Stronger By Your Side (Great Love Book 2) (4 page)

Of course it had always been real. I knew my husband was dead. It had been three years. I had carried and delivered our baby girl alone. I had lived alone, and I had come to his hometown to find that he wasn’t here. I had been at his memorial service. They had handed me the folded up flag. I had listened to the rifles go off. Trust me, I knew he was dead. It was real, I knew that, and yet it wasn’t completely real until this moment. Something shifted in my chest, and that pain I had been trying to keep away pulsed through my body. I dropped onto my knees on the bright green grass that covered his grave. Travis stood behind me, and I could feel his body tense. I’m sure he thought I had lost my mind, but I didn’t care. I didn’t care about anything but the fact that my love, my husband, the father of my daughter, my best friend, the man who changed me forever . . . was lying below me.

Just like that, I felt all of it crash over me. Three years of pain, three years of tears and three years of hoping that somehow I was wrong, that somehow everyone was wrong, came down on me. There was no more denying it, there was no more hiding from it. Charles was never coming home. This wasn’t just a long deployment. He was gone. He was gone, and I was alone. The pain shot through my body, and for the first time since the day the two men in uniform knocked on my door, I screamed though my teeth. I laid flat against the grass and put both hands flat on his stone. As waves of tears pulsed through me, I felt a heavy weight on my back and remembered where I was and that Travis was with me. I stopped for only a second to hear him whisper, “It’s okay, Meg, I’m here. Just let it all go.” I nodded into the grass below me and then did just that. Right there on my husband’s grave, I let it all go.

After what seemed like forever, but was probably an hour, I slowly sat up and wiped my face. I reached into my pocket and grabbed the last letter I wrote to my husband. I had written him thousands of these during deployments over the years. I wiped the tear that fell on it and stared at it for only a second before placing it on his gravestone. Travis stood up and then put his hand out for me to take. I stood up and looked into his eyes that seemed to glisten. He smiled lightly at me and took a long pull of a beer.

I quirked my head and then looked back at Charles’s stone to see an open beer on the top. Travis shrugged. “We always had a beer on birthdays . . . since we were eleven.”

I laughed. “Mr. Do-Good did not drink at eleven.”

Travis’s smile turned into a grin. “He did, too. In fact, he stole it from my Uncle.”

I took a deep breath. “I don’t believe that.”

Travis shrugged again. “It’s true.”

It felt good to talk about Charles like this. Like he was important, because he was. He was more important than he could have ever known.

I rolled my lips in and gave Travis a look. “You came here every year to bring him a beer?” I asked.

He licked his lips and shrugged again. “Say hello, Happy Birthday, pay respects, and drink beer . . . yeah.”

I laughed again. “Where’s mine?”

He smiled and then bent down to grab a beer from the six pack next to his feet. “I was hoping you’d be up to it.”

I shrugged and then said what I knew Charles would say about himself: “To the biggest Bad Ass to ever walk this Earth.”

I giggled because curse words flying from my lips felt strange. Charles was a religious man, but he was also a military man and a country boy. Although he tried to watch his mouth around women out of respect, he had a mouth on him, at least when he was at work or fishing. Travis’s lip curled into a smile and he raised his glass. I smiled wide, because I knew Charles would laugh, and then I raised my glass too.

I got a warm tingle down my spine, and the breeze kissed my face again. “To My Charles.” Our glasses clinked, and as I took a long pull of my beer I smiled down at Charles’s happy face on his gravestone. “God, he was something, huh?” I asked and Travis nodded.

I shook my head and took a deep breath. I placed my hands next to Charles’s beer on his gravestone and whispered. “I will always love you. Maybe next time I’ll bring your pretty girl.” A gust of wind made my hair whirl. “But I promise I’ll be back soon. Until next time, my love.” I kissed his headstone and walked back to where Travis was waiting. He was sitting on the tailgate of his truck, and I hopped up and sat next to him. We sat there in peaceful silence, with the hot summer breeze in our faces and the trees swaying as we finished our beers.

It had been a long time since I’d gone out. If I was honest with myself, I actually couldn’t remember a time that I had “gone out”. Tonight was the night. I looked in the mirror, smiled at the thought of Charles’s smiling face, and turned up my Taylor Swift. I curled my long, black hair as I swayed my hips slightly to the fun music. Charlotte was staying at Aunt Jules’s tonight, and for the first time ever, I was going to be away from her overnight.

A little pain twisted in my stomach at the thought. It was a good thing that I would be out late, because I needed to be distracted from the fact that I wouldn’t see my girl until tomorrow. Emerson and Sarah were picking me up in twenty minutes to go to a new, hip lounge and bar in the next town over. Lincoln was a slightly larger town that was a mix between the country and the suburbs. It had triple the population and triple the things to do in town.

Sarah worked for an event firm, and she had VIP passes for tonight. I finished putting on my makeup and pulled on a cute enough, but conservative, grey tank top. I lifted up the leg of my skinny jeans and slid on silver strappy wedges. As I put on my new, super cute, grey patterned earrings, I looked at myself and a pit formed in my stomach. I was only 27. I needed to go out and have a good time, but I honestly just wanted to stay home with my baby and snuggle her. I just wanted Charles here. He wouldn’t even know this girl. Would he like this girl? The thought of him being disappointed in me made me want to puke, and the thought of talking to other guys or flirting with other guys made my cheeks burn.

I took a deep breath and grabbed my matching clutch purse. I sent Jules a text real quick, checking on Charlotte and making sure she was fine. Before I made it to the light switch, my phone buzzed. I looked down to see a reply from Jules.
She’s already asleep! Go have a good night, we will see you downstairs for breakfast.

I sighed as I gave myself a pep talk.
Okay, Megan, Charlotte is fine. You need to go be 27. Breathe.
Then as I switched the lights off and went to lock the door, my phone buzzed again with a text from Emerson telling me
they
were here.

I thought “they” meant Sarah and herself, but as I walked down the stairs and was greeted by Travis and his smug smile, I realized I was mistaken. I wasn’t his biggest fan right now. Not after last Sunday. We were doing fine at the cemetery. Then he abruptly left me at Charles’s Bronco, with no goodbye, no anything.

He didn’t even fulfill his promise to Charlotte about picking her up with me from Jules’s house. My daughter was two, but she had the memory of an elephant. If you told her you would do something, she would remember. First thing she asked when I picked her up that day was “Where Uncky Travey?” I didn’t like the fact that I had to break her little heart. That really pissed me off. Then, after two days of ignoring my texts, Travis showed up to a family dinner at Aunt Jules’s Tuesday night. He acted like he hadn’t been a total jerk, and then, to put the icing on the cake, he tried to kiss me again. I felt like I had emotional whiplash.

There were rumors that he was seen making out with an unknown woman in his truck on the side of the highway. The way his cheeks turned slightly pink and his refusal to look into my eyes told me it wasn’t a rumor. I had walked away that night, and then it was my turn to ignore him, because . . . what were we doing? What was he doing? Sarah had feelings for him, for God’s sake, and I didn’t! Why wasn’t he listening to me?

I didn’t understand it, and I wasn’t sure I wanted to. He had been showing up with flowers and texting me for the past three nights. The school year started in a couple of days and therefore, I had bigger and better things to worry about. I was focused on getting my classroom ready and getting Charlotte prepped for preschool.

I glared at Travis and walked right to Emerson’s window. I quickly saw that it wasn’t her driving her black Jeep Liberty this time. Instead, it was Cal. He rolled down the window as Emerson flung herself across her husband’s lap and anxiously spat out, “Hi. Okay, I’m really sorry, but Sarah had two extra passes and they would have gone to waste, and Cal’s sister, Jenny, offered to take Maxie and Mari for the night . . . and Cal offered to be D.D. and this way they can keep weirdos away from us . . .  ”

I glared at her and shook my head. “You suck.”

Sarah yelled from the back seat. “I agree with Meg. Guys are night ruiners!”

Cal blew out a breath. “First of all, Sarah: ruiners? Not a word. Second, you won’t even know we’re there.”

I walked around the jeep to get into the back seat and Travis opened the door. “After you, Princess.”

I mumbled under my breath, “Won’t know you’re there, my ass.”

Travis blew out a long breath, slid in next to me and closed the door. “This will be interesting.” He grunted.

Sarah laughed. “Ha! Why? Because you’re stuck in a sardine container with two women who currently cannot stand to be in your almighty presence?”

He chuckled to himself. His hand lightly brushed my shoulder as he laid his arm behind both Sarah and me. “Something like that, Sunshine.” Sarah gritted her teeth and I held back a giggle.

Sarah looked straight forward as she ground out, “Unless you don’t care about having children . . . ever . . . I highly suggest you get your hand the fuck away from me.”

That was all I could handle. A loud, roaring laugh blurted from my lips, and it felt good. Everyone joined except Sarah, who looked like she was going to kill Travis. Emerson turned on the music and we began dancing, laughing and talking about the dumbest things. Cal and Travis chimed in occasionally, but they mostly just sat there as Cal drove.

We pulled into the parking lot of the lounge and gathered our stuff. I noticed Cal and Emerson whispering about something in the front seat. That’s when I remembered what Charles had told me about something that happened to Emerson. I gave myself a mental kick in the butt. Of course Cal didn’t feel comfortable letting Emerson go to a club at night after her attack, and of course Emerson wasn’t comfortable with it herself. Charles would have done the same thing.

Cal couldn’t be the only guy who came and so he brought his new buddy, Travis. It all made sense now, and I felt like a total jerk. I made a mental note not to say anything about it again to prevent Emerson from feeling self-conscious. She didn’t know it, but I too had many similar experiences. At least twice I was saved by a guy, whom I kept mentioning and who I didn’t want to think about, let alone mention. To this day, no one except him knew about my experiences. SJ. His name rang through my head.
Damn it, No, not right now, Megan
. I shook my head and took a deep breath.

Then memories of those experiences attacked my mind and I sighed again. What was with me lately? The memories where the only secrets I had ever kept from Charles. Charles suspected things, and he told me that if I didn’t want to talk about it, then it was okay. So I didn’t talk about it. Heck, until recently I didn’t think about it. I think not telling him was mostly for his own sanity. He was a good man but a protective man, and he would have gone into a murderous rage if he knew it all. I didn’t want him carrying that burden. I had seen what it could do. SJ had carried that burden for years, and I hated the way it had plagued him.

Charles’s not knowing allowed me to pretend like it never happened, to pretend like I didn’t exist before him. Not wanting to open that can of worms, I quickly shook out of it and hopped out of the car.

Adjusting myself, I looked up at Travis, who was smiling at me. “You look gorgeous, Princess.”

I cleared my throat. “Thanks.”

Sarah groaned and starting walking in front of everyone. “God, catty much? You look pretty too, Sunshine!” Travis yelled after her, but she just kept moving.

Emerson linked my arm with hers. “Ignore her, she’s just mad that she’s attending this event and not hosting it.” I nodded my head, knowing that wasn’t all she was mad about. I made another mental note to back off of Travis.

The place was called
Fireside Lounge and Bar
and it definitely lived up to its name. It had a huge, wrap-around outside terrace with fire pits and chairs surrounding them. Inside, there were tables and a bar surrounded by walls that had double-sided fireplaces in the middle. The inside and outside blended because the walls were nonexistent, at least while the place was open. I’m guessing they had pull-down doors, kind of like a garage, for when they closed.

Anyway, it was dark except for the fires and the hanging lantern lights that littered the lounge ceiling. Long, red couches were placed in front of the fireplace walls, with coffee tables in front of them. A dance floor was in the middle of the inside area, right in front of the long bar. There were also pool tables and dart boards in the back of the bar. A mix of country, pop and oldie music played at the perfect volume, and the vibe was really fun. I had never seen anything like it, but I could see how it would be very popular.

We sat in the VIP area that had a long, wrap-around red couch and our own fire pit. The place was also a restaurant and served kabobs that you could cook over the fire to your liking. I got a chicken teriyaki and pineapple one that was amazing. It was a really fun concept, and we all seemed to be enjoying ourselves. I noticed Sarah take moments to inspect things or look around. I knew it was her company that was hosting the opening event, and I was slightly curious as to why she wasn’t working. Asking now didn’t seem like a good idea.

I was having a great time—everyone seemed to be. I was laughing and talking about absolutely nothing and genuinely enjoying myself. I kept checking my phone, and after two text messages to Jules with two replies that Charlotte was still snoozing away, I decided not to bother her again. Emerson and I both hadn’t drank much since before our kids were born, and Sarah was a pro, which made things interesting. Cal and Travis sat on the side drinking casually and talking about fishing? Camping? I don’t know—manly stuff, I guess.

Sarah shot up out of her seat as a country song I hadn’t ever heard began playing. She grabbed my hand and pulled me to my feet. “Whoa.” I shouted out as I adjusted my drunk feet underneath me. Travis looked like he was going to jump up to catch me but then slid back further into his seat.

Sarah looked at Emerson. “This is my JAM, and we are going to go dance!”

I laughed. “Umm yeah, okay. Come on, Em,” I shouted.

Emerson slid closer to Cal and shook her head. “No. No, that’s okay, go on without me.”

I sighed. “You sure?”

Sarah tapped her foot. “HELLO, the song is going to end!”

“Okay, okay,” I shouted. I looked back to notice Emerson lean over and say something to Travis. He frowned. I shook my head and followed Sarah out onto the floor as she tugged me along. She pulled me right into the middle of the semi-empty dance floor.

Not many people where dancing, but Sarah didn’t seem to care as she turned around and hollered out “WOOO”. I laughed as I slowly began dancing to the beat.

It felt strange but good to move to the music. My body was calm and all my stress was fleeing my body in a wave. It felt good to just let go and relax for once in the last . . . well, since I married Charles. He had always been deployed, and I never could relax. Not knowing if he was in danger made it impossible. Before him, I never could relax either, because I was usually the one in danger. I think that’s why it took so many years to get pregnant. I was told stress wasn’t conducive for conceiving. Thank God I finally did get pregnant, because the biggest blessing was that I still had a mini girl version of Charles running around.

Sarah and I ended up dancing to a few songs. Sarah danced with a couple of different guys as they began to slowly trickle onto the dance floor. Sarah would twirl around and block guys from me because I got a little panicked when the first guy tried to dance with me. I saw her take in my face and react quickly. After the first one, she continued to maneuver them away from me, sometimes leaving her dance partner. She was crazy, loud and definitely wild, but she was loyal to a fault. I was starting to see that was who she truly was, loyal. Maybe crazy, loud and wild were fronts for a more quiet, pure and loyal girl. Maybe they were a distraction. I saw it in her eyes more than once. Maybe it was an observation of myself more than of her. Didn’t we all hide things? Didn’t we all have secrets? The Lord knew I did. Ones I didn’t want to think about.

After what seemed like forever, we emerged from the dance floor hot and thirsty. Although I’m sure water would be the best option, we ended up in front of the bar. Sarah turned to me “Hey, can you get Em, you and me a drink? Meet you there? I’ve got to pee.” I nodded my head. She skipped off and I walked up to the bar, clueless on bar etiquette.