No matter how badly I wanted to push inside her and feel her muscles milk my dick for every last drop, I wanted to rock Tana in ways that she’d never forget. I knew I couldn’t be her forever guy, but I wanted to be permanently inked on her soul. I danced my fingers across her boobs and she buried her head in the side of my neck, pressing kisses and whispering
my name over and over like a mantra. Her thighs quivered when I moved my palms upward across the silkiness of her skin until I reached the bottom of her skirt. She wiggled around on me, grinding against my erection.
Gritting my teeth together, I begged, “Could you try to sit still?”
“Why?” She moved her lips to mine and deliberately rocked herself back and forth.
“Tana,” I said sharply against her mouth, needing her to stop. “If you don’t quit moving, it’s going to drive me over the edge.”
“You don’t like it?”
“I do. Too damn much, but I want to take it slow with you.” I pushed at her skirt until I exposed the edge of her panties. Like her bra, they were pink and trimmed in lace. I trailed a finger along the center of her vagina and upward, pushing with just enough pressure to make her feel it right against her sensitive spot. Her thigh muscles contracted and tightened against mine. I slipped my fingers inside the edge of her panties and stroked her heated, ready-for-me flesh. She gasped and clutched my shoulders. . Her pupils darkened and her breathing quickened.
“You enjoy that?” I slipped my index finger into her moistness and moved my thumb faster back and forth across her clit at the same time.
“Ryan...” she gasped and squirmed, making a moaning sound. She pressed into my hand, her eyes darkening.
I stilled and raised my eyebrows. “Yes?”
She moved her hips, seeking what she didn’t know but I did and I planned to draw it out until she screamed her throat raw calling my name. I wanted her to be so fucking satisfied that every time she thought about this time, she’d get wet.
I started moving my thumb again, carefully watching her face. When she bit her lip and I knew she was getting close to an orgasm, I stopped again and she groaned in frustration. “It’s just now getting good, honey.” I lifted her up off me, moved out of the way and nudged her down into the chair. She looked up at me as I knelt in front of her.
“What are you doing?”
I lifted her foot, trailed my fingers up her long legs, and eased her panties down on one side. Then I lifted the other and slid her panties to her knees, taking my time and letting the material whisper against her skin before I pulled them completely off. I put my hands on the inside her knees. Pushing them wider, I moved closer to her, settling my head between her legs and she immediately put her hand out.
“Ryan...it’s...I feel embarrassed.”
I kissed the inside of her leg, inching closer up her thigh. “You have no reason to. Let your legs fall open and let me taste you.”
For a second, I didn’t think she was going to but then she moaned in surrender and spread her legs wider.
Chapter Ten
TANA
When Ryan’s tongue first touched me, I shoved back with my feet so hard I nearly tipped the chair over but he didn’t miss a beat. He reached up with one hand and held the chair in place. He sucked on the aching, needy flesh as I cupped my hands on his head, then his shoulders. I slid down in the chair, offering myself up to him. Working his tongue, he explored every inch of me and I’d never felt more exposed or worshipped.
The intense burning in my veins built into a powerful force and then exploded into release, shattering me into a million fragments, with each piece dragged out of me until it felt as if I was collapsing in on myself. My bones and muscles were liquid as I slowly came back to earth. Now I knew why everyone talked about an orgasm like it was the greatest thing in the world. It was the highest high I’d ever had.
All I could do was whimper as Ryan continued to devour me with his tongue. When he sucked on my clit, I screamed his name as I dug my fingernails into his shoulders and exploded again. I didn’t even have the energy to pull my skirt down to cover myself when Ryan finally stood. I couldn’t look away from him. That he had the power to completely unhinge me shocked me.
“I’m going to take your skirt off now. Are you okay?”
I swallowed and managed to nod.
He found the zipper at the back of my skirt and in seconds I was naked before him. He looked at me, his eyes roaming my entire body. “You’re perfect.”
With hands that still had trouble cooperating, I took the hem of his shirt and he wordlessly raised his arms, helping me take it off. I flattened my hands over his tattoos. Like him, they were complex, hinting at the darkness within him. Slowly, I trailed my fingers over his pecs to his rigid six pack before I touched his belt buckle and tugged at it. As soon as I opened it, I reached for the zipper of his jeans and worked it downward, having to press a little to get the zipper past the bulging erection.
He stepped free of his jeans and I hesitated. This was it. The final line we’d cross and there would be no going back. The thought of losing my virginity didn’t make me hesitate. Becoming Ryan’s did. Because I knew once his body was part of mine, it would be impossible to separate either one without ripping out our souls.
“If you want to stop now, we can,” he said.
I blinked and the mental image dissipated. “No...I want this.” I took the side of his underwear and pulled.
When I caught the first sight of his nakedness, it was hard not to feel a little afraid. Ryan definitely had bragging rights there. I wrapped my fingers around the thick flesh, carefully squeezing. Ryan groaned and pulled me closer, pressing his naked skin against mine. I walked backward to the bed and climbed on.
He followed, then raised himself above me, his arm muscles tense with keeping his body aloft. His gorgeous eyes filled with want and concern. “Last chance, Tana. Once it’s done, you can’t take it back.”
I pushed up high enough for my nipples to brush his chest. “You talk too much.”
He bowed his head and kissed me and I knew he was holding back trying to be careful but I wanted him inside of me. I wanted to drive him as crazy as he had me and set the wildness in him free. “Ryan...just do it,” I urged, reaching down between our bodies in an attempt to grasp his penis.
He stopped my hand. “We have to take it slow. I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I already know you won’t be able to help hurting me. The first time is always rough. So just let yourself go.”
“No. I’ll rip you apart, Tana.”
He touched the edge of himself to my entrance just enough for the tip to go in but wouldn’t go further and my body tightened around him. His penis felt thick and hot inside of me. I clenched at the invasion.
“Don’t do that. Relax your muscles or it’ll hurt worse.”
I took a breath and relaxed and he eased in a little more. It was uncomfortable, but not painful. I braced and closed my eyes.
“Open your eyes, Tana. I want you to look into my eyes the moment I’m all the way in because for that moment, you’re mine.”
I opened my eyes and he pushed slowly inside all the way, his body filling mine with his hardness. It hurt and I couldn’t help but cry out but then it was done. I was officially not a virgin. I thought that was it, that it couldn’t get better than this one on one connection with him, but then Ryan started to move and my blood began its heated boil all over again. I thrilled in the weight of him pressing me down into the mattress, in the strength of his body unyielding over mine.
I ran my hands down the smooth muscles of his back. I couldn’t get close enough to him. He eased in and out, stroking my begging flesh with his rigid erection. “Ryan...Ryan...please.”
“What do you want, baby?”
“You. Please.” He was still holding back, still not letting the beast in him free. I lifted my legs, wrapping them around the back of his thighs. He kissed me, swallowing my begging. With each thrust, my nipples slid up and down against his rock solid chest. The same peak toward an orgasm built again and when it finally dragged me over the top, Ryan drove his body into mine in a frenzy, then his orgasm spilled hot and fast into me. He groaned then caught my lips under his, taking and giving before he lifted his head and looked down at me.
His beautiful eyes were wide with an emotion I couldn’t understand. I would have been content to stay with our bodies locked, but Ryan rolled off onto his back beside me. He gave a long exhale as if he’d been holding his breath.
I choked off the words, “I love you” because I wasn’t sure if I was caught up in the moment or if it was really my heart speaking.
Besides, I knew it would be the worst thing I could possibly say to him. So I settled for moving closer to his side and throwing my arm across his chest. After a second, his arm came down around my shoulders and he pulled me into him.
*
RYAN
The text message jerked me back to reality. I’d mixed heaven with hell by taking Tana’s virginity. I’d known it the moment I’d felt the barrier give way to the head of my dick. Moving inside of her, feeling her vagina grip me had been the greatest pleasure I’d ever experienced. Not because she’d never been with anyone before. But because with Tana’s friendship, the little boy in me had found a home, a place to belong, something I’d always searched for. But in Tana’s arms, the man I was knew that for her sake, I had to leave that home.
I’d rather have one of my nuts taken off with a rusty knife than to hurt her, but that’s what I had to do. What the hell had I done? Once with her and already I’d developed an addiction. It had always been easy to give my body. I’d thought that was all it was going to be with Tana. She wasn’t supposed to be inside me, filling me with hope and possibility for being the kind of man who’d be worthy of her. I fucking knew better than that.
Unable to sleep, I’d waited until I’d seen the first peak of daylight begin to start my day because I wanted to let Tana sleep. I’d exhausted her. I could see the evidence of being with me on her skin in the faint stubble burn on her neck, on the red marks on her breasts and on the fingerprints marring her hips. I’d lost control with her and that wasn’t supposed to happen.
I was in the shower, lost in thought of what a damn fool I was when the curtain pulled back. I swung my head around and Tana looked at me. Her dark eyes were shy, uncertain. Her lips curved into a slight smile and memories flickered in her gaze as she flushed. She’d woken a couple of times during the night and I’d taken her in ways that could teach kama sutra a lesson.
I was such an idiot. My plan had been to bring her to this house, take her virginity like she wanted me to, and leave it at that. Once and then done. That was what my head instructed me to do. But then my heart had started making noise, telling me that I could be with Tana and everything would be okay. Losing myself in her throughout the night had drowned out the voice of my misgivings but in the hard light of the day, I knew better. She deserved a better kind of guy than I was. A safe guy who didn’t have a past like mine.
Juvante had texted me to let me know Chanos was seen in Tana’s neighborhood making threats. I couldn’t have my past collide with my present now that Tana was in my life. Back then before I’d met her, I had nothing to lose and I hadn’t given a shit whether I lived or died. Now, I had it all to lose. Before I let anyone hurt her because of me, I’d break her damn heart and drive her away until she despised the sight of me. It was the best plan I could come up with even though the thought of doing that hurt me in places I didn’t think would ever feel anything again.
I opened my mouth to tell her to get out but then she dropped her robe and stepped into the water. She put her hand on my chest and I wasn’t made of steel.
With the water pouring over her, drenching her hair, she looked like a fantasy morphing into reality. She raised up on her toes and kissed me, nervously sliding her tongue into my mouth. As if it hadn’t been satisfied in years instead of last night, my dick hardened.
“You can teach me how to do to you what you did to me in the chair yesterday if you want to,” she whispered shyly.
Teach Tana oral sex so she could give some other guy head in the future that she couldn’t have with me?
Yeah, that was gonna happen
. “No.” I put her back against the wall. One more time. I would be with her one more time and it would have to last me forever. Her legs went around me and I positioned her so I could go inside. She was wet and ready. “Hold on.”
“Don’t take it easy,” she nipped at my chest with her teeth.
I drove into her, pulling in and out at a fast pace, acting like the selfish sonofabitch I was, but managed to hold on until I felt her quivering, felt her muscles tighten around me and when she gave in, I let go. As soon as I poured into her, she tilted her face upward, frantically seeking my lips.
The desire to kiss her, to whisper things a guy like me had no right to say rose up inside of me, so I let her feet slide to the floor of the tub and turned away from her lips, ducking my head beneath the spray of the water.
“Let me finish showering and then you can have it.” I filled my voice with as much of a brush off attitude as I knew how to give. The same attitude I’d given to other girls but had never dreamed I’d one day have to use with Tana. Pain dug deeper into my heart and I slammed the door against it.
She touched my back, tentatively tracing the scratches her fingernails had left behind. “Ryan? What are you doing?”
“Showering.”
“Oh. Okay.”
I gritted my teeth at the hurt in her tone but didn’t acknowledge it. I had to be the dumbest shit in the world. I’d known Tana was more important to me than any other girl and I hadn’t listened to myself. I’d known my past was already stirring up trouble before we ever drove up here. This was my fault and I deserved to pay for it.
I heard her inhale deeply and then in a calm voice, she said, “There’s something you should know.”
“If you tell me you didn’t take the pill, I’m gonna be pissed,” I warned.