Sanctity (8 page)

“She’s a little nervous around new
people.”

“Yes, I see,” Brenda’s interest
disintegrated and she carried herself away to Michael’s side. 
I watched as she took his arm in hers and felt another wave of
disappointment sweep over me.  “You look very dapper tonight,
Michael, “she smoothed the wrinkles from his shoulders then fiddled
with his tie.  “Oh” she cooed, “what’s this?”  She looked
from him to me and back again, “Oh, how cute! You match.”

I hadn’t noticed before but Brenda was
right, Michael’s tie was the perfect shade to match my dress. 
For some reason this new knowledge caused me to flush with
excitement.  I was certain that Michael picked the tie
particularly for me and it offered some reassurance that it was his
intention to give me a special night. 

Brenda unfortunately discerned the little
blush that burned my cheeks.  It was very unsettling to have
gotten caught and even more so when she pointed it out.  “I
think someone has a little crush developing over here,” she smiled
down at me patronizingly.  Her statement was loud enough that
everyone in the box heard her and I was sure it was done with that
purpose in mind.  I was mortified and reached for my mother’s
hand.  She looked down at me with a touch of understanding and
pity.

“Let’s go freshen up, Elayna.  Would
you excuse us?”

My father volunteered to come as well and
Michael gave a little bow to my mother as she led me away.  I
refused to look at him though I knew he was trying to catch my
eye. 

“Why did you do that?”  He asked Brenda
as we walked away.  “You do realize how upsetting that must
have been for her?  She’s just a little girl, why would you
humiliate her like that?”  His voice was sharp and harsh but
muffled enough not to draw any unnecessary attention.

“Good grief, Michael, why are you so
upset?”

“These people are my guests and it is my
intention to show them every kindness tonight, especially
Elayna.”

Brenda didn’t like the tone in his voice and
vengefully tossed a reply, “Ah, so she is not the only one with an
unnatural attachment I see.”

I could feel Michael’s anger as my mom and I
made our way to the restrooms.  I concentrated very hard,
determined to keep him out of my thoughts.  Before we went in
my mother stopped and turned to me.  “It was very rude of
Brenda to embarrass you like that.  I’m sorry for it,” she
took a deep breath.  “Elayna, Mr. Donovan is a very handsome
man and it is perfectly normal to think so.  You are young now
and may not understand it completely but I think any woman of any
age would be hard pressed not to be attracted to him.  You
shouldn’t feel badly for appreciating beauty, no matter where you
find it.”

My mother’s understanding made me feel
somewhat better but I was convinced that Brenda deliberately wanted
to hurt my feelings.  I couldn’t imagine facing Michael with
her words ringing in my ears.  I didn’t understand why Michael
would be with someone like her.  She was not at all deserving
of someone as remarkable as he was.  I sensed him trying to
apologize to me, so I pushed my bitterness aside. 

 I almost perceived a sigh of relief
from Michael when I finally found the courage to answer his
thoughts, “She’s not a very nice lady,” I tried not to sound angry,
just disappointed.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t tell her you and your
family would be here.  It seemed appropriate that I have a
date though; men do not often go to the ballet alone,” there was a
touch of humor in his words.  “You are very important to me
and I wanted to do something special for you,” I knew he was being
sincere and tried to be understanding.

Then Michael started sharing some of his
thoughts with me; how he knew I would enjoy the show and how he
carefully planned the night for some time.  Somehow he was
making me aware that there was no way I could have been there
without my parents.  He made sure I understood that he had
arranged to meet my father and convinced him to take the tickets,
then sent the car – extra insurance that we would all come. 
He tried to think of everything that could have gone wrong and
carefully constructed this to be a memorable night for me without
giving our friendship away.  And Brenda, she was just another
part of the plan.

As we left the restroom my dad gave my
mother and I a little wave to get our attention.  He was
waiting to order drinks for each of us.  We met him in line
and he asked if either of us would like anything.  There was
not much to choose from so my mother and I each settled for a
bottle of water.  We collected our drinks and made our way
back to Michael’s box. 

He was standing just outside talking in a
hushed voice to Brenda.  He nodded to us in a welcoming
manner.  My mother and father stood in the hallway reluctant
to confine themselves to their seats just yet.  When Michael
stepped away from Brenda she came in and sat beside me.  He
joined my mother and father and began pointing out various aspects
of the theater and started relaying some of its history as
well.

“Elayna, I wanted to apologize if I have
hurt your feelings in anyway.  I guess I have forgotten what
it’s like to be your age and to feel the helpless pressure of a
crush.”

“I do not have a crush,” I said
defensively.

“Of course you don’t,” Brenda laughed. 
I didn’t like the expression she was wearing and wanted to stand up
and join my parents but she began speaking again and somehow I felt
obligated to listen,  “You think you are in love and you think
Michael is in love with you,” her voice sounded spiteful. 
“Michael is more than 3 times your age, if you think about it you
will realize that that is not how love works.  Michael doesn’t
love you,” she paused in emphasis, “at least not the way you think
you love him.  You are just a little distraction for him at
the moment.  He will forget you soon enough,” she said with
tremendous surety.

“Michael doesn’t love you,” I knew there was
more to what Brenda had said but only that part of the phrase
registered and began repeating over and over again in my
mind.  The sense of wrongness I felt when I first saw Michael
and Brenda together washed over me again.  Suddenly I was not
feeling very well.  I stood up and tried to walk to where my
mother and father were talking with Michael.  The lights
flashed signaling that the intermission was over and they each
turned one by one and came back to the box to take their
seats.  As my mother approached I lunged for her and told her
that I didn’t feel well and that I wanted to go home.

I saw a fearful look gathering in her eyes
as she studied me and placed her palm on my forehead.  “You’re
burning up.  How long have you been feeling like this
sweetie?  Oh, my, I think we must go,” she looked to my father
for confirmation.  He placed his hand on my forehead and
nodded his agreement, “Yes, yes, I’ll let Mr. Donovan know.”

My father bent down and quietly told Michael
that we needed to leave.  He hastily ejected himself from his
seat and found me and my mother standing in the hallway near the
stairs.  I had my face turned away, unable to look at him just
then.  I didn’t realize it but my anguish had caused my mind
to barricade itself and I had locked Michael out of my
thoughts.

“What’s wrong?” His voice was colored with
heartfelt concern.  He looked at my mother then to my
father.

“Elayna is not feeling well, I think she may
have a fever,” my mother kissed the top of my head and apologized
to Michael.  “Would it be too much trouble to call the car for
us?  We have no way of getting in touch with the driver until
the show is over.”

“Yes, of course,” he slipped his cell phone
from his coat pocket and made the request for our driver to
return.

“I’m sorry you are not feeling well Elayna,”
Michael gently caressed my shoulder.

 “Elayna, please talk to me.  Tell
me what’s wrong.  Tell me what I can do to make you feel
better.  Please don’t go,” I could still hear his voice in my
head though I refused to let him hear mine.

I ignored his plea and waited with my mother
while my father gathered our coats and other belongings.  He
helped me into mine first and then eased my mom into hers. 
Michael was dumbfounded and could only watch as we prepared to
leave.

My dad shook his hand and thanked him for
everything.  Brenda appeared in the doorway, “Are you
leaving?”

“Oh, yes, sorry, Elayna is not feeling
well.  It was lovely to meet you,” my father said. 

Michael turned to Brenda as though he had
momentarily forgotten she was there.  I saw a look of
understanding cross his face as he puzzled out what must have
driven our hurried departure. 

“We’ll walk you out,” he said. 
“There’s not much sense in staying for the show if you can’t be
here to enjoy it with us.”

Brenda was visibly dismayed by having the
night conclude so abruptly.  Michael did not look as though he
could be dissuaded, though, and she held all of her protests.

Michael snatched her jacket and tucked it
around her shoulders.  He slid into his as well and motioned
us all toward the lobby.  I could feel him calling to me,
“Elayna?”  Every few moments he would try again,
“Elayna?”  It hurt to ignore him but every time I heard him
say my name it was echoed by Brenda’s voice telling me “He doesn’t
love you,” and I drew further and further into myself.

The driver was waiting for us and as he
started to make his way around the car Michael signaled to him that
he would get it and opened the passenger’s door for us.  My
mother helped me in and glided into the seat beside me.  My
father poured out his regrets one last time and thanked him again
for all his thoughtfulness.  Michael popped his head in and
wished my mother a goodnight and said how much he hoped that I
would feel better soon.

He closed the door and the driver pulled
away.  I desperately wanted to look back but I knew Michael
would be standing there watching until the car was no longer in
view.

“Elayna?” A few minutes ticked by,
“Elayna?”

It was a long ride home as disheartened as I
was.  I was mentally and physically exhausted but wide awake
because I could not escape Michael’s pleas followed by the echo of
Brenda’s declaration “He doesn’t love you.”  By the time we
pulled up to our building my head was pounding and I was too worn
out to walk.  My dad picked me up and I clung to his neck as
he carried me inside.

My mom helped me get ready for bed and gave
me a dose of medicine.  “This will help you rest and hopefully
bring your fever down.”  She brushed the hair back from my
forehead and kissed me goodnight.  My dad came and sat on the
edge of the bed for a few minutes.  He didn't say anything,
just gently stroked my cheek and before I knew it I started to
relax and drift off.

I could still hear Michael calling to me but
it was not with the same intensity as before and he had changed his
appeal from Elayna to a simple Please.  He
sounded so defeated that I nearly relented and answered him but the
medicine must have been working because I couldn’t stop myself from
falling fast asleep.

I rested soundly for an hour or two before I
started to dream and when I did I dreamt of Michael and
Brenda.  They seemed to be in an apartment in the city. 
I didn’t know if it was Michael’s or Brenda’s but I could tell it
was in the city because there was a large window that provided an
exceptional view of the lights.  As the dream unraveled I
realized that they were having an animated discussion about
me. 

“I asked you to apologize to Elayna,”
Michael seemed collected though there was an agitated quality to
his voice. 

“I did apologize,” Brenda answered honestly
but Michael sensed that she was withholding something and persisted
in his questioning.

“How, exactly, did you apologize, what did
you say?”

She seemed to be collecting her thoughts but
she could tell that Michael was growing impatient.  “Look
Michael, I’m sorry about what I said to you, I know you were just
trying to flatter the Davis’ by making an impression on their
daughter.  They are a novel little family and I can see that
you are genuinely attached to each of them.  I know there is
nothing unnatural about your feelings for Elayna and I’m sorry I
said as much.  I didn't realize you were going to have guests
and I was angry, maybe even a little jealous, of their claims
on your attention tonight.”

Michael was listening but that was not the
explanation he was looking for.  When he didn’t say anything
she decided to continue her appeal. 

“You may not realize it but that little girl
is quite captivated by you.  She is young and innocent and you
are going to break her heart when she realizes that you do not love
her.”

Michael closed his eyes and took a deep
breath, “Is that what you did?  Did you tell her that I didn’t
love her?”

“Michael, please, you sound ridiculous,” she
chuckled nervously.

“Did you?  Did you tell Elayna that I
do not love her?”  His face lost all expression and Brenda
couldn’t tell whether or not he was angry and wondered how much it
was safe for her to confess.

She took a deep breath, “I told her that she
only thinks that she is in love with you; that you are 3 times her
age and that if she thought about it she would understand that love
does not work like that.  I told her that you did not love her
the way she thinks you do, that is all.”

“Ah, that is all,” Michael looked to the
floor and Brenda looked relieved.  She appeared confident that
Michael had accepted her explanation and was acknowledging the
truth of what she had said. 

She took a step towards him, “I’m glad you
understand.  Elayna will be hurt for a day or two but she’ll
bounce right back and forget you just as quickly as you’ll forget
her.”  Michael stood motionless absorbing her words.  She
smiled and was about to wrap a hug around him in a gesture of
apology but as she raised her arms he suddenly came to life and
violently grabbed her throat.