So Shall I Reap (24 page)

“Alexcia, don’t ever say you should’ve met your fate with them. I have gone through all the negative emotions of wondering. Why all of them and not you? How come you were spared and the others were not? One morning, I woke up and realized I was asking the wrong questions because I was blinded by the loss of my son.

“You are special. I can feel it. My son thought so too. Therefore, you need to stop feeling guilty. It was a tragic accident, one that could’ve happened to anyone. Now you need to fight for your future. Your fate is in your own hands. Make something of yourself. Live for not only you but for the others too. Do not let sorrow guide your life because if you do, then I will never forgive you.” Her eyes were so puffy and rimmed with the color of loss, I was sure we looked alike. She handed the jacket to her husband and reached out to take my hands in hers. Her thin fingers wrapped around mine and she squeezed.

Her husband smiled at me. I was looking at Tod’s eyes through those of his dad. “Thank you for bringing our son home.” They each hugged me again, then turned away and walked to the empty casket.

I couldn’t believe what they did next. Mr. Peston opened the lid, and Mrs. Peston pressed Tod’s jacket to her lips and placed it in the casket. When Tod’s father closed the lid and locked it, Claire kissed the top and said, “Tod Regan Isaac Peston, my son, rest in peace.” And with that, our sense of closure began. She turned to me, “Are you and your father coming to the cemetery?”

“Yes, we will be there.”

“Be sure to tell him, it’s the first left turn into the parking lot. Walk to the hill on the right and go thirty-three rows in. It’s the eighth plot down. Thank you, Alexcia. I know what you did had to be difficult. I want you to know you will always be welcome here.”

My father joined me, “Well, I think you’ve shown me something very important here.” The glint in his eyes was special. He held out his arm, and I looped mine around it. “You ready to go?”

“Yes, I think that I’m finally ready to say goodbye.” I had been very close to drowning in grief, but Mrs. Peston pulled the stopper out of my emotional bathtub. For too long, I had soaked in a toxic marinade of conflicting feelings. High time for me to get out.

The weather changed from dismal to nasty on the way to the cemetery. At one point, the Hummer hit a dip and hydroplaned. Max said the roads were slick and we lost traction more than once. I laughed and said it felt as if we had run over someone. Then he stared ahead grumbling about problems not taking care of themselves. It didn’t make sense, but I wasn’t going to press the issue. Since we left so late, we had to park at the farthest end of the parking lot.

When Max opened the door to help me out, I noticed the air smelled of tainted rain, not the usual freshly washed aroma. A musty mold smell crept out from under the Hummer. Scrunching my nose, I raised a hand to plug it.

“Don’t you smell that? It’s horrible. See, I told you that you hit something.”

He held out his hand to steady me on my bad knee. “You can smell it?” He shook his head. “I mean, I don’t smell anything but brake fluid. I’ll take the vehicle in tomorrow to have the brakes checked.” He leaned around me to pick up the umbrella. While opening it, he blocked my view and cleared his throat. “Alexcia, I’m proud of you and what you did for the Pestons.”

Now, I knew why he had opened the umbrella that way. He didn’t want me to see his face. A warm feeling from my past tried to surface. Max hadn’t spoken to me like that in ages. I missed his voice when he used it with kindness. It reminded me of the narrator from the original movie of
Winnie-the-Pooh
.

He lifted the fully extended umbrella over our heads. We had just started heading toward Tod’s grave when Max’s cell vibrated. Pulling the silver phone out, he looked baffled and turned to me. “It’s for you.”

I slid the bar on his phone so I could read it.

Unknown #—LOOK UP

Hesitant to respond, I wasn’t sure if I was ready to see who was waiting for my reaction. I knew Blakely was working. Dee would be with her brother and sister. So that left only one person who knew where I would be tonight. I looked up to see a Ghost staring at me.

I smiled through tears,
Jake.

My clan was scoping out the cemetery and all the people around Tod’s grave site. Archer, K, and Imp were not only looking for anything threatening but listening to the human conversations about the young Vessel’s passing. It was intriguing to some of us about how much death affected most of them. I still couldn’t understand all the words Alexcia tried to express to the parents. When she was explaining how she felt, how she should have died too, it confused me. She had become more intriguing to me during the past few days. Her useless emotions ran deep, and it made a huge spark light my interest. Leaning against a tombstone, I scratched my head in thought.

“Fleas?” K asked.

I laughed. “I do not understand why we bother them so much?”

“We?” K looked confused.

“Yeah. They mourn the loss, but I do not comprehend the logic of getting so worked up over anyone’s passing. It is the cycle. You live. You die. Do they not realize the River’s code of creation cannot be broken? Why fight it?” I watched some of the humans start to leave the funeral party, scanning the crowd for my problem of interest.

“You know, Tevin, I think the female Vessel is looking pretty bad. Sickly almost. The child is very thin and her spirit is weak. That is not good. If she damages it any further, the River may not accept her power.” K leaned against a tombstone and lit a cigarette… took a drag and continued, “Who is the tall Vessel with her? Is that something we should worry about?”

I watched Max, Alexcia, and the male walking away from us, heading toward their vehicles. Max turned to make eye contact with me as the male put his left arm across Alexcia’s shoulders, and then kissed the top of her head. For some reason, the outer corner of my right eye twitched. I tried to make the annoyance stop by nonchalantly scratching the area so K wouldn’t notice. “The Vessel is a friend of hers. He is harmless, for the most part.” The male walked slowly with Alexcia and dropped his arm to hold her hand. My brow creased, and that blasted twitch came back. I swatted the side of my head, and K backed up from me. Max glanced down at their hands, then back at me, making me wonder what he had noticed. At least he was the only one around who could see us.

Archer was doing a slow jog between the grave plots with Imp following him. They reminded me of the little Vessels playing that chasing game. When Archer ran and jumped into a puddle next to me, I punched him in the shoulder.

“Tag,” I yelled.

“What the scythe was that for?” He rubbed the spot I had punched. I did not hurt him, but the follow-through was a knee-jerk reaction.

Imp was jumping up onto a stone statue of an angel. He kicked his legs over one of her marble, outstretched arms and hoisted himself up to interlock his hands around the statue’s neck. “Okay, baby, your grave or mine?” He wiggled his eyebrows while his deep purple eyes glowed with an intense brightness. I thought he looked stupid with his long black jeans dangling over her arm.

Exasperated, I rolled my eyes. “Get the hell off that. I swear, I wish I had daemons in my clan instead of children Vessels.” I reached for a cigarette and held a finger up to light it. Talking with it between my lips, I asked for everyone to report in. “Well, did any of you pick up on anything?”

They looked around at each other. Imp jumped down, smoothed out his gray blazer and shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t even get a whiff. If a daemon, angel, or elemental are around, they have a damn good blending spell. But hey, it’s not a total loss. Rain always brings some kind of elemental out. Maybe we’ll get lucky and see some action before going to work.”

Imp was not even done talking when Michael and Raven came running up. Both were equipped with their harvesting weapons, and Raven’s left arm had a gash down the length of it. Blood the color and consistency of tar was soaking through his charcoal gray dress shirt. My face hardened from the iron mask of disappointment.

“Sorry, Tevin, they got away. Three water ones were tailing Max’s Hummer. Raven wounded one, knocked it under Max’s vehicle, but the other two pulled their powers together and blended before we could dispatch them. We lost them in the atmosphere.” Michael put his double-bladed battle axe away. Raven threw both his kataras into the dirt, embedding both blades up to the hilts, clearly stating that he was pissed off.

Picking at his wound, Raven called forth his cloak. The red mist was so dark, it appeared like dying embers of burning charcoal as it draped over his form. A light sizzling came from inside his cloak. Laughing, he watched everyone through crimson eyes, glowing under his hood. “Good as new. Well, what now? I don’t think they would be stupid enough to actually show up here. I think she’s safe for now. Besides, Tevin, she is with Max. Who in the Unseen is going to mess with him?”

“Damn it.” I wanted to kill something. “They’re getting pretty desperate to keep trying attacks out in the open. Have all the entities of the Unseen gone mad? Why are they so desperate to see her dead? Who is going to try to kill her next time? Sure wish I knew when and where they planned the next strike.” I rubbed my temples, filing away all of my questions because they were not going to be answered anyway. We needed to leave, and I required a recharge before another attempt was made on Alexcia.

The rain was pouring now, and we all walked in silence to the Vessel’s grave. I bent down to read what was written on the plastic-covered piece of paper and spoke to the grave marker, but loud enough for all our group to hear.

“I promise your essence will always be Alexcia’s strength. There was nothing I could do for you. The Cauldron gave us your name, and we must obey creation’s call for death. But, so you know, Alexcia is not a mere human Vessel but a Child-of-Balance. I hope the words your human mother said to Alexcia will get through to her. She has mourned for you long enough.

“Your name is ironic, Tod. In German, it means death. So, in the spirit of the Unseen…” I looked up from my crouch as each one of them stood around me with their cloaks out, weapons drawn, waiting for my next command. I bowed my head. “Your job as a Vessel has been completed, and now I will take up where your life force ended. Alexcia will be taken care of, I promise, and your death will not be forgotten. So, Tod Regan Isaac Peston, in the spirit of my grim existence, I mean every word when I say, Vessel of Death, Rest in Peace.”

I stood. Raven and K looked at each other. Michael rolled his blue eyes. Imp had grabbed one of Archer’s arrows from out of his quiver and was picking his nails with it. Archer was talking on his iPhone X telling Quint we were done and on our way back. Michael was suddenly by my side, placing his hand on my shoulder, clearly looking confused.

“What were you doing?”

I shrugged. “Vessels talk to their dead all the time. I wanted to see what it felt like.”

“Well?” He waited for my insight.

Sighing, “It felt like I was talking to myself.” I straightened and faced him.

“You know, they can’t hear them. Hello, they’re dead. Now, if you’re done talking to the air, I’m hungry. Let’s sever. We need to get to the Cauldron for the night’s harvesting list.”

We walked away from one form of death to go find another. I wanted to know more about the world Alexcia lived in. My plan was if I could understand her, I could protect her better. I only had twenty-three moon risings left, and then the contracts with both Max and Rae-Lynn would be undone. Just then, my cell rang, cutting through the silent cemetery. My mouth went dry. It was Max. I snapped the cell case shut, sending the call to voicemail. I needed to discuss some issues with him about our Bond-Rite, but not here.

Holding the phone acted as a reminder that Max was waiting for a reply. I needed to contain these contagious thoughts before they infected my emotions. The clan wanted this to end. I wanted this to end. At least, I thought I did. My pace slowed, adding distance between me and the clan so I could speak with the Doom Guard without their influence. They didn’t need to know my plans, or my problems, yet. The River had acquired more of my power lately, leaving me drained, and I needed to recharge before I confronted Max about some real concerns. Reluctantly, I followed the others into the rainy night, not to harvest souls, but to clear my head of the unexplainable desires about Alexcia.

It’s amazing what you can find out about yourself over one cup of coffee.

~Alexcia

Under the circumstances, Max gave me a temporary
get out of jail free
card. Mom must have filled him in on the quiet war I was having with Jake and suggested he let me clear the air with him before starting house arrest. He was grim about it but agreed to reduce my sentence for one night. I kissed his cheek, and he told me to be home before midnight. Since I hadn’t been back to school yet, they were going to let me slide the rest of this week and start back the next Monday. Otherwise, he would never have agreed to let me stay out so late on a school night.
Oh, if they only had a clue.

Jake and I decided to go somewhere that people didn’t know us and we wouldn’t be interrupted. I chose a small donut and coffee shop by my house. We ordered drinks and made our way to the back of the room. He pulled out a chair and helped me into it. Then he flipped his around to straddle and rested his arms on the back.

I watched quietly through the floor-to-ceiling windows as rain fell. As a time filler, I blew the steam away to cool my coffee. It gave me something to do. During the silence, my head filtered through the questions I wanted Jake to answer. Staring into the coffee, I waited for the little triangle to float up and give me an answer.
Not now,
came to mind several times, but I kept trying for a different outcome. The awkward quiet had followed us into the shop after our small talk on the way there. I frowned, not wanting to be the first to speak. I never knew how the absolute lack of sound could actually intensify ringing in your ears because I was about to explode and take all the bystanders with me.

Catching Jake from the corner of my eye as he took a finger to scoop up some whipped cream, I watched him wavering about putting it in his mouth. Then, he set the cup of hot chocolate down, reaching for a napkin. He clearly hadn’t been eating either. Wiping his fingers, he cleared his throat.

“What?” I said, assuming he’d spoke.

“What? Did you ask me something?”

Yes,
the voice spat out mentally.
I think we are on question thirty-three, but who’s counting?
I narrowed my eyes, “No, I didn’t. I thought you said something.” Nervous energy forced me to turn away to watch the storm through the tinted windows. It looked like a scene from the Weather Channel. The silence was heavy, and I tried adjusting myself in the seat. Unfortunately, that made me even more uncomfortable. I squirmed, placing the warm cup on the table and using my good hand to scoot the chair closer to it.

“Do you want to sit somewhere else, a booth maybe?” His eyes held concern.

I wanted to snap back but clamped both lips together instead. I knew it had taken a lot for him to be here for me, even if it was out of guilt. We had been close friends for so long that I needed to give him the benefit of the doubt. Well, at least, until he gave me some answers, and then we would see if the rule still applied.

Steadying my voice wasn’t easy, but I tried keeping to the small talk. “No, the table is fine. How is your drink? I’ve never had the hot chocolate here. Any good?” What I really wanted to ask was,
Jake, where have you been for the last five days?
I raised the cup again, to see if the triangle made an appearance yet. No such luck. Damn.

“Oh, it’s fine.” He lowered his eyes to look at his shoes. I had never seen Jake wear a suit before. He must have borrowed it from his dad. It fit his length but hung loose across the shoulders. The dark navy suit made his eye color appear deeper, close to a sea-green, maybe? Looking even closer at his face, I noticed the dark rings under his eyes. His complexion was shadowed.
Jake, what is going on with you?
The questions kept coming, but they never passed my lips.

“That’s good. Wow, some weather we’re having, right?”

“Yeah, wet,” he agreed in a low voice.

Okay, enough is enough I’m putting an end to this.
“Well, you have my undivided attention, Jake. What’s on your mind?”

He looked as if I’d slapped him. “Well, I umm, I…” The words trailed off.

I sat there wide-eyed while he stammered, waiting for him to get to the point. Then the inner voice texted me,
OMGoshness
, was I going to have to do everything? I cleared my throat. From somewhere inside, something was clawing at my ribs trying to get out. Then, I remembered its name… Mr. Anger. The raw emotion bared its teeth, and all the locks snapped into place before the beast broke out.

“Alexcia, I don’t even know where to begin. I’m a crappy friend. You just came home, and I dumped all over you about things that well, well…” He was censoring himself, so I knew I was only getting bits and pieces. “I was mixing my past experiences with the present. All I can say is that I’m a jerk. I should have been thinking about you and not myself. You just went to your boyfriend’s funeral and have been dealing with so much for the past few weeks. Here I was only focusing on how I almost lost one of my best friends.”

I motioned to say something, but he held a hand up. “I know, the four of us said we wouldn’t label each other, but it’s how I feel about you, Alexcia. You are my best friend. I should have helped you work through your feelings, since… I’ve had to deal with shaking death’s hand. I heard about what you did today for Tod’s parents. I don’t think I would have been strong enough for that.” The last part was hard for him to say because of his past, I could tell. But his emotions had eroded our wall, and he was spilling, so I allowed his words to flow over me.

“On the day you came home, I was scared for you instead of being happy you were alive. I also know it was wrong of me to judge you when we had never spoken about the accident. I can’t tell you how sorry I am.” Jake’s voice carried so much remorse, I was almost as choked up while he was trying to get it all out.

The anger inside me calmed down long enough to let a few tears escape. I knew he was laying out his feelings, but I had to guard my words with respect for his loss, and not hold the emotions he carried for his dad against him. Still, I couldn’t disregard my instincts. There seemed to be more to his emotions concerning me than he was letting on. I picked up the coffee to help lubricate my jaw before I spoke. “Jake, I have been so worried about our friendship. I’m really sorry about your dad and for not respecting your past. I do miss him too. But mostly, I’ve been wondering what I’d done wrong? What had I said or done that would bring you crashing down on me? How did your faith in me falter?” I stared at him through wet lashes. “I never knew you saw me that way.”

Jake sat up straight and almost spat his drink out. He started choking, and I tried to scoot close enough to pat him on the back. He waved his drink napkin, signaling me he was coming out of it. Sucking in a huge breath, he made little clearing noises trying to get more air into his lungs to speak. “Saw… you… what?” He was still struggling to breathe.

“I’m not trying to be the life of the party. Well, don’t get me wrong, I like partying, sometimes, but that’s not why I need to…” I didn’t want to say it out loud and wasn’t sure if I wanted Jake to know about the nightmares, yet. Now that I knew he thought of me as his best friend, I didn’t want him to see me as an unstable loony with a drinking problem. I finished my sentence slowly, “…drink.”

Watching him from under long bangs, I waited for the boom. His face said a lot, but I think he was trying to measure how he’d go about asking me the next question. I closed my eyes and waited. It wasn’t the question that hit me but more like a confession of our problems.

“Not being with you that night, I was basing your accident on the past few save and rescues you had called us to. It seemed like you were getting out of control. I panicked and was afraid you would do something stupid if I didn’t say something to stop you. But I would never let myself get close enough to say anything to you. I have been angry with myself for not trying to discuss this with you sooner.”

I couldn’t help how my face reacted. It went from half a smile to a flat out expression of disgust. He tried to recover, but irritation came through loud and clear. “You know I don’t mind helping you out when you’re in a jam. My hands are tied when I am at work, but you know you can always call Blake. Otherwise, you can count on me to bail you out.”

A snide thought came close to slipping out.
Yes, please, let’s reopen all of our wounds and use our words like salt.
Burning in shades of red, the telltale itching came out in patches between my collar bones. The sarcastic animal inside me roared, causing me to intensely clamp down once again on my tongue. The pain added the restraint I needed to hold back as the taste of blood pooled under my tongue. The level of vexation had blown my temperature to new heights. “I can count on you because you’re my friend, or because you feel sorry for the poor, drunk, party girl who can’t seem to get her life straight?”

Jake reached to place his hand on my shoulder, and I smacked it away. He was lucky my aim was too far away from his face. I sat there smoldering over the expression of judgment on his face about how I conducted my life.
Well, screw him. I can take care of myself.
I didn’t want the coffee anymore. It was the wrong poison of choice for the situation at hand. I wanted a smoke and a beer. This made me even more upset because I knew I wasn’t going to get the latter.

He had a lot of gall, sitting there, explaining that I was his best friend, then turning on me and saying I was a burden. So, which was I to him, a friend or some pain in the ass he needed to swoop in and save? I thought he liked me for the freedom-seeking spirit I was.
Turns out it was all a lie.

“Alexcia, you took what I said the wrong way. Please, I don’t want to fight anymore. You wanted to talk, so we are talking. Don’t make me apologize for expressing my concerns. I felt you were going to end up in far more trouble than I could help you get out of. This accident proves that. I could have been there for you if you had been sober enough to call. I don’t like speaking ill of the dead, but I bet Tod was drunk that night too, yet, you still got into his truck. You could have died while I was home sitting on my ass watching TV. I would have never forgiven myself if anything had happened to you. Alexcia, I do not like feeling helpless.” The green in his eyes faded and took on a shine from past grief.

Even though I was still mad at him, the urge to hug him filled me at the same time. Since I couldn’t bend my will to do either, I sat there, waiting for him to push me off the emotional cliff he’d helped me up from. I was so lost without him and now that I had found him again, it was my turn to go missing. In short, I got what he was saying. I was his best friend, but my actions were causing him grief and pain.

I needed air before we blew up the coffee shop, so I pushed away from the table to stand, but the bad knee protested against moving as fast as I wanted. When I twisted, the forward motion caused me to fall toward Jake. Kicking the chair out from under him, he moved with outstretched arms to grab me. The momentum knocked me into his arms, and we both went down. I fell on top of him and heard his head hit the floor. He blinked a couple of times and then closed his eyes. My good hand was holding me up while the bad one was resting on his chest, waiting to feel his heartbeat under my fingers.

I didn’t even realize I forgot how to breathe until I leaned over his face and the words fell out of my mouth without air. “Jake? Jake, can you hear me? Are you okay? Jake?” I tapped his cheek with cold fingers. Anger took a leave of absence and was replaced with concern as some of the customers started coming over to check on us. “Ghost, people are watching. We need to get up.” I started to shift away from him, but Jake’s hand slipped under the curtain of hair separating us from the onlookers.  He rested it on the back of my neck. Warmth blossomed in the pit of my stomach, and I followed the pull toward his face.

He whispered, “I’m sorry,” directly in my ear.

I flushed with fever. Those two words meant so much to both of us. He wanted me to know he cared—to forgive him and accept him back. The heat between us was too much. We shared an awkward
friendly
moment, one not rated for viewing by coffee shop patrons. I was almost compelled to seal the deal in that way.

Instead, I nodded and the smile that eased into view across his face was unlike any I had seen before. It was brighter but with a hint of mischief. I found I liked this new grin but had a pang of regret for feeling that way.

As a lady was helping me up from the floor, Jake leaned forward and parted his lips. I kept chanting in my head,
we are just friends, we are just friends.
His breath smelled of chocolate with a hint of mint toothpaste, and my stomach growled looking at his lips with a sudden desire for dessert.

I shook my head to release me from the unwarrantable compulsion. He crawled out from under me and thanked the woman for helping me off him. We stood there, intensely staring into each other’s eyes, trying to make sense of what had happened. He broke the silence. “Are you ready to go?”

Steadying myself using his arm while the chest muscle thumped like it wanted to beat again, I frowned. It was too soon for me to go down that road. I forbade my heart to respond to an unthinkable need. Anyway, Jake and I had a long road ahead if we wanted to regain the friendship we’d once had. This was going to take some time and I didn’t need to add to our problems by falling for him.