Authors: Marilyn
To his surprised relief, Dan held up his hands palms out. “Fine. Consider this discussion closed unless or until you want to talk about her again. You want to go shoot some hoops or just hangout around here and watch a couple of movies?”
He shook his head. He felt encased in a fog of gloom. All he was good for was sitting home alone with a beer or two or three or four. “Thanks but I’m going home.”
“You know where I am when you want to talk.”
He nodded. “Thanks, but there’s really nothing more to say.”
Carter spent the next two weeks struggling to assure himself that all he needed to permanently dismiss thoughts of Kira from his mind was a little more time. At the beginning of the third week, he started spending most of his nights at bars picking up one-night stands.
At first, he avoided Eve’s Garden because he feared encountering Kira there and having his faith in her word shattered. Then he went there hoping he’d see her. If he did, then maybe he could forget her. But either she didn’t frequent it, as she’d said, or they were never there at the same time.
Although most of the encounters satisfied his physical needs, they did nothing to dull the emotional ache he felt each time he thought of Kira and remembered the almost magical sense of joy and release he felt in her arms.
Oh God, Carter. I need you. I want you. I love you. Love you.
He closed his eyes. Those few brief words had changed everything between them— even though she’d given no indication that she realized she’d spoken them aloud.
Although he didn’t share her feelings, there was something heady about knowing she’d fallen for him so quickly. Maybe that’s why he couldn’t seem to forget her no matter how many women he slept with. Each encounter left him longing to fall asleep at night and wake up to the exquisite feel of her soft, curvaceous body pressed against his. None of the women, no matter how beautiful or sexy, were able to help him re-create the magical wonder he’d shared with Kira for an all too brief time.
Magical wonder? Really? Get a grip, Dean. You two had great sex. That’s all. Stop behaving as if she’d cast a sweet spell on you. There’s nothing magical about sex. You’ve been stumbling through in an emotional fog from the moment you met her. It’s time to end this insanity. If you have to, you’ll fuck every woman in the city until you find one capable of making her a pleasant but distant memory.
Six weeks after he’d last seen her, he came home one Friday night to find her parked in front of the entrance to his unit. The sense of sheer joy he felt at the sight of her did not bode well for his retaining complete possession of his emotions.
He pressed the gate opener mounted under his dashboard. When the gates swung inward he opened the driver’s side window and motioned her to precede him inside.
Once the gates closed he got out of his car and walked over to hers.
She annoyed him by taking her own sweet time alighting.
She looked sexy and surprisingly feminine in a dark pink pantsuit. Damn she looked good in that color. He overcame the urge to fold her in his arms and kiss her until both their lungs threatened to explode. “This is a surprise, Kira.”
“Clearly not a pleasant one.”
She sounded and looked annoyed. And she was clearly packing quite an attitude. Great. “Would you like to come in?” he asked, ignoring her ill-tempered remark. She could make whatever the hell she liked of his silence.
“I didn’t drive over here to stand talking on your lawn.”
Reminding himself that she probably had cause to be annoyed with him, he compressed his lips and walked to his front door. He unlocked it, opened it, and stepped back. “Please come in.”
She stalked past him with such an attitude that he wouldn’t have been surprised had she slapped him when she whirled around to face him. “You were going to call—six weeks ago.”
Since he clearly hadn’t and didn’t intend to, why was she there? “I shouldn’t have told you that I’d call.”
“But you did so why didn’t you?”
“Would you like to sit down?”
“I’d like an answer to my question, Carter.”
He sighed. “I didn’t call because I knew you wanted more than I was prepared to give you. And I knew you deserved better than to be strung along.”
“And you didn’t think making me wait for a call that never came was stringing me along?”
He gave her a cool look. He was nearly certain she’d known when he left that he wouldn’t be calling. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
“How else could I feel?” When he didn’t respond, she bit her lip. “What made you think I wanted more than you wanted to give?”
“Because you said you loved me.”
He watched a play of emotions chase each other across the face he longed to kiss and caress.
She shook her head. “If I said something like that in the heat of the moment…”
“There’s no if about it, Kira. I have excellent hearing. We both know you said it.”
“Even if I did, it was said in the heat of passion. Surely you’re old enough to know that such things have to be taken with a healthy dose of salt.”
“Are you telling me I can’t take you at your word?”
She stared at him. “I didn’t say that. What I said was…” She shook her head. “What differences does it make what I said or what I meant? This whole sorry affair has been my fault.”
Sorry affair? “I beg your pardon?”
“You’re annoyed.”
“Damn right I am.”
“So am I but I have no one to blame but myself. No woman in her right mind should expect to meet a man worth knowing where we met.”
Her condescending words annoyed the hell out of him. It took all of his self-control to refrain from reminding her that he met her there as well. “Are you telling me that you think I’m not worth knowing?”
“All you’re worth is heartbreak. I’ve already had one of those. I have been such a fool.”
“What? How?”
“I was a fool to speak to you… a fool to sleep with you. I was a monumental fool to believe you meant all that nonsense about having fallen for me.”
He suspected that she felt as if he’d lied his way into her bed after their first night together. And that stung because he had fallen for her. He just hadn’t fallen in love with her.
“I’ve blundered from one mistake to another since meeting you. Coming here was too crazy for words, but the foolishness ends tonight. I’m sorry I bothered you.” She turned away.
Certain he heard a fair amount of pain under her anger, he decided he couldn’t let her go thinking it had all been about sex for him. He reached out to catch her hand. “You didn’t bother me, Kira.”
She jerked her hand from his and swung around to stare at him. “I can’t believe I was foolish enough to think…I no longer find magic in your touch so keep your big paws to yourself.”
Her vehemence momentarily stunned him. “Please let me explain, Kira.”
“There’s nothing to explain, Carter. You wanted a few one-night stands and unfortunately, I was too willing to share them with you. Now it’s time for me to face the reality of the fact that I allowed myself to be an easy lay for you. But that’s my problem not yours. I can’t blame you for being a man.”
Although she used the word man, she infused it with so much venom she might as well have called him a dog. “You were not just an easy lay, Kira! If I said or did anything to make you think I felt that way, please forgive me. I did not lie to you. I did fall for you, but there’s a difference between falling for someone and being in love.”
She shrugged. “What you do or don’t feel is no longer my concern, Carter. I think I came here tonight because I needed to get this off my chest, but don’t you worry about me. I’ll be fine— as I’m sure you already are. Goodbye.”
He watched her walk away feeling as if his emotions had just been ripped to shreds and tossed into a vortex.
I no longer find magic in your touch…
But she once had until he’d blown it for them both. He walked into the living room and tossed himself to his favorite chair.
Oh, shit, Dean. What the fuck have you done? Should you try to undo it? Can you undo it if you try? Or have you shattered the magic of the spell for good?
* * *
“Let me get this straight. She came to you and instead of coming clean about how you feel and begging for her understanding and forgiveness, you allowed her to walk away from you instead?”
Carter crushed his empty beer can in his hand and only just managed to resist the urge to toss it at Dan’s head. To lessen the lingering temptation, he paced the length of his terrace before he responded.
“If I didn’t know better, I’d think you have a thing for her yourself.”
Seated at one of two tables on the terrace, Dan shrugged. “Maybe I would have if I’d ever met her. When I fall in love again, I sure as hell hope I don’t behave like a first–class dickhead too stubborn to admit the obvious.”
He clinched his right hand. For two cents, he’d knock Dan on his ass. “She’s sweet, warm, and sexy. I like her. I like her a lot but I am not in love with her.”
Dan studied him in silence for several moments before he rose and walked across the terrace to look at him. “I guess I can’t blame you.”
Carter frowned. “Since when? All you’ve been doing since I first told you about her is blaming me for any and everything that went wrong between us.”
Dan shrugged. “I mean what man worth the name wants to admit to being in love with an easy lay who has probably spent the last six weeks allowing every man with half a cock to fuck her the first night she meets him? Hell, she’s probably following your lead and has carnal knowledge of half the cocks in the city by now. Fuck, I might try my hand at sweet talking her onto her back.”
He stared at Dan, feeling a rush of rage burn the back of his neck. “What? What the fuck did you just say?”
“She clearly has some of the best pussy in the city and if you’re no longer interested, there is no reason why I shouldn’t have a go at her.”
“Who the fuck do you think you are talking about her like she’s a slut?”
“Isn’t she? Even if she’s not normally one, she damned sure was one for you. Why shouldn’t she be for me?”
“Fuck you!” The weeks of emotional tension and frustration took their toll on his temper. He brought his clenched right fist up from his side and swung it at Dan’s face, making no effort to pull his punch.
Dan threw up his forearm to block the fist before dancing back several steps.
Realizing what he’d just done, Carter exhaled sharply and stared at his best friend. “Shit, man. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
There was no mistaking the cool look in Dan’s eyes or the clinching of his jaw. He leveled a finger at Carter. “Don’t you hand me that shit! You just tried to knock me on my ass. If I were a couple seconds slower that’s exactly where I’d be—sprawled on my ass—with a busted lip at the very least. You might be sorry. But do not tell me you didn’t mean to do exactly what you nearly did.”
“I didn’t mean it,” he insisted.
“Yes you did. And the fact that you did should tell you that it’s time to pull your head out of the sand of denial and admit that you’re in too deep to keep pretending you’re not as in love with her and she is with you.”
He closed his eyes and raked both his hands through his hair. “She’s not in love with me—not anymore.”
Dan shook his head. “You are one pitiful excuse for an adult male when your heart is involved. Do you really think she took the time to track your dumb ass down just to tell you she’s no longer in love with you when she’d never admitted to being in love with you in the first place?
“Use your brain, Carter. If she were really not in love with you anymore she wouldn’t have wasted the time or effort to see you again unless she’s psychotic.”
“She’s not!”
“Then I think it’s safe to assume she’s still in love with your big dumb ass. Why she would be, I have no clue. I personally think you’re a lost cause. If I were a woman, I wouldn’t give you the time of day. But I think she’d probably disagree with me.”
Dan was generally a good judge of character. He felt a wave of relief. “You think so?”
“With all this talk of magic and spells, I’m inclined to think both of you are nuts. Why don’t you pursue her so the two of you can be crazy together?”
As he parted his lips to speak, Dan held up a hand. “If you’re about to tell me you’re not in love with her again, don’t bother. Not once during our thirty-year friendship have we ever traded blows. You just tried to knock me on my ass for no reason.”
“I’ve already apologized and I am sorry.”
“But?”
“But you had no right to call her an easy lay and imply that she sleeps around. She’s not easy nor does she sleep around.”
“Why the hell should you care what I say about a woman you’re not in love with and who’s not related to you, Carter?”