Sanctity (12 page)

I was used to riding in a car so it felt new
and exhilarating to be sitting in the open air while we were
travelling so fast.  He picked up the pace and leaned lower
and lower into the final corner of the on ramp.  I could see
that his knee was nearly touching the ground as we whipped through
the turn.  Once we were on the interstate he quickly shifted
through the gears, urging the bike faster and faster.  It felt
like we were flying, like we had lifted off and the Earth was far
below us.  I looked down though and saw the pavement beneath
us.  Then I noticed that the dotted line that divided the
highway was no longer passing by evenly spaced.  We were going
so fast then that it looked like a single, solid line streaking
along beside us.

I had never experienced a thrill like
that.  I knew I was smiling; that I was terrified and elated
at the same time.  My heart was pounding with the combination
of fear and joy.  After a few minutes Michael began to slow
the motorcycle down and we exited the highway.  We turned left
and left again to head back onto the highway but in the opposite
direction and I was sad to realize that we were heading
home. 

Michael took his time on the way back and I
felt a strange serenity settle over me as he relaxed our
pace.  It was peaceful out there at night like that. 
There was no traffic so it seemed like we were the only two people
in the world.  I gave Michael a little squeeze to let him know
how contented I felt.  He put his hand on my knee, gave it a
gentle press and let it rest there for the remainder of our
ride.

When we got back home he parked the bike
along the main road and took my hand.  We walked back to the
house.  I was too breathless to speak and Michael seemed lost
in his own thoughts as well. 

Once we were back in my room I slipped into
my closet and quickly changed back into my pajamas.  I put my
jeans and t-shirt away and hung up my sweater as though they had
not been used.

Michael was sitting on my bed when I
finished.   He patted the pillow to let me know that it
is time for me to get back to sleep. 

I crawled up onto the bed beside him. 
As I sat on my knees and looked him over I smiled and wrapped my
arms around his neck, “Thank you for tonight,” I whispered.

“Thank you, Elayna, I had just as much fun
as you had,” he shook his head thoughtfully.

“What is it Michael?”

He took a deep breath, “After the ballet,”
he looked away and changed the direction of the conversation, “I
need you Elayna, to help me be strong.”

“I know that, I will always be here for
you,” I said the words softly.

“I am afraid for you, though.”

“Afraid, Michael, whatever for, I’m never
afraid when I’m with you.”

He chuckled, “Yes, you are very brave,” he
caressed my hair.  “I am afraid that I am putting my needs
ahead of yours.  I’m afraid that if we continue to be friends
that you will never be free of me, never be free to live and grow
and love the way you should.”

“Oh, but I am growing, Michael, already I am
9 years old and next year I will be 10 and, and…” I knew that what
I was trying to say was not the type of growing Michael was
referring to and could not finish the thought.

“Please, Michael, you are not going to take
my memories again, are you?”

“I don’t know, Elayna.  I know that I
should, that you should forget me and I should forget you.”

Panic crept into my eyes and I wanted to
scream “No, you can’t, I won’t let you!” but the words never came
out.  Instead I shook my head and asked, “Does it have to be
so soon, Michael?  Can’t we be friends for a little while
longer?”

“Can you be strong, Elayna?  If we stay
friends can you be strong when the time comes for me to leave you
again?”

“Yes, Michael, I can,” I answered with
absolute surety.

He didn’t look convinced but he drew me
close and kissed my forehead anyway.  “We will be friends,
then, for as long as we possibly can.  Just remember your
promise when the time comes.”

“I will.”

He tucked me in and took my hand.  He
placed a feathery kiss on my knuckles and disappeared into the
night.

I began to think that
nothing would ever come between us and that Michael and I would
always be friends.
I kept waiting for the
day but either he forgot or he never had the courage to remind me
of my promise. If it hadn’t been for Victor he might never have let
me go.

Neither of us could have
predicted what would happen. It was so sudden! One moment I was
happy and safe without a single care in the world and the next I
was a thousand miles from home. My parents were gone, my world in a
tumultuous uproar and there was nothing either of us could do but
regret all that we should have done differently.

After Michael told me what had happened to my
family I knew our time together had come to an end. I cried myself
out while we sat on the edge of the bed and Michael comforted me. I
wanted to forget it all and just stay that way forever, safe and
secure in Michael’s arms. The sun went down and the room grew
completely dark then not long afterwards Margaret came to check on
us.

“I made some dinner,” her voice full of all
the things she wanted to but couldn’t say.

Michael smiled halfheartedly and carefully
set me on my feet.  “I think we had better clean ourselves up
first, what do you say?”

“Yes, I think you are right,” I sniffled as I
stepped back and made to turn away.

“Elayna,” he reached for my hand and placed
it on his cheek as he squatted down while looking directly into my
eyes, “I will do everything I can to make up for this and to give
you a good life.  I promise.”

I felt him sifting through my memories and
tucking the worst of them into the farthest reaches of my mind. I
had a million questions but they suddenly seemed unimportant and I
was too disoriented to ask them.  My lips trembled into a
smile and I pulled my eyes away from his gaze.  I leaned down
and gave him the lightest of kisses before heading back to the
bathroom to wash the tear stains from my cheeks.

After I had freshened up Michael brought me
down to the kitchen where I picked away at the dinner Margaret had
made for me. Once I had eaten my fill, I couldn’t seem to keep
myself awake.  Michael led me upstairs and made sure I was
safely asleep before he left.  I was so drained both
physically and emotionally that I slept quite late and missed the
conversation that Michael and Margaret had in the kitchen the next
morning.

“Are you mad?  You’re mad Michael! 
We can’t keep her.   I can’t keep her.  Absolutely
not!!”

“You can and you will.  I promised
Elayna that I would give her a good life.  The best way for me
to keep that promise is for her to stay here with you.”

“People will be looking for her; the police,
her family, their friends.”

“We are more than a thousand miles away from
where they will be looking; she will be perfectly safe here.”

“Someone may recognize her.”

Michael sat back and closed his eyes for a
moment then regretfully said; “I’m not so sure anyone would be able
to make the distinction any more.  I think you were right when
you said she is changed.  It’s as though…it’s as if,” he
turned and faced Margaret as his mind searched for the right way to
express his thoughts.

“As if she has been perfected. That is what
I thought of you the first time I saw you, Michael.  It is not
quite the same with Elayna but yes, there is something…something
about her.”

“Perfected,” he whispered seizing on what his
mother had said, “Yes.”  He reflected on the idea for a moment
before turning back to Margaret.  “Mother, if there was any
other way, I would choose it.  The last thing I want is to
involve you in all of this.”  He was silent for a moment, a
slight tremble in his lips, “You don’t know…you can’t imagine what
it is like for me without her,” his jaw tightened.   “I
need you to do this for me.  I need Elayna to be safe and
happy.  I need her to be in my life.  She has done
something to me, somehow, she is…” Michael’s face was livid with
shame and he was unable to finish the thought.

“A part of you,” Margaret whispered.

“Yes,” Michael’s voice was full of
contrition, “yes,” he sighed.  Then softly, “she is my
conscience, she has been ever since I met her,” he said. 

“She’s just a little girl Michael.  You
shouldn’t have asked that of her.  You can’t continue to take
that from her. You’ve taken enough already!”  Margaret’s lips
pursed as she realized what she said and its multiple meanings.

Michael buried his face in his hands, “I
never forced this responsibility on Elayna, it just happened. There
was no choice or if there was it was hers. She has always known…or
suspected…something.”

“Why didn’t you
resist?  You should have made the choice. She
couldn’t have known what she was doing - what it would mean!”

“I didn’t know either, damn it!  Do you
think I would have kept her in my life if I had known what would
happen?”

Margaret was visibly shaken and on the verge
of tears.

“I’m sorry,” Michael said, “I’m sorry for
everything and I am trying to find the best way to make it
right.   Victor, he must still be alive,” he closed his
eyes briefly, “I’m sure he’s still alive.  He doesn’t know
that I confided in you, he doesn’t know that we have
reconciled.  This is the last place he would think to look for
her.  This is the safest place for her to be right now.” 
He sat quietly for a moment then suddenly his expression darkened
as he turned his gaze back to Margaret, “I could make you
do this.”

“I will pretend you didn’t say that.” 
After a moment of silent contemplation she took a deep breath, “I
will look after the girl since she means so much to you but you
must promise me something in return.”

“Anything.”

“You need to leave, Michael.  You can’t
stay here with us; with her.”

His brows crinkled in thought as the minutes
ticked by, “You’re right, Mother.  I will go.  I will get
everything you need in order.  She’ll need a birth
certificate, school transcripts and whatever else you can think
of.  Just write it down and I will see to it.”

“I’m sorry Michael but it’s for the
best.”

“What is for the best?” I asked as I came
into the kitchen and stood beside Michael.  I glanced from one
to the other but neither had the heart to answer. 

Margaret was studying me as I stood by
Michael’s side.  She was still trying to compose her thoughts
and assure herself that Michael was right and that I would be safe
there; safe from discovery and safe from my past, safe from
Victor.  In her heart she wanted to believe that Michael’s
solution was the best solution.

Margaret broke the stalemate and simply said,
“A day of shopping, just you and me, are you up for it?”  She
looked to Michael and his face softened.  He looked relieved
and satisfied and just a touch remorseful.

I took in my alternative – the cuffed sleeves
and rolled up pants and nodded my agreement, “Yes, I think that
would be very nice.”  I forced a wan smile, faced Michael and
turned into him for a hug, “Good morning,” I said as I briefly laid
my head on his shoulder.  I savored the sensation as he put
his arm around my waist and hugged me back.  It felt like the
world fell away for a moment and there was nothing but the two of
us. 

We lingered through our greeting for a moment
too long, “Did you sleep well Elayna?  Are you hungry, I can
make you some breakfast,” Margaret interrupted and I regretfully
pulled myself away.

I would have liked nothing more but before I
could answer in the affirmative Margaret took charge and started
lining things up on the island.  “Do you like omelets?”

“Mmm, that sounds really good.”

“Well, you two make your plans for the
day.  I guess I will run along and find something to keep
myself busy with.”  Michael flexed his legs and stepped from
the room.  I couldn’t help thinking that I had missed
something important and that they were withholding it from me as I
watched him leave. 

I tried to be cheerful while Margaret fixed
breakfast for me.  I wasn’t feeling as desolate as I had been
the previous day but I had a sense of disappointment that I didn’t
fully understand.  Though I was completely unaware of it,
Michael was keeping my emotions in check and I couldn’t think about
the loss of my parents.  I knew they were gone but it felt as
though we were all just apart; like they were travelling on
vacation or something.  I knew that I would never see them
again but I wasn’t able to focus or dwell on that fact.  I
also knew that I couldn’t go home but every time I tried to
confront any of those ideas a new thought would come to the surface
of my mind causing me to forget altogether that I had been thinking
about them.

“Are you alright Elayna?  You look a
little distant.”

“Still a little sleepy I guess,” I stretched
in emphasis and sat down facing toward Margaret and where she was
working.  “So where are we going shopping?”

“There is a big mall not too far from
here.  I’m sure they will have the most variety and we will be
able to find plenty of things you will like and,” she placed a
glass of juice on my mat then took the cuff of my sleeve between
her fingers, “that will fit.” 

I fell for Margaret’s smile every time and
couldn’t help smiling back even though I feared that there was some
impending doom skulking behind her eyes. 

“Elayna, Michael and I have been talking but
before I tell you what he would like I have to ask you; do you have
family, family you can go to?  Someone you trust and that will
take good care of you.”