The Confessions (9 page)

Of course my own private theology is responsible for the very different relationships every character has to God. And that’s the theology that’s not so private anymore because I gave it to Nora in
The Saint
when she talks about how God is a writer and we are His characters.

CYNDY:
And I agree on the vows of celibacy, but I also agree with Nora (and OMG, you are so great at segueing very neatly into my topics here): Søren isn’t Søren unless he’s a priest. If there’s a devil and an angel on Søren’s shoulders in that regard, they are Nora and King.

TIFFANY:
Kingsley doesn’t believe in God really. Well, Kingsley also doesn’t believe in me. He doesn’t know I exist. But I love him.

CYNDY:
And their relationships [with Søren] are two sides of a coin. How hard was it to build them [Nora and Kingsley] to be so alike and yet so different?

TIFFANY:
Søren is not Søren unless he’s a priest. Which is why I didn’t just have him quit the priesthood. There goes the drama. There goes Søren. He is a man born to walk the knife’s edge, not the handle, not the flat part of the blade. The edge.

CYNDY:
For instance, Søren/Nora are what we’d view as pretty much traditional D/s with a sadist who only goes to a point with her…but Søren/King is walking that very, very sharp edge we talked about earlier.

TIFFANY:
Kingsley was not originally intended to be as important a character as he turned into. He started stealing scenes in
The Angel
. Then he stole all of
The Prince
.

CYNDY:
I remain convinced you had this entire thing written in your head before you wrote your first line.

TIFFANY:
You can believe that. I want you to believe that. I think we all have people in our lives who bring out the best in us and those who bring out the worst in us. And it’s scary how drawn we are to those who bring out the worst in us.

For Søren, his best is him being a responsible, caring and CAREFUL sadist. His worst is being the sadist he would be if it were suddenly proved the heavens were empty and there is no God. When he’s with Nora, God’s watching. When he’s with King, God is not looking. Or at least Søren hopes God isn’t looking. Hence the “God closed his eyes” line in
The Prince
.

CYNDY:
OOOH. I love that analogy. I’m using that to explain my dating history, BTW (“how drawn we are to those who bring out the worst in us…”).

TIFFANY:
What changes with Søren and Kingsley in the series, and why they ultimately start sleeping together again, is because Kingsley learns boundaries for himself. When he knows he’s finally going to be a father, and Nora tells him to start taking care of himself [in
The Mistress
] it finally sinks in with Kingsley. God comes into the relationship with him and Søren. It’s not a free-for-all anymore. Consequences exist again. Søren can play safely with Kingsley now because Kingsley has boundaries where before he didn’t.

Someone thought I was being unfair to Kingsley by making him wait so many years for him and Søren to reconcile. But Kingsley was being a little unfair to Søren by pushing Søren to do things Søren didn’t want to do. CORRECTION: Søren wanted to do them but he didn’t want to want to do them.

CYNDY:
The other thing I liked about them is that I think it explained to a lot of readers what RACK was. After That Certain Book [
Fifty Shades of Grey
], there was a lot of confusion about RACK vs. SSC and an insistence that SSC was the only way.

TIFFANY:
For confused readers, SSC means “safe, sane, and consensual” and RACK means “Risk-Aware Consensual Kink.” [These are two different philosophies/attitudes toward BDSM play.] The Original Sinners do RACK. RACK adherents accept that you can’t always be safe.

CYNDY:
Do you think it was an unconscious decision on your part to show the difference [between RACK and SSC]?

TIFFANY:
I think it was fairly conscious because I sympathize more with RACK myself than SSC. Not that there’s anything wrong with SSC. But if you’re the kind of person who likes bloodplay there’s not really an SSC way to do bloodplay. The skin will be broken. There will be blood.

I wish
There Will Be Blood
had been about actual blood and not oil.

CYNDY:
The Prince
[explored the theme] “here’s where RACK can go awry.”

TIFFANY:
Exactly.
The Prince
is not a “how to” guide. It’s more of a “how not to” guide. Actually it’s just a story, a forbidden love story. But we hear horror stories all the time in the news about teenage boys engaging in shocking acts of violence toward girls and often toward each other. At that age, part of the brain that understands consequences and empathy is [temporarily] shut down for construction. This is not an ideal state for engaging in BDSM.

CYNDY:
And here we are back to teens having sex and agency… I think it meant a lot to have THAT (the Søren/King scene in
The Prince
) AFTER the scene with Nora/Mick in
The Siren
.

TIFFANY:
And I don’t know the answer. Again, it’s the questions that matter more to me. Mainly because the answer is different for everyone.

CYNDY:
Because each is an individual circumstance.

TIFFANY:
Right. And Nora and Mick in
The Siren
is a moment of profound healing for Michael. Did it make people uncomfortable? Well, sure. But did it make Michael better? Yeah. In this fictional world it did. Michael had been through more at age 15 than I had by age 30.

CYNDY:
I also think a lot has changed for kids in terms of discussing sexual agency and identity than when Søren and King were teens. Mick has had a completely different era to grow up in. I didn’t know what BDSM was at 16.

TIFFANY:
Yes, I had to remind someone recently that Kingsley and Søren were born in the mid-’60s. They are both over 50 now (or would be if they existed). If you watch movies from the ‘70s you’ll see Jodie Foster AND Brooke Shields both playing prostitutes in movies. And they were about 12 at the time. Brooke Shields even had a nude scene in the movie
Pretty Baby
when she was 12 or 13. That would not happen today.

CYNDY:
Brooke Shields was nude a LOT back then. Way before she was 18.

TIFFANY:
True! Brooke, God bless her.

CYNDY:
And we’ve talked about this, but my first experience [with BDSM] was more or less having it thrown in front of me and being absolutely horrified that people did this to each other. It took a lot more soul searching to get to a point where it was like “OMG, this is something it’s okay to talk about.”

TIFFANY:
As for Nora and Michael, Nora’s basically a sex surrogate in that scene in
The Siren
, a sex therapist. A teenager recovering from a suicide attempt caused by pain over his sexuality, a sex therapist might be good for him. I won’t say, “It’s good Nora fucked him.” I will say that Michael would say, “I don’t care if YOU think it’s right or wrong, but I needed it.”

CYNDY:
Yes. And I never at any point thought he wasn’t in a place where he could give consent. Fully informed and very enthusiastic consent.

TIFFANY:
I was in the car with my cousin when she was about 15 and we were talking about sex. I said, “Sex is fun.” And she said, “You’re the first adult who ever told me sex was fun.” That breaks my heart.

CYNDY:
If anything, the dub-con there [in
The Siren
] was with Nora, who didn’t have the whole story.

TIFFANY:
And again, you are a parent of teenagers and so was at least one of my beta readers. Søren deserved a huge slap in the face for that [dub-con scene]. But that was a dark time for him. To say the least.

CYNDY:
What’s so funny to me is that my kids are so much less obsessed with [sex] than I think I was. We were all reading
Clan of the Cave Bear
for the dirty parts. My kids are like, “Will you please never explain an Angry Dragon again? We’re sorry we asked.”

TIFFANY:
I’ve noticed that too.

CYNDY:
But speaking of kids...

TIFFANY:
Yes...

CYNDY:
I did not message you with my nearly automatic swears when I was reading
The Queen
. But you sort of backgrounded the Søren/Fionn meeting.

TIFFANY:
I did. I’m evil like that. I just needed that to be in Nora’s POV and I needed to let Kingsley have THAT moment with Søren.

CYNDY:
That was a “Here’s Jesus at 12. You won’t see him again for 20 years or so” moment. [This refers to The Gospel According Luke 2:41-53 in which Jesus at age 12 runs away from his parents and is found in the Jerusalem Temple listening to the teachers and asking intelligent questions of them far beyond his years. Readers don’t see Jesus again in the Gospel accounts of his life until he begins his public ministry at about age 30-32.] And if Søren is God...

TIFFANY:
Nora is giving Kingsley THE WORLD right then, by letting him introduce Fionn to Søren. And yeah, it is kind of a Jesus in the Temple at 12 moment...so Fionn...I’m dying to write Fionn books. DYING.

But they are still percolating.

90% sure he ends up in the Vienna Boys Choir.

CYNDY:
Is he the Messiah, Tiffany?

TIFFANY:
I don’t know! I want to know more about Fionn. I have to write the books to know who he is.

He could be the anti-Christ.

CYNDY:
My face right now… I was just explaining the castrati to my 12-year-old, who has a beautiful soprano.

TIFFANY:
Give him [Anne Rice’s]
Cry to Heaven
to read.

CYNDY:
[cackles] But seriously...how much of that was intentional? I mean, we have God insemination...we have the very patient husband who is pretty much okay that his wife shows up pregnant by some miracle...

TIFFANY:
Grace having Søren’s baby was 100% the Messiah story.

TIFFANY:
Grace/Mary. Zach (who is Jewish, remember?)/Joseph. Søren/God the Father.

CYNDY:
Not going to lie here...I’m sort of hoping Fionn is the Messiah of this motley group of characters you’ve written. But more along the line of Reza Aslan’s Jesus than the Christian version.

TIFFANY:
Yeah, I had too much fun with that. And I love Grace. Just love her. Soon as I started writing her I was wild about her. It was such a joy writing Søren through her eyes. This pure faith she has in him. She just gets him.

I still need to read Reza’s book. But speaking of Aslan [joke], also entirely intentional was the “walking at dawn” scene in
The Mistress
. In
The Lion, The Witch, and The Wardrobe
, Lucy and Susan walk with Aslan to his certain death. They keep him company and comfort him in his darkest hour. Grace got to be Søren’s Lucy.

And Fionn is special. I can’t wait to see what he turns into. I know he and Celeste have a very special relationship. They won’t be a romantic couple because that’s too obvious. Maybe more like Jesus and John, the beloved disciple.

CYNDY:
John ends up with his head on a plate.

TIFFANY:
That’s John the Baptist.

CYNDY:
Oh...you’re thinking John the disciple.

TIFFANY:
John the Disciple. The one disciple who wasn’t martyred. We think. History is murky.

CYNDY:
I was thinking you meant John the Baptist. Especially with that later in life, second-chance thing.

And they were born around the same time...

TIFFANY:
I’m sure I’ll have a John the Baptist if I ever write more of the series. I’d like to but we have to pray my publisher will want them. *fingers crossed*

CYNDY:
So on that note...

TIFFANY:
True. I could run with that. But I don’t want to chop Celeste’s head off.

CYNDY:
You’ve alluded to a possible Søren conversion story, possible Fionn books...

TIFFANY:
I have! Yes.

CYNDY:
…I need to know about possible King stuff.

TIFFANY:
Ohhhhh...King. Hmm....good question. I had a reader demand a book about Kingsley when he was working as a spy for France. I do not want to write that.

CYNDY:
YES.

TIFFANY:
NO. That is too much research.

CYNDY:
I have here in my notes “Ask about FFL [French Foreign Legion] King.”

TIFFANY:
You just like it when King is shooting his gun.

CYNDY:
Because just King fucking his way across the desert a la
Lawrence of Arabia
would seriously do it for me.

TIFFANY:
I’m 100% certain I’ll write a Kingsley-centric Original Sinners Christmas novella someday.

CYNDY:
I do like when King is shooting his gun. In all respects.

TIFFANY:
I’ll add that to the idea file.

CYNDY:
(sighs) Young Peter O’Toole.

TIFFANY:
The thing is...the Sinners are at their best when they’re with each other. Keeping them apart in
The Virgin
was so hard to write. That was the hardest of all the books to write because the three of them were estranged from each other.

Every scene is more electric when you put two of the UnHoly Trinity in the same room. At least the writing is more electric if not the reading.

CYNDY:
I dunno. Sam is one of my favorite characters.

TIFFANY:
God, I love Sam too. She’s my dream girl.

CYNDY:
And that was just King and Sam for most of that.

TIFFANY:
BUT even in
The King
and loving Sam, my favorite scenes are still the ones between King and Søren.

CYNDY:
Always.

TIFFANY:
When King calls Søren in the middle of the night and tempts Søren with sex? Favorite scene to write. That and the baptism scene in the swimming pool.

CYNDY:
But I would read a Sam/King road trip book, too.

TIFFANY:
That could be fun. I do want to put all the Sinners on a train. Sort of like [Agatha Christie’s]
Murder on the Orient Express
but with fucking instead of murder?