Shut up, Pietr.
Sam sputtered, and Aki looked slightly bewildered. "Okay?"
Matt gestured at him. "Now it's your turn to say something heartfelt."
Aki looked more ill at ease than ever. But he seemed to recognize Sam's effort. "I might not hate him, either?"
The very audible question mark ruined the statement somewhat, but Matt didn't think this was the time to be fussy.
"Great. Now shake hands and promise me you won't kill each other when I'm not looking."
Jerry's mouth twitched slightly as he got up from where he lay on the couch.
Next to him, Robbie was hiding his head, looking down at his bag. Even if Matt couldn't have felt how the doctor was laughing his ass off, he could still see Robbie's shoulders shake.
To their credit, Aki, Pietr, Sam, and Jerry obediently shook each other's hands. It made it all seem a little like a playground in a kindergarten.
That would make Matt the diplomatic kindergarten teacher, though.
Pietr only barely managed to contain his snort at that thought.
You're so not the diplomatic type, honey.
***
That night, Matt was exhausted. Not so much physically, even though his body was worn out, too. But the struggle to concentrate as intensely as he had to do in order to master the new skills was beginning to take its toll. Not to mention the fact that he was actually hurting someone he had started to care a great deal for.
You're doing it for the right reasons, baby.
Matt shrugged. He knew that, and it didn't help.
Let's go for a walk.
Matt was a little surprised; Pietr's absurd fear of North American wildlife still kept him inside most of the time. Matt let Pietr guide him, though, and his mate put an arm around his shoulder, steering him toward the oak. An image of the lake came to Pietr's mind.
It was a quiet evening, the sun going down late this time of year. It wasn't as warm as it had been during the day, but it was still beautiful, a gentle wind going through the trees while they walked. Matt could feel how the tranquility of the surroundings slowly spread to him, enabling him to breathe a little easier than he had for a while. Pietr gently rubbed his shoulder.
They were quiet as they left the wood behind them and stepped into the open next to the lake. In an hour or so, the place would be teeming with mosquitoes, but right now, it was as serene as Matt remembered it.
Come on, let's sit down.
Matt followed his mate and sat down in the grass. It reminded him of the last time they had been there, and he felt a little guilty when he remembered his mate's distress after Matt had shut him out. Matt hadn't thought about anything other than his own problems lately.
Pietr actually laughed at him.
So, now you're beating yourself over the head with that? Really, Matt, isn't it enough that you have to save the world from an evil alien?
Jesus. Yeah, when you put it that way...
There really isn't any other option, right? I'm not just going to do this because it's easier than using a stun gun or something like that?
You can't really use weapons against a strong Himiko.
Why not?
Matt had all kinds of images in his head of creating physical shields like the mental shields he already made.
I guess somebody really strong might do that. But that isn't the main reason why it doesn't work. It's just really difficult to surprise a mind reader, and using a weapon demands preparation. Even drawing a gun would take long enough to reveal your intention, and he would defeat you.
Matt felt a little stupid.
Don't. The Assessor is stronger than anybody. I'm not even sure how much he can do.
So he could just as well kill me the moment he sees me?
Matt went cold with fear.
No. I don't think that's likely.
Only the firm conviction in Pietr's mind kept Matt from calling this whole thing off. He was a little surprised at being this affected by the thought of harming someone. He had a temper, and he had always thought of himself as a cold bastard.
Luckily, you aren't.
It doesn't seem that way. At least I don't have to kill him.
Pietr hugged him.
Nobody would ask that of you. That would be cruel.
And Pietr wasn't cruel. In spite of what Pietr had done, the Himiko wasn't evil.
Does it make a difference?
Pietr's inner voice was still filled with self-hatred.
Yes. It does. It's the difference between harming the Assessor because I don't like him or disagree with him -- and doing it because it's the right thing to do. The only thing to do. It might not be an easy choice, but it's the only possible thing to do.
I'm going to change a lot of things when the Assessor's gone.
Pietr was determined to make up for what he had done.
I can't ask for any more. Come on, let's get back.
***
The next morning, Sam took one look at Matt and said, "This isn't going to work. You're too tired."
Matt protested, but Sam was adamant.
"But we only have a few days left!"
"Yes, and that's far too little time for you to recover if you overdo it. Take a break today."
Matt felt rebellious, but there was nothing to do, and he went back to the cabin. Robbie was there, bent over the computer.
"Did you find out any more about the demonstration?"
Robbie looked up, rubbing his eyes.
"Not really -- except that it's going to be big. I tried to find out if the Assessor's got any support apart from Sam and Jerry and our mates, but it doesn't seem like it. Nobody else is attending the meeting, at least."
"That sounds like really dangerous research." Matt kept to speaking out loud. Sam had been right; he really was tired.
Robbie shrugged. "It would have been if I'd been sneaking around, poking at Himiko brains. But I used this." He turned the computer to Matt. Instead of some web page, the screen was filled with letters and numbers in different windows.
"You're hacking them?" Matt felt his eyebrows go up; Robbie never stopped surprising him.
Robbie blushed a little. "I'm not that good at it. And it is illegal."
"But extremely handy."
Robbie began to shut down the computer. "You need to eat, though; you look tired. Let me get you something."
Matt sighed and resigned himself to taking the day off. Having both Robbie and Sam nagging him was too much, even for someone as mulish as he was.
***
Lunch was good, and it was even better to sit down around the table with Pietr, Aki, and Robbie. When Matt looked out of the window, he could see Sam and Jerry out there.
They seemed to be deep in conversation; Jerry was actually talking, which was rare. Sam was listening intently, and then he put an arm over the other Himika's shoulder. Jerry didn't do anything to pull away.
"He'll be okay, Matt."
Matt looked up in surprise; he had been caught up in watching his teachers.
"He's been through a lot. If that didn't kill him, then neither will your practicing a little on him." Aki sounded very certain. And a lot less hostile toward the other Warrior than he had been before.
I think you'd make an excellent kindergarten teacher, Matt.
Pietr's inner voice was as dry as ever, and Matt had to make an effort to hide his laugh.
"Apart from that, I think Sam's going to start using all three of us tomorrow," Aki continued. That made Matt prick up his ears.
"To practice on you?"
Aki looked at him with consternation on his face. "No, Matt. To practice
with
us."
"Oh. Sorry." It seemed his mentor didn't like the thought of being a guinea pig.
"You have to learn how to use our combined power. Preferably without killing any more doors." They all automatically looked at the kitchen door that they hadn't had time to fix yet.
I really need to get rid of the evidence when I do stuff like that.
Pietr just laughed at him.
"You don't exactly seem concerned about tomorrow?" Aki looked questioningly at him.
"Should I be?"
Robbie looked chidingly at his mate. "Of course you shouldn't."
Aki shrugged. "I haven't got a clue. You're doing things nobody has done before. You've just seemed worried the last couple of days."
"Yeah."
"Because you don't know what to expect?" Aki looked at him.
"No. Because I know what to expect. I'm going to attack somebody." Matt hadn't even thought about the Assessor much. It was the principle of hurting someone that bothered him.
Surprisingly enough, it was Robbie who spoke. "You need to take a decision. Either you do it and go with it, or you refuse to do it."
"I've already decided that I'll do it." Matt didn't like Robbie's words.
"No, I don't think you have. You're still doubting your decision, and it's eating you up. It's time to make up your mind." Robbie's eyes were direct and challenging.
Had it been anybody else saying this, Matt would have gotten angry and started arguing. But this was Robbie speaking, and when Robbie spoke, Matt listened. Also, the words reminded him a bit too much of Jerry's reprimand.
"I need to suck it up?"
"That sounds like our friend Sam, but yes," Robbie agreed.
"Jerry, in fact." Matt huffed, a little lost for a better answer.
"The guy actually said something?" Pietr was astounded.
"The guy actually said something sensible?" There wasn't any real rancor in Aki's words, though.
Matt heard a snort behind him. Jerry had come in. However, it was Sam who spoke.
"Matt's already made up his mind. He just doesn't like what he's decided."
Turning, Matt stared at Sam.
Sam shrugged. "I know how it is. We both do." He nodded at Jerry. "So does Aki, by the way."
Aki paled, but he didn't say anything.
Matt wanted to get mad; that was how he usually dealt with unpleasant situations like this. But the anger wouldn't come, and he looked down.
"He's going to be fine." Jerry's voice was a little hoarse.
Matt looked up in surprise, but Jerry just nodded at him. Then the Himiko grabbed a sandwich from the kitchen table and went back into the garden.
He's right, you know.
Pietr's presence in his mind was calm and encouraging. Exactly what Matt needed.
"Okay."
"Okay?" Robbie sounded a little bewildered.
"Yes, I've probably already made up my mind. I've just been whining because I didn't like the decision."
And you didn't like being a person who could make a decision like that.
Sometimes, having a mate who was able to read your thoughts wasn't an advantage. Matt would have liked to hide that particular fact from himself for a while yet.
Robbie nodded, not having heard Matt and Pietr's private conversation. "None of us blame you. We just want you to come to terms with it. It's the only way for you to succeed."
It stung a little to hear those words, because Robbie was right. He had used so much energy complaining about his task, and that energy had been taken away from his training. He even had a hunch that he had been doing it as an excuse: if he at least felt bad about it, then he wasn't as horrible a person as his decision made him.
That's kind of complicated, Matt.
Pietr was a little bewildered.
"Yeah, I know," Matt said, answering them both. Then he took a deep breath. "I'm going to do it, and I'm standing by my choice. I know why I'm doing it. If I fail miserably, then at least I did it because I tried to do the right thing."
And it was the right thing; he felt it deep down. It was a colossal relief to finally be at peace with his task.
Sam nodded. "Sounds good to me. Tomorrow, we're going to practice with all three of you. You should use the rest of the day to rest. You've been driving yourself a little hard."
Matt really felt like pointing out that he hadn't been driving himself hard; Sam had.
As much as I hate to agree with him, I think he's right, baby.
Matt turned to Pietr in surprise.
You're demanding a lot of yourself, that's all.
Now Matt was speechless again. He didn't think he demanded a lot of himself. He just had things that needed to be done.
Yeah? Like setting up your own firm, and learning how to use every single skill you have, and now this? Matt, you're not exactly taking the easy way out. And I admire you for it.
Pietr wasn't trying to please him with empty words. His mate meant it. The other Himika encouraging him had been nice -- and thought-provoking -- but this was what mattered most to Matt. His mate was his core, and it was such a relief to have his trust in Pietr back.