I get angry thinking about it. “I’d never let him call you that.”
She shakes her head. “It doesn’t matter. I would never, ever be comfortable sitting with them. They’d look down on me. Girls would shoot me evil glares, wishing me dead because I must have made a pact with the devil in order to date you.”
I put my head in my hands. She’s right. I’ve seen more than once how Garret’s girlfriends were treated by jealous hopefuls. And they were usually friends. I couldn’t put her through that. “This isn’t fair.”
“Tell me about it.”
I take a deep breath, trying to be strong. “Okay, so we wait.”
She frowns.
It’s hard to say, but I do it anyway. “Izzy might come around, and I’m telling you it’ll all come out with Keira one way or another. I can’t take you away from your friends, even if they hate me for no reason.”
She doesn’t say anything. Instead, she comes over and wraps her arms around me. It takes me off guard, but in all the good ways. She’s so warm and soft, the tough exterior dropped for me. I squeeze her back, never wanting to let go. But eventually she has to stop. “I’ve always wanted to do that.”
“You can do that whenever you want.”
“I wish.” The full meaning of this goodbye hits. It’s not just that we can’t be together. She can’t talk to me anymore. She can’t sneak up on me in the kitchen or even smile at me across the room. This is so unfair, but all I can do is hope it doesn’t last.
Chapter Thirty-Two
Lunch is the worst because I can see her sitting there, miserable. There’s nothing I can do but watch, all the while ignoring my sister pulling down her lower eyelid at me. Maybe I should be grateful she’s acknowledging my presence. At least it’s better than the complete silence of the last couple of weeks.
Now that I know I have someone to miss, I feel it all the time. This is the worst thing to come of the Keira debacle. I lost my sister, my best friend, a welcome spot at anime night—now I’ve lost something that might have been. Daphne and I would have happened somehow. I would have noticed her eventually. It would have been easy to fall in step together. Well, easier.
I pick at my food, frustrated. There are things I want to tell her, things I want to ask. We spent so much time together, what with her always hanging out at my house. I didn’t realize how often we talked, just random conversations that somehow added up. Now whenever I enter a room at home, Izzy escorts her entourage to another. It’s like I have the plague.
“Cheer up, man,” Dallas says to me. “I know Garret went insane, but you still have friends.”
I nod.
As fake as it felt before, it’s worse now. What does it even mean? I’m sitting with the team—the team I don’t actually belong to anymore. Here we are, still acting it out. I can’t stand the idea of doing this for the rest of the year. Maybe that’s why Garret lost it. He saw this coming and didn’t want to be sitting here stuck in the past.
“Dude, seriously,” Dallas says. “You gotta quit it. Let’s go to River Park and pick up some chicks or something. Should be tons of hotties shopping for the holidays.”
I sigh. As much as I want to say no, the other option is being shunned by everyone at my house. “Yeah, sure. Why not?”
He smiles, slapping me on the back. “Now we’re talking! Time for some fun.”
River Park is this huge outdoor shopping place in North Fresno. Anything you need, you can find it there. Add to that a movie theater and restaurants, and you have the perfect spot to waste time and check out girls. The place is packed, the holiday rush in full swing, and the weather is pretty warm for December.
Dallas makes a beeline for Victoria’s Secret. I have to grab his arm to stop him from going in. “You can’t be serious.”
“What?” he says. “There are definitely hot chicks in there.”
I roll my eyes. Suddenly it’s crystal clear why he can’t get a girlfriend. “And you’re gonna creep the hell out of them.”
“Then what would you do?”
“You have to play it subtle, dude.” Garret used to do this all the time, and I just followed his lead. I never realized he had it down to a brilliant formula, but the way Dallas blatantly checks out any attractive girl we pass makes Garr look like a pro in comparison. I don’t really want to hit on anyone, but I figure it’s a public service to teach Dallas how to be less of a douche. “C’mon.”
We head to Subway near the theater and get in line to order sandwiches. Since it’s one of the “healthier” fast food places, more girls eat there. Two girls stand in front of us, both pretty cute, but I pretend not to notice. Dallas, on the other hand, is staring them down. I nudge him, and he at least has the sense to stop.
About midway through the whole ordering process, I “accidentally” bump into one of the girls. “Sorry.”
“It’s okay,” she says softly. “My fault.”
“Definitely not.” I nudge her again, this time smiling. “Oops. See? My fault.”
She blushes.
After we get our food, I pass the girls’ table, adding a glance for good measure, and head outside in front of the theater to eat. The weather isn’t bad, just a slightly cool breeze, and it’s good to be out in the open like you own the place.
“Holy shit, they followed us,” Dallas says.
Sure enough, the girls from Subway sit across the way at an outdoor table. It’s pretty obvious that they’re checking us out.
“And that is how it’s done,” I say. A pang of guilt hits me. I always thought Garret brought me along out of pity or loyalty, but maybe he thought I made him look cooler Either way, we always made a great team.
Dallas laughs. “Damn, you’re good.”
I shrug. I learned it from Garret, so I can’t really take credit.
“What do we do now? Go and talk to them?”
“If we were actually going to pick them up, yeah.”
“We aren’t?” He takes a bite.
I shake my head.
“Why the hell not?” He sounds indignant. “All that work for nothing.”
I try not to roll my eyes. Will hanging out with Dallas be my life now? “Yeah, it was so much work. I’m not interested. I guess you can go over if you want. I’ll catch a movie or something.”
He glares at me.
“What?”
“You are with Mercedes, aren’t you? But you guys are keeping it secret or something.” He crunches his Subway paper into a little ball and shoots for the nearest trash can. He makes it. Damn that perfect aim. “I heard you guys were getting pretty cozy at my last party.”
I groan. “For the thousandth time, it’s not Mercedes.”
By his intrigued expression, I know I said the wrong thing. “But there is a girl.”
“I didn’t say that.” Not good. Just not good.
“There is! I can tell! You have something going on under wraps.” He laughs. “Who is it?”
Maybe I didn’t tell Garret everything, but I can’t tell Dallas
anything.
It feels wrong. I can barely stand the guy, let alone spill my guts to him. “Like I’d tell.”
That just gets him more excited. “Shit. Do I know her? Is she hotter than Mercedes? She has to be hotter than Mercedes…”
I smile, thinking of Daphne.
“Lucky bastard,” he grumbles. “So, what now?”
“I don’t feel like shopping. Let’s see a movie.” If we watch a movie I don’t have to listen to him talk. I get up and head for the theater, which is all lit up even though it’s not dark yet. The crowd is way bigger than it should be at this time of day. There are also a disturbing amount of people in costume.
“What the hell?” Dallas says.
I scan the movie list and immediately know why—there’s this huge epic fantasy movie playing. Nerds have been waiting for this for years. By the looks of it, a horde of dorky teens ran right from school to see it.
It’s not hard getting tickets, in spite of the giant nerd line. We pick an action movie and head inside, planning to grab some food because the sandwich just wasn’t enough. This is where the real lines are. People push in, the popcorn smell luring us all like bugs to a zapper.
“Hey, this line looks faster,” Dallas says. “Let’s go over there.”
“Whatever.” The movie we picked starts in half an hour. It’s probably not even open for seating yet. I don’t see what the rush is. We push through the crowd to get to the other line, and it’s not until I see Izzy’s sparkling princess crown that I realize who we’re standing behind. Of course she and her friends would come to see this movie more than once. They went to the midnight showing, so I stupidly ruled out this possibility.
Dallas sneers at them. “Well, well, what do we have here? Looks like a freak show.”
“Dallas.” Garret’s eyes are hard, but somewhere in there I see sadness, too. “Don’t.”
I can’t stop starting at Daphne, who is less than a foot away and gazing right back at me. She’s not dressed half as crazy as Izzy; she’s wearing a neon purple hoodie that says “Relax, I’m A Ninja” on the back. She would think that’s funny—neon and ninja don’t exactly go together. Her face reflects what I feel. Dread.
“Kill me now,” I whisper to her.
She makes a gun with her hand and pulls the trigger.
“Let me guess…” Dallas taps his pointer finger against his chin, while I search for some way to make this stop. I need a portal or something. Maybe a time machine. “You’re here to see the dopey fantasy movie, right?”
Izzy glares at him so hard he backs up. “It’s one of the most beloved series ever, dickhead.”
“Whatever.” His eyes go to Garret. “Where’s the girlfriend? She refuse to be seen with you in public?”
“Dallas!” I say. They all turn to me with hope in their eyes. I know what they’re thinking. Expecting. I could easily tell him to stop being such a jerk, but then he’d know. He’d know I still cared about them, and he definitely wouldn’t keep it to himself. “Maybe you should go stand in that line over there. It might beat this one.”
He purses his lips like he wants to call me on it, but I know he won’t. “Yeah, good idea.”
“Smooth as ever,” Garret says once Dallas is out of earshot. “Avoid taking sides or telling the truth, like usual.”
I don’t want to fight with him, but what the hell? I did nothing but show up for a movie. It’s not like I deliberately planned to end up next to them. “There’s nothing wrong with keeping the peace, and I did tell the truth.”
He shakes his head. “Keeping the peace? You mean being a fake?”
I take a deep breath. “Really, though, where is Keira?”
Izzy’s eyes narrow. “She had to visit some family.”
“I see.” What a classic excuse. Vague and yet important sounding. “What family would that be exactly?”
No one answers because they don’t know. Daphne bites her lip, looking between us like she thinks a fight might break out any second. It’s hard being so close to her. There’s this pull—I want to reach out to her, touch her, reassure her that I still want to be with her more than anything.
“I know what you’re trying to do, Russ,” Garret says. “It won’t work. You can just keep lying to yourself.”
“Whatever.” He’s trying to piss me off, but I’m not interested in fighting anymore. Whether they believe me or not, I still want the best for Garret, for everyone.
Izzy puts her arm around Colin, turning her back to me. “How about you go find your new best friend?”
“He’s not my best friend. I guess I don’t have one of those anymore.” I’m not about to leave the line just because she doesn’t want me around. Daphne is right in front of me. I am not missing a chance to be this close to her after two weeks of banishment. Besides, I can finally see the concessions counter.
Daphne bumps into me and it sends a shockwave through my body. I’m pretty sure she did that on purpose. I reach for her fingers, holding them as long as I dare.
Funny how just the smallest touch can mean so much. It’s still real. Nothing has changed between us, despite being cut off from each other. It doesn’t last long enough. They pay for their food, and Daphne gives me one more glance before they disappear into the crowd.
“I don’t know how you can stand being next to them,” Dallas says when I meet up with him.
I’d like nothing more than to kick his ass for saying that, but I just keep walking. There is no way I’m hanging out with Dallas again. It’s okay, but not okay enough to put up with on a regular basis. And he probably thinks we’ll be doing stuff like this all the time now that Garret’s gone.
I need an out. A change. I need a place where I can be myself, and suddenly I know exactly where that is.
Chapter Thirty-Three
The only good thing about my banishment is that I have Puke all to myself. From what I can tell, Izzy forced Colin to con his grandma out of her car. They drive around in this boat-like Oldsmobile, never having to worry about crossing paths with me. Sure, my sister has totally cut me out of her life, but I’ve always wanted the car. Silver lining.
Ah, the scent of bacon. It comes through Puke’s vents as I approach. I haven’t been to Parker’s since they offered me a job. The burgers called to me almost every day, but I thought it might get their hopes up seeing me come in to eat. I couldn’t do that to Old Man Parker, not if he’s “in mourning,” as Trent said. The place looks exactly the same, except even better because now it’s a fortress that blocks out the suck. Keira can’t take this away from me. Nothing can touch me here.
I park in back and get out, but then I feel weird about walking in when I’m not working there anymore. Should I go up front?
The back door swings open and out comes Trent with two handfuls of garbage bags. He stops when he sees me, and then this big grin crosses his face. “Tell me you’re here to work.”
“I am.”
He looks up at the sky. “Thank you, God.”
“Need help with that?”
“Sure.”
As I help him fling bags into the giant trash bin, Trent says, “It seems like every time I try to help you, I get you into more crap.”
I laugh. “Not your fault, man. I wouldn’t have been able to work here if it weren’t for you.”
“True.” After we throw the last bag away, he shoves his hands in his pockets. “So…what exactly happened? I’ve only heard the public story.”