Lynnia (4 page)

Lynnia

“L, tell me that I heard you wrong when I heard you tell me that you kicked a half naked man out of your apartment this morning.”

Lynnia looked up to see her baby sister walking the main hall to her living area. She groaned to herself, but was grateful for her sister. Chyra had come over as soon as she’d heard Lynnia’s voice. She knew her sister wouldn’t let her down. Lynnia was quite proud of the newly discovered woman that her little sister had become.

“He wasn’t exactly naked, half or otherwise. I just sent the man packing because it was time. I suddenly realized that I didn’t need to be what I’d always been for that man. You know what that is, right?” she looked hopefully at her sister as Chyra waddled her pregnant body into the living area where Lynnia had been sitting.

Standing, Lynnia helped Chyra have a seat in her recliner and turned on the massager for her. Lynnia began to pace as Chyra spoke one word.

“Available?”

Her sister’s eyes told her that was what she clearly thought.

“No. Well, yes, but not what I was thinking. I have been that man’s doormat, sounding board, listening ear for as long as I can remember. I have been every other thing a woman can be for a man except for his lover, confidante, and friend. I want to be so much more.”

Lynnia walked to the window that was just on the other side of the living room. She’d made a couple trips from the window to the front of Chyra’s seat then back again.

“That’s your fault. You’re miserable because you choose to be. This life isn’t shaping up the way that you want it to because you decided to hold your tongue on the one thing that will change the course of your life. You are holding back. The one thing that is blatantly obvious to everyone except for him is the one thing that you bite your tongue on. What are you afraid of?”

Lynnia’s eyes widened before she schooled her features and answered her sister’s question.

“Nothing,” Lynnia stated before she cleared her throat and began again.

“Bull … shit!” Chyra said.

She didn’t scream. The vehemence behind the word let Lynnia know just how her sister felt about what it was she’d said. Apparently, her little sister knew her better than she thought she did. Go figure. Still, she wasn’t exactly ready to admit the truth to anyone outside of herself. She really didn’t want to admit it to herself. If she did then she would have to acknowledge that flaw. It was the flaw that she wore like a damn sign all throughout high school. The façade she projected throughout college helped her deal with the few guys that she dealt with during those years.

“I don’t know why you just said that. I’m not afraid. What I am is annoyed, nothing more.”

That statement was met with her sister throwing her head back and laughing. Lynnia watched Chyra’s belly bounce for a little bit before a movement across it had her mesmerized. Chyra looked to the place where Lynnia’s gaze was fixed and smiled.

“Yes. My little girl either loves or hates it when I get to laughing. She becomes a lot more active when I’m get going. I find it also happens when I’m singing. I don’t know how to take it. Zach says it’s questionable. It’s up in the air since she reacts the same way to both. Zoie said that she believes that was a dig at my singing ability. I think that was the first time I told our older sister to ‘Shut the hell up’.”

Lynnia laughed along with her sister. She couldn’t believe her baby sister was a mother in the first place. Now, her sister was seven months pregnant with her second baby and she was doing her best not to cry her eyes out every time she saw that big, beautiful belly of hers.

“I’m actually surprised you’re not dead. The baby might have saved your life. She might kill you after our niece is born.”

Lynnia did her best to ignore the wayward thoughts running through her head. The goal was to focus on the sister sitting with her and not the fact that her sister was living the life she thought she would be living. She never would’ve thought that Chyra would get the husband and family before her. What in the hell had she done wrong?
Focus! Focus on your sister, Lynnie.

“Yeah. I think I might have to watch my back for a while. Zachy told me not to listen to them. ‘Mommy, I loves your singing. They just being mean. Nobody likes a meanie.’ My baby actually glared at his auntie and didn’t back down when she glared right back. Zoie said she thinks she’s met her match with that one.”

“Here we thought it might be Sage, but I think that girl adores Zoie too much to ever be defiant. Not saying that Zachy doesn’t love all of his aunts or anything, I just think there is something about that little boy that says ‘I know who I am and when I’m right. I don’t care who challenges me when I do. I’m not backing down.’ I love that kid. I think he might have just became my favorite. I could learn a thing or two from him.”

“Yes. You and me both, L. Now back to the bullshit you were trying to shovel down my throat a few minutes ago. Nice try. I’m the youngest and pregnant, yes, but my pregnancy brain isn’t deterring me from what you’re not willing to deal with.”

“Your son’s determined nature comes directly from you, Quinnie. You’re the one that is the most defiant out of the lot of us. Momma always said that you were going to be the one that gave her the most hell. She knew it the day you were born. That fighting spirit dropped into the very being of your son and created this little person that is so sure of himself at five year’s old that he is willing to go up against one of the most formidable of us all. As I said, I love that kid. He’s just like his mother.”

Chyra looked at Lynnia for a few minutes before wiping her eyes and blinking a few times. Rubbing her belly, she took a moment to compose herself before speaking again.

“Thank you for that. I always feel like the best of Zachy comes from his father. It’s nice to hear that someone sees a little of me in him.” Scooting forward in the recliner, Chyra grabbed Lynnia’s hand as she made her way by her during her continued pacing. “I love you so much. You know this. What I’m about to say might piss you off, but I’m pregnant and emotional so I know you won’t be too mean if I’m honest with you.”

Lynnia braced herself for what her sister was about to say. She felt like a very personal page from
Lynnia’s Book of Life
was about to be read. She didn’t know if she could handle it.

“Should I sit down for this or lie down? I feel like I’m about to be analyzed and not by the sister with the degree to do such.”

Chyra squinted her eyes at Lynnia before squeezing her hand and letting it go.

“If you sit, sit somewhere where a flying object won’t connect with your head. I suddenly feel like practicing my pitch. You’re shaping up to be the perfect target.”

Lynnia pretended to dodge flying objects before sitting down on the couch across from her sister. Regardless of how she felt about what was going to be said, she wasn’t going to make her sister uncomfortable. Sitting in the chair next to her would make her sister have to turn and the baby didn’t like it when her mother twisted in odd directions. Chyra swears the baby sits on her bladder until she shifts positions. It’s actually funny to the rest of the family, but not to Chyra. Many a person has been struck in the back of the head with a flying object because of it. Lynnia had been on the receiving end of one or two objects.

“Go ahead. I’m ready, Nyema.”

“Oh, you’re hilarious. You’re always funniest when there’s something you don’t want to deal with. Momma Z called it. I hadn’t realized it until she said it the other day when we were discussing our kids. She said she hoped your children inherited your sense of humor, but hoped they didn’t use it as a coping mechanism like you tend to. I gave her a look and she asked me to really take a moment to think about it. When I did, I came to the realization that she was right.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re all so smart. Get to the pissing me off part.”

“You are so anxious. Sorry. Pregnancy brain. I call bullshit because I know you’re afraid. You’re afraid that Dario is one of the few people that knows you well enough to be that perfect counterpart to your sass. You’re afraid that he is the one that will be everything that you want him to be. It kills you to know that you found the one that is exactly right for you when there are so many that had to wait years to find that person. You don’t feel right because yours was easy to find. You didn’t have to wait. You didn’t have to go searching. He was right there. Instead of you jumping at the opportunity that you have been fortunate to have, you allowed him an out because he chose not to man up. It’s not who you are or were, even for a younger version of the woman that I’m looking at. You’ve never been the one to hold your tongue even when it was for your own good. Fear is the only thing that would make sense as to why you’ve never spoken up.”

Lynnia just sat looking at the magazine that resting on the end table. Kerry Washington was looking up at her and she could see the judgment in the actress’ eyes. What was she talking about? Kerry Washington didn’t know her from the local delivery man. Why would she be judging her for being afraid and unwilling to admit it to anyone outside of herself? Chyra sat quietly across from Lynnia. Standing, she crossed the room and knelt down in front of her sister.

“I love you, Quinnie. You’re entitled to your opinion, but you’re dead wrong about this. I’m going to go get dressed for our meeting. Be back in twenty.”

Lynnia didn’t give her sister a chance to say anything else. She stood as fast as she could without falling over and walked to the bedroom to change her clothes. As soon as she took a few steps away, she heard her sister’s singsong voice.

“Bull … shiiiitt.”

Lynnia paused for a moment and kept on going. There was no sense in trying to further deny anything. Her sister knew the truth even if it was Lynnia’s goal to not deal with it. Certain things didn’t need to come out of the closet. It would be better if they remained hidden away. That was her take on it and she would stick to it for as long as she possibly could. Knowing her sisters, it wouldn’t be long. Not long at all.