes.
You're going to be okay, Matt. You're going to do it, and you won't lose yourself. I promise you.
Matt closed his eyes and pushed into a kiss, suddenly desperate to be as close as possible to his mate.
I need you, Pietr. I need you so much.
Shh. I know. I'm here.
Matt sobbed into the kiss, frantic in his effort to have his mate closer.
I need you in me.
I'm going to fill you. Don't be scared.
Matt clung to him, whimpering when Pietr leaned away from him to get the lube. Pietr was quickly back, rumbling reassuringly to him. It wasn't enough, though; nothing was enough.
He arched when he got the first finger, taking a deep breath to relax enough that his mate would be satisfied and give him another. Pietr seemed to understand his need, opening him up with soft but unrelenting thrusts into his body. He got another finger, and another, and he was too deep in his need to even notice if it burned or not.
Then Pietr was over him and in him. He wanted to shout as he was breached, but then Pietr was deep inside of him and everything went quiet, still. He closed his eyes and pulled his mate close.
Pietr slowly moved in and out of his body, the long movements opening him up both physically and mentally. He surrendered, giving up all of his shields to let his mate into the deepest corners of his soul.
Pietr answered him, taking what he gave and rejoicing in the gift. His mate's mind was entwined closely with his own; he couldn't tell where one ended and the other began, and it didn't matter. His body sang with the feeling of being possessed, and he laughed with joy when he felt his mate responding to his happiness, pushing deep inside of him.
It went on and on, and Pietr kept the pace slow, prolonging their ecstasy until the world around them disappeared and there was nothing but their pleasure. It was glorious, and Matt didn't want it to end. Pietr heard him, and his mate kept going until Matt was so high that he was dizzy with it, soaring on their perfect union.
Their climax took him by surprise, and Matt was almost reluctant to give in to it. Then he surrendered, and it took him crashing over in a cascade of light and quiet.
He knew that he had been gasping and sobbing and that his body was exhausted and sore. But when he came back to reality a long time later, everything in him was quiet and at peace.
Thank you.
He gently kissed Pietr.
You're welcome. I love you.
Matt didn't answer; he didn't have to.
When they got up early the next morning, the kitchen was empty. So was the guest room where Sam and Jerry were supposed to have been sleeping. Matt got a cold flash of panic, the image of a prone Sam on the ground the day before going through his mind. Then the kitchen door opened, and Sam and Jerry came in, carrying sleeping bags.
"Hey, you're up already. I'd have thought you would have needed more time to recuperate after yesterday's exercises." Sam was grinning, and Jerry had a wry smile on his face as well.
"What do you mean?" Matt looked from one to the other.
"Oh, nothing. Just that you were so loud that we had to escape. We could hear the two of you all the way to the meadow by the oak."
"I... What?"
"Aki and Robbie suddenly had to leave, by the way. I think they had something come up. A pressing need of some kind." Sam snickered.
"You could hear us?" Matt's voice was kind of faint.
"That would be the understatement of the year, but yes, we could hear you. You must have been a nightmare to be near when you were newly bonded."
They had been a fucking live porn movie. Again. Matt turned to Pietr, looking accusingly at him. "Why didn't you say anything?"
Pietr looked slightly embarrassed.
"He would have been crazy to have stopped that. It was quite something. It even got Sam back to the world of the living." Jerry nodded.
Guilt welled up in Matt. "God, are you okay, Sam?" First he had injured Sam, and then he had chased the Himiko out of his house.
"Oh, he was more than okay. He gives great head."
"Jerry!" Matt didn't know if he should laugh or cry.
"Hey, it's the truth." Unperturbed, Jerry started to make breakfast. He seemed to be very hungry.
So am I. I haven't worked out so much in months.
"Pietr!" Matt groaned. His mate just laughed and hugged him from behind.
Aki and Robbie showed up some time later, Aki looking a little sheepish. Robbie just looked very, very satisfied. They, too, were predictably very hungry, and Sam seized the opportunity to tease them mercilessly. In the end, Aki got up.
"I think it's time for you to continue your training. Now." He looked to be at the end of his rope.
"Yes, Aki." You almost couldn't hear the glee in Sam's voice.
Matt wanted to talk to Jerry on the way to the oak, but Sam held him back.
"Let him go."
"I just want to talk to him," Matt protested while Jerry picked up some bags and went ahead.
"He doesn't talk much. He was all raw from whatever the two of you discussed yesterday. It's good for him not to bundle it up, but now he needs his space. Don't push him."
Matt nodded reluctantly. Sam did know Jerry better than anybody else. Then he cast a closer look at Sam. The man looked fully recovered, but Matt still felt he had to say something. "I'm really sorry about yesterday."
Sam interrupted him. "If you say that once more, I'm going to hit you over the head with a stick. And believe me, I'll find a way to do it that even your over-developed powers can't stop."
Matt narrowed his eyes.
"Yes, like that. Don't go all soft on me," Sam interrupted before he could say anything.
Jesus, that Himiko was annoying.
His thought must have shown on his face, because Sam grinned. "That's my boy."
***
Matt didn't stay annoyed for long; he felt a surge of compassion go through him just looking at Jerry and knowing what the Himiko had been through. He couldn't imagine losing his mate, and when Sam ordered him to use the other Himiko as his sparring partner, Matt was as careful as he could be. He pushed gently, not wanting to strain Jerry after his trainer's rough day yesterday.
He found himself lying on the ground, desperately trying to breathe. Jerry bent down over him.
"That's what happens when you let your guard down. Get a grip, Matt."
Jerry lifted him up like the Warrior had done yesterday, and Matt managed to force his lungs to work, taking one shuddering breath and then another. Jerry let go none too gently, and Matt just took a moment to breathe. When he was relatively sure he wasn't going to pass out, he sat up.
"Come on, get going." Jerry kicked his thigh. Not that hard, but not that gently, either.
Matt scowled at Jerry.
"Suck it up, princess. You'll want to be able to defend yourself against much harder attacks than that."
That took care of the compassion, and Matt got up.
Jerry kept attacking him, and Matt worked almost as hard to defend himself as he had done when he first learned how to shield. Defending himself physically should have been the same thing as defending himself mentally, but it felt completely different. Matt had gotten used to the intricacies of mental challenges, and this felt as rough as a football player in a game of bridge.
That image actually helped him. He might have gotten accustomed to using his mind only, but he could do the rough stuff, too. As soon as he realized the difference, he adjusted his defenses to match. Jerry's next attack left him standing upright, and after the next, he tried pushing back.
Jerry sat down on his ass with an "oomph."
"You let your guard down?" Matt couldn't keep from baiting Jerry.
Jerry scowled and jumped up, pushing Matt again. This attack was different, somehow twisting around and hitting him all over instead of being just a straightforward punch, but Matt didn't care. He just blocked it and pushed back at Jerry in the same move.
This time, Jerry ended upside down in a patch of blackberry bushes. He swore profoundly when he got out, picking out thorns from his hands.
"Suck it up, princess."
For a moment, Jerry looked ready to smack Matt. Then Sam roared with laughter, and he backed down, mumbling something Matt was happy to overhear. That the Himiko was disgruntled wasn't exactly a secret; the resentment oozed off him.
Sam called for a break, and he got Matt a soda while Jerry sat down on a nearby log, muttering to himself while removing the thorns. Matt was quite sure that Jerry made a show out of it; blackberry thorns weren't that hard to remove. Jerry clearly was a lot more comfortable with being rough and rude than with being subjected to pity. Lesson learned, Matt told himself.
"So," he tried to ignore Jerry's grouching, "do they teach Himika mentors to be annoying? Because the two of you suck almost as much as Aki."
Sam's face was a study in disgust. "I'm nothing like Aki!"
"Oh, you're very much like Aki. You said so yourself, yesterday. What was all that about?" Matt still didn't really understand why a Warrior was so different from other Himika -- and why Aki could be one and deny it at the same time.
Jerry had stopped muttering, listening to the conversation. He raised his eyebrows at Matt's words.
Sam exploded. "He's a fucking coward, that's what he is." He got up and stomped off.
Matt stared after him. "That didn't go down well. Shouldn't you go after him?"
"Shit, Matt, you're too fucking touchy-feely for someone as bad-tempered as you are."
"I'm not touchy-feely!" Matt was outraged. He had been accused of a lot, but never, ever that. Just the opposite, in fact, and that was how he liked it. "He's just really angry and a little worried, and I don't think he should be alone like that."
Jerry groaned. "Your mental powers are as over-developed as a bodybuilder's biceps, Matt. Just let him be, will you? He'll lose any trace of manly dignity if I go after him to hold his hand."
Matt had to take a deep breath to keep himself in control. What was it with these guys and their pissing contests?
"We're Warriors, Matt!"
Matt didn't realize he had said it out loud, but he must have; he was very, very careful to keep his mental shields up around both Sam and Jerry.
"And that's another word for being obnoxious?"
Jerry looked about to smack him again. Then he suddenly relaxed and grinned. "Yeah, I think it is."
The imminent danger of getting punched in the face seemed to have diminished enough for Matt to sit back. He got Jerry a soda, and the Himiko accepted it. At least Jerry didn't hold a grudge.
"So, tell me about Sam and Aki." He had begun to like these stories; it was like a mixture of a history lesson and really good gossip.
"Not much to tell." Jerry shrugged. "The Himiko who killed Stor? Aki was close to him. They weren't exactly friends, but they were sort of on the same side, if there were any sides at all back then."
"And that's why you don't like each other?" It was a loss less dramatic than Matt had expected.
"No, we don't like each other because Aki realized what he could do that day and has spent every waking moment since then preaching about Warrior powers being evil. His own powers."
"Uh, sorry to ruin your analysis, but wasn't that the only sane thing to do?" Somebody had died, after all.
"That's like saying breathing is really dangerous because you risk hyperventilating. This is how we are!" Jerry jumped up, seeming too agitated to stay sitting. "You can't change your powers. If anything, things get worse if you repress them instead of learning how to control them. And you can't repress them. Just look at the way you almost killed yourself trying to learn how to move water."
"I did not almost kill myself! I just got a little... tired."
"Yes, but that's only because you're too fucking stubborn to react like a normal Himiko would have reacted." Jerry took a deep breath before he continued. "Point is that Aki's been refusing to acknowledge that Warrior powers even exist. Sam doesn't like that. I don't care much for it, either."
Matt didn't have a problem believing that. He just didn't have any time for intrigues and hurt feelings anymore. "I have a Himiko to put out of action; you'll have to get over it. Go get Sam and tell him to get his ass back here."
Jerry didn't exactly look happy, but he did it, leaving Matt to think.
Jesus, this was a mess. First the Himika, represented by Pietr and Robbie, had turned out to be friendly. Then the aliens turned out to be less so when the Assessor entered the equation. And now even the good guys hated each other.
Jerry came back with a still scowling Sam, and Matt got up, arms crossed.
"Is he really that bad?"
Sam looked uncomprehendingly at him.
"Aki! Do you really hate him that much?"
"He was so fucking self-righteous after the battle, and he..."
Matt interrupted him. "Not then, now. Do you really hate him now?"
Sam looked a little surprised, as if the hatred had become second nature to him. "I... He's still annoying."
"Yes. So are you. That doesn't make me hate you." Okay, a little, sometimes. But it was over when the lesson ended.
"Why do you even care, by the way?"
Matt raised his eyebrows. "Because I need to know that I can trust you. I can't have you bickering behind my back while I try to defeat the Assessor."
Sam looked outraged, but it was Jerry who stepped forward. "We promise. He's annoying as hell, but we can think that and still be on the same side."
Matt decided to ignore the rebellious expression on Sam's face. "Good. Now, let's continue."
***
He trained the rest of the day and the next, and he slowly started to master the new techniques. Sam taught him how to control the physical attacks and then went to mental attacks. Those were both easier and harder. Easier, because it was a lot like his first training. And a lot harder, because he wasn't just controlling his own mind -- he actually had to attack someone else's mind.
It was strange and more than a little unsettling to use his power against another living being. Hitting somebody physically was one thing, but when you struck someone mentally, you felt their shock and pain. It was disgusting. Matt had no idea how the Himiko warriors had been able to endure it.
He practiced on Jerry; the Himiko had grumbled something about having so little brain left that it didn't matter if Matt wrecked the rest of it. Matt didn't, but he pushed and pulled and shoved enough to get a very good grasp of how to do that. Of how to hurt somebody, if he really wanted to. It was enough to give Jerry a throbbing headache, and at the end of each day, Matt insisted that Robbie use some Tylenol and a little of the doctor's healing powers on Matt's victim.
Aki did hover a little bit while Robbie worked his magic, but Matt noticed that Sam kept his mouth shut about it. It was quite admirable if you considered how much animosity had been between the two of them until recently. Or maybe Sam was just growing up.
Sam growled, and Matt cursed. What was it with him and speaking out loud these days? He never did that.
"What?" Aki looked enquiringly at him.
Matt decided to jump right into it. "Sam has decided to be civil. He might not hate you as much as he thought he did, but he's not ready to admit that yet."
Smooth, baby.