Look Both Ways (13 page)

“It’s getting late. I’d better get to bed. I have a breakfast at seven-thirty. What are you going to do tomorrow?”

What she wanted to do tonight was more to the point, she thought. “Oh, I’ll just browse around, go to the mall. I have to update my entire wardrobe to adjust to the Houston heat. I may also spend some time here in the spa.”

He stood as she gathered the empty bottles and glasses from the table. “I probably shouldn’t have invited you on this trip, since I’ll be tied up for most of the day. If there’s something you’d like to do, I can always slip out early.”

“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. I’m glad you invited me. I needed a break from…everything.” She smiled and waved her hands.

“This is my treat, so whatever you want to do—spa, beauty salon, not that you need any beauty enhancement—just charge it to the room.”

“I’ll be fine. I’m not someone who needs constant attention. Go to your meeting and enjoy your day. I’m glad you invited me along.”

“So am I, and I hope you have a good night’s sleep.” He kissed her lightly on the cheek, but she wouldn’t let go of his arm.

Standing on her toes, she tilted her head back, her eyes heavy with desire. “Will I have to do penance if I ask for a real kiss?”

His mouth came down softly on her parted lips and lingered until she tightened her grip on his arm. He seemed to read her silent expectations. His kiss became urgent and fiery. When he moved away, her entire body was hot and needy. She leaned against him and he traced her mouth with his tongue.

His lips devoured hers. His tongue explored the recesses of her mouth. He raised his mouth from her and silently gazed into her eyes before brushing his lips against her face. Breathing an intoxicated sigh, she loosened her grip and he took her face in his hands.

“You won’t have to do penance, but I will unless we stop right now.”

They said goodnight, she turned off the lights and went into her bedroom. Throwing the pillows from the bed was not enough to vent her frustrations. She thought of Travis, putting his feeling out there, even offering marriage. Why couldn’t Will tell her how he felt? He might as well have. She read it on his face and felt the pressure of his arousal. She turned out the lights and listened to the stillness. In the midst of her torture, she vowed she would learn Will’s true feelings for her before the weekend was over, even if she had to ask.

CHAPTER 6

The next morning, Susan found Will gone and a note on top of the ice bucket telling her that his meeting should conclude by four o’clock and that he would miss her. She checked her cell phone, and found a message from Travis.

“I didn’t express myself very well yesterday, so I’ll try once again. I’m madly in love with you. I want to marry you, not so we can be intimate, but because I want you in my life forever. I love, respect, and admire you. I want to hold you in my arms and make love to you more than I’ve wanted anything in my life. As far as work goes, you and I aren’t competing. I respect your position as much as I respect you as a woman. Think about it, Susan.”

She felt close to tears. It wasn’t that she didn’t find him attractive. If she had been the kind of woman to give in to sexual urges, she would have pulled him up to her bedroom that first night, but that was not her way. She had to make Travis understand. She had been honest with him. Knowing that did not lessen her guilt, but it did make her determined to end the game she and Will had been playing.
It would be much simpler if he weren’t a minister.

She had seen pure lust on his face. His self-control made her respect him even more. She knew he had dated since his divorce, remembered Angie describing two short-lived relationships, and wondered if he was against premarital sex. If he was, she felt their relationship would soon fizzle. She was not strong enough to hold out. She also had no intentions of rushing into marriage as Travis had proposed.

Not wanting to spend the day lounging around, she dressed and took the hotel shuttle to the shopping mall. There was nothing she wanted to buy except the gift she wanted to get for Will. The night before he mentioned that he had forgotten his cufflinks for the formal dinner. She found a pair that she thought he would like. They were gold and in the shape of clasped, praying hands.

After buying a few intimate items and three lightweight blouses for herself, she browsed through some of the more exclusive shops in both Lenox Square and Phipps Plaza. Her only great find was a CD by an old college friend that she dug from a 60 percent off bin in one of the music stores. It was still too early to return to the hotel, so she took a cab to Peoples Street. Her mother had suggested she view the art collection at Hammonds House Galleries. She purchased a large painting entitled “Rush to Freedom” for her parents. The offer of reduced shipping rates prompted the purchase of a small, unframed print for her apartment. She took a cab back to the hotel.

The memory of Will’s goodnight kiss was still fresh. She thought of ways to seduce him, immediately followed by a sharp jab of conscience.

The hotel lobby was crowded with guests and conventioneers. Looking around, she recognized some of the members of the minister’s convention and picked Will out of the crowd by his distinctive stance. She stood watching him and feeling all the admiration and pride a woman should feel for the man she loves. Several of the men noticed her, prompting Will to turn and come to her. She smiled when her eyes met his.

“Susan,” he said, his delightful grin in full display and his arms outstretched. “Hello, gorgeous. I missed you today,” he whispered when he got close.

She had missed him, too. Spiraling tension and passion filled her body with the kind of heat that evoked memories of the early months of her marriage to Stan and how they used to run to each other at the end of the day. She would always cherish those memories, but she wanted new ones. It was Will’s lips she wanted to remember—sleeping and waking up together and making love until their passion was spent and she was too weak to stand.

Will went back to his seminar, telling her that it would disperse at four. She went up to the room, but stayed in the living area to wait for him. She ate her room-service lunch and turned on the television for distraction. Slipping into a nap, she dreamed of his hands on her body. She opened her eyes and he was sitting in the chair next to her. It took a few seconds to realize she was no longer dreaming.

“It’s not even three yet. Is your meeting over?”

“No, but I couldn’t concentrate,” he said, lacing his fingers and leaning slightly forward. “There’s something I want—need—to say to you, and I’ve been trying to build up the courage to accept a rejection should your feelings not match mine. I’m sorry to wake you, but I knew if I didn’t say it now, I’d lose my nerve and spend the rest of the day telling myself what a coward I am,” he revealed, his lips quivering.

“Will, I think it would be a good idea to say what’s on your mind. Watching you squirm is making me nervous.”

He forced a smile. “I won’t bore you with the details of my life. I would like to tell you enough so that you’ll understand my feelings.”

He took a deep breath and she braced herself, her heart pounding wildly.

“Finding myself alone after Trey died and Tracey left was devastating. I missed what we once had—or at least what I thought we had. I loved her very much. I wasn’t sure I could comfortably trust my heart to anyone again.”

Excitement and fear closed around her. She wanted him, needed him.

“I tried to heal, and later started dating, but nothing ever clicked. I’m sure I caused pain to some of the women who offered me affection, but I couldn’t make myself feel what wasn’t there. Physical passion was all I could manage, and even that was dim. My heart didn’t respond. I began to wonder if I had anything left to give. I wondered if I could ever feel for any woman what I had felt…”

His voice trailed off but not before his sincerity and obvious pain stirred her greatly.

“I stopped dating. Stopped accepting personal invitations. I cautioned family and friends against fixing me up with some poor unsuspecting woman I could not possibly love. Physically, it’s been hard. Emotionally…I felt dead inside—that is, until I walked into Sealand and met the most desirable woman imaginable. Nothing in life prepared me for the feelings I had that day. Auntie, Mrs. Whitehead, said I babbled on like a scared teenager.”

He paused and smiled.

“I’m not a teenager, but I am scared—scared, excited, and more in love than I thought possible. Everything changed for me the day I saw you, beautiful, even in the midst of extreme irritation.”

Her apprehensions, every negative thought living inside her, began to fade.

“After I left your office, I hummed to myself and smiled a lot. I felt light, like a weight had been lifted from my life. If I wasn’t afraid of frightening you away, I’d ask you to marry me right here, right now. Please tell me I’m not making a fool of myself.”

“If you asked me to marry you right now I would be scared, but not of making a commitment. Becoming a minister’s wife never occurred to me until I met you. When I think of it, I’m frightened beyond belief—I’m frightened of the unknown, frightened by my feelings for you. I’m at my best when I’m in full control, and my biggest fear is that loving anyone as much as I already love you will take that away. You lead a life that makes extraordinary demands on your time and your heart. I don’t know how that would affect our relationship, but I have seen a few happily married ministers.” She tried to break the tension with a smile.

His nervousness subsided and his eyes shone with wonder. “I don’t know all there is to know about love, but the feelings I have for you are amazing. I don’t want to control you. I just want to love you. You’re right; my time is in great demand, but I would always make time for you. For us.”

He stood and pulled her up and into his arms.

“Please don’t think my invitation had ulterior motives. I’m not asking for anything you’re unwilling to give.”

She wanted to give him everything, and more. Her body trembled with excitement and anticipation.

“I sensed uneasiness between us yesterday, and I wanted to say these things last night. I’m just a man, Susan. A man of the cloth, yes, but also a man with needs and desires. Don’t be afraid to touch me. To love me. I will try to keep anything from coming between us or making you unhappy. If problems arise, I think you and I can deal with them.”

“I want to love you. I do love you.” She settled against him without hesitation. Cedargrove, Sealand, and the need for control were forgotten. She tilted her face toward his in complete surrender.

His mouth covered hers. It was not the sweet goodnight kisses they had shared in Houston. It was compelling and urgent. She gasped when their bodies aligned and she felt the whole of his desire.

Her mouth was wet and wonderful. Firm breasts pressed against him. No woman, not even Tracey, had excited him so intensely. He thought of his position in the church and the community, of the emptiness that filled his heart. Susan could fill that emptiness; she could make his life whole.

“Susan,” he said, moving close to her ear. “Are you sure you’re ready for this?”

She took his hand reassuringly. “I’m not promiscuous, but I also have needs. I can’t think of living another day without you. I can’t think of not having you in my life.”

Emotions flooded her heart. Their fingers interlaced, and just as his fingers filled the spaces between hers, his love filled her soul. She led him to her bedroom. He moved behind her when they reached the bed, his fingertips kneading the ridges of her shoulders. The friction of his hands ignited fires within. His arms enclosed her body, completely erasing all doubt. She wanted to stop time. To freeze the splendor of the moment.

She started to unbutton her blouse, but he took over. He tenderly fumbled, staring wide-eyed as her body was slowly unveiled.

Susan needed him to hurry, but wanted it to last forever.

He placed her blouse on the chair and deftly unhooked her bra. She wondered if he was losing his uneasiness and if he wanted her as much as she wanted him.

He wondered if she could hear the pounding of his heart. She dropped her arms and he slid the bra straps down her shoulder and kissed the slope of her back. She turned, and her breasts rose to meet him. He hesitated, wanting to behold the magnificence. Her body was perfect. Her breasts were full like ripe fruit, with buds that were invitingly erect. She unzipped her skirt and shimmied slightly until it fell, in a heap, at her feet. She sat on the bed and he picked up the garment from the floor and placed it next to her blouse.

When he turned back to her, she was lying across the bed, clad only in her panties.

“You’re breathtaking,” he whispered.

She devoured his body while he retrieved a foiled square from his wallet and came to the bed.

His eyes were dilated pools of passion when he kneeled over her. “I love you, Susan. Knowing I can say that with certainty leaves no doubts about our relationship. I love you so much.”

He covered her mouth with his. His tongue slipped between her lips and his eyes closed slowly. Tasting the sweetness of her nectar, he moaned and continued down the contour of her neck. With his head nestled between her breasts, his tongue made firm sweeps over her nipples. She moaned his name and arched her back for more.

His mouth circled the globes of her breast and she became woozy and heated in ways she had never known. He did something indescribable with his hands and mouth, and the air around her became thin. She gasped as he soothed away the pain of neglect.

The heat of his body burned away all memories, making everything new and different. He peeled away her panties and kissed the inside of her thighs. Her legs fell apart, and he moved between them. When their bodies merged, Susan felt his soul move into her soul.

Her softness tightened around him. He swallowed the scream that was building in his throat. Susan met each thrust like a smoothly choreographed dancer. It was new and intense. The excitement shadowed their first time, but there was also comfort and familiarity, as if his body had known hers many times before.

Susan knew she could not hold out very long. Feeling his body tense, she accepted and gave until their moans ruptured into a combined roar of ecstasy. Their bodies crested and then fell in total fulfillment.

They remained locked together, body, mind, and soul. Her head was on his chest and his arms held her in place. Susan heard the thunder of his heart but did not realize there were tears in her eyes until Will touched her face with his fingertips.

“Are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

“No, I’m great.”

“I didn’t mean to rush that way, but it’s—”

She stopped his words with a kiss. “It was wonderful. You’re wonderful. It’s just that…I felt something I’ve never felt before. I know that sounds sappy, but it’s true. I was in love before, but nothing came close to what I feel with you.”

“I feel it too. You feel right in my arms. I don’t know if I can let you go.”

“You don’t have to.” She kissed his lips repeatedly. “Your evening function is hours away.”

They made love again—slowly this time, but with the same frenzied passion and fiery contentment. She hated to leave his side.

“I know you have to attend this function tonight, and as much as I want to stay right here next to you, one of us has to move, so I’ll make that sacrifice.”

“I’ll just add bravery to my growing list of your admirable qualities.”

He caressed her face, his eyes flowing with love.

She was running water in the shower when she heard him call her name.

“Susan! You didn’t have to do this,” he said, coming in with the jeweler’s box in hand. “Thank you, but I wish you hadn’t spent so much money. Are you trying to spoil me?”

“Do you like them?”

“I liked them enough to circle them in a catalogue that’s somewhere on my desk. That’s how I know they’re expensive. You really shouldn’t have.”

“I’m glad you like them, and yes, I am trying to spoil you,” she declared firmly. “I can only imagine the hurt you endured when you lost your son and your wife. I want very much to spoil you, to make you happy, to keep you happy. I want our love to occupy every inch of your heart, making it impossible for pain to enter. I want to satisfy you. I don’t want you to ever need anyone else.”

He drew her into his arms. “That’s one thing you will never have to worry about. Just knowing you care, knowing you want to be with me, is the greatest gift you could have given me. I’ll never be happier than I am now unless…”