Inside Seka - The Platinum Princess of Porn (49 page)

Bobbie Joe, my “Kansas City husband” when my real husband was out of town. Strictly platonic. Also one of my only straight hairdressers. He told me he’d die a happy man if he got to meet me. He did, and then he did. I miss him terribly.

With Jasper of Jasper’s restaurant in Kansas City.

I’ll do anything for a laugh. That’s me at “Jewelry by Morgan” in Kansas City, dressed as Mae West.

I even work on my honeymoon! 2006 Grand Caymans photo shoot.

2011 Christmas card photo with the love of my life, Carl.

57.
Reflections

If I could live my whole life over again, I wouldn’t do anything differently, because if I did, I wouldn’t be the person I am today. And I happen to like the person I am today.

I’m certainly aware there’s still a stigma attached to having made adult films, and even in what I do today with my website. Hell, I could have become a nun over the past twenty-five years and never erased my “scarlet letter.” But I honestly have no regrets.

As far as the people who lied, cheated, and stole from me, I can’t say I’m strong enough to forgive them. I believe people who do bad things with a malicious heart don’t deserve to be forgiven. Greed is extremely ugly and karma is a bitch. I could look back at my life and say, “Woe is me.” But if you’re perpetually angry and hurt, it’s hard to move forward.

I live a comfortable lifestyle. I’m pleased with it. I have a three-bedroom, two-bath house in a quiet suburban neighborhood with nice neighbors. Nobody would mistake it for a palace, and we’ll never end up on one of these shows where celebs take you into their home to show off how rich they are. But since I was a little kid I’ve always wanted a house with a yard and garden. Carl and I have a place that reflects our personalities and there’s a certain mood to each room. I love my gardening and just lying in bed and watching TV. Sure, I could have been more frugal and built a much larger nest egg, but I wanted to travel — to see and experience the world. However, like most others, you get older and calm down a bit. And that’s the way I like it.

There was only one person at my husband’s job aware of my being Seka the Porn Star. It’s not that I’m ashamed of anything, but people prejudge me and Carl because of my career. Folks are so ignorant and think they know you before they actually get to know you. I tell people I’m “just a housewife.” I don’t want anything to interrupt our golden years. There’s always the possibility of him being released from a job because of my past. We’re in the heart of the Bible Belt and sometimes Carl will say “hell” or “damn” at work and they’ll actually say, “We don’t appreciate that kind of language here.” Imagine what they would say if they knew I was the former Platinum Princess of Porn. To me it’s ignorance, but it’s also reality.

The ironic thing is my movies, comparatively speaking, are actually campy, almost funny. We didn’t do the type of “wham, bam, thank you ma’am” brutal gonzo-type porn films that are so prevalent today. We had that canned “wah-wah” ridiculous porno music. Now the music is gone and replaced with “Fuck me, fuck me, fuck me, fuck me,” over and over again, screamed at the top of one’s lungs. Most of our acting fell under the “so bad it’s good” category. We had fun with what little script there was. Some people look upon our work fondly, like it’s quaint and even deserving of artistic preservation and analysis, although that makes me laugh, too. I don’t take myself too seriously. When comedian Dave Attell asked me to appear on his TV show to laugh at our flicks, I had a blast. I’d do that again in a minute. It’s the same when I do radio or other TV shows. I’m less of a sex symbol now and more of bawdy comedian. Every comic talks about sex, but how many actually did porn for a living?

Sometimes I watch the films and think how poorly we were dressed and how ridiculous our hairstyles were. At the time, I was thinking, “Boy, I look hot!” But then again, didn’t we all?

The movies will also be a barometer of where this country was sexually in the 1970s and early eighties. When I was doing adult films there was no war and people were open to trying new things. They were a lot looser. But in today’s violent world where there are wars everywhere, porn is far more violent. There’s a connection, and a lot of what’s out in the market today is just ugly to me.

It’s also no surprise that politicians who try to be the morality police and shut down the adult industry are the ones who always end up with their hands in the cookie jar in some kind of sex scandal. They should all just realize something — we serve a societal purpose and we’ve been around forever. I’m no archeologist, but I’ll bet a large percentage of cave drawings are of people having sex. If it weren’t for sex and our desire for it, none of us would be alive.

Why did I end up in the adult film industry? I’m sure a psychologist could come up with all kinds of reasons. I didn’t exactly have your typical childhood. But when all is said and done, sex never seemed weird or bad to me. It was a different era and I was at a different place in my life. It seemed intriguing, fun, and I actually liked what I was doing. If I didn’t like someone, I didn’t work with them. Ditto if I wasn’t attracted to them. And if there was a sex act I wasn’t comfortable with, I wouldn’t do that either.

As strange as it may sound to some, I’m proud of what I’ve done. I did a really good job, or at least the best I was capable of. I was paid decently for it — at least compared to others in the same industry. I think I’ve paved the way for other women in the business. I opened the doors a little wider for other women to make bigger and better inroads into what was once a male-dominated business. I didn’t take shit from any man in the industry, and I encouraged the other girls to do the same. When you put yourself in a mindset that you can take it or leave it, the worst that people can hang over your head has been taken away from them. You gain the upper hand.

I was also always honest with my family about what I did for a living. I never made up excuses or placed the blame on anyone but myself. I chose what I did, I did it for money, I liked it, and if they couldn’t handle it, that was their problem. They didn’t have to hear it from the neighbors, or see me on TV and be shocked by it.

I remember when my grandmother was still alive in the eighties and I had one of my calendars with me. She said, “Honey, what is that?”

I said, “Grandma, it’s a calendar of me and most of the pictures are of me nude.”

She said, “I’m sure it’s very nice, but that’s not something I need to see.” If only the rest of the world were so accepting.

As miniscule as we are as human beings, I feel we should slow down enough to actually know someone before judging them, and to be kinder to one another. Being happy, loving, and non-judgmental relieves a lot of stress from your life.

Would I recommend the adult industry for everyone? Absolutely not. I can live to one hundred and the stigma will never go away. As proud as I am of myself as a person, it still sucks to be treated shabbily by ignorant haters. I have feelings, too. If you think you can do a few movies, make some quick cash, and get out, you’re wrong. It’ll never go away. And that’s something most people don’t think about before they jump in.

I wrote this book to clear up some things about my life: who I was and was not married to. Ken is number one in that field, but I’m shocked to see how many others I’ve been linked to. The Internet amazes me. So much information, so much of it wrong. There’re other things in my life that were misconstrued and far from the truth. I also thought it would be interesting, for a change, to present an adult star who wasn’t a teen runaway, wasn’t sexually abused as a child, isn’t desperate for mainstream crossover success, and doesn’t straight out lie and whitewash what she did.

Adult film stars don’t have horns. We’re not going to come and corrupt you. I’m a normal, everyday person who happens to have chosen a different path. But no matter what I do with my life, I will always be Seka. That won’t go away. And while I like my quiet life in the ’burbs, I still enjoy meeting fans and hanging out with colorful and creative people. At my husband’s recent sixtieth birthday party, I had industry people like Cousin Stevie mixed with schoolteachers, writers, retirees, and friends and neighbors from every walk of life. I enjoy that. I don’t want to be bored.

As far as dollars and cents, like anyone else I’d like to be comfortable. I don’t need to be rich. I’ll keep improving my site, and one day hopefully find a nice little beach cottage and live out the rest of my life with my husband.

I’ve had plenty of tragedy, but others have had worse. Just because I had some bad things happen in my life doesn’t mean I need to keep it with me at all times. I’ve tried to let it mold me and make me a better and stronger human being because of it.

In my life, I have had many people judge me because I had sex for money on screen. But I am who I am. And I know who I am. I did what I did willfully and with forethought. Regardless of what you think of me, when you see me walking down that street I will always have my head held high.