Diana started to say something and stopped, her eyes clouded with pain. Belatedly, Jessie realized, as much as she hated the comparison, that Diana lost a family too, had to change a life. They were both dealing with loss. They had that in common.
“I know that was a hard decision for you,” Diana said finally. “I’m sorry you got to that point.” She leaned forward to lay her hand on Jessie’s thigh. “Really, I am. I know what being a cop meant to you. And I know it wasn’t easy to decide. But I’m glad you made the decision to get out rather than to stay in and be terribly unhappy.”
Jessie looked away. She still didn’t like reflecting on it, possibly second-guessing herself.
“So when is your interview?” Diana asked, effectively changing the subject.
Jessie breathed a sigh of relief, relief she wouldn’t have to talk about it; relief Diana still understood her. “One o’clock Monday.”
Diana drew back, taking her hand from Jessie. There were still issues to be considered. “Where at?”
“Serenity Farms. It’s outside Ocala. It’s a horse breeding and training operation.” Jessie sat back. “Broadrick said it was a big operation, had some high-priced horses, both theirs and others there for training.”
“So, you’re finally going to do it,” Diana said with a straight face.
“Huh?”
“You’re going to become the person I thought you were in the beginning.” Diana gave a faint smile to assure Jessie she was teasing.
Jessie gave a small laugh as they both remembered Diana’s misconception of Jessie working at one of the Lexington horse farms. “I guess so.”
They sat still for a moment, saying nothing, lost in memories. The silence dragged on almost to the stage of discomfort when Jessie cleared her throat. “Are you going to stop being attracted to me now?”
Diana came back to the present with a jolt. “What?”
“Well, you admitted out at the powwow you’re a magnet for women in law enforcement. If I’m not in law enforcement, do I still attract you?” The image of the green-clad deputy sheriff rose up in front of her and she had a sudden stab of jealousy. The realization came to her suddenly that she knew nothing about Diana’s life here. The remark Jessie had made just to tease was more than a little bit true.
“Well, I was certainly attracted to you enough in the beginning and I didn’t know you were a cop,” Diana said with a laugh.
Jessie didn’t look at her when she asked, “Would you have kept coming back if you had known?”
“Are you kidding?” Diana looked at her in amazement. “I would have run like a bunny who just sniffed a fox. You were the enemy, everything I’d been warned against.” She reached out to take Jessie’s hand. “Ignorance was bliss.” She gave a slow smile. Bliss indeed. “By the time I did learn, I was so into you…” She trailed off. The things she had done didn’t have to be said again.
“So didn’t I deserve some sort of explanation?”
Jessie watched the debate in Diana’s eyes and she drew back, protecting. She had crossed a lot of barriers to be able to get to this stage with Diana. She needed Diana to drop her barriers as well.
“Ignorance was safer,” Diana said quietly. “And I was a coward.”
Jessie waited. She had learned many new aspects of Diana but there was nothing to indicate any cowardice.
Diana drew a deep breath as if she had come to a decision. “Czar Randalson was a conniving, manipulating bastard,” she began. “It didn’t matter to him that I had a female lover. He probably knew about lots of them. Women were safer than men; women couldn’t move ahead in the Family by marrying the boss’s daughter. If he had known how much I cared for you, never mind you being a cop, you would have been someone to hold over my head. I spent a lifetime making sure there was nothing he could hold hostage to manipulate me. So I hid you for the same reasons he hid me, so the ones we really loved wouldn’t be held over our heads.”
Jessie recovered enough from her surprise to point out, “That didn’t make you a coward. Prudent perhaps,” she amended as she considered. She took hold of Diana’s hand again. “So how were you a coward?”
“When Papa told me I had to make a choice and I went to see you, I was afraid. Turning Papa down had its risks. I knew a lot, stuff I didn’t even realize the importance of until later. I still think he would have let me go, counted on loyalty to him not to say anything or maybe he just thought because I was a woman, I wouldn’t be able to do anything. So I had that on one hand. And then on the other hand, assuming you were agreeable, there were two venues: either I could tell you about my family and you could reject me because of them, or I could not tell you and put you at risk.” She paused, wondering if Jessie could even understand.
“And then Julie showed up.”
Diana nodded.
Jessie rubbed Diana’s hand, absently. “She didn’t have quite the hold on me that you credit her. But I don’t know, considering all you just said, you had many other choices.”
Diana pulled her hand free and got to her feet. Talking about her father, those times past, made her edgy. “Well, it turned out well. I was in the right place at the right time to keep you alive. That wouldn’t have happened if I’d never joined the Family.”
Jessie turned around to watch Diana pace the living room. “But how did you do it? How can you call yourself a coward when you managed all that under your father’s nose?”
Diana gave a mirthless laugh as she stopped in the middle of the living room, looked back at Jessie. The smug knowing look, the defiance, the uncertainty, all those emotions went across her face. “As they say, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.” Jessie frowned in puzzlement. “I did it right back; I manipulated him. If the ability to manipulate is genetic, I inherited it. I turned out to be definitely my father’s daughter.”
Jessie drew back and Diana’s knowing smile challenged her.
“Can you deal with that, Jessie?” she asked in a quiet voice. “You had a terrible shock when you found out who my father was. You hated me because I might have contaminated you.”
“I dealt with that,” Jessie said quickly, too quickly.
“Well, it’s easier to deal with when I’m saving your life. But I’m not saving your life now. In fact, just being with me might put you at risk.” Jessie’s head came up, the unspoken question. “Someone might decide I’m too big a risk running around loose and decide to silence me.”
Jessie leaped to her feet, advancing on Diana as if she could hold off any danger. “No.” She looked around the room, drew Diana away from the open window. “No,” she repeated as she shook her head. “Not while I’m here.” She drew Diana into her arms. She couldn’t lose her after finally getting past all the obstacles.
Diana buried her face against Jessie’s shoulder. She moved closer into Jessie’s arms, slid her arms around her.
“So what do we do now?” Jessie murmured in her ear. She ran her fingers through Diana’s still curly hair. “We seem to have the major issues out of the way.”
“We could do what we always did,” Diana said without opening her eyes.
“And that would be?”
Diana looked up at her. “We could go to bed.”
Neither of them spoke as Diana took Jessie by the hand to lead her to the bedroom. Then Jessie stood at the foot of the bed while Diana turned down the coverlet and pulled back the sheets.
“How often have we done this?” Jessie asked when Diana returned to her, slid her arms around Jessie’s waist, her hands lower to feel Jessie’s ass, pull her tighter against her.
“Lots,” Diana said with a sigh. “Not often enough.”
“Do you know how often I looked for you?” Jessie took Diana’s face in her hands, her fingers spread through Diana’s hair. “You spoiled me; you were always popping up in unexpected places so I was always on the lookout.”
“I thought maybe you’d stop wanting me.” Diana unbuttoned Jessie’s shirt, spread it open. This is real, she’s really here; her, not some substitute, she told herself as she reached around to unfasten Jessie’s plain cotton bra.
Jessie pushed back and the bra slid down her arms, exposing her breasts. “Are you serious?”
Diana nodded, her attention on Jessie’s breasts, still slight but fuller than she remembered, the dark nipples. She stroked with fingertips and felt the old familiar response causing Jessie to catch her breath. Her own nipples tightened as Jessie gripped her shoulders.
“Do you remember that night in Lexington?” Jessie took a deep breath and began to unbutton Diana’s shirt.
Diana gave a soft laugh, half at Jessie’s remark and the rest in the sheer pleasure of Jessie’s touch. “Which one? They were
all
in Lexington.”
“When you tried to make me forget Julie?”
“Oh. That night.” Diana closed her eyes and leaned into Jessie, their breasts touching, pressed into each other. “The dominatrix night.”
They undressed each other with slow deliberateness, knowing each other and yet exploring the changes time had made.
“I don’t know how many times after that, I’d do something inconsequential and it would trigger a memory. I’d shiver and remember what we did, just like you wanted me to. No one ever touched me like you did that night.” Jessie buried her face in Diana’s neck, a tongue stroked against the sensitive flesh. “I don’t want to lose you again.”
Diana felt the warmth begin to flood her, not the hot pounding excitement they used to have, a sexual demand that had to be met. She closed her eyes. This was a merging, a recovered part of her self that had been absent for so long. “I was so jealous. I wanted you to want me as much as I wanted you.” She caught Jessie’s hand, the long fingers, kissed her palm. She noticed the tan lines, the dark tan at the V of the neck, the forearms, the lighter tan over the shoulders, the legs, the whiteness of her breasts, her hips. She ran her hands over Jessie, all of her, stroking her arms, her shoulders, her back.
Jessie froze, closed her eyes, intent on Diana’s touch. “Diana,” she breathed. Then with great deliberateness, she pushed Diana back on the bed. “I did. I do.”
Jessie pulled off one moccasin, then the other, pulled down Diana’s jeans and threw them on the floor between the shirts. “I want to come home to you at night and wake up with you in the morning,” she said as she rested her knee on the bed between Diana’s legs. “I want to reach out and touch you.” She ran her hands up the outside of Diana’s legs and smiled when Diana shivered. “I don’t want to wonder where you are and if you’re all right, and I don’t want to wonder about who you might be with.” She threw her body over Diana, supported herself on one arm that she slid beneath Diana. Her tone darkened slightly as she gazed into Diana’s face. “I don’t want you imprinting yourself into someone else’s memories.” She settled herself against Diana, hip to hip, breast to breast. “Or turn into a vampire and take their life’s blood.”
Diana shivered at Jessie’s possessiveness. “You seem to have remembered a lot about that night.” She drew up her leg between Jessie’s, rested against her. She ran her hands up Jessie’s strong arms, marveling that Jessie really was here.
Jessie’s dark eyes smoldered. “Everything.” She ran her tongue over Diana’s lips, teasing, tantalizing, her free hand caressing Diana’s arm, shoulder, ribs, hip, touching as if claiming. “Tell me I was the only one you did that to,” she demanded in a quiet, husky voice. “Tell me I was the only one who mattered that much.” She withdrew, raised up so she could look down into Diana’s face. She brushed her breasts against Diana’s, smiled when Diana arched her back to maintain the touch. “Tell me.”
Diana shook her head. “No one else ever came close.” She pulled Jessie down to her, hungry for her now, needing her. Her hands went everywhere, exploring Jessie, and she felt Jessie’s hands all over her as Jessie’s mouth, tongue met hers. She relished the weight of Jessie against her, the nearness, the reality. She moved from Jessie’s mouth to her neck, her shoulder and then pushed her back so she could move down to Jessie’s breast.
Jessie stiffened at Diana’s touch, her mouth enclosing the taut nipple. “Oh, God,” she moaned. Diana pushed her and she fell back, her legs opening. Diana’s hand slid over her hip, down and over her thigh, moving with terrible slowness. “Please,” Jessie murmured as she raised her hand and found Diana’s breast. The nipple stiffened against her palm and she pressed hard against the soft flesh. She felt the nipple sink into soft flesh and yet retain the firmness.
She felt Diana turn as her mouth moved downward, breast, ribs, across her stomach. Diana’s breast escaped her and she explored instead Diana’s ribs, hips, stomach. She gasped at Diana’s touch, as she slid through the pubic hair and between the lips. She felt Diana shudder and touch her in response.
The first touch was enough to undo Diana, not with the raw sexuality of years past but with the comfort, the intimacy, the completeness she had missed for so long. Jessie opened, welcoming her like a long absent missed lover. She moaned with pleasure, the excitement coming now not because of the newness but of the return. She wrapped one arm about her hips, pulling her closer as she stroked. To love and to be loved. To touch and be touched. She felt the trembling, heard the moans. Moving a bit, adjusting positions, she could not deny herself, her lover anymore. Opening and being opened, she tasted, and then slid both arms around her and held her as she gave and felt tongue to clit. Pleasure washed over her in waves as she struggled not to lose herself in what her lover was doing to her but to match her. She felt a hand on her breast, a nipple pinched. She stiffened, trying not to close her legs as she felt the jolt and then release, relax, and breathe again.
The ceiling was apartment white, the light covered with a standard square frosted glass shade. The room was dim from the late afternoon sun on the other side of the apartment. There was the sound of a heavy breathing slowing down and then Diana moved, to reverse herself and lie beside Jessie.
“That was different,” Diana commented lightly as she trailed her hand over Jessie’s stretched out form.
Jessie turned toward her. “I couldn’t decide,” she said seriously.
“About what?”